Marriage at the Cowboy's Command (13 page)

Her mind raced in circles, repeating a constant refrain. She had Luke. Hadn't he said he wanted to make their marriage work? That meant he was trying to forget Teresa. She should be happy. But she wasn't. She wanted to possess his soul as he possessed hers.

He kissed her hair. “All right, then.”

When he finally rolled over onto his side, she lay on hers. Crossing her arms over her breasts, she felt stiff and cold and proud and utterly miserable as she stared up at the ceiling.

He was soon asleep. She lay awake for hours, listening to his even breaths in the dark, loving the sound of them, loving him, knowing that she had to summon the courage to give him his life back.

 

Sometimes a woman, even a smart woman, could be her own worst enemy. Caitlyn hadn't slept well after she'd finally dozed off. She knew she shouldn't go
looking for trouble so soon after waking. She should think her plan through. But riddled by her insecurities, she was in such an awful mood, she couldn't help herself.

She despised herself for craving him, hated the circumstances that had brought them back together. If only she could fit into his world as well as that lovely girl with the desolate lavender eyes.

Logically, Caitlyn knew that Luke was a grown man who had made his own choices. Fitting into his world would take time. Building a solid marriage required work and patience. But after last night, she wasn't feeling logical or patient.

When she stormed into the dining room, she found him sitting alone at the end of his long dining room table. He was reading his newspaper, eating eggs, mushrooms and bacon. He looked so tall and darkly handsome in black slacks, a white shirt and tie—so adorable.

Her heart lurched. She hated to interrupt him when he was enjoying a rare moment of solitude, but she couldn't stop herself. “Luke.”

He looked up. Did she only imagine that his eyes were shadowed with pain before he smiled pleasantly and tried to pretend nothing had gone wrong last night?

“Good morning,” he said. “Feeling better, I hope?”

“This isn't working,” she said, lashing into him with the fury of an unruly child. “You know it as well as I do, only I won't pretend any longer.”

An edge of steel crept into his voice. “If you're still upset about last night—”

“I'm not. I'm talking about us. Our marriage. Living together. I don't belong here. In London. With you. I can't do this. I belong in Texas.”

His mouth thinned. “Look, I understand it hasn't been easy. First, you had all your ranch problems. Then I show up and propose. You give up the only lifestyle you've ever known. Adjusting to life over here took me months, years. All we've had is two damn weeks while I've been up to my ears in business crises and paparazzi.”

“You need a wife more like Teresa. You said she was perfect for you.”

“Well, she isn't. I'm very sorry about that embarrassing episode last night, but Teresa and I are finished. She understands that now. I think she had to see us together to get closure. You will never have to meet her again. Nor will I. Unless by accident. She's young. She will fall in love with someone else, marry and be very happy.”

“This isn't just about Teresa. It's about me. I know you rescued me, okay? That was very noble of you.”

“Hell, I married you because I wanted to.”

“You didn't act like you wanted to.”

“Damn it! I was angry that morning, if you'll remember.”

“No. The fact is, you didn't love me six years ago, and you don't love me now!”

“Don't tell me what I feel—then or now.”

“You betrayed my family and walked out on me!”

“The hell I did.”

“Nothing's changed other than that you learned we have a son.”

A muscle in his jawline throbbed. “I'm not having this conversation now—when you're obviously overwrought about last night.”

“For the last time, this is not about last night! This is about us. We don't belong together anymore, if we ever did.”

He crushed his newspaper and threw it down on the table.

“We have a child. We should think of him and what's good for his future instead of poking at old wounds.”

“What I'm trying to tell you is that I'm going home—whether you like it or not.”

“Just like that? What about the future of your ranch and your horses? How will you straighten out your finances if I fire Al and his team?” He stood up and was about to walk toward her when his cell phone rang.

“Do what you like. You don't own me,” she cried. “Somehow I'll figure out my future on my own.”

