Our Chance (5 page)

“It doesn’t make you a freak. Just be careful, casual rarely stays casual forever. Be happy.”

I nodded. “Happy is the plan.”

Happy was always the plan and there were moments when I did feel happy but it always seemed on a surface-only level. I had fun with Chloe and a lot of fun with Damon but at the end of the day I was still alone. People were more than capable of being happy alone though, so why did I feel like something was missing? It was
my
choice to stay relationship-free so I should be satisfied with that.

Life was a never-ending shit sandwich.

“Good. So, you’re at your mum’s tonight?”

“Yep.” I went to my mum’s for dinner most weeks. When she wasn’t with my dad things were better between us and I was happy to go over there. I was making the most of her single stints between the drama. “You doing your fiancé tonight?”

Rolling her eyes, she smiled and then replied, “Absolutely.”

Chloe and I finished lunch and I retuned to work to muddle through the rest of the day, all while wanting to tell my boss what I thought of him and leave. I could really have done with a night in drinking wine and watching mind-numbing TV, but I had to get through dinner with my mum first.

I stopped off at home briefly to change out of my work clothes and into jeans and a knitted jumper before heading back out.

“Mum,” I called, letting myself into her house.

I could smell something cooking in the kitchen so headed there. Mum slammed her mobile phone down on the table and gritted her teeth. She then looked up and her face softened. We looked a lot alike; both had the same shape face with high cheekbones, green eyes and black hair. But that was where the similarities ended.

“Nell, baby, I didn’t hear you come in,” she said, gripping her hair, twisting it around her hand and shoving in a large, brown hair claw.

“No, you were too busy smashing up your belongings.”

She made a disgusted noise at the back of her throat and waved her hand. “Your dad called. Arrogant prick wants to come over tomorrow night.”

“Mum…”

“I know, I know. We’re not getting back together.”

I loved both of my parents but growing up they were a nightmare. They first broke up when I was about eight and since then they’d been on and off. I didn’t want them to get back together, they were better apart.

“Well, I hope not.”

“I just said I wasn’t. Do you want a drink?”

“I’ve lost count of the amount of times you’ve said that. Coke please.”

She opened the fridge to get my drink and replied, “I mean it, Nell.”

No part of me believed her at all. The last fourteen years I’d watch them both break their promise not to get back together.

Sighing, I took the glass from her. “Thanks. So what’s new? Work going okay?”

She worked for a private cleaning firm in town, taking care of rich people’s houses. She loved that all she had to do was clean and then come home. Mum didn’t want any big responsibility that usually went with a high paid job, she was happy to earn just enough. Dad was the same, he drove a lorry for nine hours a day and when his deliveries were done he’d go home. I admired that about them but I wasn’t the same. Thank all that was holy I wasn’t the same.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. What about you? That man treating you better?”

I turned my nose up and sat down. “It’s bearable. I’ll find something else soon.”

“You deserve the best, Nelly.”

I hated it when she called me Nelly. It left a bad taste in my mouth.

Smiling tightly, I replied, “Thanks. Hey, did you decide to give Dave a chance?”

Dave was someone that she’d met through a colleague at work. I’d heard all good things but Mum’s one complaint that he was ‘frightfully boring’. Personally I think she could do with boring. Drama was way overrated where she was concerned, and I desperately wanted her to meet someone boring and normal so she’d stay away from her toxic relationship with Dad.

“Oh, I’m way past all of that nonsense.”

“Mum, you’re forty-seven. I don’t think you’re quite ready to book the OAP home yet. You deserve happiness. Where’s the harm in having coffee with Dave?”

“It wouldn’t work out.”

I narrowed my eyes. She’d been open to new relationships in the past and had had a few dates. The only times she wrote a man off straight away was when she was getting back with Dad.

Why couldn’t they just stay away?

“You don’t know that. Don’t dismiss someone before you’ve got to know them.”
Please just give the man a chance.

“I’ll think about it. How come you’re so interested?”

“Perhaps because I want my mum to be happy in a healthy relationship.”

“We weren’t that bad, Nell,” she said, lowering her voice in proof that they were that bad.

I was stunned that those words had just left her mouth and felt like a little kid again. My eyes watered and I felt like leaving. How could she say that? How could she just dismiss what’d happened for all of those years? We were all unhappy for so long and here she was telling me it wasn’t that bad. It was
horrible
.

I turned away from her, partly because I couldn’t bear to look at her and partly because I didn’t want her to see me struggle to keep it together. I heard her open the oven and the definite smell of roast chicken wafted throughout the room. “Have you spoke to your dad recently?”

Why are we talking about him?

Swallowing hard, I replied, “Um, a couple days ago. He’s calling tonight apparently.”

“Hmm, that’s good.”

She said it as if he had barely bothered with me since the first of their many breaks. I was as close with him as I was with her and he called me just as much. I really didn’t understand the point of being with someone you hated fifty per cent of the time.

“Mum, are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Do you want onion gravy or plain?”

“Whatever you want is fine with me. You’re distracted.”

“I’m just having a long week, that’s all.”

I didn’t believe her. My heart was in my stomach and I felt sick with worry. They were going to get back together and, as always, there would be nothing I could do to change it. Biting my tongue, I helped her finish up cooking.

There was an atmosphere all through dinner. I could barely eat a thing I was so worried. Years may have passed, I may be an adult now and understand more about their relationship, but I still worried just as much as I did when I was younger.

Mum brushed her fringe off her forehead and smiled. She was still so proud that she didn’t have a single grey and I was plain amazed. I was surprised I wasn’t grey already from worrying about my parents so much.

