Authors: Marci Fawn
, it’s official. I’ve made a deal with the Devil. The fact that I’m now walking away scot free just proves what a powerful man Ryder really is.
And now I’m going to be forced to give him exactly what he wants…
“Let’s get down to business.”
That’s how the conversation began. I just knew those words were going to mean trouble for me…and how right I was.
“So what is it you want?” I replied. I wouldn’t let him have Cherie, not for anything in the world. I hoped that he could see that.
“Let’s start with what I’m going to do for you, shall we?”
I didn’t respond to that. He was just fucking with me again.
“I’ll get the police off your back,” he continued. “I’ll also ensure that Cherie, Bridgette and Lucas are protected, too, and I’ll let the authorities know that Hunter’s death had absolutely nothing to do with any of you.”
He wanted me to ask how he was going to do that, what he was going to say, but I didn’t. No way I was gonna give that fucker the satisfaction.
“Then, in return, I want you to work for me. The job won’t be here. The work will be a part of my…side business, shall we say?”
I guessed that he was referring to his criminal activities. Otherwise he would have just come out and said what it was. I had more than enough experience in that sort of area.
I had to ask. I didn’t want to blindly agree to anything.
He waved his hand evasively. “This and that.”
“Well, before you finally agree, there’s more.”
More? Seriously? This guy was nothing more than a pretentious douchebag. Did he want me to sell him my fucking soul or something? Give him my firstborn son?
“I need you to leave Cherie.”
“Leave?” I asked. He was making no sense. Leave her where?
“I need you to leave her behind and commit fully to me. What I’m going to ask of you is dangerous. There’s no need for her to be mixed up in any of it.”
“Absolutely no,” I said. I’d only just found Cherie, and I didn’t intend to leave her already.
What the hell would I even tell her?
“You can’t punish me. For fuck’s sake, I’m innocent. You know I am.”
Even though I knew I shouldn’t wind him up, I couldn’t help myself. He was really fucking pissing me off.
“I need someone like you on my team, but I’m also doing this for you. You know that the police won’t stop unless I intervene, and the reason I want you to leave Cherie is to keep her out of it. She’s a sweet, innocent girl who’s obviously been through enough. She doesn’t need to get mixed up in something dangerous.”
“Then I won’t do it.” I shook my head stubbornly. There was just no way in hell.
“Okay.” Ryder smiled to himself. “It’s just…this mess with Hunter isn’t all of it, is it? Even if the police discover your innocence in this case, it won’t be long before they find out about your…past. It isn’t that well-hidden.”
My face paled, and my heart seemed to drop right into my stomach. Was he really talking about the guy from my past? The one who I really did kill?
“Yes, it looks like I’ve done my research on you, doesn’t it?” he continued.
He had me. At that moment he absolutely knew that he had me by the fucking balls, and there was no way that he was letting go.
“How?” I didn’t want to ask the question, but somehow it burst free anyway.
“I know people.” He moved closer towards me, and I no longer felt enraged by his presence. I was too shocked, too numb. “Now, do we have a deal?”
My mind raced, trying to find any goddamned way out of this, but I came up with nothing. There really was no way out. Even now, hours later, I still couldn’t see what else I could have done.
“Yeah,” I said with a nod, a little shell shocked.
Ryder shook my hand, and that was it. I’d sold my soul. It was done.
So was my relationship with Cherie.
to go to bed almost as soon as we got back in. I guess being pregnant wears a woman out much quicker than usual. In this case, it’s a good thing, because if this is going to be the last time I see Cherie, then I want to spend as much alone time with her as possible.
I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing that I can’t tell her about my upcoming desertion. I know that it’ll be awful when Cherie wakes up alone, but I have no idea how I would even begin going about that conversation. Plus, I really don’t think I’d be strong enough to go if she begged me to stay, and I don’t think I’d last very long with a guy as powerful as Ryder after me.
I really have no choice. I just have to get through what I need to do.
“Are you okay?” Cherie asks sleepily. “You seem a little distracted.”
I realize that I’m staring at her like an idiot, so I smile, moving in for a kiss. While I’m there, I suck on her lip a little, causing an involuntary moan to escape her mouth.
All of a sudden I’m hard as a rock again.
