Masquerade (10 page)

I wanted to taste your sweetness just once
.

Burying her face in her hands, she sobbed, "Jason, help me. I can't go on like this. Please help me."

* * *

He paused in his headlong flight to nowhere as Leanne's soulful cry echoed in his ears. He felt her pain as if it were his own, felt her unhappiness, her anguish of spirit.

Closing his eyes, he pressed his forehead against the cool stone wall that ran along the alley.

Ah, Leanne, beloved
, he thought,
if it gives you any solace, be assured that your pain is no greater than mine.

Leanne. The need to see her burned strong and bright within him and before he quite realized what he was doing, he found himself at her door.

He hesitated for the space of a heartbeat, and then he placed his hand on the latch. It was locked, but nothing as insignificant as a locked door could keep him from his heart's desire.

A wave of his hand and the door swung open. Quiet as a shadow, he entered the apartment and closed the door behind him.

She was in the front room. Her life force guided him as surely as a beacon.

On silent feet, he followed her scent.

She was curled up in the corner of a high-backed sofa, her head pillowed on her arms, her cheeks wet with tears.

He watched her for a long moment, and then, unable to help himself, he crossed the room and knelt on the floor in front of her.

"Leanne."

Her eyelids fluttered open and his breath caught in his throat as he waited – waited to see the horror and the loathing reflected in her eyes when she saw his face.

"Jason?" She reached out to him, her hand trembling. "Tell me you're really here, that I'm not dreaming."

"I'm here if you want me to be."

"I do. Oh, I do!"

Sitting up, she threw her arms around his neck and held him tight.

With a strangled sob, he drew her down into his arms and buried his face in her hair.

For a long while, they simply sat there holding each other close.

Leanne felt the sting of tears behind her eyes. He was here, really here. It didn't matter how or why or for how long, only that he was there, holding her as if he would never let her go.

"I've missed you." She whispered the words, afraid to break the spell between them.

"No more than I've missed you."

"Truly?"

"Truly." He drew back so he could see her face. "I've felt your sadness these past two weeks. I know how unhappy you've been." He brushed her cheek with his knuckles. "I can help you, if you'll let me."

"What do you mean?"

He took a deep breath. "I can make you forget we ever met."

Her eyes grew wide, and then narrowed. "You mean hypnotize me?"

He nodded. "I've done it before."

"When?"

"Do you remember the night those men attacked you in the parking lot?"

"Of course."

"Do you remember the dream you had after that?"

She nodded. How could she ever forget?

"It wasn't a dream. The man with the gun, he shot me three times."

Leanne shook her head. "That's impossible."

"You saw it all. If I hadn't erased the memory from your mind, you would have started asking questions I couldn't answer." A faint smile curved his lips. "I can show you the bullet holes in my coat if you don't believe me."

She didn't want to believe him, but she knew somehow that it was true. No wonder she'd had that nightmare.

"Do you want me to erase your memories of us?"

He would do it if she asked, he thought bleakly, though destroying her memories of their time together would be like destroying a part of himself. And yet, he would do anything she asked of him, anything that would wipe the soul-deep sadness from her eyes.

Slowly, Leanne shook her head. "No, I don't want to forget a single moment. I want...I want us to go on as before."

"Leanne, you don't know what you're saying."

"Yes, I do."

Jason shook his head. "No, beloved."

"You don't want me?"

"You know that's not true."

"Then why?"

"Leanne, you think you know what I am, but you don't. There's nothing romantic about being a vampire. It's a life against nature, a life against God. I could never forgive myself if I caused you harm."

"You won't. I know you won't."

"You don't know!" Rising, he turned his back to her, his hands clenched at his sides. "I never should have come here."

"Why did you?"

"Because I needed to see you one more time. Because I heard you call me and I couldn't stay away."

Gaining her feet, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek against his back. "I love you, Jason. I don't think I could bear it if you left me again."

Groaning softly, he turned to face her. "Leanne, you don't know how hard it is for me to be this close to you and not make you mine. You don't know how many nights I've wanted to take you in my arms and drain you of every drop of life." His gaze seemed to probe the furthest reaches of her heart and soul. "How will you feel about me if one night I can't control what I am? If I take you against your will and make you what I am?"

His words gave her pause. He saw the doubt in her eyes, recognized the fear in the sudden sharp intake of her breath.

"I never should have come here," he said again. "I'm sorry."

"Don't go, please. Stay the night with me. Just one more night."

"Leanne..."

"Please?"

He knew he should leave her, now, before it was too late, but when he opened his mouth to tell her he couldn't stay, the words wouldn't come. Instead, he bent his head and kissed her, kissed her with all the bittersweet longing that had tormented him for the past two weeks.

And when the kiss ended, she took him by the hand and led him into her bedroom.

He saw it all in a quick glance: the dresser and nightstand made of burnished oak, the large oval mirror that reflected her image, but not his, the double bed covered with a colorful cotton throw, the Broadway posters on the walls, the Phantom poster signed by the L.A. cast.

Leanne stood in the middle of the room, her heart pounding wildly in her breast as she waited for Jason to take her in his arms.

Instead, he pressed a kiss to her cheek, and when he looked at her, his eyes were filled with doubts. "Are you sure?"

