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Authors: Colleen Hoover

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BOOK: Reminders of Him
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“I don’t
point
all the time.”

“You do too. I noticed it the first night I came into your bar. It’s why I let you kiss me, because I thought it was hot. The way you kept pointing at things.”

I grin. “You just said it was rude. You think rude is hot?”

“No. I think kindness is hot. Maybe
rude
was the wrong term.” She leans her head against my shoulder. “I find your pointing
sexy
.”

“Do you?” I let go of her knee and point at a mailbox. “See that mailbox?” Then I point at a tree. “Look at that tree.” I tap on my brakes as we close in on a stop sign, and I point at the sign. “Look at that, Kenna. What’s that? Is that a fucking pigeon?”

She tilts her head and looks at me curiously. When I come to a full stop at the sign, she says, “Scotty used to say that sometimes. What does it mean?”

I shake my head. “It was just something he used to say.” Patrick is the only one who knows where that phrase originated, and even though there’s no huge secret or story behind it, I still want to hold on to it. Kenna doesn’t press me. She just lifts up and kisses me before I pull out onto the street. She’s smiling, and it feels so good to see her smile like this. I look back at the road and put my hand on her knee again.

She rests her head against my shoulder, and after a quiet moment, she says, “I wish I could have seen you with Scotty. I bet you two were fun together.”

I love that she admitted that out loud. It feels good to hear, because at some point, we’re all going to have to move past the fact that Scotty died the way he did. I think I’m at a point where I want his memory to be accompanied by only good feelings. I want to be able to talk about him with people, especially with his father, but in a way that doesn’t make Patrick cry.

We all knew Scotty, but we all knew him in different ways. We all carry different memories of him. I think it would be good for Patrick and Grace to get to hear the memories Kenna has of Scotty that none of the rest of us have.

“I wish I could have seen
you
with Scotty,” I admit.

Kenna kisses my shoulder and then rests her head there again. It’s quiet until I lift my hand and point at a guy on a bicycle. “Look at that bike.” I point at an upcoming gas station. “Look at those gas pumps.” I point at a cloud. “Look at that cloud.”

Kenna releases laughter mixed with a groan. “
Stop.
You’re ruining the sexiness of it.”

I reluctantly dropped Kenna off at her apartment two hours ago. It might have taken fifteen minutes for me to stop kissing her long enough to walk back to my truck, but I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to spend the rest of the evening, and possibly even the
night
with her, but my parents are assholes who don’t believe in schedules, and they’re always showing up at the worst times.

At least this time it was in the middle of the day. They once showed up at 3:00 a.m. , and I woke up to my father blasting Nirvana in the backyard and cooking steaks on the grill.

My father made burgers tonight, and we just finished eating dinner about an hour ago. I waited throughout the whole dinner for them to ask me about Kenna. Or Nicole, rather. But neither of them brought it up. All we’ve talked about tonight has been their latest adventures on the road and my latest adventures with Diem.

They were disappointed to find out Diem and the Landrys are out of town. I suggested they call ahead the next time they feel like dropping in. It would make it easier on all of us.

My parents have always gotten along with Scotty’s parents, but the Landrys had Scotty later in life, so they’re a little older than my parents. I would say they’re more mature than my parents, but
immature
isn’t the right term to describe my parents. They’re just a little more carefree and
unstructured. But even though I wouldn’t categorize the four of them as actively close, they share a bond because of Scotty and me.

And because Diem is like a daughter to me, she’s been like a granddaughter to my parents. Which means Diem is important to them, and they want the best for her.

Which is probably why, as soon as my father goes to the backyard to clean up the grill, my mother slides onto the barstool and gives me one of her many smiles. This is her “
You have a secret, and you better spill it
” smile.

I ignore her smile, and her, and continue to wash the rest of the dishes. But my mother says, “Get over here and talk to me before your father comes back inside.”

I dry my hands and sit across the bar from her. She’s looking at me like she already knows my secrets. It doesn’t surprise me. When I say my mother never forgets a face, I don’t say that lightly. It’s like a superpower.

