Phantom (Endlessly Book 3) (6 page)

BOOK: Phantom (Endlessly Book 3)
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“So no one is freaking out about that?” I asked.

“At first it was a heated topic, and then Sarah came home,” Hania said.

Silence was filled with the sounds of the video game and the tapping of Josh’s fingers on the buttons of the controller.

“Do you think Verloren will come back?” I asked.

“That, I don’t know. Only time will tell.” He hesitat
ed. “But until then, I see you’re determined to fill that void for Ash, even if she won’t let it escalate to a physical level. In the process you are going to sacrifice a happiness that can’t be put into words. Jason… he might not come back. We might as well say that he is not coming back and kill all hope. Where does that leave you? Old and dying like me, and Ashley will still have not moved any closer to death. She will be left with another, but different, void when you’re dead. Who will fill it then?”

“Exactly,” I said. “Who is going to take care of her if I leave? She’ll die. Look what happened in a few months. And what about me and this girl, what happens when one of us dies?” He sat unmoving. I pointed toward the pool. “The same thing that happened to Ash.” I crossed my arms and glared at him.

“What is happening to Ashley is different. When you are immortal, and you know you are never going to find your soul mate again, it’s devastating. With us who get reborn, we know we will find the other again. It might not be in the next life, but it will happen again. It is never going to happen again for her. It will for you. You’re an idiot if you deny yourself in this life. In time you’re going to die, Jason, and when you’re reincarnated you will forget all about Ashley. Eventually, you’ll run into your soul mate in another life. It’s a continuous cycle.”

“If it is going to happen again, then I’ll wait for next time,” I said.

“I think you’re a stubborn idiot who’s scared to commit,” he told me with a smile.

I laughed at him an
d shook my head. “What the fuckever, old man.” I stood up and headed toward Josh.

“Jason,” Hania called.

I turned to him, annoyed.

“You’ll never find it if you’re looking for it.”

“I’m not fucking looking for her!”

“Exactly.”

For an instant I saw the youth in his wrinkled face. “You talk in fucking riddles, old man.”

I sat beside Josh. Hania chuckled as he released the latch on the laptop. I snatched up the controller and glared at Josh as he restarted the game. I wasn’t mad at Josh, but I was worried he might repeat whatever he’d heard. He glanced at me then back to the screen.

Josh said: “I didn’t hear anything… and your snack is in the dudgeon.”

 

 

 

7
MIRRORED SUFFERING

 

I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of going to the dudgeon. I might cross paths with Lex. But I needed to clean up Ash’s mess before it started to smell and taste bad.

As I walked down the hallway I heard the girls splashing and giggling in the pool. They had a radio blaring Fly Leaf. Maybe they were too busy fucking off to notice me.

I peeked around the doorframe. On the other side of the glass wall three heads bobbed above water: Lex, Jenny, and Ash. I focused on the door across the basketball court. I started across, paying no attention to them. Halfway across the court, the only sound was the radio. Great. Now they’d start talking about me. Lex mentioned the incident at the bar. Then came Ash’s thoughts:
Leave him alone. He’ll go to her when he’s ready.

No I won’t,
I thought.

I opened the door to the gym and realized I was grumbling under my breath. I weaved through the dusty gym equipment. None of it had been used since Cory died.
Maybe we should get rid of this shit and use the space for something else,
I thought.
A hot tub would be fucking awesome.

I went down the hall to the holding cells. The body was in the first cell.
I stared. A girl. A dead girl, with her head destroyed, but still a girl. Sarah had brought Ashley a girl? Sarah never fed off girls and it surprised me she would bring one for Ash. It didn’t make a difference to me one way or another. A dead body was a dead body — regardless of what sex it was.

I picked up the body and headed back to my apartment. When I got to the exercise room I was met with silence. No radio, no voices. I passed the glass wall. Everyone was gone. Good. I really didn’t want Jenny and Lex watching me lug a dead body around like a sack of potatoes. My eating habits weren’t something I wanted incarnate girls to see. The thought was usually disturbing to everyone other than werewolves and vampires. You had to have a different mentality, and most people couldn’t wrap their minds around it.

When I reached the top of the stairs, I saw Lex wrapped in a towel, leaning against my apartment door. She had her head down and her arms crossed. Fuck, this wasn’t really the greatest time to have this discussion. I looked at the dead body. I couldn’t hide it, but then again, she’d seen it before. She opened the apartment door for me. I took the body straight through the bedroom and dumped it in the bathtub. Lex followed me.

I turned and looked at her. She didn’t look upset, but who knew with females.

