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Authors: Melanie Walker

Release Me (5 page)

BOOK: Release Me
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His words replay in my mind on a loop and my heart is so broken it feels like he’s stomping it. I wanted to turn my back and hear him out when he called my name and begged me not to leave. I want him so desperately but I cannot be in a box. He wants to place me in this little compartment, like a toy where he can play with me when he wants, when he has time to show me he cares and then lock me back up when he needs to hide the realness.

Like he always has.

I close my eyes when the tears over run my lashes and I sink into the bubbles and sip from my wine. Jesus how did everything turn out like this? How did I lose my grasp and let business mix with pleasure? Why would I break that one rule and then fall in love with him? And I am in love, so completely, devastatingly, despairingly in love with Calvin Dorian.

I, in moments of bliss and complete girly girl, would sign my name on doodle paper as Tayla Dorian. I would think of my stomach swollen with his baby, or his house or my condo becoming ours. It’s those fantasies that destroy me now.

My phone chirps like a bird letting me know I have a new text message. Without looking at the screen I dry my hand and tap the icon on my iPhone, pausing on a gasp when I see it’s from Cal.

 

Cal: I remember what you wore the night I met you. That long tight black skirt with the low cut red shirt and that big black belt under your tits. You were biting your lip and strumming your fingers like you ALWAYS do when you get nervous...and your eyes baby? They watched me with fascination.

 

What the fuck is he getting at or trying to accomplish by reminding me what a fool I am?

I respond with blasé sarcasm.

Me: Wow! Want a medal for remembering something everyone we know probably remembers too? You signed with me that night Cal. I made you a star, of course you remember.

Thirty-eight seconds later he sends me another message. 

Cal: I know you hate driving a car without a steering wheel cover. I know you love eating Orange Chicken leftovers after they cool down. Or that trident wintergreen gum is a must have, as is Burts Bee’s lip balm in pomegranate flavor. Or that you work out listening to hip hop...and Katy Perry when you’re mad at me?

Then another one.

Cal: I know you Tayla.

And? Seriously? He acts like that solves all my issues, when you could ask Carrie, Cassa, Noah, Chad or Shame and they’d know it all too.

Me: Good job stating the obvious.

I listen to Guy Vincent cry in the most beautiful way, through music and I half want him to text me back and the other half will chuck that fucking iPhone if he does it again.

When the alert chimes an hour later when I am in bed, eating cooled down orange chicken and making notes on Guy Vincent I stare at my phone not sure I should look.

Who am I kidding? I am looking.

Cal: Do you know why I kissed you that night?

That was not what I expected to see and I feel like my heart has stopped when I read it. That night...that fucking night is off limits. How dare he throw that in my face? The shame i felt in the moment he denied ever caring for me has fueld me for four months and he dares confront it. Over a fucking text no less?

Another text comes through and I am angry enough to read it prepared to laugh at whatever bullshit he tries to pull... flabbergasted by his answer.

Cal: Because I couldnt not kiss you. I regret almost everything from that night but I dont regret that kiss. That kiss is why I ran and I ran because it, you...it all culminated to the blistering fucking truth.

Me: Do tell

I wait for his text holding my breath. I can feel my pulse in my eyeballs and my face is red in equal parts love and hate.

Cal: That you mean everything to me. EVERYTHING

Tears fall from my eyes and I am not happy. Not even a little touched. He says nothing more and neither do I because if I do I will call him on his bullshit. He accused me of falling for him blindly. He pretended that he was innocent and hadn’t lead me on. He was condescending and cruel and now he has the nuts to say I mean everything to him? Over a text? 

Well too damn bad. I deserve a man to hold my hand in public and scream from the rooftops that he loves me. I don’t deserve a text message confession of things I have always known. We are pushing thirty for fucks sake, not fifteen. 

The fact he even tried getting deep in a text proves he isn’t ready for what I need from him. I know he isn’t into feelings and most of the time he is all business. It was in the moments he let his guard down and allowed me to see all of him that made me fall in love with him. Those moments dictate where we go from here and no text, email or phone call will change it.

If he wants me he needs to fight for me. He said he would but so far I am unimpressed.

Broken heart 100... Cal Dorian 0.

If I stay here with you girl

Things just couldn’t be the same

‘Cause I’m as free as a bird now

And this bird you cannot change

 

Chapter Four

 

 

Tayla

 

 

I am in a rush to get to Seattle before Guy Vincent takes the stage. It is crucial to see the size of the crowd, the line if there is one and the reaction of the fans when the act takes the stage.

I am rushing now because I had to change my outfit ten times once Carrie told me that everyone was coming to A Bar Named Sue to see Guy Vincent and to hang out.

That means Cal would be there, and Sam thank fuck, but I refused to wear my work attire if Cal would be there. After his little info bomb text last night there was no way in hell I’d even attempt to look like I did that night.

My pencil skirt, heels and red blouse? They were all hanging neatly in my closet. Tonight I wore my best fitting skinny jeans that had triple white stitching and crosses with crystals and various sparkly bead work on my ass. The very same ass that Cal would bite.

