Next to Me (10 page)

“It’s ok, Jenna. Really,” Landon says. He puts his arm around me and a warm rush of emotions floods through me. “I’m glad you have such great friends. It must be nice.”

“If you’re ok in Jenna’s book, you’re ok with me,” Jerry says. “It’ll be nice to have another guy around. Jack’s a little too metrosexual for me. You don’t do all that girly stuff like get pedicures and facials do you?”

“Uh, no,” Landon tells him, his face showing his confusion.

“Then we’re good! Come by the bar any time. I’ve got you covered. I gotta get back to the kitchen. Sam’s having some trouble with the new bus boy.” Jerry leans down and kisses Mercy quickly. “I’ll be back in a bit, babe. Night you two.”

“Goodnight, Jerry,” I call.

“Night. Good to meet you,” Landon says.

“Landon is going to walk me home. I’ll call you tomorrow,” I tell Mercy, but she seems uneasy.

“Can I have a second with our girl here, Landon?” she asks. She’s put on

a super sugary voice so I know something is up.

“Sure. I’ll run to the bathroom and be right back.”

“What?” I don’t even hesitate or act like I don’t see that the wheels are turning in her head.

“Nothing. But... You’ve never done this, Jenna. You’ve never been so quick to give a guy a real chance. I just want to make sure you’re not rushing into anything,” she warns.

“Are you kidding me? You’re the one who just said ten minutes ago that I needed to open myself up and let someone get close enough to me. Why the immediate change of heart?”

“I meant everything I said. I just…I don’t know. Sometimes I do feel like your mom. You don’t have a mom to be worried sick about you, and everyone needs one of those. I just want you to be sure you’re not rushing into anything.” Mercy’s tone is soft. It’s rarely ever soft, and usually only happens when she’s comforting a patient’s family, so I know she’s being totally sincere with me.

“We have no idea what’s going to happen with us. All we’re doing is acknowledging the obvious attraction we have for each other and are willing to see what happens. This is not as big a deal as you’re making it out to be. Really. I appreciate you. You’re my family, Mercy, and what you think matters to me. But there’s nothing for you to worry about. He’s just a guy…and he’s keenly aware of Jerry’s ability to kick his ass.” I give a breathy laugh as I take Mercy in my arms. “Thank you,” I whisper.

“Everything ok here?” Landon asks as he returns.

“Everything is great. Take care of my girl,” Mercy tells him.

“You got it,” he replies.

Landon puts his hand on the small of my back and leads me to the door. Leaving Duke’s, we walk at a slow pace down the sidewalk toward my apartment.

“Carina said you haven’t been back to class. Did you give up?” I ask him.

“I didn’t give up. I realized that while it was fun seeing if I still had any moves left in me, the real reason I’d be going would be to see you.” He takes

my hand and laces our fingers together, smiling at me softly.

“Yeah, I guess you don’t need to go then. I’ll be sure to tell Carina I’ll be giving you private dance lessons then,” I smile back.

His hand is strong around mine. The way our fingers are intertwined makes me feel secure and wanted, but mostly it makes me wish I hadn’t been so afraid for so long. I had a right to be concerned, though. When I first moved to Chicago, I was still getting used to being Jenna Rockwell, and looking over my shoulder all the time. I worked hard not to stand out and to make friends so I would look like a normal girl who came here to go to nursing school. I even started going out on dates, mainly so I wouldn’t look weird and give anyone cause to question why I was so noncommittal.

The reality is I could have stopped playing offense years ago. If Dellinger wanted to find me, he would have long before now. I just got so used to not being vulnerable that finding reasons not to let guys in became my thing. When I met Spring and Mercy, it became easy to let them into my life because it wasn’t about sharing the details of my past. Friendships are different than intimate relationships. If I’m honest, at times I was scared that I would meet someone who would sell me out for whatever Dellinger was paying, but mainly I knew that if I were to get emotionally involved with someone it would mean putting them in danger by telling them the truth.

Landon and I make small talk as we stroll down the sidewalk. We discuss our favorite things about Chicago and what he misses about Miami. We both love Navy Pier and that this great city sits right on Lake Michigan. I swore it would be super cheesy when Mercy made me go, but I ended up loving the architectural boat tour of the city. The rivers that run right through the city are one the most romantic things about Chicago. It’s why it’s often called Little Venice.