“I’ve just come to clear things up,” she said, leaning against the doorframe. “Jason, you’re a good looking man, and an excellent lover. I figured that last night might be the last time we could be together… you know… before you took off after your soul mate.”

I felt a tug in my chest at her two last words. I looked down at the broken body in the tub.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I told her, ignoring the tug.

“You will… eventually.”

“Everyone seems so fucking sure they know what I’m going to do.” I shook my head, tensed my body, and held tight to my human form. Their assumptions were pissing me off and I wanted to prove them all wrong. Even if I wanted to go to her, I wouldn’t.

She shrugged her shoulders. “Anyway, you know girls; we talk. I just wanted to reinforce that anything between us was, and is, strictly physical. I would be happy to see you find her.”

“You mean to say… Sarah talks,” I said.

She smiled as her eyes ran over me. I looked at her wet faux hawk. It was crooked. I placed my palms on either side of it and ran them up to straighten it. Her coarse hair didn’t need any crap in it to make it stay. I dropped my hands and looked into her eyes.

She grinned. “There are absolutely no hard feelings. I only wanted sex.”

A fire ignited in me. She was back for more. I grinned stupidly, then grabbed the front of her towel and pulled her to me. I placed my hand on the small of her back, holding her against me. Our faces were close but she didn’t move. She seemed to dare me to go on.

Finally she leaned forward, breathed in my ear, and whispered, “I think you should save it for her.” She pulled back. “She’s going to have her hands full with you.”

As she turned to leave, I said: “Come on… you said I was
an excellent lover.”

“We’re not doing this now,
” she said.

“How about now?” I joked with her.

She stopped in the doorway with a look of playful contemplation on her face. “Mmm… no.”

“What about now?”

Lex rolled her eyes at me. “No.”

“Damn it!”

“Good bye, Jason.” She left.

As she shut the door I growled and ran my hands through my hair.
Women are fucking insane,
I thought,
and I live with four of them. One’s suicidal, one’s a man hater, and another’s turned into a tease.

The only woman living here who see
med halfway sane was Jenny and that was probably because I didn’t talk to her much. Jenny gave me the cold shoulder every time I hit on her. I was sure if I got to know her, she would turn out to be schizophrenic too.

“Women,” I said aloud, and looked at the dead girl in the tub.

I went through the same old song and dance of consuming the body, leaving the few parts I hated. I dumped her clothes in my trash but the other stuff would stink. I gathered up the bloody mess and put it in a plastic sack. I would take it outside and dump it in the forest. There it would decay or be eaten by other animals.

After I cleaned up I grabbed the bag and headed outside. Winter was coming and it seemed to be raining nonstop. At the moment, it was still only misting. When I jumped up through the tree I got my pants muddy. What was the fucking point in showering if I was just going to get dirty or rained on?

When I’d walked a short distance I spotted Ash sitting on a fallen tree. She looked better, but she had a ways to go before she was healthy. Her hair was clean and white again. She’d cut it to a length just below her shoulders. She pushed it back behind her nubby horns. She’d dressed in Verloren’s clothes. They hung on her sickly thin frame, but her face looked less sunken than before.

“What are you doing out here?” I asked her. “You should be inside where it’s warm.”

“I’m waiting on Sarah and Abby to come back. Sarah’s working on donations again and went to pick up Coylene, the born knowing, since she can draw the blood and make them forget at the same time. It’s probably better for Abby to learn to eat this way, so she doesn’t have to live with the conscience of a killer. Besides, we’re not real sure if it could create another connection for a werewolf to clean up after her.” She receded into her own thoughts for a moment, then changed the subject. “I like the way it smells out here after the rain,” she said, looking up at the trees.

I lit a cigarette in silence and tried to block my thoughts from her. I opened the bag and flung the contents as she watched. I glanced at her. Until she gained her curvy figure back, I would often mistake her for Sarah.

“Leaving your hair white?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“You colored Abigail’s?”

She gave a small laugh. “No. Her hair is naturally black; it didn’t change when she turned.”

“Hmm,” I replied.

Sarah only did the one-day color stuff for hunting. Ashley didn’t like to color hers at all, keeping it natural. She was a down-to-earth kind of girl. I liked that. Prissy girls with their ton of mak
eup and done-up hair and nails were nice to look at and fuck, but I wouldn’t want to keep one. They were too expensive, too conceited, and too much hassle.

Ash
played with her stone necklace and I thought about what Hania had said about filling Verloren’s void. I couldn’t deny that I loved Ash and I found her attractive when she wasn’t starving herself. But it was impossible for me to physically love her. The only way I could let go of her would be if I knew she had someone to take care of her… someone immortal.