How can this girl make me horny all the fucking time? Even though we’ve already fucked twice today, and even though I’m right in the middle of heartbreak and despair, I
So fucking badly.
“Axel?” she asks between my kisses.
“Hmm?” I can’t manage a full reply.
“What was the meeting about with Ryder?”
. The last person I want to think about right now.
“Not now. Later,” I reply.
I know I won’t tell her later; I won’t even be here for her to ask. I’m being a coward, but I’d rather spend our last few hours kissing than crying.
She responds by running her hands underneath my shirt and raking her nails down my back. All I want to do right now is explore every inch of her. I want to discover every curve, every peak; I want to commit every single inch of her to memory so that I can remember her on the many lonely nights that I have to come.
I start to trace kisses over her throat, and Cherie throws her head back in ecstasy. Her skin is so soft and sweet, and I don’t think I’d ever be able to find another girl like her, however hard I looked. Not that I’d ever want anyone else. There is no one else anymore.
I make my way between her legs, ready to take her once more. This time, I want us to be looking right at each other. I want to see her face as the pleasure rushes through her. This moment will be bittersweet and I don’t want to lose a single second of it.
She smiles sweetly up at me, driving me absolutely wild. I tease her entrance with the tip of my cock, but I refuse to give it to her, even as she bucks desperately beneath me.
I tell her with a taunting look in my eyes. No, there’s something else I need to do before I leave her for god knows how long. Something I haven’t yet done, but am gagging to do so.
I need to taste her.
I slide down her body as she lays panting on the bed. At first she seems a little confused about my fluttering kisses on her stomach, but then she starts to realize where this is heading and she gasps excitedly. Her hands find their way into my hair, and she tangles and tugs with pleasure.
Finally, I reach where I want to be. I glance up at Cherie to see that she has her eyes tightly squeezed shut in anticipation.
“Eyes open,” I command in a growl. I want her to commit this night to memory too, even if she doesn’t know how significant it is yet.
I smile as her baby blues come into view.
I nudge her legs open wider with my nose, and she happily lets me. I take a second to look at her perfect pink petals before glancing up and watching her face as she squirms with anticipation. This is another amazing side of her that I’ll miss.
My dirty girl.
The one who wants to be bad, just for me.
Before I become emotional, I take action, quickly flicking my tongue along her clit, feeling it swell with pleasure.
“Oh fuck,” she moans, writhing beneath me. I hold down her legs, fixing her in place. I want her to feel
Then I delve my tongue deep into her. She tastes better than I ever could have imagined—sweet, hot and spicy all at once. I move around, gauging her reaction with every single movement. I want to know her inside and out, better than she knows herself. I want to know what she wants, better than anyone else ever could. I want to be the one that no one else can ever compare to, however selfish that might make me.
It doesn’t take long for her to be wild with lust and close to climax. She breaks free of my clutches and starts moving back against me.
“Fuck, Axel. I need you. I need you inside of me right now.” She pants this so loudly that I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s woken her sister and Lucas up. But if she doesn’t care about that, then neither do I.
I move up quickly, wanting to give her everything that she wants. My dick is just as desperate for her too, and I don’t know how much longer I could have held off for anyway. She’s so wet by the time I slip inside of her that I almost fall apart right there and then.
This is all for me. I’ve made her feel like this.
Before I can get settled into a rhythm, she flips over until she’s on top, angling us so that we’re both sitting. Then she starts to rock back and forth, riding me with wild abandon.
Her blonde hair spills down my back as we kiss, every strand sending shocks of desire through my skin. She has her arms wrapped tightly around my neck so that we can stare deeply into each other’s eyes, and I never want to look at anyone or anything else.
I couldn’t call this fucking. In fact, I think this is the closest that I’ve ever come to
I always thought that fast and furious was the only way that worked for me, but this slow and romantic sex is filling me with just as much pleasure…if not more.
Cherie, you really are full of surprises.
Then she starts to contract around my cock, showing me that she’s close to orgasm. She throws her head back, revealing her neck to me once more, and I can’t stop myself from nibbling it. Luckily, she fucking loves it.
“Axel, everything you do is amazing,” she gasps.
“My dirty girl,” I reply in a murmur, wanting to clutch her tightly to my heart. I can’t, though. I have to keep acting normally, I can’t let her suspect anything.