Landon tells me about Miami and how rich the Latin culture is there. He says it gets a bad rap because immigration is always in the news, but the people in those communities are some of the warmest, most welcoming you’d ever meet. We talk about food and music and determine that we’re officially on a mission to find
real
Cuban food in Chicago.

My growing up back-story has been that we moved around a lot with my dad’s job. I did a little research on some metropolitan cities so I could have something to say about the iconic places people always talk about loving so I would never have to tell anyone I grew up in DC. I had us living in Napa Valley, California and loving the beauty of the wine country. I told people the Riverwalk and Tejas Rodeo were my favorite places to go when we lived in San Antonio. I even gave us a short stint in Canada in Niagara Falls. There was always a good, shared laugh about there being a Tim Horton’s on every corner there from anyone who had ever been there. So I give Landon my generic thoughts on these places knowing that it’s not like we’re going to have this same conversation a hundred times. This is a
getting to know you
conversation that will live and exist in this moment and that will live on as a fond memory of this time.

I enter the code to my building and Landon pulls the door open, gesturing for me to enter first. When we get off the elevator on my floor I realize I don’t have my keys. I’m still wearing the pencil skirt outfit I wore to dinner with Adam and there are no pockets anywhere. When I left to go to Duke’s I remember just grabbing my keys. I didn’t even bring my cell phone for some weird reason.

I stand at the door, contemplating my options.

“Everything ok?” Landon asks curiously. “It’s a nice door, but I’m thinking going in is probably our objective here.”

“Um…I left my keys at Duke’s. I don’t want to wake Spring, and I don’t have my cell to call Mercy and ask her to bring them,” I tell him.

“Oh, well, just use my cell.” Landon takes his cell from his pocket and hands it to me.

“Like I actually
know
Mercy’s number,” I chuckle. “Once it’s in my phone I make no effort
know
the number. I just press her pretty face and the magic, slippery germ brick calls her!” We both laugh.

“We could just walk back and get them then. Or we can take a cab, which would be faster,” he offers.

We
could
walk back, or take a cab. Jerry won’t be locking up for another hour. There is another option. I’ve only had to do this twice since I’ve lived here, but both times I was alone.
It’s not a big deal
, I tell myself.
Just a party trick, right?

“It’s getting late and I have sort of a key under the mat,” I tell him a little hesitantly. I’m not sure how he’s going to respond to this.

“Oh, well, then that’s good. What do you mean
sort of a key
?”

I crouch down as best I can in this tight skirt and take the pick and tension wrench I have hidden under the mat. I hold them up and raise my eyebrows as if to say “see!” I bend them open and begin to work the lock with both of them. It takes less than 30 seconds before we hear the clicking of the door being unlocked. Last one in bolts the door, so I know the top isn’t locked.

“Shit.” Landon’s face is unreadable as he runs both hands through his hair.

“What?”

It takes him a second before he responds. “You are one badass girl. You’re making me look bad!” He gives a breathy laugh and helps me stand after I put my tools back under the mat.

We walk into the apartment and I immediately grab my cell and text Mercy to ask if she can bring my keys by before she goes home. She responds right away and I leave my cell on the counter while I take my shoes off.

“What’d she say?” Landon asks, making himself comfortable on the

couch.
Oh, God! Landon on my couch again could be very dangerous.
He doesn’t seem to mind, though. He’s sitting just as he was last night, beckoning me with his smoldering eyes to come sit with him.

“She said she’d be by in an hour,” I tell him as I position myself to sit on my knees facing him on the couch. “So…how long have you been doing securities work?” I ask him.

“We’re not making out?” he teases with mocked shock.

“That depends. If you only want to have two dates with me, then yes. If you’d like to see me again, then no,” I tell him with a smile. I’m having to contain myself in major ways here. I would love to make out with him again, but if I’m going to grow up and look for the potential here, I can’t let sex cloud my vision.

“Hmmm…” he purses his lips and looks up as he considers the choices I’ve given him.

“Really?”

