Phantom (Endlessly Book 3) (10 page)

A vampire’s bite during sex can be downright unpleasant for a human. Sarah worried we might be disconcerted by his response. Vampires usually exercise mind control while biting and feeding, but now everyone acted as if it were taboo to do that to someone you love.

Ash told Jack
the process had been pleasurable for her, but Sarah’s memories of it were painful. She’d cried repeatedly, she said, making me wonder if it would have been painful if Ash had bitten me.

Josh came to my door to ask if I would clean up after Sarah’s meal. “The Guesthouse, Aberdeen, tomorrow night,” he said.

“Yeah, I fucking heard,” I said.

“You know that place?”

“Yeah.” I shut the door in his face.

It was the place where Ash and I had stayed when she awoke from her catatonic depression. That’s when she’d fed for the first time on her own. It was there that she’d pulled me so strongly, wanting sex.

It was the closest I’d ever come to getting what I wanted.

11
DIFFERENT DEFINITION

I let Jack and Sarah borrow the Hayabusa to go to Aberdeen. The dude had been bugging me about the damn bike since he’d learned I had it. I was being a big enough dick to everyone else that I felt as if I should cut him a break. I was amazed a human had the nuts to ride it, but he did, and he wanted to teach Sarah how. That way she could bring him back if he wasn’t strong enough.

I gave Sarah a pair of my jeans, telling her to leave them under the train tracks behind the hotel. The tracks bridged the waterway there. I waited until it started to get dark. Everyone but Lex and Abby were in the game room as I headed out. Only Josh and Jenny looked up.

They were all still pissed at me. I never had any siblings, but it felt as if Ash was the baby of our group. Everyone else pampered her. In this scenario I would be the middle child, acting out to get a rise out of the parents.

I was ha
lfway up the stairs when someone entered the mudroom, probably Ash. I ran up the steps, hoping to avoid her. I just wanted to run, and release my frustration. I hurried out from under the tree, stripped, and shifted in plain view of whoever was there, then I shot south into the night. I’d had enough drama and didn’t want to talk anymore.

I just wanted to be a heartless creature, thinking of nothing but what was ahead. I leapt through thick brush
and over fallen trees. Sword ferns scraped my skin as soft earth gave way to my claws. It felt good.

I was ten miles south when I noticed the pull was no longer from the east.
I was headed directly into it and suddenly wondered,
was I headed south?
Or had I gone east without thinking? After a few more miles I ran into 101 and followed it down the coast — definitely south.

I ignored the pull and focused
on getting to Aberdeen so Sarah and Jack could have their privacy. Before I knew it I crossed 109 and snaked along the coast through the shipyards. I had to swim some areas before I reached the hotel. I shifted, then climbed out of the cold water. My jeans were waiting; I pulled them on.

They’d been watching for me.
Jack came out the side door. I found the cigarettes I’d left in the jeans’ pocket and lit one as Jack watched nervously.

“I gotta smoke after a run like that,” I told him. “Give me a minute.”

He sat down at a picnic table that served as a smoking area. He fidgeted till I was finished, but didn’t complain. When I was ready Jack keyed us back in.

“Did she let you watch?” I asked him, as we climbed the stairs.

“No,” he said, bewildered.

“She should have. At least that way you would see what you’re getting into. It’s not glamorous like the movies. Some people can’t deal with it and lose their minds.”

He stopped at the top of the stairs and looked at me. “I know I can’t live without her.”

“Let’s hope that’s enough to keep you from blowing your brains out,” I said.

“I love her more than anything in this world…”

His words stirred a vivid memory.

I stood in the doorway and watched Hania as he worked with the cute blonde girl, Elizabeth. Her eyes were red from crying. She avoided my gaze. I should have known better; she was only human. How could I have ever thought she could handle the fact that I was a werewolf?
Hania continued his incantation robbing her of bad memories. Once he was done she would go home.

Verloren stood behind me. “Still having your soul resent? They say ignorance is bliss.”

“No,” I replied, watching Hania. “She wasn’t meant for my world… and I wasn’t meant for hers.”

When I looked at him his eyes shone with a strange new light.

“We’re going to Washington,” he said. “Are you coming with us?”

“I might as well,” I sighed as Hania eased Elizabeth onto her back. She dozed off quickly. “How do you know for sure Ashley is your soul mate?”

Verloren stared at me. “I love her more than anything in this world. I would do anything for her. I would even…”

“…die for her,” Jack said.

I nodded at Jack. “That’s a good indicator.”

He was an all right guy who was scared out of his fucking mind. I was waiting for him to snap and start screaming about monsters.

