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Authors: Colleen Hoover

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BOOK: Reminders of Him
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I grab my notebook and write the most important letter I’ve ever written to Scotty.

Dear Scotty,

She looks like both of us, but she laughs like you.

She’s perfect in every way.

I’m so sorry you never got to meet her.

Love,

Kenna

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

L
EDGER

Kenna is supposed to show up any minute. Roman has been off since the night I hired her, so I haven’t had a chance to warn him. But I’ve been debating on changing my mind about hiring her since the second I made
up
my mind.

Roman just arrived, and Kenna said she’d be here around four thirty, so now is probably a good time to bring it up to him so he’s not blindsided.

I’m slicing up limes and oranges to make sure we have enough garnishes for the night. Roman hasn’t even made it behind the bar yet when I say, “I fucked up.” I meant to say, “
I hired Kenna
,” but I feel like they both have the same meaning.

Roman eyes me suspiciously.

I can’t have this conversation while I’m slicing fruit, so I put the knife down before I hack off a finger. “I hired Kenna. Part time, but no one can know who she is. Call her Nicole in front of the other employees.” I pick up the knife again because I’d rather look at the limes than at the expression Roman is giving me right now.

“Um. Wow.
Why?

“It’s a long story.”

I hear his keys and his phone as he drops them on the bar and then scoots out a stool. “Good thing we both work until midnight. Start talking.”

I walk to the edge of the bar and glance back into the kitchen to make sure we’re still alone. No one else has arrived yet, so I give him a quick rundown of what happened in the grocery store parking lot, and how I showed her videos of Diem and then took her for burgers and somehow ended up feeling sorry for her and offered her a job to help her get out of town.

I get the whole story out, and the whole time, he’s completely silent.

“I asked her to stay in the back, away from the customers,” I say. “I can’t risk Grace or Patrick finding out she works here. I’m not worried about them showing up; they never come here. But I’d still like her to stay in the back. She can do the dishes and help Aaron.”

Roman laughs. “So, you essentially hired a barback who can back but not bar?”

“There’s plenty to do back there to keep her busy.”

I hear Roman swipe his phone and his keys off the bar. Right before he disappears through the double doors to the kitchen, he says, “I don’t want to hear another word about the fucking cupcakes ever again.”

He’s gone before I can point out that his being obsessed with the married baker down the street is a little different than my giving Kenna a job to get her out of town faster.

The doors to the back swing open a couple of minutes later, and Roman says, “Your new hire just arrived.”

When I make it to the kitchen, Kenna is standing by the alley door holding her tote, gripping her wrist with the opposite hand. She looks nervous, but different. She’s got lip gloss on or something. I don’t know, but her mouth is all I can seem to focus on, so I clear my throat and look away from her and casually say, “Hey.”

“Hi,” she says.

I point to a closet where the employees keep their stuff while on shift. “You can put your bag in there.”

I grab her an apron and keep it as professional as I can. “I’ll give you a quick tour.” She follows me quietly as I show her around the kitchen. I explain the process of how to stack the dishes once she washes them. I give her a brief tour of our stock room. I show her where my office is. I take her out to the alley to show her which dumpster is ours.

We’re making our way back to the alley door when Aaron walks up. He pauses when he sees me standing in the alley with Kenna.

“Aaron, this is Nicole. She’ll be helping you out in the kitchen.”

Aaron narrows his eyes, looking Kenna up and down. “Do I need help in the kitchen?” he asks, confused.

I look at Kenna. “We have a limited menu of food on the weekends, but Aaron takes care of all of it. Just be available if he needs the help.”

Kenna nods and reaches out a hand to Aaron. “Nice to meet you,” she says. Aaron returns the handshake, but he’s still eyeing me suspiciously.

I look at her and point at the door, letting her know I want a minute with Aaron. Kenna nods and slips back inside. I give my focus to Aaron. “She’ll only be here a few weeks at the most. She needed a favor.”

Aaron holds up a hand. “Enough said, boss.” He squeezes my shoulder as he passes me and heads inside.

I’ve shown Kenna everything I need to show her to keep her busy for one night. And she has Aaron now. He’ll take care of her.

I don’t want to walk through the back and have to look at her again, so I make my way through the front door. Razi and Roman are covering most of tonight because I have to leave. I didn’t take into consideration when I hired Kenna and told her to show up tonight that I already had plans and wouldn’t even be here for most of her shift.

