Playing With Fire (Firehouse Fourteen Book 2) (3 page)

Angie sat on the edge of the tub, her brush held loosely in her hand, and seriously considered throwing herself out the bathroom window. There were only two problems with that.

First, she didn't think she could fit through the window.

And second, Jay lived on the ground floor.

Oh God, how was she ever going to face him? She had never ever been so mortified. Ever. And she had never ever done anything like what she did last night. Even now she could feel her face flaming with embarrassment. What had she thought to accomplish? What idiocy had possessed her to come onto Jay like that? And that stunt in his bedroom.

She swallowed a groan and lowered her face into her hands. The thought of going out there and facing him was more than she could bear. It was beyond humiliating, and she still didn't know what had gotten into her.

Yeah, she had been upset because Todd had shown up at the bar last night. Not really upset, more irritated then anything else. She didn't know why, but suddenly having Jay show her some attention had made her think that maybe she could turn it around, make it look like something else so Todd would leave.

Only she didn't really care what Todd thought, so that excuse didn't really cut it. And then when Jay said he was watching out for her because Dave had asked him to, well, that just irritated her even more.

She had been crushing on Jay for so long, and she was thoroughly tired of him looking at her like she was some kid. The insane idea to flirt with him had seized her as soon as she realized her car wouldn't start. Not that the two had anything to do with each other, but that's how it worked out. So yeah, she thought it would be fun to flirt with him, maybe get him to open his eyes and realize she wasn't a kid.

And yeah, didn't that backfire on her?

Well, no, not really, because she was pretty sure he definitely did
not
think of her as a kid any longer.

No, he probably thought she was some kind of slut now.

What on earth had she been thinking to act that way? To practically throw herself at him and then to try and act like some kind of seductress? And she had actually touched herself, in front of him, begging him to take her. She had never done anything like that before, ever.

And she had absolutely nothing to blame it on, either. She hadn't been drinking, she wasn't on the rebound. The moon wasn't even full.

Angie stood up and tossed all of her things into the back pack, then took care straightening up after herself. Jay was a neat freak, which kind of surprised her, though she wasn't sure why.

And yes, she was procrastinating, because she did not want to go out there and face him.

She moved to the front of the sink and glanced in the mirror, frowning at her reflection before she yanked her hair back and pulled into a pony tail. Her watch beeped the half hour and she sighed. She couldn't stay in Jay's bathroom all day, not when she had to be at the clinic in an hour and a half.

And walking was out of the question, because even she wasn't that energetic. Although maybe a twelve mile run would ease some of her embarrassment.

No, that wouldn't work either. She'd still have to leave the bathroom, which meant she'd still run into Jay. He was up, had already been up when she finally woke up and crawled out from underneath the blanket. Thankfully he was nowhere in sight, and she wondered if he was deliberately staying out of her way.

Probably worried she'd throw herself at him again.

From the sounds coming down the hallway, she figured he was in the kitchen now. Well, the noise, plus the smell of bacon cooking. Yeah, nothing was getting by her this morning.

She took a deep breath, placing her hand against her stomach in a pathetic attempt to quell the butterflies. Okay, she could do this.

She reached out to turn the knob, then stopped and stepped back. No, she couldn't. She was a coward. God, how could she face him after what she did last night? It didn't matter that he had participated. Well, at least a little. Even though she knew he was fighting it.

Or maybe he had been trying to fend her off.

And really, what was that one kiss all about, anyway? When he had bent over and kissed the top of head like she was some little kid? Or, worse, a puppy dog.

And enough already. She couldn't put this off forever. With a steadying breath, she tossed the backpack over her shoulder and pulled open the door, holding her head high and pretending that she hadn't made the worst sort of fool out of herself the night before.

The smell of bacon was richer as she approached the kitchen and she was surprised when her stomach growled in response. Well, it was nice to know that embarrassment hadn't killed her hunger, at least.

Except she really didn't want to spend any more time with Jay than she needed to.

Stop it, she told herself. Just pretend nothing happened. Just act normal.

Only she didn't know what normal was around Jay, because she had always been kind of quiet and shy around him.

Because she had been crushing on him.

And why, oh why, couldn't she have just kept acting like that last night?

She stopped in the dining room, which was just an extension of the hallway with a pass-through window and small counter next to the door leading into the kitchen. Jay's back was to her as he stood in front of the stove, stirring something in a pan. She took a deep breath and forced a smile on her face.

"I'm ready whenever you are."

Had she imagined the slight stiffening of Jay's back? Probably not. She chewed on her lower lip, wondering if she should say anything else, but he spoke first, stopping her.

"You can at least have some breakfast first. I hear your stomach rumbling from here."

Angie slammed her hand against her stomach, hoping to stop it from making any more noise, but it didn't listen to her. Great. Just one more thing to add to her embarrassment.

Jay didn't say anything else, though, just pulled the pan from the stovetop and sat it off to the side. She watched as he grabbed two plates from a cabinet and spooned some scrambled eggs onto each, followed by a generous helping of bacon. He turned with both plates in his hand and walked past her, sitting them on the table before returning to the kitchen.

"Um, anything I can do to help?"

"Just have a seat."

She turned and dropped her backpack on the floor, then lowered herself to the ladder back chair. Jay came back to the table and placed silverware and a napkin next to her, then returned to the kitchen.

She absently unfolded the napkin—a real cloth one, not a paper towel—and stared down at the plate in front of her.

