Sean's Reckoning (12 page)

Her indignation was enough to heat her up as she went after him, diving neatly below the surface and aiming directly for his knees. She took him by surprise, managing to knock him off his feet. Satisfied with her sneak attack, she surfaced just as he stood up, sputtering.

“So, that’s the way you want to play,” he said, a glint in his eyes as he came after her.

Deanna tried to evade his reach, but Sean was quicker. He had her off her feet and in the water before she could plead for mercy. Then Kevin was in the middle of things, splashing them both. When he managed to hit Sean squarely in the face with a handful of water, Deanna saw her chance. She ran for shore.

Sean caught her just before she hit the beach, carried her right back out and sank down in water to his shoulders, still holding her cradled against his chest.

“Ready to concede yet?” he inquired, his gaze locked with hers.

Deanna was aware of every single spot where their bodies were in contact. Given the temperature of the water and the heat they were generating, she was amazed that this part of the Atlantic hadn’t turned into a steam bath. She tried to respond to Sean’s taunt, but she couldn’t seem to form the words, couldn’t even think.

Suddenly Sean’s eyes darkened as if the heat had finally gotten to him, as well. His hand slipped higher, brushing against the already hard bud of her nipple. Even through her suit the sensation shot fiery heat straight through her. His knowing gaze held hers, daring her to protest or move away.

But Deanna didn’t want to move. She wanted that almost innocent caress to last forever, wanted the wild flaring of need to build and build until she was writhing beneath Sean and he was burying himself deep inside her.

Oh, no, she thought with a moan. What was happening to her? She was turning into a bundle of exposed nerves, sensitive to every brush of Sean’s fin
gers across her flesh. If she could react like this with her son just a few feet away and Sean doing practically nothing, what would happen if he truly set out to seduce her?

“We’re going to finish this one of these days,” he told her quietly, still holding her gaze.

She shuddered at the certainty in his voice. There was little point in denying his claim. They were destined to finish this. They had been for weeks now. Only old fears and uncertainties, which ran deep in both of them, had kept the tide of their wanting in check.

His lips curved. “No argument?”

She solemnly shook her head. “Why waste my breath?”

“Geez, Dee, why not torment me a little more?” he muttered hoarsely. “I thought you’d at least tell me I was crazy to think for one minute that you and I…” His voice trailed off and he glanced toward Kevin who was splashing nearby, safe with his colorful floating device twisted around his waist. “Well, you know.”

Deanna smiled at his attempt at discretion. “I know.” She rested her hand against his cheek, loving the way the combination of stubble, heat and icy salt water felt against her palm.

Eyes locked with hers, he lowered her slowly to her feet, letting her feel the tension in his body, his unmistakable arousal. With water swirling around them up to their waists, he held her tightly against him, rocking his hips just a little, just enough to make her wish they were out here all alone, under a moonlit sky.

She swallowed hard. “I’d better…I need…”

“What do you need?” he asked, amusement in his eyes.

“Heat,” she blurted.

He laughed. “This isn’t making you hot enough?”

“Sun,” she insisted, refusing to concede. She waved in the general direction of the beach. “I need to get back.”

“Because?”

She opted for total honesty. “Because, Sean Devaney, you scare the daylights out of me.”

He seemed genuinely shocked by that. “Me? Why?”

“Because you make me feel things, want things, I’d never expected to want again.”

He regarded her with a commiserating look. “Tell me about it. This—you and me—it was the last thing I expected.”

“Or wanted,” she guessed.

“Or wanted,” he agreed.

Somehow knowing that he didn’t want this—didn’t want to want her—hurt more than she’d anticipated it would. Of course he didn’t. How many times had he made it plain that commitment was the last thing on his mind? She remembered another man—Frankie—who’d hedged about the future, but she’d been so confident that they could defy the odds. Was she willing to take on another man with doubts?

“It doesn’t have to go any further than this,” she said stiffly, gathering her pride around her.

