Ride On (23 page)

‘Yeah. I think so. But we can still get another deal, right? We got the first one easy enough, didn't we?'

‘Well, in retrospect, the first one was probably all about getting some exposure for you and Jimmy. They wanted you to become known in your own right while they looked for another band that you could join. Kids that will fit the image of this new vibe they're trying to put together. They probably never intended for The Grove to be it. The Grove was just a vehicle for putting you guys on the map, but they need someone else to complete the line-up they have in mind. And then when we came up with Leet, there it all was. A package deal. What they basically want to do is hand-pick a new version of Leet that they think will do the job. So anyway, maybe The Grove could get another deal. We'll still be big in Ireland. We can always pay the bills that way. Maybe the UK fan base from this album would give us a bunt up to something bigger … but no one's making any promises.'

‘So what do you think we should do?'

‘I think we should think about it.'

‘You mean you want to go for it?'

‘I mean we should think about it. It's a lot of money. A lot, Aesop.'

‘Come on then, how much?'

‘You sign that document and commit to the next three albums with Leet – and by the way, you can sign it on your own if you want – and one million will go into your account tomorrow. Sterling.'

Aesop's glass went crashing to the floor.

‘Are you all right Aesop?'

He was pale.

‘Aesop?'

Aesop stood up and then sat down again.

‘You okay?' said Dónal.

‘Yeah man. Sorry. When you said one million I got such a shock that I thought I was after having an accident. I could feel it sliding around back there and everything.'

He pulled a melted Curly Wurly out of his back pocket and grinned.

‘False alarm.'

‘So you're really thinking about it?' said Aesop. They were sitting in his hotel room the next night, drinking beer, having gone another round of meetings with Alison and her lads over at Senturion. ‘I'd have put money on you telling them to fuck off.'

‘Well that was what I nearly did straight away. But I've sat around enough tables like that in me life, Aesop. The best thing to do is chill out and think about it. The worst thing you can do is go flying off the handle and telling people to get fucked.'

‘But … joining Leet? I mean, we've come this far on our own, haven't we? Why do we need to do that? I just don't understand why they're doing it. One minute everyone thinks we're brilliant, songs in the charts and everything, and the next minute we're a couple of oul' fellas and we won't sell records. How the fuck did that happen?'

‘We're selling those records because Senturion want us to, Aesop. They're pushing them. It all depends on how many records we want to sell. We keep going the way we're going, without Senturion, and there's a good chance that we end up being just another band that a few people like. She's got loads of them bands. She wants U2.'

‘But, Jesus, we can't all be U2.'

‘I know.'

‘Well … listen, Jimmy, this is all a bit mad for me to be making decisions. I don't know what to do. Whatever you do, I'll go along with it okay?'

‘Aesop, it's too big for that. You need to make your own mind up this time. Really.'

‘But I'm not doing it on me own, man. Joining Leet, y'know? Without you? It wouldn't be any fun.'

‘Fun? Being rich and famous and touring the world and having every chick on the planet trying to give you ball-hummers wouldn't be fun? Since when?'

‘Ah Jaysis, Jimmy. Sure that's practically happening already, isn't it? I've only two balls and I can't keep up with the girls as it is. And I'm not really there in me head anyway these days, with Helen and all. But c'mere, I meant to ask you … what about me gaff? That'll still be paid off, won't it? Even if we don't go ahead with the contract.'

‘Yeah, that should be grand based on the album. But that might be all you ever have out of it.'

‘But it's
more
than I ever had. I'd still be up on the deal. And we'd still get money touring as The Grove. Even if we're only playing Vicar Street and all that. And there's always the chance that we might get another record deal. Y'know? So it's not like we're bollixed if we don't sign.'

‘Yeah, I know all that Aesop. And you're right. But …'

‘But you don't want it any more?'

‘No, I do. But not like this. Just handed to us, y'know? This way they just press a few buttons and the next thing we're headlining Reading, y'know? Out of the blue.'