“I’ll be back around nine,” I tell Roman. “I’m going to dinner with them after the recital.”

Roman nods. “Mary Anne asks questions,” he says. “She’s been wanting us to hire her nephew as a barback. This isn’t going to sit well with her.”

“Just tell Mary Anne that Kenna is . . .
Nicole
is temporary. That’s all she needs to know.”

Roman shakes his head. “You didn’t really think this one through, Ledger.”

“I thought about it plenty.”

“Maybe, but you thought about it with the wrong fucking head.”

I ignore his observation and leave.

Diem decided she wanted to try a dance class a few months ago. Grace says it’s because her best friend takes dance, and it’s not because Diem actually
likes
dance.

After seeing her recital tonight, it’s clear dancing isn’t her passion. She was all over the place. I’m not even sure she’s paid one second of attention in dance class, because while all the other kids were at least attempting the routine, Diem was running back and forth on the stage recreating moves from her favorite movie,
The Greatest Showman
.

The entire audience was laughing. Grace and Patrick were mortified but were trying not to laugh. At one point, Grace leaned over and whispered, “Make sure she never watches that movie again.”

I was filming it, of course.

The whole time I was filming Diem, I had this underlying sense of anticipation at the thought of showing Kenna. But Diem’s moments aren’t mine to share. I need to remember that, no matter how good it felt on the side of the road to see Kenna finally get a glimpse of Diem a few days ago.

Patrick and Grace legally make all decisions for Diem, and rightfully so. If I found out someone close to me was sharing information about Diem after clearly knowing I asked them not to, I’d be more than livid. And I’d immediately cut that person out of my life.

I can’t take that chance with Patrick and Grace. I’m already doing enough behind their backs by just giving Kenna this job.

“I don’t think I want to take dance anymore,” Diem says. She’s still wearing her purple leotard, but there’s queso dripping down the front of it now. I wipe it off her because she’s on the same side of the booth as me.

“You can’t quit dance yet,” Grace says. “We’ve already paid for three more months.”

Diem likes to try new things. I don’t look at her willingness to quit all the things she tries as a negative personality trait. I think it’s a strength that she wants to try every sport she can.

“I want to do that thing with the swords,” Diem says, swinging her fork back and forth in the air.

“Fencing?” Patrick asks. “They don’t have fencing lessons in this town.”

“Ledger can teach me,” Diem says.

“I don’t have swords. And I don’t have time. I already coach your T-ball team.”

“T-ball is hell,” Diem says.

I choke on my laugh.

“Don’t say that,” Grace whispers.

“That’s what Roman said,” Diem retorts. “I have to go to the bathroom.”

The bathrooms are within view of our seats, so Diem slides under the table and scoots out of the booth. Grace keeps a close eye on her as she walks to the bathroom door. It’s a single-stall bathroom that Diem can lock behind her, which is the only reason Grace isn’t following her.

Grace usually accompanies Diem to the restroom, but Diem has been demanding her independence lately. She makes Grace wait outside the bathroom now, and when we come to this restaurant, we always ask to be seated near the bathroom hallway so Grace can allow Diem the space to do things on her own while still keeping a close eye on her.

When Patrick starts to speak, I can tell half of Grace’s attention is still on the bathroom door. “We filed a restraining order against Diem’s mother.”

I hold back my reaction, but it’s hard. I swallow those words with my bite of food and then take a sip of water. “Why?”

“We want to be prepared for whatever she decides to do,” Patrick says.

“But what would she try to do?” I can tell by the way Grace cocks her head that maybe I shouldn’t have said that. But would a judge even grant a restraining order simply because it’s filed? I figure it would take more than Kenna’s presence for a restraining order to be approved.

Grace says, “She chased us down in the grocery store parking lot. I don’t feel safe, Ledger.”

Oh. I forgot about that yet somehow still feel the need to defend her like it was my fault we were all in that predicament in the first place.

“We spoke to Grady,” Patrick says. “He said he could have the judge expedite it, and she’ll probably be served this week.”

I have so much I want to say, but now isn’t the time to say it. I have no idea when the
right
time to say it is. Or if I even need to say anything at all.

I take another drink and don’t respond to their news. I just sit silent, trying not to give off traitor vibes. Because that’s exactly what I am right now. There’s no way around it.