He touched a finger to her lips. “I think you and I both know that it’s impossible to turn back now.”

“Not impossible,” she insisted.

He shrugged. “Unlikely, then.”

Yes, she thought, refusing to waste her breath arguing. It was definitely unlikely that they could turn back now. If only she could be equally certain just what the future held.

T
he rest of the week in Cape Cod was pure torment. Sean’s desire was a palpable thing—with him whenever he was in a room with Deanna, with him at night when she was in her own bed in a room upstairs. Not even the presence of Ruby and Hank or Kevin’s constant chatter could take his mind off Deanna and his insatiable need for her.

He was unable to put a name to it that he could live with. Calling it lust diminished it. Describing it as love terrified him. Better just to acknowledge its existence and not label it at all.

Adding to his level of frustration was the fact that Deanna didn’t seem the least bit unnerved by the simmering passion between them. It was as if that moment in the ocean had never happened. She was perpetually cheerful. She didn’t seek him out, but neither did she avoid him. She seemed perfectly content with the
blasted status quo, while Sean was about to tear his hair out.

He wondered if his brother had gone through any of this when he’d fallen for Maggie. Had Ryan been even half as reluctant as Sean was to make a commitment? Had he struggled with the past, with their parents’ inability to stay the course, as Sean seemed to be struggling? He’d have to ask him one of these days.

Right now, though, he was so edgy, he was snapping at everyone except Kevin. He probably would have bitten the boy’s head off, as well, but one look at that innocent face with its new freckles and peeling, sunburned nose had him cutting off the sharp words on the tip of his tongue. No child should ever have to pay for the craziness going on in the lives of the adults around him.

Sean could hardly wait to get back to Boston and back to work, even if it was going to be a few more weeks before he’d have Hank back as his partner. In fact, he was so relieved by the prospect of being alone in his apartment, he dropped Deanna, Kevin and Ruby off first with barely a word of goodbye, then headed for Hank’s, hoping to escape from there without an interrogation about his sour mood.

He should have known better. It became obvious the minute they were alone that Hank intended to poke and prod the same way Sean had nagged at him during his divorce and was still nagging at him about Ruby.

“You going to tell me what’s wrong?” Hank asked when Sean pulled to a stop in front of his place.

“No.”

“You and Deanna have a fight?”

“No.”

“You and Deanna have sex?”

Sean whirled around and glared at Hank. “You know damn well we didn’t.”

“Hey, I wasn’t watching the two of you every minute. I had my own problems to deal with.” He gave a rueful shake of his head. “If this isn’t pitiful. The two of us, who have the reputation of being the hottest studs at the station—”

“Speak for yourself,” Sean muttered.

“The guys enjoy having their illusions about the two bachelors among them,” Hank chided. “The point is, we’re supposed to be able to get any woman we want, and neither one of us is getting a damned thing.”

Sean sighed. “It’s not about sex with me and Deanna,” he said. “I don’t know exactly what it is about, but it’s definitely not the same-old same-old.”

Hank’s expression turned grim. “Same with me and Ruby. The woman scares me to death. She sees straight through me. The hell of it is, she seems to like me, anyway.”

Sean grinned at his apparent astonishment. “Maybe that’s because underneath all that flirting and bragging you enjoy, you’re a likable guy.”

Hank frowned. “But I don’t want to get married again, and Ruby’s anxious to have kids.”

“Has she said that?”

“She doesn’t have to. I can read between the lines. She loves taking care of Kevin. She goes all maternal when she talks about him. And you should see her if we happen to run across a baby. The look on her face…” He shook his head. “I can’t even begin to describe it. A part of me wants to give her what she wants. Another part…well, you know how I am.”

“I know how you are about marriage,” Sean agreed. “But children, no. Are you that opposed to having kids? I thought it was in your plans when you and Jackie were together.”

“It was—till she made me see that someone risking his life all the time was a bad bet as a dad.”