‘But Jimmy …'

‘Yeah, yeah. I know, I'm never happy. You think I'm a fussy bastard, don't you?'

‘You are a fussy bastard, Jimmy.'

‘I s'pose. But this'll be like joining another company, Aesop. I just got out of all that shite. I did it for years and I don't want to go back to it now. Y'know what I mean? That contract went into a lot of details, and all the control goes to Senturion. I'd just be back being someone's gimp.'

‘But you'd be a gimp with a fleet of Ferraris.'

‘And no self-respect.'

‘Ah, fuck self-respect. And you don't know it'll be all that bad.'

‘I've an idea how it'll be. And it's different for me as well, man. I'm a partner in Sin Bin, okay?'

‘Yeah.'

‘So, either way, I get a pay out. Join Leet, and it's the big time. Don't join Leet and I'm still getting my cut of Sin Bin's twenty percent. Plus production credits on the albums. I'll probably play a bit on them too. Maybe even contribute a song or two along the way. Y'know what I mean? I'm sorted. Whatever about The Grove, I'm looking good on the business side whichever way this works out. It's not the same thing at all for you. If you don't join Leet, you've got this album and whatever The Grove can come up with down the line.'

‘And that's grand, sure.'

‘But Aesop, who the fuck knows where The Grove will go? You need to think about that.'

‘Where's it going to go?'

‘I'm just saying, Aesop. What happens if me working for Sin Bin takes over? Say we have a rake of bands that we're managing, producing, all that. Say I'm called over to LA to produce a Leet album this time next year, and I'm gone for six months. That's six months with The Grove doing fuck all, y'know? You scratching your bollocks.'

‘So … are you saying that you're going to be giving it up? Packing in The Grove? Either way?'

‘No I'm not. But it might happen some time. You never know, that's all. In fact, it will happen some day. Aesop, the fuckers are right about one thing. We aren't kids any more. No one does this lark forever.'

‘But we're only getting bleedin' started!'

‘I know, I know. All I'm saying man, is that this is an opportunity for you to clean up while you can. You sign that deal and you never have to worry about another fucking meal for the rest of your life. You need to think about that.'

‘But …'

‘Dónal and me are going to advise Leet to sign on. As their business managers, this is fucking huge for them. And us. Right place, right time, jammy bastards, but that's the way it goes sometimes. And c'mere, I'm not just your mate or your bandmate. I'm
your
business manager too.'

‘Me bollix.'

‘Yeah, well I am. And purely as your business manager, I'd tell you to sign it.'

‘What? Without you signing it?'

‘Yeah. Listen Aesop, I'm not trying to insult you here, but playing drums is what you do. You're not exactly going to be Ireland's first astronaut, are you?'

‘I don't like heights.'

‘You're too good a drummer to starve, man, but this chance is once-in-a-lifetime to go way past that. You need to think about it. Sober.'

‘A bit late for that.'

‘Well, you don't have to give your decision tonight.'

‘And what about you?'

‘I'm leaning towards no.'

‘Not signing it.'

‘No. I don't think so.'

‘Because. …'

‘I don't know. Because I'm a fuckin' eejit, probably.'

‘So the way you're leaning, and what you're advising me to do … it all means no more Grove. No more Aesop and Jimmy keeping it real.'

Jimmy stood up and went to the fridge. He grabbed the last two beers and threw one to Aesop.

‘Aesop, you should sign it.'

‘But …'

‘Really man. I'm not just saying this. You need to sign it. This is a lot bigger than The Grove. This is your chance. Sign it.'

Aesop opened his beer.

‘And what happens to Jimmy Collins if I sign it?'

‘Jimmy Collins becomes a famous producer.'

‘Is that what he wants?'

Jimmy took some of his own beer and shrugged.

‘At least working for Sin Bin means doing things my way. That's always better than being a gimp.'

‘Ah right. But it's okay for me to be a gimp, is it?'

Jimmy laughed.

‘They don't want
you
to be a gimp, Aesop. That's the point.'