“Do the Landrys know?” she asks.

I play dumb. “Know what?”

Her head lilts to the side. “I know who she is, Ledger. I recognized her the day she walked into your bar.”

Wait. What? “The day you were drunk?”

She nods. Now that I think about it, I remember her staring at Kenna when she walked into my bar that day. Why would she not say anything to me about that? She didn’t even bring it up when I spoke to her on the phone a few days later and told her Kenna was back in town.

“You told me she was leaving town last time we talked,” she says.

“She is.” I feel guilty when I say that because I’m hoping with everything in me that it isn’t true. “Or she
was
. I don’t know anymore.”

“Do Patrick and Grace know the two of you are . . .”

“No.”

My mother blows out a soft breath. “What are you doing?”

“I don’t know,” I say honestly.

“This isn’t going to end well.”

“I know.”

“Do you love her?”

I blow out a heavy, slow rush of air. “I definitely don’t hate her anymore.”

She takes a sip of her wine and gives this conversation a moment to settle. “Well. I hope you do the right thing.”

I lift an eyebrow. “What’s the right thing?”

My mother shrugs. “I don’t know. I just hope you do it.”

I release a short laugh. “Thanks for the nonadvice.”

“That’s what I’m here for. To tiptoe around this thing they call parenting.” She smiles and reaches across the bar to squeeze my hand. “I know you’d rather be with her right now. We don’t mind if you abandon us tonight.”

There’s a moment of hesitation on my part, not because I don’t want to go to Kenna’s place, but because I’m surprised my mother knows who she is, yet she’s still okay with it.

“Do you blame Kenna?” I ask her after a short pause.

My mother looks at me honestly. “Scotty wasn’t my child, so I felt sorry for everyone involved. Even Kenna. But if what happened to Scotty had happened to you, I can’t say that I would make a different choice than Patrick and Grace. I think there’s room in a tragedy this size for everyone to be both right
and
wrong. However,” she says, “I’m your mother. And if you see something special in her, then I know there must be something special in her.”

I let her words ruminate, but then I grab my keys and my cell phone and I kiss her on the cheek. “Will you be here tomorrow?”

“Yeah, we’re staying two or three days. I’ll tell your dad you said good night.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

K
ENNA

I’m in the shower when I hear a knock at my front door. It startles me because it’s more like an incessant pounding. Lady Diana wouldn’t knock like that, and she’s the only person who has ever been here other than Ledger.

I’ve just rinsed the conditioner out of my hair, so I open the bathroom door and yell, “Hold on!” I frantically try to dry myself and my hair with a towel as much as I can so I don’t drip water all the way to my front door.

I pull on a T-shirt and a pair of panties, and then grab my jeans and head to the door to check the peephole. When I see that it’s Ledger, I unlock the door and then start pulling on the jeans as he makes his way inside.

He seems jarred that I’m not fully dressed. He just stands there and stares at me until I get my jeans buttoned. I smile. “You ditched your parents?”

He pulls me in for a kiss, but I’m caught off guard, because this kiss is more than just a kiss. There’s so much behind the way his mouth presses against mine, it’s like it’s been weeks since he’s seen me, but it’s only been about three hours.

“You smell so good,” he says, pressing his face into my wet hair. He slides his hands down my thighs and then lifts me, wrapping my legs around his waist. He walks us to the couch and lowers us onto it.

“This isn’t a bed,” I tease.

He nips at my bottom lip with his teeth. “It’s okay, I’m not as thoughtful as I tried to be earlier today. I’d have sex with you just about anywhere right now.”

“If this is happening, you might want to move me to that inflatable mattress, because this couch is questionable.”

He doesn’t miss a beat. He lifts me and drops me on the mattress, but as he’s kissing my neck, Ivy begins to meow. She climbs up onto the mattress and starts licking Ledger’s hand. He stops kissing me and looks at my kitten.

“This is awkward.”