“Oh God, I’m so close….” She moans, and almost right away I feel it too. It’s as if her words were spoken straight to my cock.
“Cherie,” I growl. “I’m making you mine tonight and I don’t care if I knock you up.”
She gasps softly and I can feel her clenching, feel her pussy tightening up around me.
In a second, we’re coming at exactly the same time; falling apart and holding each other up all at once. It’s exhilarating, overwhelming, and quite frankly, utterly heartbreaking.
We collapse breathlessly onto the bed, grinning and chuckling to each other.
We take in a few seconds of silence before Cherie speaks out again.
“Axel, I think I…”
“Yeah, me too.”
Neither of us are brave enough to say it—for very different reasons—but we’re both feeling it.
I love you.
I think it in my head, hoping that she gets the message, but the next time I turn to face her, she’s fast asleep and snoring lightly.
I lie there watching her sleep for a few moments. If I didn’t absolutely
to, there’s no goddamned way that I’d leave this girl. She’s everything I didn’t know I needed in my life; sweet, beautiful, innocent, dirty, honest, funny, and utterly loveable…
If you asked anyone I know about the prospect of me settling down, they’d laugh in your face. Then they’d announce that it could only be some badass, tattooed biker chick that would be able to hold my attention for more than five minutes. I used to think that about myself too, yet somehow I’ve been captivated by an angelic blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty. My complete and utter opposite.
And now I have to leave her behind.
Karma, you’re a fucking bitch sometimes.
“I’ll be back,” I whisper quietly, placing a very soft kiss on her forehead.
I briefly consider leaving a note for her, but what the hell would I say in it? I can’t give enough detail to make it any comfort to her that I’ll be long gone by the time she reads it. This might be the coward’s way out, but what other choice do I have?
I pull my clothes back on with a heavy heart. I can’t let this bullshit break me, though. I need to do this work for Ryder so that when it’s done, I can return a free man with no evidence against me in regards to the crime I committed long ago. Things might be shitty right now, but that thought is the only thing that’s going to keep me from falling apart.
I manage to collect all my belongings without making any sound—a lifetime of sneaking out on one-night stands has taught me this skill. Then I sneak towards the door, sucking in my emotion as I move. I take a split second to spin around and take one last look at Cherie.
“My girl,” I whisper before shutting the door with a quiet click.
It’s finally time for me to pay my debt.
until rays of sunlight begins to shine through the crack in the curtains. I shuffle about in the bed for a while, not yet ready to open my eyes. So much has happened to me that the exhaustion is only just ebbing away now.
“Axel?” I say, feeling the sheets next to me. My mouth is frustratingly dry.
I can’t feel anything next to me; I’m alone on the bed. How late is it? How long have I been asleep? I jolt upright, glancing around for a clock, and I find one on the small bedside table. I squint at it to see that it’s eight-thirty in the morning. Hmm, it’s not nearly as late as I was expecting.
I find the pajamas that Bridgette left for me lying on the floor next to the bed. I never got around to putting them on last night. The desire for Axel took over, and then I fell asleep naked.
As I’m pulling them on, I smile to myself at the memory of Axel and his tongue. He was amazing last night, and I can’t wait to find out what else he can do. He keeps discovering new things about my body that I didn’t even know, and I’m beyond eager to find out more.
I wander out into the hallway, expecting to see Axel either sitting in front of the TV or in the kitchen making a hot drink. Instead I find both rooms empty. There’s no one around.
Where the hell is he?
Unease streaks through me. Something feels really off about this situation. Why would Axel not be here? Of course, there are hundreds of rational explanations as to where he could be, but my mind is jumping all over the place, only thinking the worst.
I know it would be inappropriate to wake my sister up over this, so I pour myself a glass of water and sit on the sofa. Then I wait. My heart is racing and my brain a convoluted mess while I just sit staring into space.
Something terrible must have happened.
A stray tear begins to slip down my cheek. I don’t even know why. I shouldn’t panic until I know something for certain. The main problem is that this is bringing back all the memories of not knowing where Bridgette was for all that time.
Finally, someone joins me in the front room.
“Oh, thank God, Bridgette,” I murmur.