‘What do they want me to be then?'

‘They want you to be Aesop! Why mess with perfection, right?'

‘But … so I'd just be kind of a hoor then?'

‘Yeah. Your dream job.'

‘But … ah, fuck sake, this is hard. Are we out of beer?'

‘Yeah.'

Aesop leaned over to the bedside table and picked up the phone.

‘Ah yeah. Hello. Is Jonathon there? Tell him it's Aesop … right, thanks.'

‘I'm a bit full of beer Aesop,' said Jimmy.

Aesop nodded.

‘Jonathon? How's it goin'? Listen, what whiskey do you have? Ah, I don't know where the menu is, just tell me. Right … right … okay … is that all? Hang on …'

Aesop put a hand to the receiver.

‘Jimmy, they only have Tullamore Dew.'

Jimmy shook his head.

‘Okay Jonathon, Plan B. We'll have to go with scotch. Can you just send us up a bottle of Glenfiddich? Grand. Yeah. That's grand. I'll seeya in a minute so. Cheers … oh c'mere, can you get us a couple of hookers as well?'

Jimmy looked up.

‘Aesop …'

Aesop held up a hand at him and kept talking.

‘Yeah. Grand. I'll have something dark. Not mad hairy though. I'm not in the mood for cross-country this evening. Yeah. No, that's fine. And … hang on … Jimmy?'

‘Will you fuck off Aesop, I don't want a hooker! What are you doing?'

‘Ah … no, he's just a bit shy Jonathon. Why don't you just call Julie from last night? She was nice. Yeah. That's lovely, man. Yeah. And the Glenfiddich. Seeya in a minute so.'

Aesop hung up.

‘Sorted.'

‘Aesop, what the fuck are you doing?'

‘You don't have to ride them, Jimmy. It's just a bit of company. You want to sit here just the two of us all night?'

‘Aesop, you can't charge two brazzers to the room. Alison will have a canary. And anyway, I'm not into that. And since when are you into paying for it?'

‘Sure, I'm paying for fuck all.'

‘But … and what about Helen?'

‘Amn't I after saying that you don't have to ride them? Hookers know how to have a good time, that's all. We'll have a laugh, watch. And they don't let skangers into this place. They'll be classy.'

‘Classy hoors? I'm getting the fuck out of here, you mad bastard. And who the fuck is Julie?'

‘Don't be such a big girl, Jimmy. We're rockstars now.'

‘I don't care, you can fuck off.'

Jimmy stood up and grabbed his room key from the bed.

‘I don't know what kind of …'

Aesop couldn't keep it in any longer. He started breaking his bollocks laughing.

‘Look at the fuckin' face on you!'

‘What?'

‘There's no hookers, Jimmy. Jonathon was already after hanging up. I was only having a laugh.'

‘What? Are you sure?'

‘Yes! And don't I keep telling you that I'm in love?'

‘Bastard.'

‘How could you think I'd be ordering hookers on room service after all the things I keep saying about Helen?'

‘Prick.'

The chambermaid turned up at around ten the following morning, the noise of the doorbell like an air-raid siren in Jimmy's head. He sat up straight, confused and stiff and not knowing where the fuck he was. Then the pain hit him. It was like there was a little man in his head and he was trying to push Jimmy's left eyeball out with the back of a spoon.

‘Fuckin' … hell …'

The bell rang again and Jimmy winced and went to the door so he could tell whoever it was to fuck off. It opened before he got there and a foreign lady in a uniform started to walk in. When she saw Jimmy she said something that might have been ‘House keeping' or ‘Sorry' or ‘I'll come back later' or even ‘Look at the state of your pissed-up head'. Or anything at all, really. Jimmy's brain was only starting to slowly piece stuff together and understanding mad accents was way down on its list of priorities. She backed out of the room again and the door closed, leaving him standing in the middle of the floor with his two hands pressed against his temples. He looked around. Aesop was still lying on the bed, absolutely motionless, one hand down his jeans and the other up his t-shirt. Jimmy didn't want to even think about the dream he might be having.

