Next to Me (9 page)

“Well, we can’t have that, can we?” I tell him.

“Great. I’ll call you.” Adam’s smile fades into a contemplative expression. His lips part and his takes in a rush of air before leaning down to kiss me. I kiss him back, waiting to feel a swell of cosmic connectivity but the whole thing falls flat. The kiss is fine, but there’s no spark, nothing that makes me
want
him. My heart sinks. Knowing I ran Landon off, I wanted to feel something, anything with Adam.

The kiss ends quickly and he smiles, satisfied. I smile back, not quite as satisfied. Adam waits for me to walk into my apartment and doesn’t leave until he hears me lock the door. I go to the living room window and watch him hail a cab. I plop, defeated, onto the couch.

After a few minutes I walk back into my room and take note of the outfit I had on when Adam arrived. A funny feeling rolls around in me and I’m suddenly unsettled. I like Adam, but is it going to be like that all the time? He didn’t even ask me if I minded changing because of where we were going. He basically just told me to change. What about talking about work? He was kind of an ass when we started talking about work at dinner. Are we supposed to avoid that subject forever?

I walk back out into the living, grab my keys, and walk outside. I don’t stop walking until I reach Duke’s. I pull on the heavy door and feel a rush of complete comfort come over me as I cross the threshold into the bar. It’s Thursday night, so the place isn’t too crowded at all, although most of the tables are full. I begin to find a place at the bar when I notice Mercy sitting at the other end near the corner where our favorite table is. I make my way along the bar and find her cozied up with a guy. As I get closer I see that it’s Jerry. It’s clear what’s going on between them and she is so busted.

“Well, well, well…what do we have here?” I tease.

“Jenna! What are you doing here? I thought you had your date with Dr. Fisher tonight!” she says as she abruptly pulls herself out from Jerry’s arm.

“I did, but it didn’t go so great so I thought I’d come get a drink. That is beside the point. How long has this been going on?” I ask, pointing at both of them. Mercy stares at me with a blank face and I raise my eyebrows to prompt her answer.

“Just tell her, Mercy,” Jerry says.

Mercy sighs. “About six months,” she says.

“Six months? Why wouldn’t you tell me? I mean, especially since I’ve been on your case to give the poor guy a shot!” I’m shocked. I don’t understand why they would keep this from me.

“I’m gonna go check on something.” Jerry excuses himself and I take his seat next to Mercy.

“I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t know where things were going. Jerry and I agreed that it might make things awkward if we told everyone and then it didn’t work out. We didn’t want you or Jack and Demi to feel like we couldn’t come here anymore. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she explains.

“I guess that makes sense,” I reply. “The only way we wouldn’t come back here is if Jerry absolutely ripped your heart out. But…now that I think about it…if he did that, we’d have to kill him, so then it wouldn’t matter if we came back here or not because Jerry would be dead.” I smile sweetly at Mercy and she smiles back.

“Thanks for understanding, Jenna,” she says as she hugs me.

“Soooo…how have things been going with him?” Jerry swings by and puts a beer in front of each of us. I wink at him to tell him that we’re all

good. He smiles at me, relieved.

“Really good. I meet him here a lot, and then we go out when Rocco can cover and close the place. He’s really good to me and, well…I think I’m totally falling for him.” Mercy rests her elbow on the bar and lays her head in her propped up hand.

“That’s awesome, Mercy! I’m so happy for you! I’ve always thought Jerry was a great guy. You deserve this happiness.”

“What about you? What happened with Dr. Fisher?” she asks with a shocked tone.

“He’s kind of a control freak. Well, maybe not a complete control freak. He showed up dressed in a suit, which he looked really good in, but…he made me change my clothes,” I tell her, a little surprised at what I’m actually saying.

“He did what?” Mercy’s Jersey Girl persona is coming out and I think that Dr. Adam Fisher should be glad he’s not here right now.

“I had on my dark jeans and this really cute orange top. I opened the door, he said hello, and then he told me I had time to change. The night got better. He took me to this Italian place near Navy Pier. The food was great, the wine was even better. But then he was a total ass when he talked about work and patients. The worst part was that when he kissed me, there was no spark at all. It’s not like I’m not attracted to him. I am. He’s just…”

“He’s no Landon,” Mercy says, finishing my thought.

