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Authors: Boris Vian

Mood Indigo (6 page)

BOOK: Mood Indigo
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Colin put his hand on his heart.

‘It's better than that,' he said. ‘It's out of this world.'

‘Of course,' said Chick. ‘Because you're out of this world too.'

‘I'm sure that if we drink enough,' said Colin, ‘Chloe will walk in at any moment.'

‘There's no proof!' said Chick.

‘Are you daring me?' said Colin, holding out his glass.

Chick filled them both.

‘Wait a moment!' said Colin.

He put out both the centre light and the little lamp on the table. The only light left in the room came from the green lamp shimmering over the Scottish ikon where Colin usually carried out his meditations.

‘Oh …' gasped Chick.

In the crystal goblets the wine shone with a trembling phosphorescent glow which seemed to emanate from a myriad luminous spots of every colour beyond the rainbow.

‘Drink up!' said Colin.

They drank. The sparkle stayed on their lips. Colin put on the lights again. He seemed to hesitate for a moment.

‘We aren't going to make a habit of it,' he said, ‘so let's finish the bottle.'

‘How about cutting the cake?' said Chick.

Colin seized a silver knife and began to carve a spiral into the shiny white icing. He suddenly stopped and looked in surprise at what he had done.

‘I'm going to try something,' he said.

He took a holly leaf from the sprig on the table. Holding the cake in one hand he began spinning it round quickly on the tip of his finger, and with the other hand he put one of the spikes of the holly into the groove.

‘Listen! …'he said.

Chick listened. It was ‘Chloe', in an arrangement by Duke Ellington.

Chick looked at Colin. He had turned very pale.

Chick took the knife from his hands and plunged it firmly into the cake. It split into two, and inside it there was a new article by Heartre for Chick, and a date with Chloe for Colin.

13

Colin stood on the corner of the square, waiting for Chloe. The square was perfectly round, with a circular church in the middle surrounded by pigeons, single flower-beds, double benches and, all round the edge, a stream of cars and buses. The sun too was waiting for Chloe, but it was passing the time while waiting in making shadows, germinating the seeds of wild oats in inconvenient cracks, flinging open shutters, pushing up blinds and making a lamppost, that was still alight because an elebeast had forgotten it, hang its head in shame.

Colin rolled back the tops of his gloves and rehearsed his first sentence. This grew quickly shorter and shorter as the moment drew nearer. He had no idea what he and Chloe were going to do. Maybe he could take her to a tea-shop, although he wasn't very fond of them. Middle-aged ladies gobbling cream cakes by the dozen with their little fingers sticking out always made him feel sad. He could only visualize stuffing as an honourable pastime for men as it took none of their natural dignity away from them. He couldn't take Chloe to the pictures – she would never agree to that. Nor to the Parliadium – she'd be bored. Nor to the human races – she'd be scared. Nor to the Cobblered Vic or the Old Witch – there's Noh playing there. Nor to the Mittish Bruiseum – there are wolves in their Assyrian folds. Nor to Whiskeyloo – there's not a single train there … only Pullman hearses.

‘Hallo! …'

Chloe came up behind him. He quickly pulled off his glove, got tangled up with it inside out, punched himself on the nose, yelled ‘Yowl' … and took her hand. She gave a tremendous smile.

‘You're very clumsy! …'

A long-haired fur coat the same colour as her hair, a little fur hat, and Alice boots with fur tops.

She took Colin's arm.

‘Let me take your arm. You seem a bit clueless today! …'

‘Things did go better last time,' admitted Colin.

She laughed again, looked at him, and laughed even louder.

‘You're laughing at me,' said Colin, crestfallen and feeling sorry for himself. ‘It's not very kind of you.'

‘Are you pleased to see me?' said Chloe.

‘Oh, yes! Oh, yes! …' said Colin.

They started walking, letting the first pavement they came across guide their steps. A little pink cloud came down from the air and drew up close beside them.

‘I'm going your way,' it winked.

‘Let's step on then,' said Colin.

And the cloud wrapped itself round them. Inside the cloud it was warm, and it smelt of candy-floss and cinnamon.