I wore a long sleeved white Henley with two scarfs interlocking; one with skulls and roses on it and the other in crosses. I wore flat boots in black suede that went above my knee and my shoulder length black hair was pulled up high in a messy knot that framed my face.

Even my nails were stripped of the usual red I wore. Tonight they were black and would be from here on out. I am who I am and I make no excuses. I am heavily tattooed, short and thin with a giant chest and a curvy ass.

And I have never complained or felt less than until Cal. I always worried if my hair was done, my makeup perfect or my clothes looking fierce. It wasn’t that he judged me; no he was very open about how hot he thought I was. It was always wanting him to look at me that way that had me always checking.

He had a way of making me feel like I was the only woman in the room just as easily as he could make me feel like I was one of thousands who wanted him.

Tonight I wasn’t giving it to him.

I pull into a spot in the back of the bar and check my mirror one last time for flaws. I grab my lip balm, keys and purse and hop from the Rover, clicking the lock and waiting for the beep and flash before I make my way inside.

I look at my phone when it chirps and see that Carrie sent a text. 

Carrie: We are all here and we got a booth in the front and to the left. Perfect view. Some other band is playing now and they are good. How far out are you?

I am instantly pissed. I didn’t know another band was playing tonight and it kind of screws the crowd response I need to see. I don’t text her back though since I am handing my ID to the doorman now.

I make my way to the booth and see that everyone is here indeed. It is Cassa, Carrie and Sam at the booth, and TAT is on the stage playing some bluesy rendition of
Free Bird
and I am stunned frozen. This is Cal’s favorite song. He said that nostalgic rock always got him going and preferred riffing to it than to current music or even the bands songs.

He always played this one for me though, and it was one of those rare Cal moments when he was bare and let me see everything. He would play this song on his acoustic and sing it, melting me every time. This song always got him laid.

I once looked up the lyrics and felt my heart sink. He only played it for me and even though I had heard it a million times I had never paid attention. Cal singing it to me was his way of telling me not to love him. Telling me he would never change. The next time he played it for me; I distracted him with my mouth and did so every time after.

The fact he was up there in a packed bar playing it with the rest of TAT including Noah was both confusing and cruel. After his everything bullshit last night he then shows up for a free impromptu concert to rub my face in his back pedal?

Oh my God. Fuck him...just fuck him.

I put a smile on my face and pretend it isn’t killing me that he’d do this and head to the table with a bottle of Bud in my hand. “Oh my God!” I say with mock enthusiasm. “How did they pull this off? And Noah too?”

Carrie and Cassa are clapping and hollering over the massive crowd. This song is very long and the solo in it is insane, for all of them but it spotlights Cal and his guitar making it impossible to not watch him own every second of being up there with his guitar in hand.

If it’s possible to hate him then I truly fucking hate him right now. I don’t let anyone see how this has shattered me as I take my seat beside Sam and snuggle up close. “Hi good lookin'.” I say and kiss his lips gently.

He knows I know he does. He knows this has ripped me into a million pieces and he places his hand in mine beneath the table and gives me a squeeze letting me know he’ll play along. He always does.

“You look fucking edible Pet.” He says and blatantly stares at me. Carrie and Cassa watch us with cutesy fascination, but also with uncomfortable silence which is broken when the song ends and everyone goes into an uproar of applause for Thick as Thieves.

“Thanks for letting us jam. Guy Vincent kicks ass, stick around and party with us.” Chad says and jumps off the stage with Cal, Noah and Shame. I feel tears in my eyes seeing them together again and in their element. Noah looks so happy right now and I know Carrie and Cassa are thinking the same thing because we are all whipping the tears from our lashes.

“Look Pet,” Sam says softly in my ear so only I can hear him. “I’ll play this however you need me to, but he is here tonight with purpose.”

“No. He may have come with a purpose but he just sang a song that told me to fuck off, so no, I won’t have it.”

Sam has a confused look on his face and leans closer. “I’m not one to play the head games, but before you got here he was talking nonstop about you. He chatted up the owner and asked if they could play around for fun and told Carrie to text you and see how far out you were because he was playing your song.” He drinks from his beer and shakes his head confused. “Not really seeing the fuck you part Pet.”

“Have you ever heard the words in that song Sam? I hadn’t either until he started to play it every time we got together. Once I heard the lyrics I caught his message.”

“Tayla you’re a smart woman but stupid as fuck too. Men are simple creatures Pet. If we find something that makes the woman we want wet and all dopey eyed? We do it and we keep doing it until it doesn’t work anymore and then we find something else to captivate you and guarantee you still let us touch your pussy. If he knew that song got you, he’ll use it to his advantage every time.”

“And the fact he knows every word of that song and that it’s one of his favorites?” I ask and I am actually considering what Sam is saying.

“Stop being so damn literal. He knows you love it. In the past he has gotten in your panties with it. Give him the smallest break Pet.”

I don’t respond because the table fills up with our boys. One by one they all kiss and say hello to me before taking their seats. Noah, Chad and Shame, but Cal just scowls at me before taking the seat directly across from me and proceeds to glare.

