New Beginnings (4 page)

Chapter 6

Sophie

It was night-time but all the lights made it seem like it was early afternoon to Sophie. She had a love-hate relationship with New York City. There were times when she felt like she couldn’t believe how lucky she was to live in this wonderful happening city. But there were also times that she just wanted to leave. Times when the lights annoyed and the constant crowds of people made her feel invisible. What a feeling—to be surrounded by so many people but to feel completely and utterly alone. She watched some German tourists cross the street excitedly pointing at a yellow cab. She laughed to herself; she had been excited to see the cabs when she first came to the city as well. It seemed to be such a long time ago now. She decided to go and sit in the park to think. It’s the place that she and Ella had always gone when they wanted to distress.

She walked and sat on an empty bench that was overlooking some friends throwing a Frisbee. They looked like they didn’t have a care in the world. She stared at them and realized she envied them. She’d always had a heavy heart, her parents’ death, stress that her aunt and uncle couldn’t afford to take care of her, worry that her grades wouldn’t be good enough to get into Columbia with Ella who was a legacy, anxiety over loving Maxwell secretly and now confusion over the fact that he had a child with Alexis. She thought she was too young for all this turmoil in her life and laughed out loud.

“A penny?” A man’s voice interrupted her hysterical laughter and she looked over at him. A handsome young man who looked like he was in his late twenties had joined her on the bench. He smiled at her warmly, “Or a dime if the joke is super funny.”

“Just a dime for a funny joke?” She smiled at him. “My jokes are worth at least a dollar.”

“I think I can find that.” He pulled out his wallet and looked for a dollar. “But it had better be a good joke.”

“I don’t think it’s worth a dollar.” She shook her head and sighed. “In fact, I don’t even think it’s worth a penny.”

“Want to talk?” He raised an eyebrow at her. “I’ve been told I’m a pretty good listener.” He laughed to himself then and she shook her head.

“No. Not really.” She pointed at the group of guys throwing the Frisbee. “They look like they’re having fun. I was just watching them.”

“You wanna play?”

“Oh you know them?” She looked at him in surprise; he was wearing a dark suit and didn’t seem to fit the jeans and T-shirt look of the slightly younger looking guys.

“No, but I’m sure I can convince them to play if you want to.” He grinned at her.

“Oh, I don’t know.” She looked at the laughing guys wistfully. “I should really be going.”

“Frisbee’s fun.” He jumped up. “Let’s go play.”

Sophie studied the handsome man before her. His dark blond hair was cut short and he had deep brown, chocolate eyes. He looked a bit like Leonardo Di Caprio, she thought. If she’d been single she would have been attracted to him.

“Come on.” He held his hand out to hers. “It won’t kill you to have some fun. I think we both need it.” He smiled at her warmly. “If I tell you I had a bad day as well, will it make you say yes?”

She looked at his outstretched hand and infectious smile and jumped up. “You know what. You’re right. I need to have some fun right now. Let’s go play.”

“Hey guys, can my friend and I join?” The man took off his jacket and threw it into to the grass as he and Sophie joined in the game. She laughed as the guys all made sure to throw the Frisbee to her softly

“You guys can throw it harder and longer.” She grinned at them. “I promise you I can get it.”

“Yeah?” The guy closest to her grinned. “Okay, we will have to step up our game, you heard the young lady.”

Sophie was heaving breathlessly after running to get the Frisbee and the handsome man came up to her and laughed. “I’m glad I turned your frown upside down.”

“Thank you.” She beamed at him. “I needed this right now.”

“I’m glad I was able to help.” He rubbed her back. “I’m Nicholas by the way.”

“Sophie.” She smiled at him.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful woman.” He smiled into her eyes and Sophie blushed.

“Oh, I’m engaged,” she blurted out red.

“Is that your name Sophie Engaged?” He grinned at her, trying to hide his disappointment.

“Ha, no.” She smiled at him. “I just wanted to put it out there, just in case, you know.”

“That doesn’t stop us from being friends, I hope?”

“No.” She smiled at him warmly. “I’ve been looking for some new friends recently.”

“Well, then it was fate that we met.” He studied her face and took in the lines of obvious stress and paused. “I’ve been told I make a pretty good friend and listener.”

“Then I’m glad we met, Nicholas.”

“You can call me Nick.”

“Then I’m glad we met, Nick.”

“Or St. Nick.”

“Then I’m glad we met Santa Claus.” She burst out laughing and he brushed a piece of dead leaf off of her cheek. And she stood there staring into his brown eyes with her cheek tingling.

“So am I, Sophie.” He looked around. “I think our new friends are about done for the night. Would you like to go and get a coffee?”