He grabbed his phone and punched a button, silencing it. “What about Daniel? Do his feelings matter?”

“Of course they matter. More than anything.” She heard the loud, furious, chopping whir of his helicopter circling before it landed on the roof above them. Obviously, she'd used up what little time he had.

“He can stay here with you for a while. We'll work out a permanent custody solution later,” she said. She'd never been separated from Daniel, nor he from her, for any significant length of time. But she'd kept him from Luke for five years, and the boy had just learned Luke was his real father. To be fair to them, she couldn't rip him away while she sorted out her emotions and problems.

“So, you have it all figured out. Daniel's life. Mine. And we have no say.”

“That's right. You all but forced me to marry you. I told you we were doomed from the beginning. If I leave, you are free to live the life you choose.”

Above them she heard the whoosh of helicopter blades. He was probably late for an important meeting.

“Am I?” His eyes darkened with cynicism. “What if I say—I choose you.”

“I would know you made that choice out of obligation, and that's no basis for a marriage.”

“Maybe it's true I would never have returned to Texas if Hassan hadn't seen Daniel, but once I saw you, you mattered to me, too.”

“Not enough. You've never wanted me enough. Not now and not in the past.”

“Damn it, if you can believe that, I won't force you to stay. But don't tell me I didn't love you six years ago. It was
you
who walked out on
me
—probably because you and your family thought I was nothing and Wakefield was a means to get your precious ranch back!”

“That's not what happened, and you know it.”

“The hell it isn't! Why do you think I've worked my ass off ever since?—it's because I didn't want to be a nobody who couldn't even hold on to the woman I loved. What irony…”

Grabbing his jacket off the back of the chair, he slung it over his shoulder and strode out of the room.

“But I didn't think you were nothing,” she whispered behind him. “That's ridiculous.”

If he heard her, he never looked back.

“I didn't walk out on you,” she whispered defensively.

But you're walking out on him now.

She went to the window and watched the helicopter whir noisily before spiraling upward and disappearing into the thick gray clouds.

 

A single black carry-on stood beside the front door. There was only one thing left to do, and being a coward, she'd put it off until the last moment.

Walking down the hall, she heard Daniel in his room playing with his toys long before she reached him.

Hesitating outside his door, she listened to his action figures threatening each other with doom and destruction.

“Daniel?” She slowly pushed his door open.

He looked up eagerly. “Are you going to play with me?”

“Not today.”

“Can we go see the mummies?”

“I can't, but maybe your new nanny can. I'm afraid Mommy's going home to Texas for a while.”

He went still, his green eyes clouding. “Are you going to take me with you?”

“Only if you want to go. You're my little boy. You're always welcome wherever I am. But you're Daddy's little boy, too, now.”

“What about Daddy? Where will he be?”

“He is going to stay here. He has to work.”

“Who will be with him besides me if you're not here?”

Teresa, maybe, she thought.

“All his friends and fellow workers.”

“They don't come home with him at night.”

“No, they don't. But you'll be here with him. He'll read to you and play with you just like he does every night. And anytime you want to come to Texas to be with me, I'll come back to get you.”

“You will?”

She nodded.

“Then I want to stay with him, for a little while, but I don't want you to go. I want you to stay here with us.”

“I can't, honey.”

“But I want you here!”

“I know. I want to be with you, too. But I have to go home. To figure out some grown-up things.”

His bottom lip curled dangerously. He put his action figure down and came toward her, dragging his feet. Slowly, he put his arms around her and held on for a long time.

When he finally let go, he said, “I don't want you to leave.”

“I know, honey.” Guilt swamped her. Her throat tightened. “See you soon,” she whispered. “Real soon.”

“When?”

“In a few weeks,” she said, realizing there was no way she could leave him for much longer. “I promise we'll be together soon.”

“I just want us all to be together like the picture I drew,” Daniel pleaded in a very small voice.

“I know, honey.”

“I thought we were going to be a real family.”

