My Life as a Book (15 page)

When I race back to Lauren's stall, she's sitting on a stool, reading. I take a deep breath and dive in.

“I saw your entry on Susan James's Web site,” I begin.

She tilts her head. “What? You knew Susan?”

I stand there for several moments waiting for words to emerge. “I was with her at the beach when she died,” I finally say.

She puts down her book and gets off the stool. “How old are you?” She touches my hair as if I'm an alien life-form.

“Twelve,” I say.

“That would be about right.” She looks into my eyes as if she's trying to conjure up that boy from a decade ago. “That remains the worst day of my life. Susan was my best friend.”

Lauren suddenly makes the connection. “What did you do—track me down online?”

I tell her I just found the newspaper article about the drowning this year, that my mother told me what she knew but I wanted to know more.

“You don't have to tell me anything if it's too painful,” I add. Just because
I
want to hear more, it might be hard for Lauren—probably as difficult as I've made this for Mom all summer. Thinking of Mom makes me realize I only have a few minutes before they come looking for me.
Lauren, hurry!

Lauren plays with the tips of her hair as she talks. “You have to remember that Susan was a teenager, only a few years older than you are now. She had a crush on this guy—Tim Jensen. He didn't even know she existed, but she used to talk about him all the time. She wanted me to meet her at the beach where she knew he was going to be. When I got there, I couldn't believe she had a kid with her!”

I point to myself and Lauren nods.

“She never mentioned anything about babysitting, and that part of the beach isn't good for little kids, especially after a storm. But when Tim and his friends came by, Susan wasn't watching you, believe me.” Lauren gets up to help a man look for a hair clip for his wife. The anticipation of my parents walking in almost makes my head explode.

“I was playing in the sand with you,” Lauren finally continues. “You were one fearless little boy.” Lauren's eyes darken, and she sits back down on the stool. “When I turned around, Susan was in the water with Tim and his friends. I mean, she just left you there.”

Just as I think I'm going to burst if I don't hear the rest of the story, someone behind me coughs. My parents and Bodi are now standing in the booth.

Before they can ask why I lied about losing the book, I introduce them to Lauren Hutchins. “She was Susan's best friend,” I say. “She was with her the day of the accident.”

My mother looks like she's just been shot out of a cannon. I know when we leave I'm in for the biggest portion of MomMad ever.

“You and I looked for shells on the beach while Susan and Tim went for a walk,” Lauren continues. “After he left, Susan was just so happy. She and I tried to make a sand castle with you, but all you wanted to do was run around.”

Sounds familiar.

“Even though the waves were huge, Susan insisted on going for a swim. She loved the water, always did. We were way over on the right, past where the lifeguards sit. She wasn't in the water for a minute before the undertow got a hold of her. I'm not a strong swimmer, so I ran to get help.”

My mother seems almost as shocked and tongue-tied as I am. “Susan wasn't trying to save Derek?”

Lauren shook her head. “The only time he was near the water was after the ambulance came. It was so busy, no one saw him wander in.” She reaches over and tousles my hair again. “Lucky for you, your dog grabbed your diaper and pulled you back to shore.”

I can't remember one time when my family has ever said anything in unison, but we do now. “Bodi?!”

When everyone in the barn looks over to Lauren's stall, she bursts out laughing, then bends down to Bodi and kisses him all over again. “He must've been only a few years old, but he was fearless too.”

My mother looks like she's going to pass out. “The woman from the service said Susan was trying to save Derek. Susan's mother said that too.”

“Watching your best friend die is one of the worst things you can possibly experience,” Lauren says. “But having to lie about it after made it so much worse.”

My mother asks her to explain.

“When I couldn't see Susan in the water, I started screaming, picked up Derek, and ran to get help. Two guys dove into the water while I went to the parking lot to call Susan's mother—this was before cell phones. Mrs. James got here right away. She was absolutely hysterical. When the ambulance arrived and the police asked what happened, she took over and said Susan was trying to save the child she was babysitting.”

Lauren inhaled deeply and started to cry. “I'm still not sure if she misunderstood me or just assumed that Susan was being heroic, but she was so crazy with fear, I went along with her. I wanted to tell the police the truth, but I was young and Mrs. James was so upset. When the police questioned me later, it just seemed easier to stick with Mrs. James's story.”

A giant wave of relief washes over my mother. She didn't do anything wrong by hiring a new babysitter, her son didn't cause someone's death, there was nothing to ask forgiveness for. As for me, I still felt bad that Susan died but in a different, less responsible way.

“I tried a few times over the years to tell other people what really happened,” Lauren adds, “but I couldn't. It makes me sad Susan's mother rushed to an assumption and insisted on some ideal version of Susan that never existed. Everyone on the island still thinks Susan died a hero.”

My mother sits on the stool and doesn't talk for a long while. When she finally whispers to my father, I overhear what she says.

“All these years Madeline led me to believe her daughter died saving Derek. I can't believe this! It's an outrage!”