“No, he’s not. The night did turn out fine, but I think he’s just a bit too planned and rigid for me. I don’t want to compare them. It’s not even an apples to oranges comparison. It’s apples to the most decadent, not good for you, but too good to put down dessert,” I say, remembering exactly how Landon tasted.

“So what’s wrong with a little not-good-for-you? Cut yourself some slack. You don’t have to find Prince Charming right away. Have some fun! Go out with both of them if you want.” This was Mercy’s rule of thumb for dating for as long as I’ve known her, until I discovered her secret relationship with Jerry.

“All I’ve been doing is having fun! I want…I want something more than that, Mercy. I don’t like the idea of dating more than one guy at a time. I had friends in high school who did that and it never worked out,” I say.

“Oh, my God! Did you actually just reference your life before Chicago?” Mercy almost shouts. She’s right to be astonished. I never, I mean
never
, talk about my life before Chicago, except to give the answers I’ve rehearsed about my parents being dead and me having no other family.

“It’s not a big deal, Mercy. We all went to high school. It’s not like any of us really want to relive those terrible years by chatting about them,” I say to play down my slip.

“Ok, ok. So now that you’ve passed my test and refused to continue on the non-committal highway, why the change of heart?” she asks swallowing a sip of beer.

I sigh. “You guys are right. I need to stop cataloging faults and give somebody a chance,” I tell her. It’s a strange thought to me to allow myself to get close to someone.
It’s been six years. If Dellinger wanted to find you he would have by now.
“I like them both. They’re really different. But I don’t like the idea of dating more than one guy at a time…”

“Jenna…listen…you know I love you but you have to get off your ass on this. You’ve got to start letting people get close enough to you to really know you. With guys, you’ve acted like you don’t want more than just a date or two, but I know you and I know you want more than that. Just give someone a chance to come up next to you and spend a little time there.” Mercy is honest to a fault. Sometimes she adds the word brutal to how honest she’s going to be, but not this time. I know she’s right. Maybe one day I’ll be able to tell someone about my past, but it doesn’t mean I can’t get close at all. I’m just nervous about feeling like I want more. I’ve spent so

long being guarded that I’m not sure I know how to do this.

“Ok. You’re right. So...how about this: the first one to call me will be the guy I give more than a half-ass try with. What do you think?” I tell Mercy

with some level of confidence rising in me.

“Does he have to call? What if you saw him?” she asks.

“Yeah. That would work too, I guess,” I tell her.

“Well, by the way that guy is looking at you, I think your answer may have just walked through the door.” Mercy smirks and pushes my chin to the left toward the door of the bar.

Standing there, staring at me with a huge, surprised smile is Landon.

Chapter 6

“I’m not stalking you, I promise,” Landon says as we meet each other halfway between the door and where I was sitting.

“What
are
you doing here?” I ask him with some suspicion.

“Truth?” I nod with a sarcastic look on my face. As if I would want him to lie. “I knew you had your date with the doctor tonight, so I was just coming by here to see if I could meet anybody you knew. You seemed pretty friendly with the bartender the other night so I thought I’d start with him. I thought it would be kind of a good-faith effort on my part to get to know your friends,” he explains. “Sweet or creepy?”

“I’m still deciding,” I tell him with a wary look.

“Really. The bartender looks like the kind of guy who would totally kick my ass if I did you wrong, and I figured he hears enough people talking shit that he’d be able to read me well enough to know that I’d never intentionally hurt you, Jenna.”

“How did you know the doctor didn’t bring me here?” I challenge.

“I didn’t, but that would have been awkward,” he smirks. “Especially after I embarrassed him for the totally unclassy move of bringing you to a bar on your first date.”

“Hey! You took me for burgers on Navy Pier,” I counter with a smirk of my own.