‘Nobody can see us any more! …' said Colin. ‘But we can still see everything that is going on! …'

‘I think it is slightly transparent,' said Chloe. ‘Better be careful!'

‘Who cares? And besides, it's much cosier,' said Colin. ‘What would you like to do? …'

‘Just walk … Would that bore you?'

‘Not if you tell me stories…'

‘I don't know any nice enough,' said Chloe. ‘Let's see what's in the shop windows. Look at that! … Isn't it interesting …'

In the window a beautiful woman was lying on a spring mattress. Her breasts were exposed and an apparatus with fine white and long silky-haired brushes was steadily stroking them upwards. A notice at the side said
Save Shoe Leather With Reverend Charles's Antipodes
.

‘What a good idea,' said Chloe.

‘I don't get the connexion! …' said Colin. ‘Anyway, it's much more fun to do it with your hands.'

Chloe blushed.

‘Don't say things like that. I don't like boys who say naughty things to girls.'

‘I'm awfully sorry …' said Colin. ‘I didn't mean …'

He seemed so dejected that she smiled and nudged him playfully to show that she wasn't seriously angry.

In another window a fat man with a butcher's apron was cutting the throats of little children. It was a display advertising Family Allowances.

‘So that's where all our money goes,' said Colin. ‘It must cost a terrible lot to clear that up every evening.'

‘They're not real! …' said Chloe, alarmed.

‘How do you know?' said Colin. ‘They get them for nothing on the National Assistance …'

‘I don't like it,' said Chloe. ‘We never used to have things like that in the shop windows. I don't think it's much of an improvement.'

‘It doesn't matter,' said Colin. ‘It only affects people who already believe in that stupid kind of thing …'

‘And what's this? …' said Chloe.

In the next window was a fat round cherubic stomach sitting on a pair of rubber wheels. The notice read
Yours Won't Have Wrinkles Either If You Smooth It With An Electric Iron
.

‘But I can recognize that! …' said Colin. ‘It belongs to Serge, my old cook! … What's it doing there?'

‘Don't start worrying about that,' said Chloe. ‘I'm not going to let you find fault with that belly. It's far too fat, anyway …'

‘That's because he was such a marvellous cook! …'

‘Let's go somewhere else,' said Chloe. ‘I don't want to do any more window-shopping. I don't like it so much now.'

‘What shall we do then?' said Colin. ‘Shall we have some tea somewhere?'

‘Oh! … It isn't tea-time … Anyway, I prefer coffee.' Colin, relieved, took a deep breath, and his braces snapped.

‘What was that funny noise?'

‘I trod on a dead twig,' said Colin, blushing.

‘How about a walk in the park?' said Chloe.

Colin looked at her, delighted.

‘That's a marvellous idea. There won't be anyone about.'

This time Chloe blushed.

‘That's not why I suggested it. Anyway,' she added as a form of revenge, ‘we won't go off the pathways. We don't want to get our feet wet.'

He lightly increased the pressure on the arm he could feel beneath his own.

‘Let's go through the subway,' he said.

The subway had rows of enormous aviaries on each side. This was where the Civic Controllers stored their spare pigeons for Public Squares and Monuments. There were also resting places for weary sparrows, nesting places for rearing sparrows, and testing places for cheering sparrows. People did not often stop in these parts because the wings of all those birds made a tremendous draught like a whirlwind full of whizzing blue and white feathers.

‘Don't they ever sit still?' said Chloe, holding down her hat to prevent that flying away too.

‘It isn't always like this,' said Colin.

He was struggling with the tail of his overcoat.

‘Let's hurry and get past the pigeons – the sparrows don't create so much breeze,' said Chloe, pressing closer against Colin.

They hurried along and escaped from the danger zone. The little cloud had not followed them. It had taken a short cut and was sitting waiting for them at the other end.

14

The bench was dark green and felt slightly damp. Despite their fears the path was not a very busy one and they were snug and undisturbed there.

‘You don't feel cold?' said Colin.

‘No, not with this cloud round us,' said Chloe. ‘But … I'd like to get even closer to you, all the same.'

‘Oh! …' said Colin, and he blushed.