If only she felt like her marriage to Luke could work, but in reality their lives and tastes were so different now, she didn't think their marriage could prove viable in the long run.

She hugged Daniel fiercely and then let him go.

E
ach day felt endless. She'd thought maybe the leaden pain in her heart would lessen in familiar surroundings, but without Daniel and Luke, the ranch felt like a prison cut off from the rest of the world by endless acres of grass and mesquite.

It was a struggle to get up in the mornings, a struggle to dress, to eat, to get through her work day, so she forced herself to follow a rigid schedule. In the evenings, when she finally came in from the barns, she would go to Daniel's room and sink onto his bed.

At night she would lie in his bed holding Daniel's stuffed bear, missing her son. And then she would tremble, dreaming of Luke, longing for his strong arms around her, his big body pressed against hers.

She had lied that night when she'd pushed him away. She had wanted him, ached for him, burned for him with a fever, but she couldn't believe he wanted her
with the same ardor. He had married her for practical reasons, not romantic ones. He hadn't wanted to split Daniel between them. He'd said he desired her and that they could build on that. But could they, when she was so different from his glamorous friends? Wouldn't he be happier if she freed him to marry someone he loved?

When Lisa learned Caitlyn was home, she rushed over and found her in the barn brushing Angel.

“But how could you leave Luke when he's so rich and handsome? When he so obviously still loves you?”

Her last statement cut Caitlyn deeply. “I don't want to talk about it.”

“Well, that's not much of a welcome,” Lisa grumbled. “But I forgive you because your heart must be absolutely breaking. It's all over the internet. That Teresa he was so in love with is simply gorgeous.”

Caitlyn sucked in a deep breath.

“What is she—a countess? What was it like to live the fairy tale?”

Hadn't Lisa noticed that Cinderella didn't end up with her prince?

Caitlyn brushed Angel's gleaming coat more furiously. “Lisa, I know you mean well, but don't come over here telling me what's on the internet. That's the last thing I need.”

“Okay! But how could you leave Daniel? Why?”

“It's not forever. It's for a short visit. He's with his father. He needs to get to know Luke.”

“Oh! Luke really is his father? Oh, my God! So, that's why you looked so sick when he first showed up! And
that's
why he married you so fast. I wondered why a rich guy like him would…”

“Thanks! I don't really want to talk about all this.”

“I guess not—since you never said anything before,” Lisa said huffily. “Not even to me, your best friend.”

“If I'd told you, you'd have told everyone!”

“I would not!”

“Okay. You would have told one person who would have told one person…?. I did what I thought was best for Daniel.”

“But how could you leave Luke after he came back and acted so smitten and then did right by you and Daniel without wasting any time?”

Had he seemed smitten?

“And I don't see how leaving is best for Daniel. It seems to me Luke's the one who's trying to do what's best for everybody. Not you.”

“Luke doesn't love me, okay?”

“His eyes followed you, and he married you, didn't he? He must care about you a little. In fact, my guess is he cared a lot.”

“I don't know. All he said was that he was trying to make the marriage work.”

“Well, that's good. Honey, that's great!”

“He felt obligated.”

“Hey, a rich guy like him isn't going to do anything he doesn't want to do. You've always been way too independent. Honey, don't you know that something like thirty percent of all men marry women because of kids? You can't walk out on a good man for a dumb reason like that! He was doing the right thing!”

“It wasn't dumb to me. I want him to be happy.”

“Oh, my God! This just gets worse! You really love him! And I'd bet money he loves you, too! Are you an idiot? You walked out on a billionaire, who's the father of your child, a man you love? Who probably loves you?
Girl, you're not going to get another chance like this! You've got to call him. Tell him you're sorry.”

She felt so left out and alone. But she had to take this time for herself—for his sake as well as for hers.

“Girl, you don't look so good. Do you want me to get you a cola or something?”

“Yes, would you, please?”

Anything not to talk about Luke and their marriage.