As we entered the room I could hear his heart racing. Sarah sat watching TV. I headed straight for the bathroom. That’s where she’d left the body.

As I went in I said: “You should have let him watch.”

I closed the bathroom door and hurried. I didn’t want to be there any more than they wanted me there.
The body was a man — imagine that. When I finished, I balled up his clothes and took them with me. I left their room without looking at either of them. I jogged down the stairs and out the door, then jumped in the water with my jeans on. I shifted in the water destroying the jeans, then swam far out before I let go of the dead man’s clothes. They sank to the bottom of Grey’s Harbor.

Even in the water, I felt the urge to head south.
I ran hard for home, desperate to get away from it. I wanted to exhaust myself and end up falling into my bed, but something told me I wasn’t going to be so lucky.

I let my inhuman instincts rule. I’d raced there so that Jack and Sarah could get on with their lives, but on the way back I was running for fun. I jumped from cliff to cliff listening to the ocean. I
emptied my mind of human thoughts, and became what I really was: a savage monster not meant for this world. I didn’t want to think or care anymore. I just wanted to be left alone. It was a shame to get home so quickly.

A distant thump of wings told me of gargoyles overhead. I closed in on the tree, knowing how they felt. They were flying through the night when the cover of darkness allowed them to be themselves.

Ash stood just a few feet from my clothes. Ignoring formalities I shifted to human in front of her. I relished her discomfort as she looked away. As I stood naked in the dark, she kept her head turned. She didn’t move.

“What the fuck do you want?” I asked.

“I think we need to talk. Could you put some clothes on?”

“We have nothing to talk about.”

I wasn’t about to accommodate her. I didn’t move or bother with my clothes. She fidgeted, waiting for me to dress.

“Look,” I said. “I love you, but you and I have t
wo different definitions of what that means. So from now on, I’ll leave you alone, and you can fuck off.”

I grabbed my jeans and pulled them on, leaving the rest of my clothes. I went down under the tree and went to my apartment.

I felt her hurt, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want anyone caring about me either. Despite her rejections I loved Ash, but I wasn’t gonna fight her anymore.

Still, if this soul mate was so
drawn to me, why hadn’t she come here? Maybe she wasn’t drawn to me at all. Why set myself up for another disappointment? Wouldn’t she eventually reject me too? I couldn’t keep a girl happy. One way or another I always screwed up. If she really wanted me, she could come find me. I was sick of chasing a phantom.

When Ash cried, I felt happy. It was about fucking time someone cried over me. I didn’t care. I’d dealt with Ash’s emotional roller coaster long enough. I was going to feel what I wanted to feel: nothing. I lay in bed, in the dark
, and cleared my mind of everything. No Ash, no Oz, no pull in my chest. I fell asleep quickly and for the first time in a while I slept peacefully. Nothing but sweet nothingness.

The next day as I left my apartment Lex and Sarah were bringing Jack into the game room. I passed them on my way to breakfast in the community kitchen. Sarah always went straight for the kill and the skin on Jack’s neck was already white from the virus. He was sweating like mad and almost collapsed before they got him to the sofa. I walked past, ignoring them, and headed for the kitchen.

Ash sat on the sofa
, reading. We ignored each other too.

As I passed the door I caught
Abby playing dress-up in the mudroom. She wore a pair of boots that looked like Josh’s. She danced around the tile room in the oversized footwear. The door to the steps was open.

“Hey, kid, shut the door,” I grumbled.

Abby glared at me then stuck her tongue out, and flapped her arms like a chicken.

I’ll rip that tongue out and cram it up your…
I thought. The only other person who might hear was Ash, and she wouldn’t acknowledge me.

“Jason, can you get something for Jack to eat?” Lex said, interrupting my threat.

I nodded and turned toward the kitchen. I tried to think of something that he wouldn’t mind throwing up, because that was the most likely result. He’d lost a lot of blood, so I figured fruit would be best. I found some grapes, cut up an apple, and got him a glass of water. Jenny sat at the kitchen table, watching me. Abigail bounced in, sat beside Jenny, and started prattling about nothing.

I delivered the food, then listened for other activity. Josh and Hania were still asleep. As the girls moved Jack to his apartment, I ate my breakfast, played a video game, then stretched out on the sofa.

I don’t know how long I was out, but I woke up to the sound of a voice.

12
CLOSE SUBSTITUTION

“Hey, man.” Someone nudged my shoulder. I opened my eyes to a tall blond man smiling down at me. He looked familiar and carried a large duffle bag over his shoulder. I sat up, blinked the sleep away, and eyed him. I’d seen this werewolf before.

