Lucca's Lust: The Luminara Series Book 3 (51 page)

“I had a couple of beers and some wine, but I am just … just hold me, baby.” I break. I sob. That is it. The fucking dam has busted open again.

“Lucca, oh my God. Honey, please tell me what’s wrong.” She frees herself from my grip, turns around, and takes hold of my face in both her hands.

“Lucca, you’re worrying me. Has something happened?” She panics. I shake my head side to side, forcing back another meltdown and swallowing the tears.

I sway, closing my eyes, pressing my forehead against hers. Water trickles down our foreheads and noses, dripping from our chins. Lexi tries to steady me by turning me around, placing my back against the tiles of the shower. Then she wraps her arms around my neck and places her head on my chest.

Immediately I engulf her in my arms and kiss her head.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Lucca, so I can help. Sweetheart, you’re scaring me.” Her voice is laced with empathy and love, muffled against my wet shirt, but I hear her. Her angel voice.

She lifts her head up to stare right into my eyes. “You’ve been crying, baby,” she whispers, rubbing her thumbs over my cheek. Gently nodding my head, I look into her eyes, big, startled and filled with trepidation. The pain etched all over her face is enough to tell me I am hurting her already, and I have not even opened up yet.

“I am so sorry, Lexi. I lied about the business meeting tonight.” I sigh, snorting and sniffing like a fucking school boy. I feel her body tense and go ridged. “I had a session with Casey. I did not want to worry you,” I shamefully admit.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. That’s okay. Do you want to tell me about it?” she asks, moving my shaggy, wet hair away from my face and behind my ears.

“I am so sorry, baby, for not being honest and for not opening up to you. I am just so tired … so very tired.” I snivel in the most man-like way I can.

“I know you are. You have been worrying me for weeks, Lucca. You need to rest, to sleep and …” I place my finger on her precious lips.

“Sit with me,” I say, sliding down the wall, collapsing onto the tiles, straightening my legs in front of me. Lexi moves more gracefully, taking her time, slowly bending to kneel in front of me.

“No, no, baby, on my lap. I want to hold you. Always hold you,” I plead, pulling her onto my lap. She adjusts herself, sitting sideways on my lap. I draw my legs up to stop me from slipping and wrap both arms around her, one holding her head, the other on her stomach. Her head falls lightly onto my chest, where I like it. Near my heart.

“Am I hurting you? Are you comfortable?” I ask her, taking long deep breaths, trying to control my emotional outburst while moving my hand in circles over her tummy.

“I’m fine, although I don’t know how long I will be able to sit like this. Lucca, please tell me what’s wrong,” she says with nothing but a tender tone.

“Casey thought I needed therapy. She says I am too stressed and noticed changes in me. She wants me to be honest with you, but, sweetheart … I have just been trying to put you first and protect you. I do not want you worrying about me. I
will
cope, I … I thought I was coping. I am just …” I pause, close my eyes, and bite my lip.

How do I tell the woman I love, the mother of my unborn child, that I am a failure as a man because I am fucking bottling it and ready to explode?

“Lucca, I know there’s something not right and I want to understand. If I can’t help you, then how will we move on? Is it something I’ve done? Or is it my mum, the press, Michael?” she asks with uncertainty, placing her hand over mine on her stomach.

“Christ, no. You are goddamn perfect in every possible way. No, it is me. I am tired and feeling pressure because I am worried too, Lexi. I am every bit as worried as you. I have been keeping it from you, trying to be positive and strong for you, but it has just come to a head, especially after the last news scandal. I saw how hurt you were, and I know it is cutting you up. You are trying to be brave, but it is killing me you are going through this,” I say, leaning my head back against the tiles, feeling like it is about to fall off my fucking shoulders.

“No, you’ve told me all this. It’s something else. Lucca, I know you and you’re hiding something. You don’t sleep, you’re not eating, and you’re tense, agitated, and on edge all the time.” She wriggles on my lap, adjusts herself, and straddles my legs. Cupping my face in her hands, she looks straight into my eyes. The steam and spray from the shower make everything seem blurry.

She knows. She has known all this time and has been waiting on me to admit it. Either that or she has been trying to help me, but I have been so controlling and possessive about looking after her I have dismissed it.