“Oh, I shouldn’t.” She looked at her phone to figure out the time but she realized that her phone was dead.

“Do you need to get home to your fiancé?”

Sophie thought about Jacob and Maxwell and sighed. “No, I don’t need to rush home. Let’s go and get hot chocolates.”

“That sounds even better.” He smiled. “Let’s toast to new friendships.”

“Yes, we’ll toast to new beginnings.” She smiled half-heartedly. She knew that her life was now on a different path, no matter what happened next; nothing would ever be the same again.

“I like that. Here’s to new beginnings.” He picked up his jacket and they waved to their Frisbee friends and left the park chatting aimlessly, both of them happy to have found a kindred lost soul. Neither one of them realizing that they had just started the path to a tumultuous and rocky journey. 

***

“So you love sitcoms, board games and long walks on the beach?” Nick laughed. “Is that about right?”

“Yes.” Sophie laughed. “I didn’t realize that I was so transparent.”

“Well you know.” He grinned.

“Okay, let me try you.” She paused and stared at him. “You like surfing, Broadway shows and camping?”

“I can kill a bear with my bare hands.’

“Now that’s impressive.” Sophie smiled and sipped the last of her hot chocolate. “It’s getting late.” She sighed. “I should get going.” She sat back and gathered her things together.

“It’s been nice having hot chocolate with you, Sophie.” He smiled at her, his warm brown eyes filling her with an inner calm. “You have made me forget all my problems for the evening.”

“I hope you don’t have too many.” She looked at him in concern, feeling guilty about not staying but wanting to go home to Max.

“Nothing I can’t deal with.” He sighed. “Though sometimes I just want to leave the city and run away and marry a nice girl and live in the country.”

“That sounds like a great idea.” She smiled at him sweetly. “I’m sure you can make that happen.” She rubbed his hand warmly.

“Thanks, Sophie Engaged.” He sighed. “It was great meeting you, albeit, a few years or months too late. Have a great evening.”

“You too, Nick.” She stood up and smiled down at him. “Thanks for a great evening.”

“If you ever want to talk, you should call me.” He pulled out his card and Sophie shook her head.

“No, thank you, but no.” She smiled at him sweetly. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

“Well, maybe one day we’ll meet in the park again.”

“That would be nice.”

“It’ll be serendipity.” He laughed at himself and shook his head at her look of curiosity.

“Goodbye, Nick.” Sophie walked out the restaurant slowly with a pit of worry in her stomach. It was time for her to go home and deal with Max and Jacob.

Nick watched her as she left and sighed to himself. Sophie was a beautiful woman; the type of woman he would love to be with. She wasn’t like the normal women he met in the city. She wouldn’t have done to him what the last girl had; the one that had him in this mess. He sighed and put his head on the table. He would have to go home soon and do what Frank had asked of him.

Chapter 7

Maxwell

Max was out of his mind with worry. He had no idea where Sophie was and she wasn’t answering her phone. Part of him thought that she’d left him for good; maybe she’d gone back to Florida to stay with her aunt and uncle. Maybe she never wanted to talk to him again. He didn’t know if he could bear to lose her. He looked at Jacob sleeping and made sure that he was safe on the blankets he and Ella had set up on the floor and then walked to his bedroom. He opened the safe quickly and took out a box and unlocked it with a key on his keychain. The video and the photos were still there and so was the gun. He looked at the photos distastefully and grimaced. If these were to ever get out, they would ruin a lot of lives, including his. The only thing was, his life may be ruined already. He closed his eyes and tried to remember how he felt the night before with Sophie in his arms. He’d felt like all his dreams had come true. He couldn’t let her get away without a fight.

He heard the front door bang and he jumped. He quickly locked the box and put it back in the safe and closed the door before running out of the room. His heart leaped to his throat as he saw Sophie standing there looking at him with heartbreak in her eyes. He walked up to her slowly saying nothing and reached out his arms to her. She ran into them with a cry and he held her close. He could feel her heart beating rapidly as he held her and he wondered if he would ever forget this moment. This wondrous moment when their hearts beat as one and she held him tight without even asking a question.

And then Jacob cried and she pulled back from him with pain in her eyes and looked around for him.

“Oh Max.” She half giggled as she saw the baby lying on the floor and walked over to him slowly before picking him up. “You can’t just leave the baby lying on the floor.”

“He’s on blankets.” His voice had the slightest tinge of reproach.

“That doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t?”

She laughed. “Honestly, I don’t know. But it just doesn’t seem right.” She held a crying Jacob in her arms and rocked him back and forth. “I think he needs changing.”

“Okay.”