He extended his hand. “Jason Zurk, right? Remember me?”

I recognized him as one of the Guard the Quatre had kept. “Just your face. You took off pretty quick after Kale and Pedro died,” I told him, not taking his hand. “How did you get in?”

“The door was open… the name’s Tyler Stark.” He dropped his hand nervously, but never lost his smile.

It would figure. Abby left the damn door open again.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

Tyler looked around, smiling. He seemed too happy. He turned back to me, saying: “Clean up duty. Hania got hold of me… told me you guys were getting swamped with the bloodsuckers. He asked if I would come in and give you a hand, especially with…” He looked down the hall again, wearing a stupid grin.

“With what?” I asked.

“You know, that hybrid girl… Ashley. I left after those assholes were killed because… I was really
…” He looked down the hallway. “I mean… I know she’s a dragon and all, and they love to fuck, but after I ate her leftovers…” He looked at me. “She had that vampire lover at the time, and I didn’t want to start any shit.”

Blood drained from my face. My stomach dropped and my body trembled with anger.

Lex and Ash came in. Ash already knew he was here. Tyler’s goofy grin grew even bigger when he saw her.

“Hello, Tyler,” Lex said.

“Hey, long time no see.” Tyler’s eyes were glued to Ash.

“Your old apartment is still open,” Lex said.

“Good.” He started toward the hallway and stopped in front of Ash. She looked down nervously.

“Hello, Ashley. How have you been?”

Her hair fell in her face. “I’ve been better,” she mumbled.

He brushed some hair out of her face, holding a lock of it. “I’m sorry to hear that.
Your hair is lovely in its natural state. You look beautiful.”

I felt pure rage
and hiccupped. My eyes must’ve flashed yellow. Lex furrowed her brow and stepped away from me.

Ashley’s eyes flitted from Tyler’s hand to the floor. I let
her hear my rage and she looked at me. “I’m going to my apartment,” she said, and started down the hall.

“I’m headed to mine too, I’ll follow you,” Tyler chirped.

I glared at Lex as Tyler called: “Hey, my apartment is right across from yours.”

I lost control and my body shifted. I took three long deep breaths. I stared at Lex, then at the tattered remains of my clothes. She poised for attack,
and trembled as she absorbed my evil thoughts. My muscles loosened. I became human again and stood naked. It was just Lex and I.

“What is wrong with you?” Lex demanded.

“You guys did this on purpose,” I hissed.

“Did what on purpose?”

I stormed toward my apartment, flung open the door, and Lex followed me in.

I turned, trying to keep my voice down. “You brought him here… just to show me.”

“Show you what, Jason?”

“That
what I feel for Ash… that it’s…” I pursed my lips and took a deep breath. “You guys are trying to convince me, that it’s just her virus, and not something deeper.”

Lex sighed. “We brought Tyler here to help you clean up after four vampires. He seemed like the most logical choice because he’s already consumed her virus. This way we don’t have to drag anyone else into it.”

“No.” I shook my head and crossed my arms. “He’s not eating after her. Besides, we don’t need him. Sarah has her lot drinking donated blood.”

“Jason, get over it already. She doesn’t want you, and you couldn’t have her anyway. You’re an incarnate. Tyler can’t be with her either, so what is the big deal?”

“Number one, that whole incarnate rule got shit-canned a long time ago. And number two, the more you feed after her, the stronger the link. No, I don’t want him here.”

Lex raised her eyebrows. “You’re jealous.”

I laughed at her. “What the fuckever. You’re jealous of my feelings for Ash.”

She turned abruptly, and walked toward the door.
“You know I’m right.” As she left she said: “Put some clothes on, and clean up your mess in the game room.”

I hung my head. She was right, I was jealous.

Tyler Stark. Just his name made me cringe. It was as if his whole life purpose was to piss me off. I’ve killed humans before. They were fuel. I never wanted to kill someone out of rage, until Tyler moved in.

I’d screwed up by telling Ash to fuck off. She refused to even make eye contact with me and now Tyler was turning into her shadow. My only comfort was that she never made eye contact with him either.

He showed great concern for Abigail. Turning a kid that age was frowned on, but so was sex between vampires and incarnates. Tyler flaunted his attraction to Ashley.