“This is tough! You’re hot and a
really
great kisser,” he says in his defense.

“That’s awesome,” I say, teasing rolling my eyes at him.

“I’m kidding! I really want to get to know you, Jenna. But, is it ok that when I told you I was drawn to you what I meant was that I thought you were the sexiest woman I’d ever seen?”

I know I’m blushing and I almost don’t care. “Well, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I thought you were sort of good looking, too,” I say.

“Sort of good looking? I’ll try to kick it up a notch for you!” We both laugh and it feels really good. I’ve been out with so many boring guys that it’s just really nice to laugh with someone.

“Why did you shave?” I ask, cupping his jaw with my hand. He closes his eyes for a second, seeming to enjoy my touch. I move my hand away quickly because I know if I leave it there much longer I’ll throw my insistence that we keep things non-sexual out the window.

“I go through phases. Sometimes it’s because I like the way a rough beard looks, sometimes it’s because I’m lazy. I had an important meeting with a new client this morning – my work thing – so I felt like I needed to shave,” he explains. “You don’t like it?”

“I don’t know. I think I might like it either way,” I tell him. “The beard is a little rough on my skin, but I didn’t mind so much.” I touch my cheek and blush even more as I remember just how incredible it felt to kiss him. “Ok…enough about your good looks. You’re avoiding my question about your job,” I say, turning the subject back around.

“Well…I did a couple of tours in Iraq and ended up moving into an Intelligence position,” he begins.

“You were in the military?” I ask, a little, but not totally surprised. Landon’s physique is the definition of a lean and muscular soldier.

“Yeah. I was a Navy Seal,” he tells me.

“Wow. That’s pretty hard core. I mean, a soldier is a soldier, but a Navy Seal is as badass as they come. How long were you in?” I’m so totally impressed and absolutely turned on.

“Eight years. I had to get out. I lost a lot of friends after a raid on a compound where we thought some POW’s were being held.” Landon’s expression turns sad and I can see just how much he really loved his fellow soldiers.

“Did you get the POW’s out?” I ask him.

“No. It was a disastrous situation. We were 20 yards out, silent as we had ever been and they just started firing on us. A few of my buddies made it in to try and find the POW’s. After 25 minutes of firing back and forth, the bad guys started blowing up the building piece by piece. I’m not sure the POW’s were ever there to begin with. That’s the problem over there. Sometimes you get intel that’s purely meant to trap and kill American soldiers. When my time was up, I decided I had to go.” Landon’s eyes are pink as he works to hold back how emotional the memory of that time is for him. I have so much respect for what he and his fellow soldiers did and are continuing to do over there. It must be tough to live a life of simply following orders without question. But, I suppose if that’s not what they wanted to do, they wouldn’t sign their lives away to the United States Government.

“That’s amazing, Landon. I’m sorry you lost such good friends, but I’m glad you made it out alive.” I take his hand in mine and rest our hands on my lap. I want to comfort him. I don’t want him to be sad at what he lost. I want him to happy at what he has. I know how hard it can be to focus on that sometimes.

When I first moved to Chicago I thought a lot about the life I had to leave behind. I thought about leaving my father to die under that tree. It took a lot of time before I could focus on the fact that I literally dodged a bullet by doing what my father told me to do.  It was hard, but I was eventually able to start recognizing the life I had been given. Spring and Mercy are like sisters to me. My friends are my family now and I’m
home
here in Chicago.

“Sometimes I feel guilty for having lived,” he says softly. “A lot of soldiers feel that way.”

“I kind of know how you feel,” I say tentatively. Landon looks at me inquisitively as if to imply that there’s no way I could understand. “I told you my father died. What I didn’t tell you was that he was murdered. If the timing had been different, it could have been me, too. I’ve…never told anyone that. Not even Mercy or Spring.” Landon looks at me, taking in what I’ve just told him. I can’t really read his expression. Is he shocked? Surprised? Does he think what I’ve told him is absolutely nothing like what he experienced in Iraq? I hope I haven’t offended him.

“Jenna…” he starts, but stops to collect his thoughts. “I’m so sorry that happened to you. That is far worse than anything I ever experienced in Iraq.”