"Would you like coffee or orange juice or anything?"

"Um, coffee please."

"Cream? Sugar? Black? I don't have any artificial stuff, sorry."

"Cream and sugar is fine."

A minute went by before he returned and placed a cup of coffee in front of her, the rich brew teasing her nose. She grabbed the cup and took a sip, hoping to use the steam as an excuse for her flaming face.

But she shouldn't have worried, because Jay wasn't even looking at her.

She let out a small sigh and grabbed her fork, playing with the eggs before finally taking a bite. She hadn’t known what to expect, hadn't given much thought to Jay's cooking abilities—after all, why should she have? But the food was pretty good, for all that it was just scrambled eggs and bacon.

Long minutes went by, filled with an awkward silence as they both ate. Angie watched him from lowered lids, her embarrassment not detracting from her appreciation of the man in front of her. Close-cropped dark blonde hair, cut a little longer on top. Flint gray eyes, completely focused on the plate in front of him. And the rigid set to his shoulders, broadcasting his discomfort loud and clear.

She was trying not to be obvious. For all the attention he was paying her, though, she could have just propped her chin in her hand and stared at him and he wouldn't have noticed.

She finished chewing the last bit of bacon, washing it down with a final swallow of coffee. The silence was unbearable now, oppressive and damning in its weight. Her hands curled into the napkin on her lap as she wondered if she should say something.

"Jay, about last night—"

He jumped from the table so fast that he knocked into the edge of it. Their plates bounced against the wood surface, the clanging loud in the following silence. But he didn't say anything, just grabbed the empty plates and cups from the table and made a hasty retreat into the kitchen.

Which made her feel even worse. She didn't want this tension between them, this awkwardness that stretched her nerves to an uncomfortable point. Angie lowered her head and stared at her hands, still clutching the twisted napkin.

"I just wanted to—"

Plates banged together with a loud noise, interrupting her. Angie turned and watched as Jay placed everything into the dishwasher, his movements short and jerky. She took a deep breath and let it out, frustration now warring with embarrassment. Didn't he realize she was trying to apologize?

No, he probably thought she was going to proposition him or something.

"Jay, I didn't mean—"

"Angie, stop." Jay slammed the dishwasher closed and finally turned to face her, his eyes boring into hers. The intensity in the gray depths made her heart skip a beat. Had she always known how intensely gorgeous those gray eyes of his were? Or was she just seeing him a different light now?

Probably both.

And she really needed to push all thoughts like that from her mind, because that way lay insanity.

"I just wanted to apologize—"

"Angie, as far as I'm concerned, I'd prefer to completely forget about last night. It didn't happen. It shouldn't have happened. As far as I'm concerned,
nothing
happened. Okay?"

Angie's mouth snapped closed and she looked away, her face flaming under his scrutiny. She heard him mutter something but she refused to look at him.

And she actually thought earlier she couldn't possibly be more mortified. That's what she got for trying to be optimistic.

She got up from the table then picked up her backpack and slung it over her shoulder, making sure she kept her gaze lowered. It was bad enough that her cheeks were flaming, that he could see the embarrassment so clearly on her face. But to also know that her actions last night had embarrassed him was the last straw. Yeah, she had made a complete ass of herself, but she could have sworn that there had been at least a little mutual attraction and interest coming from him.

Obviously there wasn't, which only made the whole debacle that much worse.

"Got it. So, ready whenever you are."

"Shit." The word was short, conveying the frustration he obviously felt, which only increased her own misery.

She hiked the strap higher on her shoulder and moved closer to the door, figuring she'd just wait for him outside. A strong hand wrapped around her arm, stopping her. She looked down at the hand, momentarily caught off-guard, then raised her eyes to find Jay watching her, something unreadable in the depths of his gaze.

He quickly released her arm and ran his hand down his face with a loud sigh. "Ang, I didn't mean that the way you took it, okay? Listen, last night." He paused and took a deep breath. "You have no idea how flattered—"

"Oh God, stop. Can this get any worse?"

"Ang, let me finish. I don't think you realize how hard it was for me to stop and, well, just to stop. But you're Dave's sister and I can't take advantage of you that way. I
won't
take advantage of you that way. Does that make any sense?"

Angie watched him struggle to explain. No, it didn't make sense. Was he trying to saying he liked her but wouldn't do anything because Dave was her brother? Or was he trying to tell her he thought she was nothing more than a kid?

A flare of frustration shot through her and she tightened her grip on the strap again. "I'm not some innocent kid, Jay. I haven't been for a really long time, so you can stop treating me like one."

"No, you're definitely not a kid." His eyes moved from her face and drifted down her body, and she wondered what he saw underneath the shapeless navy blue scrubs she wore. Was that a flush creeping across his cheeks, or just wishful thinking on her part?

His eyes came back to hers as he took a deep breath and shook his head. "Shit. Yeah, you're definitely not a kid. But you
are
Dave's sister."

The room fell silent, stressing the point Jay was trying to make as strongly as his words. And she understood. Well, maybe a small part of her understood. But there was nothing she could say about it, nothing she could do about it, especially not right now. So Angie just nodded and took a step back, desperate to put more space between them.

"Got it. So, whenever you're ready."

Jay watched her for a few seconds then let out a sigh. He nodded and grabbed his keys from the counter of the pass-through then headed to the door. Angie followed, trying to push all thoughts of Jay from her mind, trying to forget about last night, trying to stomp down the embarrassment that still fanned her cheeks.