Rossum´s Universal Robots (3 page)

Helena
What spinning-mill

Domin
Where we make the nerve fibres and the veins. And the intestine mill, where kilometers of tubing run through at a time. Then there’s the assembly room where all these things are put together, it’s just like making a car really. Each worker contributes just his own part of the production which automatically goes on to the next worker, then to the third and on and on. It’s all fascinating to watch. After that they go to the drying room and into storage where the newly made robots work.

Helena
You mean you make them start work as soon as they’re made?

Domin
Well really, it’s more like working in the way a new piece of furniture works. They need to get used to the idea that they exist. There’s something on the inside of them that needs to grow or something. And there are lots of new things on the inside that just aren’t there until this time. You see, we need to leave a little space for natural development. And in the meantime the products go through their apprenticeship.

Helena
What does that involve?

Domin
Much the same as going to school for a person. They learn how to speak, write and do arithmetic, as they’ve got amazing memories. If you read a twenty-volume encyclopedia to them they could repeat it back to you word for word, but they never think of anything new for themselves. They’d make very good university lecturers. After that, they’re sorted and distributed, fifteen thousand of them a day, not counting those that are defective and go back to the scrap heap... and so on and so on.

Helena
Are you cross with me?

Domin
God no! I just thought we... we might talk about something different. There’s just a few of us here surrounded by hundreds of thousands of robots, and no women at all. All we ever talk about is production levels all day every day. It’s as if there were some kind of curse on us.

Helena
I’m very sorry I called you... called you a liar.

(
knocking
)

Domin
Come in, lads.

(
Enter, stage left, Fabry, Dr. Gall, Dr. Hallemeier, Alquist
)

Dr. Gall
Oh, not disturbing you, are we?

Domin
Come on in. Miss Glory, this is Alquist, Fabry, Gall, Hallemeier. Mr. Glory’s daughter.

Helena
(
embarrassed
) Good afternoon

Fabry
We had no idea

Dr. Gall
This is a great pleasure

Alquist
It’s nice to see you here, Miss Glory

(
Enter Busman, right
)

Busman
Hello, what’s going on here?

Domin
Come in, Busman. This is Busman, and this is Mr. Glory’s daughter.

Helena
Pleased to meet you.

Busman
Oh, that’s wonderful! Miss Glory, would you mind if we send a telegram to the newspapers to say you’ve come?

Helena
No, no, please don’t do that!

Domin
Please, do sit down.

(
Fabry, Busman and Dr. Gall pull up armchairs
)

Fabry
Please...

Busman
After you...

Dr. Gall
Beg your pardon...

Alquist
Miss Glory, did you have a good journey?

Dr. Gall
Will you be staying here, with us, for long?

Fabry
What do you think of our factory, Miss Glory?

Hallemeier
Came over on the Amelia, did you?

Domin
Quiet, let Miss Glory speak.

Helena
(
to Domin
)
What am I supposed to say to them?

Domin
(
surprised
)
Whatever you like.

Helena
Should I... should I be open with them?

Domin
Of course you should.

Helena
(
hesitant, then decided
) Tell me, do you not mind the way you’re treated?

Fabry
Treated by whom?

Helena
Any of these people.

(
All look at each other in bewilderment
)

Alquist
The way we’re treated?

Dr. Gall
How do you mean?

Hallemeier
Oh my God!

Busman
But Miss Glory, dear me!

Helena
Do you not think you could have a better kind of existence?

Dr. Gall
That all depends, Miss Glory, what do you mean?

Helena
What I mean is... (
in an outburst
)... this is all horrible, it’s vile! (
standing
) The whole of Europe is talking about what’s going on here and the way you’re treated. That’s why I’ve come here, to see for myself, and I find it’s a thousand times worse than anyone ever thought! How can you bear it?

Alquist
What is it you think we have to bear?

Helena
Your position here. You are people just like we are, for God’s sake, just like anyone else in Europe, anyone else in the world! It’s a scandal, the way you have to live, it isn’t worthy of you!

Busman
My word, Miss Glory!!

Fabry
But I think there might be something in what Miss Glory says, lads. We really do live here like a camp of Indians.

Helena
Worse than Indians! May I, oh, may I call you ‘brothers’?

Busman
Well, why on Earth not?

Helena
Brothers, I haven’t come here on behalf of my father. I’m here on behalf of the League of Humanity. Brothers, the League of Humanity now has more than two thousand members. There are two thousand people who are standing up for you and want to help you.

Busman
Two thousand people! Dear me, that’s quite a decent number, that’s very nice indeed.

Fabry
I always say that old Europe hasn’t had its day yet. Do you hear, lads, they haven’t forgotten about us, they want to help us.

Dr. Gall
What sort of help do you have in mind? A theatre performance, perhaps?

Hallemeier
An orchestra?

Helena
More than that.

Alquist
Yourself?

Helena
Oh, never mind myself! I’ll stay here for as long as it’s needed.

Busman
Dear me, that is good news!

Alquist
I’ll go and get the best room ready for Miss Glory then, Domin.

Domin
Wait a second, Alquist, I’ve a feeling Miss Glory hasn’t quite finished speaking yet.

Helena
No, I haven’t finished, not unless you mean to shut me up by force.

Dr. Gall
Harry, how dare you!

Helena
Thank you. I knew you’d protect me.

Domin
Excuse me, Miss Glory, but are you sure you’re talking to robots?

Helena
(
taken aback
)
Who else would I be talking to?

Domin
I’m afraid these gentlemen are people, just like you are. Just like the whole of Europe.

Helena
(
to the others
) You aren’t robots?

