Release Me (7 page)

I pull back and remove my fingers from inside of her. She cries at the loss as I grasp her by the wrist and pull her from my cock, which btw is mad as fuck at me right now.

“All of you or none of you Tay.” I say to her and I don’t hide the pain in my voice from her rejection. I trace her lips with the fingers that were in her just seconds before and lean in using my tongue to clean them, before I place those fingers in my mouth. “You can deny me your kiss, but I needed that taste baby. You have me so raw Tay and terrified, fuck I am so scared. But no matter how deep I want you and need you, I won’t take anything you refuse to give me.”

I wait for her to say something; anything but she just stares at me with glassy eyes. 

I shake my head and direct my arm to the front door. “You know your way out. I’m not gonna sit here and watch you walk out.”

I turn and walk down the hall to my room and head for the shower. I listen for the slam of my front door but she leaves me gently and with nothing more than the fear I’ll never touch her again, and the taste of her on my tongue. 

Well I know there can come fire from the sky

To refine the purest of kings

Even though I know this fire brings me pain

Even so

And just the same

Chapter Six

Tayla

About a year ago….

“What the fuck crawled up your ass?” Cal says to me when I push past him and storm into his Hotel room.

“What the fuck do you think my problem is?” I ask as I pace the room trying to gain my composure before I tie his nuts in a knot. 

“No clue, that’s why I asked,” He says and walks toward me, true confusion on his face. I try to regain some of the anger that is dissipating at a ridiculously fast pace. He is wearing a pair of basketball shorts and nothing else. No shirt. No hat. No shoes or socks and by the look of his perfectly chiseled waist I don’t see his usual boxer briefs band so I’m guessing he is commando. I stare at the ‘V’ in the center of his hips. It’s like a damn arrow pointing to his junk screaming “His dicks right here Tayla, come get it.”

“I am pissed because you threw me under the bus tonight.” I say my voice calm now that I am transfixed by his perfection.

“How?” He asks and tucks my hair behind my ear and leans in kissing the spot just below it. His arms circle my waist and he pulls me in and I feel his erection heavy against my tummy.

“You said nothing when I told Shame about us.” I say but I am melting against him with every stroke of his hands on my ass drawing circles.

“What’s the big deal? I thought you wanted someone to know? I figure Shame was the best bet.” He asks as he pulls back from me and I whimper at the loss of his heat.

“Well yeah, but not by making me look like a random piece of ass!” I am back in the anger now that I have space from him and can think without the scent of his after shave and that Cal Dorian perfection blinding my common sense.

“Random piece of ass? Really? Telling my best friend that I am sleeping with you is a bad thing? Then why tell him?” He looks like I have offended him and honestly, he can fuck off.

“I guess I wanted you to say something."

“Well help me out baby because I am missing the bad part. What should I have said, that I was making love to you?”

He says it with humor and I feel an inch tall. I won’t tell him that yeah, that would have been better or that telling Shame after we had a big fight earlier today that wasn’t settled before we had to get to Jerry James Funeral. No I just look at him with equal parts hurt and shame.

“I don’t think I deserve to be a conquest that you brag to your boys about. I guess I thought I deserved a little more respect than that.” I don’t hide the hurt in my voice from him.

“He won’t tell anyone Tay. Shames been my boy since pre-school. He’ll keep us a secret.” He says and he really thinks that I am worried the secret will get out. How can I be mad at someone who is so dense?

“Cal, I don’t think we need to be a secret at all. We have been fucking for two years. I think we both will survive if the truth comes out.”

“Then what are you so pissed about?” 

“Because you talked to him like I wasn’t Tayla, the manager of your band, or his close friend, or as your girlfriend I-“ I stop there and cover my mouth. Embarrassment weighs over me like a heavy cloud and I want to cry for even thinking the world girlfriend let alone calling myself it in front of him.

I look at him hoping to gouge his mood after hearing it and he looks like he wants to throw up and it breaks my heart to know that he looks panicked by the mere thought.

“I’m sorry.” I say and shake my head feeling like a fool.