I should give myself a right good kicking to the nuts for my behaviour. A fucking sore one.

“Baby, I am scared. I am scared of losing you. I am scared I cannot protect you, and that you and the baby are taken from me. I am scared of missing anything, and I am scared I am not able to keep you safe or make you happy.” I let out a huge puff of air and close my eyes while running my hand over her tummy and one down her back. I cannot look at her. I feel so embarrassed.

I left my balls downstairs in the study. I would man up, but fuck, if I cannot control my emotions tonight. Damn Casey and her fucking chipping.

“Lucca, open your eyes,” she says, sounding like an angel in that sweet little whisper she does so soothingly. Rubbing her thumb over my lips, she then rakes her other hand over my scalp, just the way I like her to do. The tension is already beginning to disperse from my head and shoulders.

“Lucca, please don’t feel ashamed or as if you’re letting me down. I’m not hurt or offended. I’m pleased you’ve confessed and told me how you really feel,” she adds.

My eyes flick wide open. She has shocked me. I expected her to crumble. “You are? You are not disappointed in me or feel like I am letting you down?” I ask with apprehension.

“No, of course not. You could never let me down—ever, Romeo, so don’t ever think that again. I was concerned because you’ve been distant lately and not opening up to me. I hate to see you upset and stressed, and I knew there was something eating at you inside. It makes sense now,” she says, sounding relieved, shifting her sexy little body up my legs. If I was not fucked-up in the head tonight, I would have her riding me by now, but I will not do that to her. It is not fair, not when I am like this.

“I hurt you, Lexi, because I kept it from you. I was so blinded by trying to protect you, I could not admit it to you. I thought it would make you more anxious and give you more doubts.” I add, pinching my eyes, feeling a throbbing ache in my temples.

I feather my thumb lightly over the dimple at the top of her sexy ass, trying to unwind and make her think I’m not ticking bomb. A smile now lights her beautiful face and lifts most of the heavy weight from me.

“Come here,” she whispers, pulling my face to hers. She kisses my lips, soft and tenderly, a small sigh escaping her lips.

“Lucca, you will never lose me. I promise … and
a promise is a promise
. I really want you to get a good sleep tonight and try to relax. Please stop feeling scared. Look at what we’ve gone through and we’re still safe and together. Nothing bad is going to happen to us, not when we’re together. There’s no one in the world that could love and protect us any more than you.” She frowns, chews the inside of her cheek, and swallows. I know she is ready to cry.

“I just do not want to close my eyes, Lexi. I feel like I am the only person that can protect you,” I admit before placing a chaste kiss on her lips.

“I need you to relax and catch up on sleep. You have security everywhere. Cameras everywhere. You said yourself, I’m safe. I admit, all the press stuff has been hard, but it will pass. I don’t want it to affect your well-being. Our baby needs at least one parent who’s sane. And I need you to rest. You have a lot on your plate, and you need to start taking care of yourself. You go on about my bed rest, but, baby, you need it too,” she whimpers with a fragile vulnerability in her voice. I know her, she is trying to mask it and be strong for me, the same way she is with her mother.

“You are sane. Will you stop putting yourself down like that.” I clench my jaw. I hate when she fucking belittles herself. How can she think she is not sane? “Lexi, I mean it. Stop it. I hate to hear you say such things,” I warn. She blushes and even under the shower spray I see her cheeks bloom.

“Okay,” she murmurs.

“Thank you, baby. You know how I cannot stand that,” I add, searching her eyes to see if I have offended her with my tone. She nods her head, a hint of a smile forming, then we are both silent. Just breathing. Her sweet little mind is clicking away. I see it in her eyes.

“Lucca, I know you want to protect me, but you need to be able to sleep as well when you’re not working. I wake up most nights trying to get comfortable, or after a bad dream, and you’re always awake. I’m tired with broken sleep, so you must be shattered.” She breaks. Her tears begin to flow and it is all I can do but to crash my lips against hers and kiss her until we have both cried, talked, and kissed through it.

In modo comprensivo.
Sympathetically
.

Pensosament.
Thoughtfully
.

Remissivi .
Supportively
.

We talk, cry, and kiss until I feel so much more uplifted after getting it off my chest. When I think Lexi feels more content, I tell her about my fears. She reassures me. It is almost like role reversal. She is doing for me the same thing I do for her. Keeping me in her light.