Sean frowned at him. “Hank, you know that’s not true. If it were, then firefighting wouldn’t be the kind of profession that is just about handed down from generation to generation. Half the guys we work with are the sons of firefighters. And many of them have kids of their own, some of whom will grow up to be firefighters, too.”

Hank’s expression turned thoughtful. “I never thought of it that way.”

“Because you’ve been too busy trying to prove that Jackie was right to divorce you. Otherwise, it would have hurt too much.” He punched Hank in the shoulder. “Face it. The divorce was all about her fears. Some were rational. Some weren’t. But getting out of the marriage was the only way she could see to deal with them. Ruby’s not Jackie.”

“That’s for damn sure,” Hank said. “The woman’s fearless. Last night she suggested we try bungee-jumping as soon as my ankle heals. Said she thought it would be a real high.”

Sean had to bite back a laugh. Hank was an intrepid firefighter, but he claimed to be terrified of heights. It was one reason he didn’t work at a station with skyscrapers in the area. “What did you say?”

“Are you kidding me? I told her she was out of her ever-loving mind.” He shook his head. “She said she’d go without me.”

“Think she will?”

“Probably, just because she knows it will make me crazy,” he said with a sigh.

“You are so hooked,” Sean said, delighted with this latest turn of events. Hank had enjoyed the heck out of being single, but being married had grounded him, given him a much-needed stability. That was why it had rocked him back on his heels when Jackie had walked out. He’d realized he was losing something important. He just hadn’t known how to prevent it, short of giving up his career.

“In fact,” Sean taunted, holding a hand to his heart, “I think I hear the faint sound of wedding bells.”

Hank swore at him. “Don’t laugh, buddy. Seems to me that you’re just as bad off as I am.”

Now it was Sean’s turn to sigh. “You’ve got that right.”

Deanna wasn’t sure what to expect after the trip to Cape Cod. A part of her wanted Sean to make good on his promise to haul her off to bed at the first opportunity. A part of her knew that once that happened, she’d no longer be able to deny the feelings he stirred in her. Even that wouldn’t be such a problem if it weren’t for the unresolved issue of his need to control her life.

Maybe now that he’d seen to it that she had an entire week of rest, it would be a nonissue, she thought hopefully, just in time to look up and spot him strolling into Joey’s and heading for a booth in the back. It was nearly 10:00 p.m., two hours later than she was scheduled to work, but Adele had had a headache. She’d gone home early, and Pauline hadn’t come in at all. Pauline still hadn’t fully rebounded from her bout with the flu, so she’d been taking more time
off than usual lately. Joey was relying on Deanna to fill in.

One look at Sean’s scowling face told Deanna that maybe she shouldn’t have agreed quite so readily to stay. Bracing herself for an argument, she walked over to the booth, pad and pencil poised to take his order.

“You’re here late,” he said, his tone neutral. “I went by the apartment, but Ruby told me Joey had talked you into working till closing.”

“He was in a bind,” she said, instantly on the defensive.

Sean scowled. “Joey always seems to be in a bind. Do I need to have a talk with him?”

She slapped her pad down on the table and placed both hands against the edge as she leaned down to scowl straight into Sean’s face. “Don’t…you…dare.”

He actually winced under the intensity of her gaze. “Crossing the line?” he inquired mildly.

“Oh, yeah.”

“Come on, Deanna, you know I’m right,” he said reasonably. “You’re going to wear yourself out.”

“I just got back from vacation.”

“Which will be wasted if you plunge right back into a back-breaking schedule. And what about Kevin?”

She frowned at him. “Don’t use Kevin to try to make me feel guilty. He’s getting plenty of attention. In fact, if you were so worried about him, you could have stayed at the apartment and kept him entertained. This is about your need to control me.”

He seemed genuinely shocked by the accusation. “Don’t be absurd. I don’t want to control you.”