She nodded, and then she reached under his shirt, letting her hand slide up and down the long line of his back. His skin was firm and cool beneath her fingertips.

With a suddenness that startled her, he swung her into his arms and covered her mouth with his, kissing her until she was breathless, weightless, until she wasn't aware of anything in all the world but the iron-hard arms that held her tight. His face blocked everything else from her vision, and she stared up into his eyes, eyes that burned with a bright blue flame.

"Jason." She whispered his name, just his name, but it conveyed all the loneliness she had felt during their separation, her anguish at the thought of never seeing him again, the deep void his absence had left in her life.

"I know," he said, his voice thick with unshed tears. "I know."

Gently, he lowered her onto the bed, his hands moving over her face, lightly tracing the outline of her lips, her brows, the delicate curve of her cheek.

"Leanne, beloved..."

He bent to kiss her again and yet again, knowing he could never get enough of her, knowing that, if he existed for another three hundred years, he would never love like this again.

Leanne stroked his brow. It was so good to touch him again, to know that he still cared. Their separation had not been easy for him either, she thought. There was a dark, haunted look in his eyes that had not been there before, a pain so deep it made her want to weep.

"Jason, please let us go on as before."

His expression mirrored his surprise. "I told you why that won't work."

"I don't care that you're a...a…it doesn't matter. I trust you."

"You say you don't care," he remarked quietly, "yet you cannot even say the word."

"Vampire.
Vampire!
I don't care what you are, only say you won't leave me, that you'll be a part of my life again."

"What kind of life can you have with me?" he asked, his voice dripping with self-loathing. "How long will you be content to be with a man, a monster, who can never share the daylight with you, who can come to you only at night, who feeds on the living? A man who can't always resist the urge to kill? A monster who can't always control his fiendish hunger, his rage?"

"I'll help you," she said fervently. "I'll love you so completely you won't have to be angry anymore." She took a deep breath. "And if you need to take someone's blood, you can take mine."

He stared into the depths of her eyes, bright green eyes filled with trust and hope, and for a timeless moment he let himself believe that such a life was possible.

Knowing it was wrong, knowing that to touch her now would only bring them both pain later, he kissed her.

Kissed her because he loved her so deeply.

Needed her so desperately.

He began to undress her then, his hands moving reverently over her as he reacquainted himself with the gentle contours of her body, the softness of her skin.

He closed his eyes, his joy so fierce it was almost agony as she rid him of his clothes. She explored his hard-muscled body freely, letting her hands glide over the width of his shoulders, down his hard flat belly, along the length of his thighs.

His response to her touch was instant, bringing a satisfied smile to her lips and a warm glow of pleasure to her eyes. He groaned softly as he drew her up against him, the lush curves of her body filling the emptiness in his.

His mouth covered hers again in a long hungry kiss, and he knew if he held her and kissed her until the end of time, it would not be long enough.

Trembling with the need to merge his flesh with hers, he rose over her, wondering what miracle had brought her into his life. Surely he had done nothing to deserve her love or her trust. He was a creature of the night, a man who had been cursed, but now felt blessed beyond belief.

Her arms wrapped around him as she lifted her hips in invitation, taking him deep within herself, cherishing him, loving him, until he wanted to weep with the wonder of it. She whispered that she adored him, and her words fell on his heart like sunshine, chasing the darkness from his soul, filling him with warmth and light, making him forget, for that moment, that he was more monster than man.

He held her tight as her body writhed beneath his, felt his self-control begin to slip as he watched the pulse that throbbed in her throat. A red mist veiled his eyes, reminding him that he wasn't a man, but a monster masquerading in human form, a fiend who had no right to love this woman or any other.

He gazed into the depths of her eyes, eyes so like Jolene's, and into his memory came an image of his wife, her beauty fading, her health deteriorating as time and disease ravaged her face and body while he stayed forever young. He could not endure the agony of watching Leanne grow old, he could not bear the thought that, after a few brief years, she would die and he would be alone again.

Neither could he bear the thought of being parted from her, and yet he knew that, if he stayed, it would be only a matter of time before he succumbed to the awful craving for her blood, a need that even now was raging through him, as hot and fierce as his desire for her flesh.

As surely as he knew that he must shun the sunlight or perish, he knew the day would come when he would force the Dark Gift on Leanne rather than watch her die. And he knew, just as surely, that she would forever hate him for it.

Painful as it would be, it would be better to leave her now, before he did something they would both regret, before her love turned to loathing.

He held her close, listening to the soft sound of her breathing as she fell asleep in his arms.

He had always feared dying, feared the prospect of an eternity writhing in the flames of hell, but he feared it no longer.

Hell was not a place awaiting his soul, he thought in despair.

Hell would be waiting for him when he kissed her goodbye.

He held her close until the last moment, until he felt the sunrise trembling on the brink of the horizon, felt the promised heat of it.

Leanne murmured sleepily as he drew the covers over her, then bent and kissed her one last time.

And still he lingered, imprinting her image on his mind so that he might carry it with him through all the endless days and nights of eternity.

Tomorrow night he would leave Los Angeles. It was the only way to keep from seeing her, the only way to keep her safe from the monster that dwelled within him.

Chapter 10