I rush to her side and throw my arms around her before collapsing into sobs against her chest, finally allowing the emotion to overwhelm me.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, still sounding a bit sleepy and confused.
By this point, I’m sobbing so hard that I can barely talk. “D…Axel…”
“Axel?” she exclaims. “What did he do? Where is he?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“He’s not here?” She pulls me back to take a look at me. I’m a real goddamned mess; I’m crying, I’m snotty, I’m disgusting. This is bad, really bad. I just know it.
Bridgette’s expression turns from sympathetic to hard. “Has he gone? Has he just left without saying anything?”
I nod, wishing a massive hole would just suck me in and swallow me whole so that I didn’t have to feel this way any longer.
“That fucking prick!”
She stomps off, back down the hallway, leaving me to collapse on the floor.
When she returns, I’m curled up in the fetal position, never wanting to move ever again.
“God, I’m so sorry, Cherie, I shouldn’t have left you like that. I just felt so mad, and I wanted Lucas’ opinion.”
I glance up to see that Lucas is with her.
He shrugs his shoulders apologetically. “Maybe he’s just gone out for coffee?”
I shake my head emphatically. That’s not true and he knows it. It’s time to accept that he’s bailed on me.
Obviously the feelings that I thought were there weren’t. He never wanted me, not really. I should’ve known that. We only knew each other for a couple of days, after all.
His words from yesterday flash through my mind.
“You’re mine. Do you understand?”
Why did he say that if he didn’t mean it? It must have been some shitty male ego thing. Maybe he just wanted me to fall in love with him so that he could break my heart and give himself some validation.
I think back to the first night we met. He made his true character obvious enough that night. He might as well have told me that he’ll say anything to get a girl into bed, so why did I go against all of my better judgments? Why did I get sucked in to his shitty web of lies?
Too late now. I fell for it all, and now I’ve been used and discarded.
“Come on.” My sister lifts me up gently, places me on the sofa and hands me a glass of water. “We’ll get through this. I’m here now. I’ll get you through this.”
She moves away from me and starts whispering to Lucas. Unfortunately for her, my hearing is far from impaired so I hear every single word.
that guy was bad news. What a fucking creep. I can’t believe…”
“Shh!” Lucas hushes her, clearly more aware of me than Bridgette. “Just keep your opinions to yourself.”
He walks her outside and suddenly, I’m alone with my thoughts. My mind is racing, trying to understand why this is happening. I’ve only known Axel for a short while, but surely he wouldn’t bail on me like this?
With a soft click, the door closes as Lucas comes back inside. “Are you ok?” he asks me worriedly.
I nod numbly, but of course I don’t mean it. Nothing is okay. It’s far from okay.
Lucas comes to sit down next to me on the bed. He seems like a nice guy, though I think him a coward. Not standing up for his own crime and letting another man take the fall for his murder doesn’t make him a good guy in my book.
“Just leave me alone, please,” I mutter.
He sighs, but doesn’t leave. “I need to say something, Cherie, for the sake of everyone involved,” he says with a heavy voice, sounding like the words are physically hard for him to get out. And then he goes on while I sit there, falling apart on the inside.
“I… I come from a small family. It was just my mom and me. We didn’t have much. My dad, he went into the slammer when I was a baby, and he got killed there before I was old enough to actually remember my old man.”
I look up at him, but where my sympathy should be, there’s only a black hole devoid of emotion. I’m too involved in my own sorrow to feel bad for Lucas.
“I thought I couldn’t have a child. I got pretty sick as a kid, and my mom… well, she drank a lot, and left me alone a lot, too. They told me it’d be difficult for me to have kids after one of my illnesses. I didn’t think about it then, but as I got older, it weighed on me more and more.”
His tone grows brighter as he goes on.
“And then I met your sister. She was stunning, perfect, the woman of my dreams. She turned my life around, and first, it was all about protecting her, but a love was born out of the ashes of her previous relationship. And I was falling, hard. Somehow, she got pregnant… Fuck knows how, it’s a miracle baby, this one.”
I force a weak smile on my face.
“And I had to protect her. I would never let anyone else take the fall, and today, I’d taken Bridge out to tell her I was turning myself in.”
I look for a trace of lies in his eyes, but Lucas seems to be telling the truth.
