Pieces For You (8 page)

“
Anyway
, Thia gave me homework before our session next week,” I said, saving Griffin from Ev’s wrath.

“What kind of homework?” Ev asked.

“Accept the dinner invite from my parents—check.  Eat more—check.  Join a gym and exercise—part one, check.”

Griffin interrupted me, “Which gym did you join?”

“The NYSC around the corner.  I’m going to start working out tomorrow.”

“Hmm, that’s where I work out, if—”

“I thought you belonged to Bally’s by the mall?” Ev interrupted.

Griffin shot her a look.  “I used to, now I’m a member at NYSC.”

“Really, I just saw you at Bally’s on Monday.  When did you switch?” Hunter asked with a smile.

“Recently,” he grumbled. 

Hunter chuckled.

“What other assignments did she give you, Sam?” Griff brought us back on topic.

“To get a job.  I was planning on it anyway, so now is as good a time as any.  I need something to do while I wait for December to come back around so I can make-up the final I missed after everything happened last semester.  I would like to wrap that up and officially graduate from Hensley.  I feel like it will provide some closure.”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit soon?” Ev said with concern.

“You’re doing it again, mother hen.”

“Fine,” she huffed.  “Wait, I have a brilliant idea.  Come work at Higher Yearning with me,” she exclaimed as if she had discovered a cure for cancer.

“I don’t know anything about making coffee.”

“I taught you how to make coffee for me—it took two years, but you finally got it right.  The timing is perfect.  We lost several baristas when school ended.  I was able to steal Meg away from Cup O’Joe at Hensley since she is a local, but I could still use another person.  You would be doing me a favor.”

While Ev may in fact need another barista for the coffee shop she was managing until she officially gained ownership, I doubted that was her sole motivation; she wanted to keep an eye on me to reassure herself.  There was nothing I wouldn’t do for her, and her for me—as she proved a few months ago when she pulled me back from the edge of insanity and forced me to get help.  That said, her constant worry was shaking my limited confidence.

“I agree with Ev, it’s the perfect solution.  You would be helping her out and fulfilling your assignment.  Is there something else you had in mind?  I know you love fashion, but I can’t see you working at a clothing store.  You would spend your time searching for yourself instead of helping customers,” Hunter piped in, proving how well he knew me.

I sighed, still apprehensive.

“What do you think, Griffin?  Aren’t you going to weigh in?”

“I’ll give you my opinion, but be sure you want it before you ask for it.”

“Hit me big guy,” I answered, undaunted.

“You’ve made incredible progress from what I’ve been told—your strength and determination are inspiring.” 

I smiled at him, pleased. 

“But,” he continued, “you’ve survived a trauma most people could never imagine, let alone overcome—it will leave its mark.  There are going to be days when you struggle; Ev will understand and be supportive if you need to take a ‘mental health day’.”

I was surprised by his frankness.  I also wanted to punch him for noticing and calling attention to my ‘marks’.  So I did…I punched him in the arm as hard as my little balled fist could hit.

I was nearly paralyzed by fear, unsure of how he would react to being hit.  I wasn’t a violent person.  I had never hit anyone in my life.  I braced myself for his anger; instead he laughed, full and deep.  It permeated every cell of my rigid fear-soaked body, and at once I relaxed.

“Lo, you are going to have to try much harder than that to hurt
or
anger me,” he finished with another chuckle.

“Lo?” I asked, confused.

“Lo—L. O.—as in little one.”

That did it.  Something foreign and enraged washed over me and I hit him again.  I was so angry; angry about the truth in his words, angry he could see the weakness I tried to hide, angry he told me he could see my scars.  I was angry I had been hurt, damaged…raped.  I stood, pivoted towards him, and used both my fists to pound on his chest.  The only noticeable result for my efforts was a slight staccato rhythm to his laughter. 