“Come here Tay.” He says and takes a seat at the end of the bed. 

I go willingly until he pulls me down to his lap. “I am private. I don’t like the media and I don’t like people knowing my business. Shame is one of the only people on this earth I can talk to about most anything. Chad and Noah and even Shame lately, they can talk feelings when it comes to women and I can offer advice after I get my jokes in, but I am not built like them. Do you understand what I’m saying Tay?”

He has me so close that I have no choice but to look him in the eye. I nod yes because I do know what he is saying in the gentlest way he can. I am not, nor will I ever be his girlfriend.

“This has to be enough. I can’t do more and I know I won’t. I’m not hearts and flowers and I’m not a guy with a label. What I give you is my free time and my honesty and it has to be enough. If you need more than that then go find it, I won’t stop you or get in your way.”

“It's that simple huh?” I say and I want to cry but no way in hell will I give him the satisfaction.

“If it means I hurt you a little now to avoid destroying you down the road, then yeah, that simple. But it won’t be simple for me. I won’t like it and I’ll probably piss and moan and never find another chick that fucks like a porn star but acts like a lady. I care about you Tayla, I do but I am not that guy. You deserve that guy and I’ll kill the fucker who wins you if he ever makes you cry, but I’m not him.”

It was that moment encompassed with his speech at Howie’s earlier that put it all together. I was in love with him. I knew because I nodded and then kissed him and let him throw me on the bed. He ate at me forever. He kissed every inch of my body and gave me three orgasms before he finally fucked me. Cal fucked me that night, all night like he knew what I knew. I made love right back to him, knowing full well I loved him and that what he offered me then and there was better than the thought of moving on.

I settled for less than because to me he was everything.

Cal

Tayla: Can we meet at Mi Casa tonight? My treat? I would like to talk. No motive and no fighting.

I stare at the text she sent me this morning and as I sit in the parking lot waiting for her to get here I try like hell to not get my hopes up. I have high hopes though. I’d asked my folks to keep Axe for the night because I had every intention of telling her about Axe tonight as well as telling her that I was done turning my back on her.

I see her Rover pull into the lot of Mi Casa and I hop from my jeep to go meet her at her door. I didn’t dress up, but I did dress for Tayla. I knew she liked me shirtless and in work out shorts or pants, but seeing as Mi Casa was a family joint, I went with the next best thing. Wearing ratty looking faded blue jeans and a cream colored hoodie and a beanie of the same fabric I’d hoped to make her pant a little.

Tay loved me in hats, beanies or bandanas. She told me often every time we fucked and I purposely wore one of those.

Fighting dirty? Maybe a little but I was just getting started.

She opens the door to the Rover and I notice immediately that I am eating with Tayla not Tay. Dressed in a pair of tight fitted slacks and a suit coat to match, mind you they hugged every fucking curve from her neck to her knees.

Spiked heel leather boots and she was still a good ten inches shorter than me. I loved how even in the highest of heels she still tucked under my chin. It always made me feel like a good man to tuck her in close and protect this teeny tiny spitfire who owned me body and soul.

“Hi!” She says with a big smile and pulls me in for a hug, one I think ended way to quickly, felt to formal. “I have had the most insane day. I am so sorry I’m late.” She says and I hold the door to the restaurant for her. We give the hostess her name not mine and go to stand at the bar where we order margaritas. It’s December in Washington and that means the rain is ice and the air is cold. Her cheeks are flushed from the wind and her eyes are sparkling in that beautiful violet shade. She unwinds the scarf around her neck and folds it over her arm and fluffs her air. 

I smell her coconut shampoo and the trace of Beyonce Heat perfume and it stirs the beast in my jeans.

“How did the meeting with Guy go?” I ask and sip from the margarita in my hand. As idle chit chat went, it was still Tay and even on my worst day I always loved how enthusiastic she was about business. We had that in common.

“Signed.” She says with a huge smile and winks at me.

I feel this pressure in my chest seeing her smile and radiate happiness and before the crushing feeling bursts and I say some dumb ass cheesy shit the hostess saves me by calling her name.