‘Aesop?'

Nothing happened.

‘Aesop? Wake up.'

He walked over to the bed.

‘Aesop. It's ten o'clock. Wake up.'

Jimmy grabbed a pillow and smacked Aesop on the head. He didn't budge.

‘Fuck sake. Will you wake up?'

It wasn't working. He'd have to try something else. He found the remote and flicked through the iPod until he arrived at an old Bronski Beat song and then he turned the volume way up. That did it.

‘What the fuck?' said Aesop, one eye open wide and scanning the ceiling, the other one glued shut.

‘Get up.'

‘Is that … ?'

‘Yeah.'

‘Make it go away.'

‘Are you going to get up?'

‘I'm up. Please Jimmy, turn it off … I'm up.'

‘You're not. Come on. We said we'd meet Dónal at ten downstairs. We're late.'

‘Jimmy?'

‘Yeah.'

‘You know Clerys clock?'

‘Come on Aesop. I'm going next door to have a shower. You're to be up when I get back, okay?'

‘No problem.'

Jimmy went to the door.

‘Aesop?'

The eyes were closed again.

‘Aesop, are you asleep?'

‘Culchie. Normansculchie … ssh …'

‘Bollocks to this,' said Jimmy. He went into the bathroom and came back with a tall glass of water.

‘Last chance, Aesop.'

‘Mmm-ffhp-fuckinfuck … twominutes …'

Jimmy poured the water slowly onto Aesop's head and then, when he was nicely teed up, spluttering and looking around in shock, Jimmy gave him two massive smacks in the face with the pillow that sent him toppling off the bed and onto the floor. Aesop bounced up and stood there, dripping.

‘Ye fuckin' bastard!'

‘Are you awake yet?'

‘Mean
fucker
!' He was rubbing the side of his head. ‘I was only resting me eyes.'

Aesop went for Jimmy across the bed, but Jimmy just backed up towards the door and escaped out into the corridor. He held the door handle. Aesop was rattling it on the other side.

‘You're dead, you bastard. Let me out till I batter you.'

‘Go in and have a shower. Dónal is downstairs waiting for us.'

‘Fuck'm.'

‘Come on. I'll give you a knock in ten minutes right? You're up now. Don't go back to bed, okay?'

‘The bed is soaked!'

‘Ten minutes.'

‘Evil bastard … I'll fuckin' get you for that, Collins.'

*

They were both wearing shades going down in the lift to the restaurant. From the outside, if you didn't look really closely, they could've been just another pair of posers going down for their breakfast. Inside, though, they were dying. They weren't used to scotch. It fucked you up slightly differently to Irish whiskey and most of their insides seemed to be writhing in confusion. Aesop had the gargle sweats and his hands were trembling. Jimmy was as sick as a small hospital.

‘She'll think I pissed the bed,' said Aesop. ‘That lady who does the rooms. She'll think I'm after pissing all over meself. How come I keep ending up with a pissy bed this weather? That's fucking twice now and it wasn't me either time.'

‘I wouldn't worry about it.'

‘Says the man with the dry bed.'

‘I'd say she comes across a lot worse than a wet bed in her job.'

‘I don't care. She shouldn't have to clean up my piss. That's not on.'

‘It's not your piss, Aesop. It's water from the tap.'

‘But she'll think it's my piss. Like the bloke that delivered me new mattress and took away the pissy one after yer woman had a squirt on it. The head on him when he sniffed it. Mortified, so I was.'

‘Just leave her a big tip.'

‘Me? You were the one that drownded the place.'

‘You wouldn't get up.'

‘So what? That's no reason to go around firing water at people that are just trying to …'

Jimmy took out his wallet and slapped a twenty into Aesop's hand.

‘Here,' he said. ‘Now shut up till I get a cup of coffee, will ye? I've a head like a kick in the bollocks.'

The doors of the lift opened and Jimmy and Aesop walked out and down the corridor to the restaurant.