“That was plan B. Plan A was insanely good Mexican food, remember? Besides, if dancing on the Pier didn’t outweigh the burgers…that kiss certainly did.” Landon’s smoldering eyes are staring at mine and I know I’m totally gone. I don’t know how this happened, but this is the first guy I’ve ever wanted more than something superficial with. There’s something about him that, while I totally want to rip his shirt off, makes me interested in so much more than that.

“Sweet.”

“Awesome.” Landon kisses me on the cheek and takes my hand to walk back to where I was sitting with Mercy. She’s made her way to the other side of the bar with Jerry where she’s pretending not to be watching us. “Where
is
the good doctor?” he asks.

“Early morning rounds means an early night,” I tell him.

“So how did it go?” he asks, scoping out the competition.

“You’re really asking me how my date went with another guy?”

“Listen, Jenna…I know this is going to sound fast and really presumptuous, but…I’m not the kind of guy who dates more than one woman at a time. I don’t know everything you’re thinking or feeling, but if what happened at your apartment is any indication, I’d say you’re feeling for me the same thing I’m feeling for you. If you’re interested in seeing where this goes, which by the way I am hoping to God you are, then, you need to know that I would prefer that you not see the doctor, too.”

Landon’s words are echoing in my head. They are exactly what I just said to Mercy. I remember what my mother always told me about when she met Dad. They had both been attending a party of a girl they both knew from school. Dad and Oz were playing some drinking game when Mom and her best friend Sarah walked in. Dad was so distracted by her that he missed his mouth all together when he took his next drink. No one had ever looked at her, or made her feel that way before. When she looked in his eyes she didn’t see the underage hooligan drinking with his buddy. The point, Mom always said, was that when she looked at him, she saw the potential of who he could be.

Landon sharing the same sentiment as me feels like that moment Mom talked about. I feel like I can see the potential of what could be. And, for the first time, I feel like I’m ready to be open to that.

“I’m not interested in seeing anyone else right now either, Landon. And I’m not the kind of girl to date more than one guy at a time. In fact, if I’m honest, I’ve spent a long time not giving any guy more than one or two dates at most. And just so you know, what I did last night, how I basically attacked you…I don’t do that.”

“Does that mean you’re not going to do it again?” Landon fakes a disappointed frown. “That was the highlight of my evening.”

“I thought I scared you off. You ran out of there so fast.” I feel shy recapping the most mortifying moment of my life. Landon brushes his hand down my arm and takes my hand.

“I’m sorry about that. I really did have a work thing and I knew if I didn’t get out of there…I would have been making you breakfast,” he explains. “As much as you are going to love my ham and cheese omelet, I didn’t want to rush into that.”

“Well…that was very sweet of you, I suppose,” I reply. “So now what? I’ve never gotten this far before.”

“How about I walk you home? It’s late and I really don’t like the idea of you walking home alone,” he says sweetly.

“That would be nice. I’d really like to introduce you to Mercy and Jerry before we go, if that’s ok,” I tell him. He did say that was why he came to Duke’s tonight in the first place.

“I would love that!” A smile spreads widely across his face and he actually takes my hand and drags me to the other side of the bar where Mercy is whispering something in Jerry’s ear. I never had a guy be so enthusiastic about meeting my friends. I guess that’s my fault since I never suggested he meet them before.

Mercy pulls away from Jerry’s cozy arm and stands when she sees us approaching. Jerry looks behind him and stands with her, extending his hand to Landon.

“Well, this is a first. Jerry,” he says with a straight face as he shakes

Landon’s hand.

“Be nice, Jerry!” Mercy smacks Jerry’s arm as she scolds him. “Sorry about him. His charm is a mixture of protectiveness of Jenna and just pure ass-hat. You’ll get used to it. I’m Mercy,” she laughs.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m Landon. It’s really great to meet both of you.” Landon chuckles, shaking both of their hands.

“But…you better be good to her…or I’ll kill you.” Mercy is serious. Over the last several years, Mercy has become the older sister I never had. She’s honest with me to a fault, and more protective than I ever imagined a friend could be.

“Oh, my God, Mercy!” I roll my eyes.

“Someone has to be the mother in your life. Like it, or not, that person is me!” Mercy smiles, reminding me that everything she does, she does because she loves me.