Lexi leans against me, pushing her stomach against mine, but I do not mind because I cannot get close enough or have enough fill of her beautiful body lately. I stroke her back and play with her hair, telling her that sitting like this reminds me of the first time we ever had intercourse, in the bathroom of my suite at Sofia and Franco’s Villa.

We crashed against the tiles just like this after a passionate and lustfilled first time together. When she straddled me after we had sex and I held her in my arms, I knew then that I would never let her out of them.

“Lucca, I’m cramping. I need to stand,” she says after a while. God, she must be so uncomfortable on the floor with me.

“Christ, sorry, sweetheart. Let’s get you up,” I say, helping her up. I find my footing and when I see her stretching her legs, I panic. I rub them, kneading her muscles, and then kiss my way up to her tummy. Slowly, I begin to fumble to remove my wet shirt.

“No, let me do it, you’re tired. I want to take care of you. Let me wash your hair, and then I’ll massage your shoulders and back when we go to bed. I want you to get a good sleep and after your conference calls tomorrows, if you want to talk more, then we will,” she says, unbuttoning my shirt.

She drops it to the floor, leans over, and places a soft kiss on my chest … over my heart. It is the nicest feeling. Running her fingers and smooth little palm across me, she caresses my skin, over my shoulders, chest, and abs. Fuck! She has me. I know her touch is innocent and she is not crying out for sex right now, but I sure as hell am.

Unbuttoning my trousers, tugging the zipper, she pulls them off my hips so they fall in a soggy mess at my feet. I step out of them, expanding in my shorts as I do, and when she places her fingers in the waist band of my boxer briefs, I suck in a huge gulp of air. I cannot stop my body from responding as much as I try or as much as I am fucked-up tonight. She still arouses me, even when I am weak.

She knows. A seductive smile curves at one end of her beautiful mouth.

I am hard already. Of course I am hard. My sexy as fuck naked fiancée is stripping me. It is impossible not to be hard. I do not want her to think I want to take advantage of her to make me feel better, but fuck, if it is not all I can think about now her masterful fingers have undressed me. Yeah, that is exactly what I need to de-stress and unwind, and shit, if my baby does not know how to make me feel so good.

“Romeo, no sex tonight. You’re too tired and stressed.” She coyly smirks, wiggling her little finger in front of my face. Bloody tease. I will give her tired. When I am finished with her, she will be exhausted.

“Lexi, you cannot undress me and expect me not to take you, baby,” I protest, reaching to pull her ass against the rock-hard bulge in my shorts. Yeah, the minute I press against her … putty in my hands.

“No. Let’s just leave them on, Mr. Caruso. It’s not fair for me to seduce you at a time like this, when you’re utterly exhausted,” she says, moving back to reach for the shampoo. Is she for real? Where did she get the willpower?

Hormones. It must be her fucking hormones. Why else would she deprive me like this? It is not as if she has been sick today … well, not that I am aware of.

“You already seduced me the minute your fingers roamed over my skin. No … stop with the shampoo and get your sexy little ass over here,” I say, striding towards her. I will pin her to the tiles if I need to. She will thank me for it later.

She turns around and crosses her arms over her breasts. Pout, scowl, and fiery eyes. “Oh, baby, that is only going to make me want you even more,” I say with a deep husk in my throat. All the while the weighty ache in my balls and twitch in my cock makes me desperate.

“Lucca, now it is my turn to warn you. You are going to let me wash your hair while you think of something else other than being inside me … to get rid of that…” she points her fingers at my bulge “…and if you cooperate, then I will get my oils and massage you in bed. I want you to sleep tonight.” She lifts her chin, tilts her head, and raises her brow. Defiant little minx.

I do like the sound of oils, but if she wants me to sleep, then I need to empty myself in her. I have a plan. Once she massages me, I will offer to massage her shoulders with the oil. I will start at her shoulders then roam all over her body until she is relaxed and aroused. Then I will just roll over on top of her and give her what we both want.

“Can we negotiate?” I ask, reaching down to cup my bulge. Her eyes devour me. She is practically holding herself up from melting in front of me. She bites her lip and her nipples going hard, body humming with sexual energy. Who is she kidding? She wants it too.