‘Good morning gentlemen,' said a bloke in a uniform standing behind a kind of pulpit thing.

‘Howya,' said Jimmy.

‘Would you care for breakfast? Our buffet is just finished I'm afraid, but you can still order from the à la carte menu?'

‘Grand.'

‘Is the bar open?' said Aesop, stopping.

‘Of course sir. I can call through for you, if you like.'

‘Aesop,' said Jimmy. ‘Don't …'

‘You know it'll work man,' said Aesop. He turned back to the pulpit and squinted at the guy's chest. ‘Right … eh … Michael. Can I get two Bloody Marys please? Do they come in pints?'

‘Yes. Yes, of course, if Sir would like a pint that should be no problem.'

‘No tabasco.'

‘I see.'

‘And I don't like tomato juice.'

‘I'm sorry?'

‘Tell the barman to use Guinness instead, okay?'

‘Okay. So … eh … that will be: Guinness, vodka …'

‘Jesus no. No vodka. What are you trying to do to me? Just Guinness.'

‘Just Guinness. Okay. And … Worcestershire sauce … ?'

‘In me pint? Are you mad?'

‘So … would … would Sir like two pints of Guinness?'

‘Ah Jaysis no. It's a bit early for that, Michael. Just the Bloody Marys is grand.'

‘I see. Em … very good. I'll … I'll … have them brought to your table.'

He picked up his phone.

‘Good man,' said Aesop.

He turned around.

‘Jimmy, do you want anything?'

But Jimmy was just shaking his head and walking off.

‘Just the two then,' said Aesop and followed him.

‘What did you do that for?' said Jimmy, looking around when Aesop caught up.

‘Ah, a bit of fucking around in the morning helps me get going for the day. Did you see the head on him? Very polite though. Wasn't he very polite? I'd have told me to fuck off.'

‘Just leave him alone, will you? There he is, look.'

They saw Dónal sitting on his own with a newspaper and a cup of coffee.

‘Morning, Dónal,' said Jimmy.

Dónal looked up.

‘Good Christ. Look at the state of the pair of you. Take off your glasses there and give us a look at you.'

Aesop and Jimmy took the shades off and stood in front of Dónal with their heads down, like they were about to get a bollocking off the headmaster.

‘What were you up to last night?' said Dónal, scanning them.

‘Ah, we just got talking and then when the beer ran out we started into a bottle of … eh … scotch,' said Jimmy.

‘A bottle of scotch. You pair of eejits. Why didn't you come out with me and meet some of my old mates? We had a great night.'

‘Man, by the time you rang we were well past being let out among strangers.'

‘Well anyway, sit down there. Do you want breakfast?'

He gestured for the waiter.

‘Just coffee for me,' said Jimmy.

‘Mine's on the way already,' said Aesop.

Dónal ordered coffee for them all and looked at them again.

‘Christ. The whole city of London out there waiting for you and you sit in your room on your own and get pissed. Were you talking about the contract?'

‘A bit, yeah,' said Jimmy.

‘And?'

‘Well … ah, I don't know. I need to think some more about it. Ask me again.'

‘Aesop?'

‘Are you eating them beans?' said Aesop.

Dónal looked down.

‘No. I'm finished.'

Aesop pulled the plate over.

‘Do you want to order something?' said Dónal.

‘Nah. I need to go easy. The few beans is grand.'

‘And the contract?'

‘Well … I'm just thinking about Helen, Dónal. Norman's cousin, y'know? I'm not sure it would work. Me being in Leet and her back in Cork.'

Dónal nodded slowly.

‘I didn't realise it was that serious with her.'

‘Yeah, well. She's a great bird, man.'

‘Okay. But … you haven't decided for sure yet?'

‘No. But I don't think it would work.'

‘Right,' said Dónal, sitting back and putting his hands together and looking at them both. ‘Well, look, there's no point in talking about it now, is there? With the two of you stinking of … good fuck. Are they yours?'