It gave him a strange sensation. He put his arm round Chloe's waist. Her hat was perched on the other side of her head and beneath his lips he had an ocean of lustrous hair.

‘I like being with you,' he said.

Chloe said nothing. She breathed a little faster and by slow degrees drew imperceptibly closer to him.

Colin was whispering close into her ear.

‘You're not bored?'

She shook her head, and Colin took advantage of this to move in still closer.

‘I …' he said, as close to her ear as possible, and, at this very moment, as if by mistake, she turned her head and Colin found he was kissing her lips. It did not last very long; but the second time it was much, much better. Then he buried his face in her hair, and they stayed like that, without saying another word.

15

‘It's nice of you to come, Alyssum,' said Colin. ‘But you're going to be the only girl …'

‘I don't mind,' said Alyssum. ‘Chick's agreed.'

Chick nodded. But, to tell the truth, Alyssum's voice was not altogether gay.

‘Chloe isn't in Paris,' said Colin. ‘She's gone away for three weeks to see some relations in the country …'

‘You must be feeling very lonely,' said Chick.

‘I've never been happier in my life!' said Colin. ‘I wanted to tell you that we've got engaged …'

‘Congratulations!' said Chick, being careful not to look at Alyssum.

‘What's the matter with you two?' said Colin. ‘It looks as if something's wrong.'

‘Nothing's the matter,' said Alyssum. ‘It's only that Chick is so stupid.'

‘I'm not,' said Chick. ‘Don't take any notice of her, Colin … Nothing's wrong.'

‘You're both saying the same thing, and yet you don't agree,' said Colin, ‘therefore one of you – or both of you, perhaps – must be lying. Come on, the meal's ready. Let's go straight in and eat it.'

They went into the dining-room.

‘Sit down, Alyssum,' said Colin. ‘Sit down next to me and then you can tell me all your troubles.'

‘Chick's stupid,' said Alyssum. ‘He says it's wrong to keep me with him because he hasn't got the money to look after me properly, and yet he's ashamed of not marrying me.'

‘I'm a bastard,' said Chick.

‘I don't know what to say to you,' said Colin.

He was so happy that this grieved him more than it would have done at any other time.

‘It certainly isn't the money,' said Chick. ‘It's Alyssum's parents who don't want me to marry her – and they'll
get their way. There's a story like that in one of Heartre's books.'

‘It's a fabulous book,' said Alyssum. ‘Have you read it, Colin?'

‘Isn't that just like you!' said Colin. ‘That's where the real trouble is. I'm sure all your money still goes on old Heartre.'

Chick and Alyssum let their noses dangle in shame.

‘Only mine,' said Chick. ‘Alyssum doesn't spend anything on Heartre any more. She hardly gives him a thought now that's she's living with me.'

There was a certain element of reproach in his tone.

‘I like you better than Heartre,' said Alyssum.

She was nearly in tears.

‘You're sweet,' said Chick, ‘and I don't deserve you. But collecting Heartre is my only vice – and, as an engineer, unfortunately I can't afford to have more than one.'

‘You're breaking my heart,' said Colin. ‘Let's hope all your worries will sort themselves out. Undo your serviettes.'

Under Chick's there was a copy of
Vomition
bound in polecat and skunk, and under Alyssum's a wide gold ring in the shape of a nausea.

‘Oh! …' gasped Alyssum.

She put her arms round Colin's neck and kissed him.

‘You're a pal,' said Chick. ‘I don't know how I can say thanks. Anyway, you know perfectly well that I can't possibly thank you in the way I'd like …'

Colin was beginning to feel slightly better. And Alyssum was really beautiful that evening.

‘What perfume are you wearing?' he said. ‘Chloe uses one made from essence of double-distilled orchids.'

‘None at all,' said Alyssum.

‘It's natural,' said Chick.

‘It's terrific! …' said Colin. ‘It's like the breeze in a forest – a forest filled with streams and squirrels and strange playful little animals.'

‘Talk to us about Chloe! …' said Alyssum, flattered.

Nicholas brought in the hors d'oeuvres.

‘Hallo, Nicholas,' said Alyssum. ‘How are you?'

BOOK: Mood Indigo
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