I pay him no mind once I give him my signature bratty eye roll before I start taking the notebook and mini DVR from my purse. I won’t let him interfere with my work. Guy Vincent deserves my undivided attention and me drooling after Cal or second guessing every move he makes all night isn’t fair. Not to Guy and not to me and my poor mangled heart.

 

 

 

 

Cal

 

 

I see her the minute she steps through the door of the Sue, and there is no denying how fucking smart I am. I wanted to see her like this, the real Tayla that left the fucking work clothes at home. Don’t get me wrong, she is so fucking fine when she’s all business but she acts differently when she’s just Tayla, not Tayla Livingston Junior VP of Coven relations.

I want her loose, in her own skin. I know that this dude she’s here to see will be offered a contract, but within seconds from meeting this Indie star I knew he wouldn’t dig the Junior VP knows it all that she can be. 

We boys got our start in little bars like the Sue. Hell we played this bar and packed the house every Wednesday night for four years. Fame doesn’t stop a guy from forgetting the little places the built us.

A Bar Named Sue was old and falling apart. The owner named the bar Sue after his wife who lost her battle to Cancer in the 1940‘s and has been carried through the family for years. They pay the acts well; keep the drinks cheap, cold and the peanut bowl full.

Small cracks that became big cracks in the vinyl seats and wobbly stools were just a few things TAT had donated, along with a new sound system and much more. The Sue needed to stay alive and with our help it would.

So guys like Guy Vincent had a chance in this cutthroat industry.

I have met Guy and heard him play a million times and because I know him I can tell him Tay is the best and he is desperate enough for the fame he’d believe me. I don’t do that though. I let Tayla sell herself because she does it with class and bad ass wreckage to her competition.

Now four months ago, I would have said “Hey yeah, Guy Vincent kicks ass. Don’t go dressing like a big corporate Diva it’ll annoy him and he won’t respect you.”

Now days I have to offer my help in ways that avoid her blowing up at me. And that’s a daily fucking occurrence these days.

So I knew if I was gonna recreate falling in love with her that it needed to start while she was working, and in the process I unloaded some personal stuff about that first meeting between us. She was all business that night but I ate it up and got hard just watching her drum her fingers and bite her lip. Hottest fucking poker face I have ever seen. Hand to God, there is no hotter woman out there.

The minute she sees me on the stage I smile waiting for the recognition of the song she always loved me playing for her. They had my back and were totally on board with this cheesy romantic crap and I had to admit my adrenaline was at an all-time high because she will fucking love it.

Nope.

Not my Tayla. No clearly I had missed something majority important from the get go, because the song that used to make her jump me and get dirty was now making her look like the only jumping me tonight would be with a fist to the nose and a kick in my ass.

Then she pours the salt in the wound and puckers up on Sam and kisses him. Right. Fucking. There.

By the time I made it to the booth I could feel the confusion on everyone at the table. I looked like a damn jack ass. I had told them all about the free bird singing and her various reactions and now we all sat shocked. I was so sure she would give me time I sent Axe to my folks for the night. What? Wishful thinking or being prepared, don’t hate.

“You guys kicked ass man.” Sam says and he is looking at me and I want to tell him to fuck off.

“That was fun.” Chad says and fist bumps Noah. “It’s been forever since we have played that, seven maybe eight years.”

I nod and look off to the rest of the bar with a lack of interest. My night was in the shitter from here on out. All my hard work was a waste with the exception of jamming with Noah again. That was priceless.

“You guys have been doing that song for eight years?” Tayla asks and I hear the genuine tone she is using.

“We used to but it feels like it’s been forever since we played it together.” Chad looks at me pointedly. “Whatever made you want to play it tonight Cal?”

He’s putting me on the spot and I want to kick him in the chin. Why the hell is it that as nosy as they are they can’t read the obvious shit before them? To put me on blast right now will only backfire.

“Just love the nostalgic shit.” I say and stare at him to shut him up.

No luck. “I thought it was personal?” He says and I want the fucking bar to catch fire just so I can bail.

I drink from my beer and let my stare land on Tayla and I stare her down long enough to make her squirm. I let every emotion I have felt from the moment we met until this very second, cross my face before I answer Chad. “It means nothing to me.”

I excuse myself from the booth and head to the bar because I need some stronger fuel to get through this disaster.

I feel the guys before I turn to answer to them because I know they are probably gonna chew my ass for that fucked up show that just took place.

I am a jack ass to think we are going to get any privacy though. We don’t have that luxury and women and men alike are screaming and rushing to the bar for a glimpse. We’d learned a long time ago how to go about life even when you were never alone.

“What was that?” Chad asks me. He is wearing his God of the Stage mask but his tone tells me he thinks I’m a fucker.

“Dude she sat down and started kissing Sam. It's hard to give in and show her when she doesn’t want to see it.” I say with a fake smile on my face. 

We all pause for a few selfies with some fans and a shit ton of autographs when Noah leans in. “I’m sorry Cal. Don’t give up yet.” For Noah nothing is that simple. There was no lecture, no words of consolation or advice. It was simple and to the point. I try to remember that my boys have all been here and fought for the woman they loved. I am trying to honor that and do the same.

BOOK: Release Me
7.95Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
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