A waiter was standing behind Aesop with two pints of Guinness.

‘Two Bloody Marys?'

‘Just here, thanks,' said Aesop, tapping the table in front of him.

‘Enjoy your breakfast Sir.'

‘Thanks.'

Dónal looked at the pints and then up at Aesop.

‘Bloody Marys?'

‘Yeah. Meant to be good for a hangover. Do you want one?'

‘No thanks.'

Aesop pushed a pint over to Jimmy.

‘I'm not drinking that, Aesop,' said Jimmy.

‘Are you not? Why are you pulling it towards you then?'

‘That's just a reflex.'

‘Cheers lads,' said Aesop. ‘Here's to a pain-free afternoon.'

He took up one of the pints and sank half of it. Then he put it down again as a series of expressions ranging from confusion through nausea and on to disgust passed over his features. He shuddered.

‘What the fuck …'

‘What's wrong?'

‘Nothing. I just forgot we were in London. Tastes like he dipped his bollocks in it before bringing it out.'

Jimmy pushed his pint away back towards Aesop.

‘And on that note …'

‘Lads,' said Dónal, checking his watch. ‘I've to make a call outside in the lobby. I'll be back in a minute, okay?'

‘No problem.'

Jimmy watched him go and then turned around to look at Aesop.

‘Aesop, I think we … Jesus … what are you doing?'

Aesop put down the empty pint glass and gave a little burp.

‘Taking my medicine like a man.'

‘You'll be sick.'

‘But I won't be in the horrors, will I? I'm starting to feel better already. Drink yours, look. Cast out the evil.'

‘I'll be grand with the coffee there.'

The waiter had arrived back with a pot of coffee.

‘Thanks.'

‘You're very welcome, Mr Collins. Have a wonderful morning.'

‘Eh … right. Thanks. You too.'

Off he went again.

‘Would you say he's gay?' said Aesop, staring into the second pint.

‘Who?'

‘Yer man. The waiter.'

‘I don't know. Why?'

‘He's all happy and all. And his little walk, look. Would you say he likes mickey?'

‘I don't know.'

‘Maybe he's just Italian.'

‘Are you drunk again?'

‘Again?'

‘Here, gimme that, will you? Before you get us barred.'

Jimmy took the pint and started to take a few big pulls on it. Then he stopped and slowly took it away from his face, his mouth still open and his eyes staring.

‘You have to imagine you're in Mulligans, Jimmy, in the back room. It's not that bad if you just drink it up quickly.'

Jimmy shook his head and pointed over Aesop's shoulder.

Aesop turned around.

Dónal was walking back into the restaurant, grinning his head off. Next to him, a small bag on his shoulder and with an equally beaming smile, was the last person Jimmy expected to see. The small guy laughed when he saw their faces and gave a big wave.

‘Supplies!'

*

Once Shiggy's bags were safely ensconced in Jimmy's room, the four of them congregated around one of the low tables in the lobby.

‘I thought you weren't coming in till next week?' said Jimmy. He was sitting forward in his armchair, all excited now to see Shiggy.

‘I called him,' said Dónal. ‘He had to come through London anyway, so I asked him to come over a couple of days early.'

‘Brillliant! So what's the story Shiggy. How's things?'

‘Berry good Jimmy. So busy! I sink Kyotosei and Eirotech ready to do big deal again.'

Jimmy's old company, Eirotech Systems, had been in the process of being taken over by Shiggy's company, Kyotosei, when Jimmy had left the whole corporate scene to concentrate on The Grove. In fact, Jimmy's leaving had a big part in the reason for the deal not going through at the time. It wasn't even a year ago, but it felt like another lifetime to Jimmy. There had been … complications. Around the time the whole thing was meant to have taken place, Jimmy had gone through a rough time trying to work out if a great job and a secure future were more important than his music. By the time the thing came to a head, drastic actions had to be taken. But Jimmy didn't want to think about that any more. It was such a mental time. Jesus, he could probably write a book about it only no one would believe it.