I couldn’t get away fast enough after dessert and helping mum load the dishwasher. I wanted to shout and scream at her and pray that something I said would actually sink in. I wanted them both to stop being so selfish because I could see where this was going and I was tired and terrified of it.

Neither one of their parents had good relationships and they’ve copied traits from both, which has led to this mega fuck up.

I wanted to be done but I hadn’t managed to wash my hands of them yet. What would it take for me to be over it for good? I knew I couldn’t take it each time but I still stayed by for another round.

“I’ll see you soon,” I said at the front door, eager to get home. I needed chocolate and hot bubble bath. And possibly a visit from Damon but I might even be in too much of a bad mood for that.

“Next week, baby.”

Yeah, we’ll see.
She’d be back with him by then and I had absolutely no desire to be around them when they were together, ever again.

“I’ll call you,” I replied, giving her the best I could do under the new circumstances. I wanted to be able to fool myself that I was just overreacting and they’d stay away but that ship had long sailed. Ignorance wasn’t something I could indulge in when it came to my parents anymore.

“I love you.”

“Love you, too, Mum.” I gave her one last smile and jogged to my car just as it started to drizzle.

Halfway home my phone rang. Damon’s name lit up on the screen and part of the nagging worry at the forefront of my mind vanished.

I pressed accept on my hands free and said, “Hey.”

“Hey, you left your mum’s yet?” He asked.

“Yeah, almost home.”

“Good, because I’m freezing my balls off on your front step.”

I was momentarily thrown. “Huh? Did I miss plans?”

“Nope.”

“Then how come you’re outside my house?”

“You said you’d probably be home at eight.”

“And you took that as an invitation?”

“No, I knew you were just mentioning it but then I thought about you driving in one of those little skirts you wear and I got hard.”

I’d blush if I wasn’t so used to it. “Damon, I’m not wearing one of my little shirts.”

“You are in my head.”

“Wow, I’m surprised I’m wearing anything at all in your head.”

He laughed and the sound made my heart race. “Me, too.”

Shaking my head, I replied, “Shut up, Damon. I’ll see you in a few and if you’re really lucky I’ll warm those balls up.” He groaned right before I hung up.

Apparently I wasn’t getting my alone evening to wallow and worry but the thought of going home to Damon waiting lifted my mood considerably.

I pulled into my drive ten minutes later and Damon was sitting on the doorstep. He was definitely the best type of therapy.

Damon

My balls had frozen in my boxers by the time Nell pulled into her parking space. She was fully responsible for warming them up, whether she was joking about it or not.

She got out and lifted an eyebrow. “Stalker.”

“I called and told you I was here, how is that stalking?”

“Well maybe you’re just shit at it.”

Her black hair whipped over her shoulder with a cold gust of wind, she shivered and unlocked her door.

“Maybe I just got horny.”

Looking behind at me she rolled her eyes. “You definitely got horny. Why else would you be here?”

I closed her door, holding in
because I like spending time with you
. Spending time with her was more than physical, we were friends, and I enjoyed her company. And I loved the sex.

“Touché. How was your mum’s?”

Turning her nose up, she discarded her handbag on the floor and replied, “It was good.”

She didn’t share much and there was definitely more to it than what she would ever tell me but we didn’t have the relationship where I could probe and get her to talk. If I pushed she’d pull. Until she was ready – if she ever would be – I wasn’t getting through.

I took off my coat and threw it on the chair by the door. “Good.”

“Coffee?”

“I’ll make it. Why don’t you go change into something more comfortable?”

She narrowed those pretty green eyes. “Meaning
get naked, Nell
?”

“I’m not apposed to that idea but I thought you’d be more up for this,” I replied, pulling my t-shirt over my head and handing it to her. “But if you want to let it all hang out...”

She bit her bottom lip. “I will if you will.”

I lifted an eyebrow. “Game on, Nell.”

My hands went to my jeans before she could move. I wasn’t at all worried about her not following through because I knew she would. Nell was body-confident and it was sexy as fuck. She also wasn’t shy around me. Whether that was just who she was or because she felt comfortable around me I wasn’t sure, but I’d take either if it meant I got to view her naked form as much as possible.

Giggling, Nell followed suit and removed her clothes. I watched with hooded eyes as she stared at me and dropped her underwear. I’d never seen anything so perfect as her bare body.

“Nell,” I said breathlessly. It hurt to look and not touch.

My body ached to be against hers, hands longed to caress every inch of her soft skin.

“Are you making that coffee or not?” Her voice was too sweet, too innocent. I knew what she was up to.

“You don’t play fair.”

Lifting one shoulder in a lazy shrug, she replied, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Like fuck you don’t.” She was challenging me to sit there and sip coffee while trying not to jump her. My dick was already as hard as steel and my balls felt like they were going to explode. I wanted her and I didn’t want to wait or play games. But I also didn’t want her to win.

I locked my muscles and forced myself to smile. “Sit down and I’ll bring it through.”

Smirking, she nodded and turned around. Her walk to the sofa was slow and seductive. I watched the delicate lines of her form, the curve of her arse and hips, and the soft tips of her hair brushing against her lower back.

Groaning inwardly, I turned to go into the kitchen and took deep breaths. My plan for tonight was pounce; I wasn’t mentally prepared for abstaining for any length of time. I filled the kettle, flicked it on and tried to think about anything other than Nell naked.

Nell’s naked, Nell’s naked, Nell’s naked!

I wanted my hands and mouth on her and only take her after she begged me to. I was supposed to drop to my knees the second her clothes were off. She’d turned my plans upside down and ended up being the one that was playing with me.