Though Ash was blocking all of her thoughts from me, I let her see my rage for Tyler. She allowed him to touch her briefly and she let me see it. I felt as if I were watching a predator close in on its prey. Every day they inched closer, with more lingering touches, and suggestions of confident intimacy. This went on for a couple of weeks. I began to think she was doing it on purpose, to get back at me, or simply to drive me out. She wanted me to find Oz. That idea began to take hold with me and I revealed these thoughts to her. She never acknowledged them.

For the most part the vampires fed from donations. Jack had turned, but had yet to sink his teeth into a regular human. Sarah preferred that Abby feed the same way. They had their happy Hallmark-card family; I hardly ever saw them.

But Ash, she couldn’t help herself. At least once a week she needed fresh blood, if not for nutrition, then for the ecstasy of feeding. She needed sexual energy to fuel her element, but she also craved the satisfaction of feeding. It was a turn-on common to all vampires. The first time Tyler wanted to feed after her, I stopped him, but after that everyone got on my case. He needed fuel.

I knew I would snap eventually. Tyler rubbed my nerves raw, pushing me near the brink of pure madness.

One day as I tried to watch television, Tyler’s non-stop babbling grated like nails on a chalkboard. Josh played a video game on the other TV while Jenny and Lex used the pool. Hania was in his apartment, typing away on his computer.

Ash and Tyler sat on the sofa
beside my chair. He sat close enough so their legs were touching. She was trying to read, but hadn’t turned a page in over ten minutes. He ignored her attempt and blabbered on about the stupidest shit. The dude had diarrhea of the mouth.

He was chuckling at his own joke when he pus
hed her hair back from her neck and leaned as if to kiss her. I glared at him. He stopped short just below her ear, and whispered something to her.

That’s when Ashley flinched
and my rage finally reached a boil. I stopped myself. The fog lifted. My anger suddenly calmed and a cold calculation of murder ran through my mind. I knew how to do it. All I had to do was—

But I didn’t. Suddenly murder wasn’t
worth it. Ash didn’t love me and she never would. As that thought crystallized, Ash and I looked at each other. I decided I knew her thoughts. I should go to Oz. Ash would turn Tyler because I had a soul mate. He didn’t and he had no attachments to anyone else. She wanted this bubbly blond werewolf, if only because he wasn’t a jackass like me. I’d failed. She didn’t want me, she wanted Verloren, and Tyler was the closer substitute.

Her eyes filled with black tears.
You’re wrong.
She pulled away from Tyler, snapped her book shut, then got up and went to her apartment.

Looking dumbfounded, Tyler starte
d up. As I sprang up to follow her, I shoved him back on the sofa.

“What the fuck, dude?” he protested.

I caught up with Ash at her door and followed her in. I closed the door and locked it – something no one ever did around here.

She spun around. A tear rolled down her cheek. I rushed to her and ran my hand through her hair. I crushed my mouth into her icy lips. She dropped her book and started to push me away.

I grabbed the small of her back and pulled her body against mine, forcing her to hear me.
Goddamn it, fucking kiss me, Ashley. Please just kiss me and tell me you don’t feel anything for me. Then I will leave. Just try… try to love me. Just one kiss and I’ll never bother you again.

Her body relaxed. She gripped the front of my shirt. I figured she was about to kick my ass, but this was my only shot. I wanted her to see that I could love her, even though she was broken.

Her hesitation was agony and slowly she parted her lips. I mimicked her. Her cool breath washed down my throat into my lungs. Reluctantly her lips explored mine. I rushed into her kiss. I showed her everything; the lust, the longing, the want, the need, the love I had for her.

Her breath caught
and she pulled on my shirt. I’d never kissed anyone so violently, yet somehow I avoided her fangs. Finally her kiss matched mine, but she pushed me away too soon. My hand dropped from her hair as she stepped back.

“It doesn’t matter what I feel,” she whispered. “It will never be enough.” She touched the stone necklace. “It’s like giving a sip of water to a man dying of thirst. I won’t deny that I love you, but it’s not the right kind of love. It would be selfish and wrong for me to change you. You would be denied the chance to have someone love you the way you want. As stubborn as you
are, you would never forget her and, eventually, you would grow to hate me for what you would become. You would leave and forget all about me as soon as you saw her. None of what’s between us would matter.”

“I’ll stay with you until she finds me,” I said.

She shook her head and sighed. “It’s not enough. I have to say that. You wouldn’t leave if I lied.”

“You know me too well,” I said.

“You shouldn’t expose your mind like that,” she said, embarrassed.

She extended her hand. ”Friends?”

I grabbed it. “Family,” I said, crushing her with a hug. Resting my chin on her head, I held her. “As family… don’t let Tyler touch you anymore or I’ll break his god damn fingers.”

“Okay.”