“Maxwell you need to change him.”

“Oh?” He screwed his nose up. “Do I have to?”

“We’ll do it together.” She sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Thanks, Soph.”

“Yeah.” She carried the baby to the couch. “Will you get the diapers?”

“Uhm, where are they?”

“Look in the big yellow bag.” She tried to keep her voice calm but she felt like she was going to have a giggling fit.

“Where’s that?” He shrugged his shoulder.

“The big yellow bag to the right of you, Max.”

“Oh sorry.” He bent down and opened the bag and saw a bunch of items he didn’t recognize and picked the bag up and brought it over to her. “Uh here.”

“Pass me a diaper, please.”

“I’m not sure what it is.” He paused. “Sorry.” He watched Sophie standing there with his son and his heart expanded more than he knew was possible for both of them.

“Oh Max.” She giggled. “Hold Jake.”

“Jake?”

“I figured a Jacob would be called Jake, right?” She smiled shyly. “He looks like a Jake to me.”

“I love you, Sophie.” He stared at her, his blue eyes pleading with her for forgiveness. “I love you more than life itself.”

“I love you too, Max.” She sighed. “We’ll talk later.” She pulled a diaper and wet wipe from the bag and changed Jacob.

They put a now content Jacob back on his blankets and sat on the couch. Sophie made sure to distance herself from Max on the couch and he frowned.

“So I want to know what’s going on, Max.” She looked at him seriously. “How long have you known about Jacob?”

Max sighed and took a seep breath. He knew that it was too good to be true when she had come in and not bombarded him with questions right away. “Only since today, Sophie. I swear.”

“You didn’t know Alexis was pregnant?” She asked in a hushed tone.

“No.” His voice was direct and angry and he held her hand. “I had no idea, Sophie.”

“And he’s definitely your son?” She cocked her head and studied his face.

He swallowed and thought as she looked at him. He wasn’t sure what to say. There was a possibility that Jacob wasn’t his but that would mean delving into a part of his past that he wasn’t sure she could accept. A past that he was ashamed of and could ruin lives. “I think so.” He made sure to keep his voice even and steady. He didn’t want to lie to Sophie but he wasn’t sure how his sweet, innocent Sophie would handle the truth.

She pulled her hand away from him and frowned at him. “Don’t lie to me, Max, is there a possibility that Jacob is not your son?”

He looked at her stony face with wide eyes and stared at the sleeping baby. “He looks just like me.”

“That’s not answering my question, Max.” Her voice was agitated. “He has the same color hair and eyes, yes, but that doesn’t make him your son definitively.”

He sighed and bit his lip. He could feel her withdrawing from him and he spoke again. “There is a possibility that he isn’t my son.”

“And you know who the other potential father is?” She looked at him curiously.

“Maybe.” He spoke slowly, pleading her with his eyes to stop the line of questioning.

“Maybe?” She leaned towards him. “Alexis cheated on you and you knew about it?”

“She didn’t cheat.” He looked away and sighed. “I knew about it.”

“What?” Her voice rose and she looked at him in shock. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t want to talk about it any further, Sophie.”

“Your fiancée slept with other men and you knew about it and it was okay with you?”

“She is my ex-fiancée.” His voice was harsh. “I didn’t love her and we had an unconventional relationship.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sophie—it’s the past.”

“I want to know.”

“Sophie, there is nothing good that can come from you knowing.”

“I love you, Max. I want to know more about your past.”

“My love for you is all that matters.”

“No, it’s not.” Her voice was resolute.

He sighed and grabbed her hand. “Please, Sophie. I don’t want to go back to that place.”

“I think you owe it to me, Max. A baby was delivered here today. A baby you had with Alexis. I need to know, Max,” she pleaded with him.

“We were members of a sex club, Sophie. She fucked other men. I fucked other women. Sometimes we had threesomes, sometimes I didn’t know if I was fucking her or another woman.” His voice was harsh and he looked at her with pained eyes. “Does that make you feel better? Are you satisfied now that you know?”

“No.” Her voice was small and tears sprang to her eyes. Max studied her face and felt a dull rumbling in his ears. He was mad at himself, he had been harsher than he had intended and now she was upset. He didn’t know why she wouldn’t just leave it alone.

“I’m sorry, Sophie.”

“Do you miss them?”

“Miss what?”

“The clubs?”

“No.” His voice was loud. “No. I frequented them at a bad time in my life, Sophie.”

“I want to see what it was like.” Her voice was a whisper.

“No.”

“I want to see, Max.”

“It’s not a good idea, Sophie. You don’t belong in that world.”