I heard Ev gasp at my outrageous behavior, as Hunter rose to help contain me, but nothing penetrated my violent fit.  Griffin held up a hand to stay Hunter.  I battered his chest until my fists ached, but, as if I was possessed, I couldn’t halt my movements.  Ev began to object but Hunter stopped her, whispering, “Let him, angel.  He’s probably better equipped to help her right now; at least he’s trained to deal with these types of episodes.”

Tears welled in my eyes, spilling from the corners, my body needing another route to expel the pent-up anger and frustration.  I sucked in a raged breath when two hands engulfed my own more gently than seemed possible given their size.  A sob escaped me despite my efforts to suppress it.  Suddenly I was airborne, cradled carefully in steel-banded arms.  Griffin walked to the den and positioned himself on the loveseat with me in his lap, nestled in his arms as he stroked my head soothingly.  I could feel his heartbeat against my chest—my own struggled to calm, desperate to match the cadence of his. 

“Shh, beautiful girl, it’s okay—let it out,” he whispered softly in my ear, offering comfort I wasn’t sure I deserved.  “That’s my girl.”

I tried to stop my tears, but they continued relentlessly.  I clutched Griffin’s shirt like a lifeline tying me to the rational part of myself that was currently missing in action, as if he alone had the coordinates to its location.

He began to hum a song, barely audible.  As if he had administered a sedative, the turbulent sea of emotions began to calm and my tears receded.  Unfortunately, the rivers of snot pouring from my nose continued and I was forced to sniffle loudly rather than use Griff’s shirt as a Kleenex.

I remained in his embrace, feeling protected and safe for the first time since before I was shattered.  In Griffin’s arms, I felt whole.  I couldn’t explain why it was him that sparked the deep level of trust and reassurance I was unable to find in anyone else, allowing me to completely fall apart, or why I was finally permitting myself to show and release my anger.  I didn’t search for an explanation, I just basked in the relief he provided.

When he finished his song, I realized that in my distress I hadn’t absorbed what melody he had hummed.  I was about to ask when he tilted my chin with his finger until our eyes met. Eyes I thought were grey, I now saw were marbleized with countless shades of blue and slate, light and dark, complex like the man himself.

He dried the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs before kissing my forehead tenderly.  My head was bracketed with his hands, which blocked out the rest of the world, creating an intimate sanctuary where only the two of us existed.

“Feeling better?” he asked gently.

“I think so—I feel…lighter.  It’s weird.”

“You dropped a few pieces of the baggage you’ve been hauling around.”

“I’m so sorry, Griff.  I’ve never hit anyone before, I have no idea what came over me.  You didn’t deserve—”

He silenced me with a finger on my lips. 

Unexpectedly, I wanted more.  I wanted his lips to replace his finger. 

“Shh,” he said softly.

I was struck by his tenderness and understanding, this gentle giant holding me while I lost it.  He didn’t run in the face of the ugliness I held inside me.  He didn’t belittle my anger or pain.  He just held me and offered a safe place to let it out and a soft place to land when I was spent.  For that alone he would always hold a special place in my heart. 

"Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine.  The landmine is me.  After the explosion, I spent the rest of the day putting the pieces together."  -Ray Bradbury

I awoke the next morning thrilled to have slept through the night without a single nightmare.  I was blissful and ready to conquer my new position as HYB—Higher Yearning Barista.  Knowing Ev would be where the coffee was, I walked into the kitchen to pour myself a cup before joining her at the dining table.

“Sorry about my meltdown last night,” I said, deciding it was best to shine light on the pink elephant in the room.

“Don’t be, you have nothing to apologize for…well, maybe you should apologize to Griffin for attempting to beat the shit out of him, but other than that, no harm done.  Are you okay?  I was concerned you might lose it when he picked you up, being restrained by a man and all.  Especially one the size of a Mack truck.  I was about to intervene when Hunter dragged me into the bedroom and told me to let Griffin handle it.  Can you believe the man had the audacity to tell me it wasn’t my place to interfere?  The nerve!  I was about to tell him just how out of line he was, but he distracted me.  He always cheats when he knows I’m going to win.”