She was obviously
looking for some sort of companion. She’d made Abby. But how long was it going to take for her to let go of Verloren? I could tell that she cared for Abby, but it wasn’t love. She only liked to have the girl around because of her appearance. It was a small step for Ash. But when was she going to find someone she loved enough to start another relationship?

She needed a real companion, someone who would take care of her after I died. I didn’t want her to finally off herself after my best efforts to keep my p
romise. How could I be sure she would be safe forever unless… I was immortal?

Ash glared
at me. Shit! When did I let the wall slip? I blocked her again.

“No,” she said.

“No what?” As I threw down my cigarette, I kept my head down, trying to avoid her stare. Finally I glanced at her.

“Your thoughts were heading in a dangerous direction,” she said, shaking her head.

“What direction was that?”

“You envy abilities you don’t have. You’ve been curious from the start as to what my bite would do. You want to stay with me… but I won’t turn you.”

A silence fell. It was as if the world had realized my plan and was shocked, waiting for one of us to make a move.

My voice seemed unusually loud. “Who else could love you as much for eternity?”

She flinched and her mouth fell open. “I can’t believe you’re considering this, Jason. I had my soul mate and he’s gone. You can’t take his place. Besides, your soul mate is out there waiting for you. Are you going to leave her hanging? If I saw him again…” Words caught in her throat as her fingers found the necklace. “…there would be nothing in this world that would stop me from being with him.”

“Damn it
, Ash, you and Sarah with those fucking necklaces of terror.” She dropped her hand. “He’s not here, Ash,” I argued, “and he’s never going to be here. You’ve fucking lied to me to make me think you were moving on, but you’re not. You say no one can take his spot, but look what you tried to do with Abby. You’re going to have to move on and, eventually, you’re going to have to settle for second best.”

“And
you
would settle for second best because that’s what I would be to you?”

“Yes,” I said arrogantly.

“You’re so stubborn, you know that?” She huffed.

“I’m fucking stubborn?” I laughed. “He’s not coming back, Ash! And you would rather torture yourself forever than let go
!” She stood up and I hovered over her, showing her the sincerity in my mind. “I love you, and I know you love me… it may not be the love that you had for him, but we can build it to make each other happy. We can learn to live with each other, but you won’t allow it. Who’s stubborn?” I could feel the air changing around her hands.

“I love you enough that I don’t want you to become a monster like me,” she said.

Anger surged through my body. “Newsflash, Ash: I fucking eat human beings. I’m already a fucking monster!” I tensed my muscles as my body threatened to shift.

“But you can stop
, Jason! You can walk away from all of this and go back to living a normal life! I can’t!” She clenched her fists.

“Normal? How the fuck do I go back to normal after this? Could you live as a human knowing how many of them you’ve killed?” I took a deep breath, struggling to stay human. “Just… change me. It doesn’t have to be about sex. I don’t care what it does to me; I can take care of you forever.”

“I can take care of myself.” She moved past me toward the tree.

“No you can’t. Have you even looked in a fucking mirror? You turned an innocent child into a monster, and I’ve been waiting here the whole time.”

She stopped, but didn’t turn. “I screwed up with Abby… but she has Sarah now, and Sarah will love her the way she deserves.” She shook her head. “It’s just the virus, Jason… if we weren’t connected, you wouldn’t even think twice about me.”

“Goddamn it
, Ash! Don’t try to tell me what I feel isn’t real. That’s a bunch of bullshit and you know it.”

She dropped her head and sighed.

“Ash, please,” I whispered.

She looked at me. “What do you want from me
, Jason?”

“I want you to love me the way that I love you.”

“What about her? What happens when you run into her again? You’ll leave me.” Her eyes danced over my face. “Love isn’t something you shop for. You can’t just wake up one day and decide who you do and don’t love.”

“I didn’t choose this. I do love you.”

“But not like you think… you’ll always love her more.”

I winced at the tug in my chest.

“See?” she said. “It won’t go away. All of the pleasure, from every woman you’ve ever been with won’t compare to what you’ll find with her.” She headed back to the tree.

“If you’re too scared to, I could have Sarah do it. Her virus is the original.”

She stopped to glare at me. “I won’t allow it.”

“You’re not in charge, no one is! The Quatre is dead! There are no more rules! I’ll do whatever the fuck I want!” My body shuddered as I kept a grip on my human form. Her rejection made my blood boil.

BOOK: Phantom (Endlessly Book 3)
3.78Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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