“Let’s change the subject,” Grace says, watching Diem as she heads back to the table. “How’s your mother, Ledger? I didn’t even get to talk to her while she was in town.”

“Good. They’re heading to Yellowstone, so they’ll probably drop into town on their way back through.”

Diem is climbing onto Grace’s lap when Grace says, “I’d love to see her. Let’s plan dinner for when they’re here.”

“I’ll let her know.”

Grace hands Diem a french fry and says, “The date is coming up. How are you feeling?”

I blink twice. I know she’s not referring to anything related to Scotty, but I have no idea what she’s talking about.

“Leah?” Grace says. “The cancelled wedding?”

“Oh. That.” I shrug. “I’m fine. She’s fine. Things are better this way.”

Grace frowns a little bit. She always liked Leah, but I don’t think she knew the real Leah very well. Not that Leah is a bad person. I wouldn’t have proposed to her if I thought she was.

She just wasn’t good enough for Diem, and if Grace knew that, she’d thank me for calling off the engagement rather than continue to bring it up in hopes I change my mind.

“How’s the house coming along?” Patrick asks.

“Fine. I think I’m just a few months out from having it move-in ready.”

“When are you putting your current house up for sale?”

The thought of that makes me sink an inch deeper into my seat. Putting it up for sale will feel like selling off a piece of myself, for so many reasons. “I don’t know yet.”

“I don’t want you to move,” Diem says.

Those six words hit me right in the heart.

“But you’ll get to go stay with him at his
new
house,” Grace says, attempting to reassure her. “He won’t be far.”

“I like the house he has now,” Diem says with a pout. “I can walk there all by myself.”

Diem is staring at her hands. I want to reach over and pull her out of Grace’s lap and hug her and tell her I’ll never leave her, but it would be a lie.

I wish I would have waited just six months before deciding to build that house back when Diem was younger. Six months would have been plenty of time to know that the little girl Grace and Patrick were raising would infiltrate my life and my heart as if I made her myself.

“Diem will be fine,” Grace reassures me. She must be deciphering the look on my face right now. “It’s twenty minutes. Hardly anything will change.”

I stare at Diem, and she looks up at me, and I swear I can see tears in her eyes. But she closes them and curls into Grace before I can be sure.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

K
ENNA

I found out from the paperwork he left me to sign that Ledger is paying me way more than what the grocery store pays me.

Because of that, and because it’s just in my nature, I’ve been busting my ass all night. I’ve been reorganizing everything. No one said I needed to, but I wash dishes faster than they come back to me, so between bouts of dirty dishes, I’ve been reorganizing the shelves, the stock room, all the dishes in the cabinets.

I’ve had five years of practice. I didn’t tell Ledger about my kitchen experience, because it’s always awkward to talk about, but I worked in the kitchen when I was away. A couple dozen bar patrons is a walk in the park compared to hundreds of women.

I wasn’t sure how it would feel being stuck back here with Aaron at first because he looks intimidating, with stocky shoulders and dark, expressive eyebrows. But he’s a teddy bear.

He said he’s been working here since Ledger opened the doors several years ago.

Aaron is a married father of four and works two jobs. Maintenance at the high school during the week, and kitchen duty on Fridays and
Saturdays here. All his children are grown and out of the house now, but he says he keeps this job because he saves up his paychecks and he and his wife like to take an annual vacation to visit her family in Ecuador.

He likes to dance while he works, so he keeps the speakers turned up, and he yells when he talks. Which is entertaining, since he’s usually talking about the other employees. He told me Mary Anne has been dating a guy for seven years and they’re about to have a second child together, but she refuses to marry him because she hates his last name. He divulged that Roman is obsessed with a married woman who owns the bakery down the street, so he’s constantly bringing cupcakes to work.

He’s just about to tell me all about the other bartender, Razi, when someone walks through the kitchen doors and says, “Holy shit.” I spin around and find the waitress, Mary Anne, looking around the kitchen. “You did all this?”

I nod.

“I didn’t realize what a mess it was until now. Wow. Ledger will be impressed with his rash decision when he gets back.”

I didn’t even know he was gone. I can’t see up front, and none of the bartenders have been back to the kitchen at all.

Mary Anne puts her hand on her stomach and walks to a refrigerator. She looks to be around five months along. She opens a Tupperware container and grabs a handful of grape tomatoes. She pops one in her mouth and says, “Tomatoes are all I crave. Marinara sauce. Pizza. Ketchup.” She offers me one, but I shake my head. “Tomatoes give me heartburn, but I can’t stop eating them.”