Caitlyn sagged against the rough wall of Angel's stall. How would she live like this, alone—for the rest of her life—without him?

“I made it before when he betrayed my family and left me,” she whispered fiercely to Angel, whose big brown eyes stared at her with understanding. “I can do it again. I just have to make up my mind and be disciplined.” Angel whinnied.

But she needed him on a more profound level than she'd ever needed anything—even the air she breathed.

Getting over him the second time was going to be much worse than the first. Back then she'd been so much younger and more resilient.

Fool—who are you kidding? You never got over him. You were kissing him like you were starved for him the first chance you got.

 

Feeling dazed after doing without Caitlyn for seven long days, Luke let himself into the flat. Daniel, who missed his mother unbearably during the day while Luke worked, was spending the night with Nico, Regina and Glory because the three of them were much better company than he was. Thus, Luke had the flat to himself.

The place felt drearier than a tomb. His footsteps
sounded hollow as he walked across the wooden floor to pour himself a gin and tonic.

All week he'd thought about what Caitlyn had said—that he'd betrayed her parents and left her six years ago because he hadn't really loved her. The truth was, when she'd discovered she was pregnant, she'd sold herself to the highest bidder. Since he'd been poor, that hadn't been him. The unfairness of her accusations infuriated him.

Damn it. He hadn't left her. What the hell did she mean he'd betrayed her parents? Her mother had fired him and thrown him off the place. Maybe Caitlyn had put her up to it, which meant that
she'd
left
him.
He'd worked long and hard to achieve his success so no woman would ever make him feel as small and worthless as she had again. But it hadn't made any difference. She'd walked out on him again as if he were nothing. Maybe she was right. Maybe he should never have married her.

But as he sat down a new thought formed. Maybe he'd been wrong to avoid talking about the past. He'd thought it was no use whining about the lousy things that couldn't be changed. He'd wanted to build a relationship starting from where they were now. He hadn't seen any point in arguing over what had happened. But maybe they hadn't been able to trust each other because they hadn't had a frank discussion. Maybe it didn't matter so much
what
had happened but simply that they both listen and try to understand. He'd been so intent on stabilizing their current situation, he'd been blind to the importance of acknowledging the pain of the past.

He was well into his second drink when Hassan called to invite him to dinner. Unable to face another night
alone, he accepted, warning Hassan that he wouldn't be good company.

“You're right. You don't look so good, and you reek of gin,” Hassan said as soon as Luke sat down at the restaurant table. “Thanks.”

“It wasn't a compliment.”

“Thanks for your concern, then. Or whatever the hell it was.”

“What are you going to do?”

“She left me because I made her miserable. I imagine that's why she had her mother run me off six years ago. She only married me because I practically forced her to, so I don't see a remedy. Do you?”

“Do you love her?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Have you told her?”

“No.”

“Well, damn it, why don't you?”

“She's gone.”

“So, it's not like we live in the Dark Ages. Go after her.”

“What's the point?”

“What if she loves you?”

“I almost told her I loved her…back in Texas, but she made it very clear that she didn't love me. Very clear. I was hoping to change her mind. Apparently, I failed.”

“The question is, why did she leave? I say she's unsure. You come back—this big rich guy. She's having problems. Hell, she wasn't expecting you. You married so quickly, she probably didn't know what to think. Here in London she was out of her element with your glitzy lifestyle and friends. Then the press made it worse by
saying you and Teresa should be together. You have to admit Teresa is beautiful. It would take a very confident woman to compete with a gorgeous countess, especially when some of your own friends seemed to think you preferred Teresa.”

“But I don't. If I'd wanted Teresa, I would have married her.”

“I know that, just as I know what you feel for Caitlyn and the boy. But does Caitlyn? What else have you two neglected to talk about? If this was a business deal, you wouldn't give up so easily. Go after her and get to the bottom of this. If not for your sake, for Daniel's. He needs to be part of a complete family. You and Caitlyn need to tell each other everything—the whole truth. You need to find out why she married Robert Wakefield. You need to tell her why you left her.”