“No, he always cheats when he knows you aren’t going to give in.  I hate to state the obvious, but you have yet to officially win.”

“
Yet
, but I’m close.  I can feel it in my bones.  My day is coming,” she predicted with a certainty I didn’t quite share.  “So you’re okay?  Griff didn’t cause you to panic?”

“Not at all, it was the opposite.  I don’t know what’s changed.  I was never as close to him as you were and I hadn’t ever thought of him as anything more than a casual friend.  Suddenly my non-existent sex drive is acting like a spring breaker at Mardi Gras.  If he had pulled out a string of beads when he came to the door last night, I would have happily earned them.  I don’t get it.”

Ev giggled either with me or at me, I wasn’t sure.

“You
noticed
Griffin before—there was one night at the bar when that psycho grabbed me and Griff saved the day.  Unfortunately, you were with Robbie the Coward at the time and weren’t in the market for a replacement.  I don’t know if you are in the market for anything right now, but there is nothing to blind you to the glory that is Griff.”

“Preach it, sister.  Did he always look that good?  Because I gotta tell you, the man here last night made me want to suffer a long-neglected Brazilian,” I said, suddenly eager to call the salon and schedule a desperately needed appointment.

“You really have an obsession with those damn Brazilians—it’s hot wax dripped in places no wax should venture before being yanked off, along with every hair and peach fuzz that was unfortunate enough to cross its path.  You should bring this up with Thia.  You may have masochistic tendencies.”

I shrugged, unconcerned.  “I think I just like the results, not the process of getting there.  I mean, when you are bald down there, every nerve ending is ready and waiting for attention.  When a guy gets the right angle, you can really—”

“Ding, ding, ding.  I’m calling a time-out for excessive detailing of unnecessary information.  Besides, I never said I wasn’t familiar with the benefits of a Brazilian, I simply find your method of achieving the end result unimaginably painful.  There is more than one way to skin a cat.”

“Oh, no you didn’t.  You did not just say that…you dirty, dirty girl.  I don’t think I have ever been so proud of you.”  I wiped a crocodile tear from my eye. 

“Okay, your bid for the Oscar has been duly noted.  Can we get back on topic now?  Griffin was always hot.  He’s been working out, which could be part of it, but he has also gained an edge since the attacks.  I’m not sure what’s up with him but something is simmering beneath the surface, and the vibe he’s giving off is ‘don’t fuck with me.’”

“Yes, that’s exactly what it is!  There is a new depth to him.  Not going to lie…I’m digging it.”

“Are you going to make a move?” Ev asked innocently.  “I think he would be receptive if you flashed the green light his way.”

“You are not nearly as subtle as you think you are.  I know you and Hunter are playing matchmaker.  It is tempting, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not sure I’m ready to slap bellies with anyone yet.  There’s no way a guy like Griff is going to want a sex-free relationship—the women at the bar must be throwing themselves at him every night, especially on the nights he sings.”

Ev tsked her disapproval.  “Don’t jump to conclusions.  I think Griffin would be open to whatever you are able to offer him.  He may have barflies and fangirls throwing their panties at him, but that doesn’t mean he brings them home.  Just because they want him doesn’t mean
he
wants them.”

“I don’t know if I can do it. . . open myself up that way.  I want to, but what if I freak out?  I would be humiliated and then I would still see him all the time.”

“I don’t want to push you.  I am not saying you should jump into bed with Griffin—or anyone else for that matter—but if you are going to try, I can’t imagine anyone who would be more understanding than Griff.  He cares about you, Sam.  He was devastated by what happened to you.  He texted me every freaking day looking for updates.  I’m positive you can trust him.”

“I’ll think about it.  Right now I need to get dressed and head into work before my new boss fires my ass.”