“Is this your first?” I ask her.

“No, I have a two-year-old boy. This one’s also a boy. You have any kids?”

I never know how to answer this question. It hasn’t come up much since I was released from prison, but the few times it has, I usually say I do and then immediately change the subject. But I don’t want anyone
here to start asking questions, so I just shake my head and keep the focus on her. “What are you naming him?”

“Not sure yet.” She eats another tomato and then puts the container back in the refrigerator. “What’s your story?” she asks. “You new around here? You married? You seeing anyone? How old are you?”

I have different answers for every question coming at me, so I nod, then shake my head, and I end up looking like my head is wobbling like a bobblehead doll by the time she stops firing questions at me.

“I just moved to town. I’m twenty-six. Single.”

She raises a brow. “Does Ledger know you’re single?”

“I guess.”

“Huh,” she says. “Maybe that explains it.”

“Explains what?”

Mary Anne and Aaron exchange a look. “Why Ledger hired you. We’ve been wondering.”

“Why did he hire me?” I’d like to know what she thinks is the reason.

“I don’t mean this to come off in a negative way,” she says, “but we’ve had the same employees for over two years now. He’s never mentioned needing more help, so
my
theory is that he hired you to make Leah jealous.”

“Mary Anne.” Aaron says her name like it’s a warning.

She waves him off. “Ledger was supposed to get married this month. He acts like he’s okay that the wedding was called off, but something has been bothering him lately. He’s been acting weird. And then you apply for a job and he just hires you on the spot when we don’t even need the help?” She shrugs. “Makes sense. You’re gorgeous. He’s heartbroken. I think he’s filling a void.”

It actually doesn’t make sense at all, but I get the feeling Mary Anne is the curious type, and I don’t want to say anything to make her even more curious about my presence here.

“Ignore her,” Aaron says. “Mary Anne craves gossip as much as she craves tomatoes.”

She laughs. “It’s true. I like to talk shit. I don’t mean anything by it; I’m just bored.”

“Why was his wedding called off?” I ask her. Apparently, she’s not the only curious one in this kitchen.

She shrugs. “I don’t know. Leah, his ex, told people they weren’t compatible. Ledger doesn’t talk about it. He’s a hard egg to crack.”

Roman peeks through the double doors, and his presence steals her attention. “The frat boys need you, Mary Anne.”

She rolls her eyes and says, “Ugh. I hate college kids. They’re terrible tippers.”

Aaron suggests I take a break about three hours into my shift, so I decide to spend it sitting on the steps in the alley. I wasn’t sure if I’d get a break, or what my hours would even be tonight, so I grabbed some chips and a bottled water before I left the grocery store earlier.

It’s quieter in the alley, but I can still hear the bass of the music. Mary Anne came back to chat again earlier and she saw I had pieces of paper towel stuck in my ears to drown out the music while I worked. I lied and told her I get migraines easily, but I really just hate most music.

Every song is a reminder of something bad in my life, so I’d rather hear no songs at all. She says she has a pair of headphones she can bring me tomorrow. So far, the music is the only part of this job I don’t like. That was one good thing about prison—I rarely heard music.

Roman opens the back door and seems momentarily surprised to find me on the steps, but he walks over to the other side of the alley and flips a bucket upside down. He sits on it and stretches his leg out, putting pressure on his knee. “How’s your first night?” he asks.

“Good.” I’ve noticed Roman limps when he walks, and now he’s stretching his leg like he’s in pain. I don’t know if it’s a new injury, but I feel like if it is, he might need to take it easier than he has been tonight. He’s a bartender; they never sit. “Did you hurt your leg?”

“It’s an old injury. It flares up with the weather.” He hikes up his pant leg and reveals a long scar on his knee.

“Ouch. How’d that happen?”

Roman leans back against the brick on the side of the building. “Pro football injury.”

“You played pro football too?”

“I played for a different team than Ledger did. I’d rather die than play for the Broncos.” He gestures toward his knee. “This happened about a year and a half in. Ended my football career.”

“Wow. I’m so sorry.”

“Hazard of the job.”

“How’d you end up working here with Ledger?”

He eyes me carefully. “I could ask the same of you.”

Fair enough. I don’t know how much Roman knows about my story, but Ledger did mention he’s the only one here who knows who I am. I’m sure that means he knows everything.