Busman
(
laughing
) God forbid!

Hallemeier
The idea’s disgusting!

Dr. Gall
(
laughing
) Well thank you very much!

Helena
But... but that’s impossible.

Fabry
On my word of honour, Miss Glory, we are not robots.

Helena
(
to Domin
) Then why did you tell me that all your staff are robots?

Domin
All the staff are robots, but not the management. Let me introduce them: Mr. Fabry, general technical director, Rossum’s Universal Robots. Doctor Gall, director of department for physiology and research. Doctor Hallemeier, director of the institute for robot behaviour and psychology. Mr. Busman, commercial director, and Mr. Alquist, our builder, head of construction at Rossum’s Universal Robots.

Helena
I’m sorry gentlemen. I... I... oh, that’s terrible, what have I done?

Alquist
Oh, it doesn’t matter, Miss Glory, please sit down.

Helena
(
sitting
) What a stupid girl I am. Now, now you’ll send me back on the next ship.

Dr. Gall
Not for the world. Why would we want to send you back?

Helena
Because now you know... you know... you know I want to destroy your business.

Domin
But there’ve already been hundreds of saviours and prophets here. More of them arrive with every ship; missionaries, anarchists, the Salvation Army, everything you can think of. It’s astonishing just how many churches and madmen there are in the world.

Helena
And you let them talk to the robots?

Domin
Why not? We’ve let them all do it so far. The robots remember everything, but that’s all they do. They don’t even laugh at what people tell them. It’s really quite incredible. If you feel like it, I can take you down to the storeroom and you can talk to the robots there.

Busman
Three hundred and forty-seven thousand.

Domin
Alright then. You can lecture them on whatever you like. Read them the Bible, logarithmic tables, anything. You can even preach to them about human rights.

Helena
But I thought that... if they were just shown a little love...

Fabry
That’s impossible, Miss Glory. There’s nothing more different from people than a robot.

Helena
Why do you make them?

Busman
Hahaha, that’s a good one! Why do we make robots!

Fabry
So that they can work for us, Miss Glory. One robot can take the place of two and a half workers. The human body is very imperfect; one day it had to be replaced with a machine that would work better.

Busman
People cost too much.

Fabry
They were very unproductive. They weren’t good enough for modern technology. And besides,... besides... this is wonderful progress that... I beg your pardon.

Helena
What?

Fabry
Please forgive me, but to give birth to a machine is wonderful progress. It’s more convenient and it’s quicker, and everything that’s quicker means progress. Nature had no notion of the modern rate of work. From a technical point of view, the whole of childhood is quite pointless. Simply a waste of time. And thirdly...

Helena
Oh, stop it!

Fabry
As you like. Can I ask you, what actually is it that your League... League of Humanity stands for?

Helena
It’s meant to... actually it’s meant to protect the robots and make sure... make sure they’re treated properly.

Fabry
That’s not at all a bad objective. A machine should always be treated properly. In fact I agree with you completely. I never like it when things are damaged. Miss Glory, would you mind enrolling all of us as new paying members of your organisation.

Helena
No, you don’t understand. We want, what we actually want is to set the robots free!

Hallemeier
To do what?

Helena
They should be treated... treated the same as people.

Hallemeier
Aha. So you mean they should have the vote! Do you think they should be paid a wage as well?

Helena
Well of course they should!

Hallemeier
We’ll have to see about that. And what do you think they’d do with their wages?

Helena
They’d buy... buy the things they need... things to bring them pleasure.

Hallemeier
This all sounds very nice; only robots don’t feel pleasure. And what are these things they’re supposed to buy? They can be fed on pineapples, straw, anything you like; it’s all the same to them, they haven’t got a sense of taste. There’s nothing they’re interested in, Miss Glory. It’s not as if anyone’s ever seen a robot laugh.

Helena
Why... why... why don’t you make them happier?

Hallemeier
We couldn’t do that, they’re only robots after all. They’ve got no will of their own. No passions. No hopes. No soul.

Helena
And no love and no courage?

Hallemeier
Well of course they don’t feel love. Robots don’t love anything, not even themselves. And courage? I’m not so sure about that; a couple of times, not very often, mind, they have shown some resistance...

Helena
What?

Hallemeier
Well, nothing in particular, just that sometimes they seem to, sort of, go silent. It’s almost like some kind of epileptic fit. ‘Robot cramp’, we call it. Or sometimes one of them might suddenly smash whatever’s in its hand, or stand still, or grind their teeth – and then they just have to go on the scrap heap. It’s clearly just some technical disorder.

Domin
Some kind of fault in the production.

Helena
No, no, that’s their soul!

Fabry
Do you think that grinding teeth is the beginnings of a soul?

Domin
We can solve that problem, Miss Glory. Doctor Gall is carrying out some experiments right now.

Dr. Gall
No, not quite yet, Domin, at present I’m working on nerves for feeling pain.

Helena
Nerves for feeling pain?

Dr. Gall
That’s right. Robots have virtually no sense of physical pain, as young Rossum simplified the nervous system a bit too much. That turns out to have been a mistake and so we’re working on pain now.

Helena
Why... why... if you don’t give them a soul why do you want to give them pain?

Dr. Gall
For good industrial reasons, Miss Glory. The robots sometimes cause themselves damage because it causes them no pain; they do things such as pushing their hand into a machine, cutting off a finger or even smash their heads in. It just doesn’t matter to them. But if they have pain it’ll be an automatic protection against injuries.

Helena
Will they be any the happier when they can feel pain?

Dr. Gall
Quite the opposite, but it will be a technical improvement.