“We came home to find you two here, and somehow, Ryder fixed the problem,” Lucas finishes. “I know this doesn’t help, but I want you to know, I’m a good guy. And even though Axel walked out, I’ll be here for you, and your sister.”
He takes my hand and if I weren’t such a mess, maybe I’d even feel a little safer.
“I’ll take care of all of you,” Lucas promises me.
Except I don’t care.
Without Axel, I cease to exist.
I remain frozen in this state of purgatory, unable to move on. This heartbreak feels worse than anything I’ve ever experienced before. Bridgette keeps trying to lift me off the ground, to cheer me up, but I’m just not ready yet.
Why did you leave me, Axel? Why didn’t you even leave a note? Am I not good enough?
I miss him so damn much; it’s like a physical pain.
“Sweetie, do you want something to eat?” Bridgette asks me for about the millionth time today.
I shake my head and look over at her. Her stomach is really swelling now; she looks like she’s about to burst. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was overdue already, and I can’t believe that she still has a few weeks to go. The baby is going to grow even more, and that fact seems crazy to me, given how big he already seems to be.
“You can’t keep going like this, Cherie. You’re going to make yourself sick.”
“I’m just not hungry,” I mumble.
“I know you’re sad.” My sister sits beside me and grasps my hand. “But this isn’t normal. I don’t want to diminish what you had, but you only knew Axel for a short time. You can’t let him ruin your life. You’ve gotta move on.”
I nod as if I’m listening, but none of it is sinking in. The dizziness is coming on again—it’s been coming and going ever since that fateful day—and I know exactly where it’s going to lead.
I bolt up and rush to the bathroom, hanging my head over the toilet, and the sickness rushes up through me and flows miserably into the bowl. I’m so fed up with all of this, I hate it. My misery really is making me ill, and I don’t feel like there’s a damn thing I can do about it. I just can’t shake it off.
Bridgette knocks on the bathroom door. “Are you okay?”
She’s getting used to this routine by now. It must be getting her down, especially as she has so much of her own to worry about, but she’s been endlessly supportive of me. I don’t know how I’d cope without her.
“Yes,” I groan.
“Can I come in?”
“Sure.” I don’t care about anyone seeing me in this crappy state. I don’t care about much anymore.
She tentatively opens the door and steps towards me.
“This is what I mean, sweetheart. This is more than just sadness,” she says.
She perches on the edge of the bath, rubbing her rounded baby bump. “I wonder if…” She pauses, trying to choose her next words carefully. “Is there any chance that you might be pregnant?”
“Pregnant? No, of course not,” I instantly insist.
But then my heart starts to sink. Is there any chance of that? After all, in all of our passionate moments, not
did we consider contraception. It was idiotic, but we’d been so caught up in the moments that it never occurred to us.
. I look at Bridgette’s bursting frame and try to picture it for myself. It’s not just her stomach that’s blossomed, it’s her breasts too. They’re enormous.
Now that I’ve realized just how possible it is that I could be pregnant, I’m panicking. What the hell would I do with a baby? Could I even look after one? I’d sure as hell have to sort my life out. I can’t live in my sister’s spare room forever, with no money and no resources, sinking further and further into depression if I have a child on the way.
“I got you a pregnancy test just in case. I’ll leave it here in case you feel that you want to just…try.”
I don’t even look as my sister leaves the room; I keep my eyes fixed on that small white cardboard box. The box that has the chance to change absolutely everything.
Should I do it? My heart thumps heavily at the idea. I don’t see that I have any choice now. The idea has been implanted in my mind and I can’t see any other way of getting rid of it.
“Okay,” I whisper to myself. “Just do it to prove Bridgette wrong.”
After I’ve done the awful task of peeing on the stick, I stand there and wait for the longest minute of my life to pass. I don’t even know how I’m feeling during this time; my mind is all over the place. I have no idea what I want the result to be, and that scares me. I’ve never known where my life was headed, and I wasn’t ever ‘the girl with the plan’, but this will anchor me. It’ll have to. I don’t know how to be anchored, and I don’t know how to be in one place, knowing exactly what tomorrow will bring, but I’ll have to figure it out.
Then my eyes see it. Two blue lines appearing in front of me.