“It was a part of your life, Max. I want to understand.” She studied his face and played with her long brown hair. “I want to know everything about your life. I want to understand every part of you.”

“I don’t want you to leave me.”

“I’ll never leave you, Max.”

“I couldn’t survive without you, Sophie. I wouldn’t have anything to live for without you in my life.”

“I will always be here, Max. I promise.” She leaned forward and kissed him. “I love you more than the stars in the sky and the grass on the ground. I just want to understand you better.”

“Okay.” He stared into her eyes. “We can go tomorrow night if Ella will babysit for us.”

“Okay.” She smiled at him weakly.

“And about Jacob, we can give him up for adoption if you want.” His words trailed off and she placed a finger to his lips.

“I would never make you do that, Max.” Her voice was low. “It’s not the baby’s fault.

“Thank you.” He held her close to him and a solitary tear fell from his face and onto the top of her head as he held her close. “Thank you, my love.”

***

Max left the office on his lunch break agitated and upset. He walked quickly to the office on the corner by the park. He greeted the receptionist and walked up the stairs briskly.

“Thanks for fitting me in, Dr. Spencer.” He walked into the office and he greeted his psychiatrist with a grim look. “I know I haven’t seen you in a few weeks but a lot has happened recently. I had to see you. I hope that I didn’t put you out?” He looked at the man with a concerned look.

“Why don’t you have a seat, Max?” Dr. Spencer looked at Max pacing around and gestured to the couch. “What’s happened?”

“My ex, the crazy one I told you about. She had a baby.” Max was shouting. “And she dropped the bomb on me at the same time the baby was delivered to my home and my fiancée.”

“The love of your life fiancée?” Dr. Spencer asked calmly.

“Yes.” Max’s face softened for a second. “She wants me to take her to the club.”

“Did you tell her that that wouldn’t be possible?”

“I tried.” Max sighed. “She feels the need to see it.”

“Did you tell her that you don’t want to relive the memories from that time in your life.”

“No.” Max’s voice was anguished. “I don’t want her to know how bad it was. How bad I was.”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t want her to leave me.”

“Do you think she would leave you if she knew?”

“Yes.” Max’s voice was anguished. “It’s too dark, she is too sweet and innocent. I don’t think she would understand.”

“But that is your past, Max.” Dr. Spencer tapped his fingers against the pad and stared at his patient thoughtfully. Max had been his patient for the past three years. He had been surprised that Max had chosen him, being that he was younger and fresh out of grad school but he started to realize that Max had seen him as someone who might understand him a bit better. He knew that he had helped Max but he felt guilty that he was now compromising his trust. “If she loves you, she will understand that this is a part of your past. We all have a past.”

“Will she understand that I once beat someone so hard that he nearly became unconscious and that I was so coked up that I didn’t even care.”

“You’re clean now, Max.”

“Sometimes I still get urges, Dr. Spencer.” Max’s voice was pained and he looked into his face.

“To do coke?”

“To lose myself.” Max stared out of the window. “To be someone else.”

“That’s a normal feeling, Max. We all want to have a different life sometimes.”

“I don’t feel that way when I’m with her.”

“Your ex?”

“No. With S., the love of my life.” Max sighed. He thought of Sophie and he smiled. She had brought him breakfast in bed that morning and he’d left as she was washing Jacob carefully. He wasn’t a good enough person to have the heart of someone so wonderful.

“Does S think you are a saint?”

“No.” Max laughed.

“And S didn’t leave you after she found out about the baby.”

“No.” Max paused. “In fact, she’s been wonderful.”

“You said there’s a possibility you may not be the father?” Dr. Spencer cocked his head.

“Yeah, there is another man, a very powerful man who may be the dad.”

“Are you going to say anything to anyone?” The doctor frowned at him. “That may not be a good idea.”

“I don’t know.” Max frowned. “We’d need a DNA test first.”

“Do you think S will leave you when she finds out about everything you did in the sex clubs?”

“I don’t know.” He gritted his teeth. “We’re going to one tonight—she wants to see it.”

“The X Club?” Doctor Spencer raised his eyebrows.

“No.” Max paused. “I would never take her there. I’m taking her to the starter club. The one I started them all out in.”

“That shouldn’t be so bad then.”

“What if I fall into my old ways again?”

“Do you think you will?”

“No.” Max paused and smiled. “I have no interest in doing any of those things with her.”

“So then it shouldn’t be a problem?”

“You’re right. It shouldn’t be a problem.” He finally sat down. “I’ll take her there, show her around and then we’ll go home and that will be it.”

“Are you still worried that you’ll go back to the drugs?”

“No.” Max’s voice was firm. “I don’t need them anymore.”