I don’t want to talk about myself.

Luckily, I don’t have to because the alley fills with light from Ledger’s truck as he pulls into his usual parking spot. For whatever reason, Roman uses this moment to escape back inside and leave me out here alone.

I tense with Roman’s disappearance and Ledger’s return. I’m embarrassed I’m sitting outside on the steps. As soon as Ledger opens the door of his truck, I say, “I’ve been working. I swear. You just happened to pull up right when I took a break.”

Ledger smiles as he gets out of the truck, like my explanation is unnecessary. I don’t know why I have a physical reaction to that smile, but it sends a swirl through my stomach. His presence always creates
this hum right under my skin, like I’m buzzing with nervous energy. Maybe it’s because he’s my only link to my daughter. Maybe it’s because I think about what happened between us in this alley every time I close my eyes at night.

Maybe it’s because he’s my boss now, and I really don’t want to lose this job, and here I am not doing anything, and I suddenly feel like a pathetic asshole.

I liked it much better when he wasn’t here. I was more relaxed.

“How’s it going tonight?” He leans against his truck like he’s in no hurry to get inside.

“Good. Everyone’s been nice.”

He raises an eyebrow like he doesn’t buy that. “Even Mary Anne?”

“Well. She’s been nice to
me
. She kind of talked a little shit about you, though.” I’m smiling so he knows I’m teasing. But she did imply he only hired me because he thinks I’m pretty and he’s trying to make his ex jealous. “Who’s Leah?”

Ledger’s head falls back against his truck, and he groans. “Which one of them brought up Leah? Mary Anne?”

I nod. “She said you were supposed to get married this month.”

Ledger looks uncomfortable, but I’m not going to be the one to cut this conversation short on account of his discomfort. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, he doesn’t have to. But I want to know, so I wait expectantly for him to muster up an answer.

“It was honestly so stupid when I look back on it,” he says. “The whole breakup. We got in an argument about kids we don’t even have yet.”

“And that ended your engagement?”

He nods. “Yep.”

“What was the argument?”

“She asked me if I was going to love my future kids more than I love Diem. And I said no, I would love them all the same.”

“That made her angry?”

“It bothered her how much time I spent with Diem. She said when we started a family of our own one day, I’d have to spend less time focusing on Diem and more time on
our
family. It was like an epiphany. I realized she didn’t see Diem fitting into a potential future family like I did. After that, I sort of just . . . checked out, I guess.”

I don’t know why I expected their breakup to be over something more serious. People don’t usually break up over hypothetical situations, but it says a lot about Ledger that he was able to see his own happiness is tied to Diem’s happiness, and he wouldn’t settle for anyone who didn’t respect that.

“Leah sounds like a terrible bitch.” I’m half kidding when I say it, which is why Ledger laughs. But the more I think about it, the more irritated I get. “Seriously, though. Screw her for thinking Diem isn’t worthy of the same love as kids who don’t even
exist
yet.”

“Exactly. Everyone thought I was crazy for breaking up with her, but to me it was a precursor to all the potential problems we’d be facing down the road.” He smiles at me. “Look at you being an overprotective mother. I don’t feel so crazy now.”

As soon as he says that—acknowledges me as Diem’s mother—my face falls. It was a simple sentence, but it meant everything to hear it come from him.

Even if it slipped out by accident.

Ledger straightens up and then locks his truck. “I better get inside; the parking lot looked packed.”

He never said what he left to go do for several hours tonight, but I have a feeling he was doing something with Diem. But he could have also been on a date, which unnerves me almost as much.

I’m not allowed to be in my own daughter’s life, but whoever Ledger decides to date gets to be in her life, and that automatically makes me jealous of whatever girl that ends up being.

At least it won’t be Leah.

Screw her.

Roman brings a crate full of glasses to the back and sets them by the sink for me. “I’m heading out,” he says. “Ledger said he’d give you a ride home if you don’t mind waiting. He’s got about half an hour of shit left to do.”

“Thanks,” I say to Roman. He takes off his apron and tosses it into a basket where all the other employee aprons have ended up for the night. “Who cleans those?” I don’t know if that’s supposed to be my job. I’m not even really sure what all my job entails. Ledger wasn’t here to train me throughout the night, and everyone else kind of pointed out things here and there that I could do, so I’ve just been doing everything I can get my hands on.

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