“I’ll put her in the bathroom.” I move the kitten to the bathroom and lock her in with her food and water. I lower myself on top of Ledger this time. I straddle him, sitting up, and he runs his hands up and down my thighs while his eyes scroll over me.

“Are you still feeling good about this?” he asks.

“About what? Us?”

He nods.

“I’ve
never
felt good about us. Us is a terrible idea.”

He grabs the front of my shirt and pulls me down until our mouths are almost touching. He rolls his other hand over my ass. “I’m serious.”

I smile, because he can’t expect me to be serious while also pressing himself against me like this. “Are you trying to have a legitimate conversation while I’m on top of you?”

He flips us over so that he’s hovering over me now. “I brought condoms. I want to take off your clothes. I want to have sex with you again, but I also feel like I should have a conversation with the Landrys before this goes any further.”

“It’s just sex.”

He sighs and then says, “Kenna.” He just says my name like he’s lecturing me, but then he presses his mouth to mine, and it’s sweet and soft and so very different from every kiss that has come before it.

I understand what he’s saying, but I think I’m tired of circling around this discussion because I’d like to
not
think about it for a while. Every time I’m with him, my situation is all I think about. It’s arduous, and to be honest, it’s scary.

I lift a hand to his cheek and brush a piece of couch fuzz away. “You really want to know how I feel?”

“Yes. That’s why I’m asking.”

“We both keep going back and forth. You worry, and then I worry, and then you worry, but the worry won’t solve this. I feel like this isn’t going to end well. Or maybe it will. Either way, we like being with each other, so until it ends well or ends terribly, I don’t really want to waste our time together going in circles about a future we can’t predict. So just get me naked and make love to me.”

Ledger shakes his head, but he’s smiling. “It’s like you read my mind.”

Maybe, but everything I just said out loud isn’t at all what I feel.

What I feel is terrified. I know in my heart that there’s nothing he can say that will change the Landrys’ minds about me. They aren’t even wrong. The decision they’re making for themselves is the right decision because it’s the decision that will bring them the most peace.

I’m going to respect that decision.

After tonight.

But right now, I’m going to be selfish and focus on the one person in this world who sees me the way I wish everyone could see me. And if that means I have to lie to him and pretend this story can possibly have a happy ending, then that’s what I’ll do.

I pull off his shirt, and then my shirt is next, followed by our jeans, and within seconds, we’re both naked and he’s putting on a condom. I don’t know why we’re rushing, but we’re doing everything with urgency. Kissing, touching, gasping as if we’re running out of time.

He kisses his way down my body until his head is between my legs. He kisses both thighs before slowly separating me with his tongue. The sensation is so strong I dig my heels into the mattress and slide up it, so he has to grip my thighs and pull my body back to his mouth. I reach for something to grab on to, but there’s not even a blanket, so I put my hands in his hair and keep them there, moving in rhythm with his head.

It doesn’t take me long to finish, and as the sensations roll through me and my legs tense, Ledger intensifies the motion of his tongue. I tremble and moan until I can’t take it anymore. I need him back inside me. I pull on his hair until he crawls up my body, and this time he pushes into me in one quick movement.

He thrusts so hard, over and over, until we somehow end up on the floor next to the inflatable mattress, covered in sweat and out of breath by the time it’s over.

We wind up in the shower together, my back against his chest. The water is running over us as he holds me quietly.

The thought of saying goodbye to him at some point makes me want to curl up and cry, so I try to convince myself that I’m wrong about the Landrys. I try to lie to myself by saying things will work out between us. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not this month, but hopefully Ledger is right. Maybe one of these days he can change their minds.

Maybe he’ll say something to them that will plant a seed, and that seed will grow and grow until they start to feel empathy for me.

Whatever happens, I’ll always be grateful to him for the forgiveness he gave me, whether I get it from anyone else or not.

I turn around and face him; then I lift my hand and touch his cheek. “I would have fallen for you even if you didn’t love Diem.”

His expression shifts, and then he kisses the inside of my palm. “I fell for you because of how much you do.”

Dammit, Ledger.

I kiss him for that.

BOOK: Reminders of Him
10.87Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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