Once we have ordered and we can sit back and relax, I tuck my hands in the front of my hoodie and relax in my seat. I am content just sitting here with her. Even with the intense feeling between us and sexual tension like a live wire, I am at peace for the first time in five months. “So I wanted to talk to you.” She says and leans to the side to cross her legs. I hate that the table blocked my view from seeing those slender, boot covered babies sliding over the top of her other leg. She could sit like a man and I’d still find every move she made erotic as hell.

“Obviously.” I say with a smile and it’s like the nervous vibe finally shatters at the small amount of sarcasm I use. I will never understand why we are both so nervous considering the plethora of naughty we get into. “What’s up?” I ask and catch a woman in her late twenties maybe earlier thirties eyeballing me. I give up a silent prayer that nothing interrupts this night with Tay. I am thankful for the success but I need this woman’s undivided attention tonight.

“Well, I did some thinking after I left last night and it occurred to me that I haven’t been judging you fairly. Since the minute we started hooking up, I tended to look at the wrong things and not the right.”

My heart was racing in excitement. This was more than I had hoped for tonight. This looked a lot like a white flag. “Well, it’s not like I am the easiest guy to understand at times.” I say knowing damn well I suck and I’ll never be good enough for Tay but I’ll still keep hoping she’ll keep me anyway. “I know I underappreciated you Tay. I know I made you second best.” I don’t tell her that sadly she will always be second in line now.

“Try tenth best. I came last every time unless it was business.” She looks at me pointedly and it’s like I am being reprimanded. Its rubbing me wrong that for sure. I feel that sinking feeling that tells me things are going from superb to shit and fast.

Reaching for a little joke to lighten the mood I smile and chuckle, “You always came first, even if it took me all night to get you there.”

She doesn’t laugh, and in fact she looks almost uncomfortable and I cringe at my joke.

“Sorry, I was trying to lighten the mood. It fizzled out pretty quick.” I felt like a tool. I was so uncomfortable and the more I looked around the restaurant the worse it got. People were looking at me with extreme interest. I couldn’t duck or hide because our table was smack dab in the center of the dining room. I shift in my seat, unease making me sweat and I watch Tayla lift her purse to the table and then she grabs her cell phone.

“I figure until we can get back to normal that maybe we should rearrange some of the TAT interviews.” She says and she’s looking at her schedule on her smart phone.

“Back to normal?” I ask not sure where this is headed. But I know this little control freak of mine will let me know once she reaches her point. She looks at me then and the look I get makes my skin crawl because it’s pity. “I just think we need distance. Until there is a replacement lines up and we get you guys back in the studio, that maybe it’s best to have me working closer with one of the other guys, or maybe have George sit in on meeting or do satellite?”

Holy mother of fuck. She is looking at me with a little fear and a lot of nervous guilt. The fact she played on the fact I’d do just about anything to get her alone and on a date makes me sick to be played like a fool. “Is this a business dinner then?” I ask and sit up, no longer relaxed and content to just look at that beautiful woman across from me. No right now I was pissed off.

“Well yes and no. I wanted to see you and get this stuff handled first and then talk to you about us.” She is so far checked out right now it’s almost comical. She just spewed that bullshit with a straight face. This is Tayla the business woman for sure. She can be a fucking snake in the grass when she needs to be.

“Us...” I say and it is both statement and question.

“Yeah I think the best way to avoid anyone being hurt or mislead, for the sake of both of us, our friends and most importantly TAT, that we end this thing between us and save face and our friendship.”

She sounds genuine. She may fucking well be, but I am not buying and I am offended she’d pull this shit on me.

“Well?” She says and it’s in that simple question that I see her trip over her well thought out speech.

“Well…” I say and steeple my fingers in front of me and look her square in the eye. “Well I am not a business transaction. And you clearly came to do business.”

I am trying to stay calm but I am livid and a little hurt but I’ll chew glass before I admit it.

“Cal it’s not just business. It’s everything. I thought about all the good between us last night, and in all the good I realized that it wasn’t ever really good. We are comfortable and compatible but we suck at intimacy.”