“She left me for Wakefield. That's why I left Texas.”

“Have you discussed this with her? Once you've dealt with it openly and honestly, maybe then you can both forget.”

“Until now, I preferred to forget about it without ever discussing it.”

“Maybe she doesn't see it the same way. Communicating about what happens in our lives can be more important than the actual events.”

“Maybe it's six years too late.”

“Or maybe not. Forget your pride for once, before it costs you the thing you want most. Because of her, you've been a driven man for six years. What if neither of you can be as happy with other partners as you could be with each other? And then there's Daniel.?… Put your pride aside and go to her—before it really is too late.”

 

The shadows were long against a golden glaze of sunlight as Caitlyn stepped out of the house after dinner. Not that she noticed the beauty surrounding her.

She carelessly let the screen door bang behind her. Pulling a sweater over her shoulders against the chill, she headed across the pasture for a late-afternoon walk. The house was too lonely without Luke and Daniel.

Angel snorted a greeting as she trotted up behind her.

“Hey, big girl.” Caitlyn pressed her cheek against Angel's neck for a long, consoling hug.

“Okay, no tears. I promise. But no carrots, either. We're just going for a walk.”

Angel nodded as if she understood. After a little while, the two set off in silence.

Thirty minutes later, as they passed the oak motte on their way back to the house, the sunset streaked the darkening sky in incandescent pink and violet rays.

“Pretty night, isn't it, girl?”

Apparently Angel thought silence was the best answer, because she lowered her head and nibbled the high lush grasses.

Somewhere in the distance Caitlyn heard a whiny, whirring sound. Straining her ears, she tried to place it, but a breeze stirred through the trees and rattled the dry leaves, and she heard nothing more. Still, the sound made her think of Luke coming home every night in his helicopter.

A sharp pain pierced her. She missed him so much, especially at night. And because he was suddenly on her mind, she decided to venture inside the oak motte that held so many memories.

Silently, she walked through the trees until she came
to the tree where Luke had carved their names. She'd lied to him when she'd told him their tree had been cut down. Placing her hand on the bark, she traced the rude letters, remembering too well how she'd stood behind him, watching breathlessly as he'd carved. Back then she'd thought he would love her forever.

“Luke,” she whispered. “Oh, Luke…?.”

Behind her, a boot crunched heavily on dry leaves.

She whirled as a tall, broad-shouldered man stepped out of the shadows. His long, easy gait was achingly familiar. So was his jet dark hair. Her heart raced. She couldn't believe what she was seeing.

“Luke? What are you doing here?”

“You told me our tree was gone.”

“I wasn't entirely truthful.”

“No. You weren't.”

“What are you doing here?” she whispered.

“I'm here because I love you. Because I've always loved you. In the past. Now. Because I never stopped loving you.”

“But you left me six years ago without even saying goodbye.”

“Only because I thought you preferred Robert and didn't want me.”

“I didn't prefer Robert! And I don't believe you ever thought I did! Why would you think that when I was always chasing after you? I was wild about you. Besides, I told you I had something important to tell you. I asked you to meet me here. But you didn't come.”

“I got here early. Your mother was here waiting for me. Not you. She was standing right by this tree.”

“My mother? How could she possibly have known to come here at that exact hour?”

“Apparently, she'd been watching us for some time. She said you were with Robert.”

“Only because there had been an accident at his university. A college friend of his had died. She'd sent me over there earlier in the day to console him.”

“Well, that's not what she told me. She said you were with him because you loved him, because you'd always loved him.”

“But why would she lie?”

“She explained how his father had bought your ranch after the Wakefield bank foreclosed on you, how your marriage to Robert was the family's only chance to get the ranch back and make things right. She said I was standing in the way of all that, that he could give you everything and that I could give you nothing. She fired me on the spot and told me to take my things and clear out.”