“That’s not how it looks to me.”

“I’m worried, dammit. Is that a crime?”

Deanna studied his face and realized he was dead
serious. She sighed and slid into the booth opposite him. “Sean, I’m healthy as a horse. There’s no need to worry about me.”

“You fainted,” he reminded her.

“That was weeks ago,” she said, dismissing the incident. “You landed in the hospital the same night. You don’t hear me fretting about
you
being back at work.”

“It wasn’t even three weeks ago,” he said. “And it was different for me. I had a couple of minor injuries.”

She rolled her eyes at his dismissal of his burns. “And I’ve had a vacation since then, and you saw to it that I ate everything in sight and got plenty of sleep.”

He frowned. “You actually slept?”

“Sure,” she said cheerfully, realizing exactly why that annoyed him. “Didn’t you?”

“No,” he all but growled.

“Sorry.”

His gaze swept over her, lingered here and there, then came to rest on her mouth. “We could solve my sleepless nights fairly easily.”

She couldn’t seem to swallow past the sudden tightness in her throat. “Oh?” It came out as a croak.

“My place. Tonight.”

“I thought you were anxious for me to get home to my son,” she said.

He grinned. “Not that anxious. He’ll be asleep soon, anyway.”

“How convenient for you.”

“It could be,” he agreed. “So? What do you think? My place? I have a chilled bottle of wine. Some cheese and crackers.”

The invitation had seduction written all over it. There wasn’t a doubt in Deanna’s mind that if she went to Sean’s, that wine and cheese would still be untouched come morning. A huge part of her was tempted to throw caution to the wind and say yes. Another part held back.

“Another time?” she suggested, not even attempting to hide her regret. “I have an appointment first thing in the morning before work.”

His frown slammed back into place. “An appointment at that hour? To do what?”

“I’m looking at an apartment.”

“You’re leaving Ruby’s?”

“It was always a temporary solution. And I really think she’d like to have a little more privacy. Plus, then I wouldn’t be the buffer she needs to avoid dealing with her feelings for Hank.”

Sean chuckled. “That cuts two ways, you know. You haven’t had to decide what to do about me, either.”

Just then the one remaining customer beckoned for his check. Deanna stood up, winked at Sean and said, “I wasn’t aware you’d given me anything to decide.”

She could feel his gaze on her as she gave the man his check, then took his money up to the register. By the time she’d finished, she found Joey sitting in the booth with Sean.

“If he’s trying to convince you to work me fewer hours, ignore him,” she said as she joined them.

“Actually, I was suggesting he fire you,” Sean said, his gaze unrepentant.

Deanna immediately bristled.

“Settle down,” Sean advised. “I was only teas
ing.” He glanced at Joey. “See what I mean, though. She’s edgy.”

Joey held up his hands. “I’m not getting in the middle of whatever is going on between you two. You figure it out, let me know. Now get out of here. I need to close up and get home to Paulie.”

Deanna was very aware that Sean’s gaze never left her as she took off her apron and grabbed her purse from the cupboard under the register. “You coming or not?” she asked as she headed for the door.

“Right behind you,” he said. Outside, he caught her hand. “Where are we going?”

“I don’t know about you, but I’m going home,” she said emphatically.

“I’ll walk with you,” he said, falling into step beside her. “Dee?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have any idea what we’re doing?”

“Driving each other crazy?” she suggested.

“I’m serious.”

“So am I.”

He stopped and drew her around to face him. “Good crazy or bad crazy?”

She looked deep in his eyes and saw the genuine confusion. It mirrored her own. She lifted her hand to his cheek. “I’m still trying to figure that part out.”

Sean sighed heavily. “Let me know when you do, okay?”

Deanna smiled at the plaintive note in his voice. “Believe me, you’ll be at the top of the list. You do the same, okay?”

He nodded. “Will do. So, what time’s your appointment in the morning?”

“Seven-thirty.”

“Mind if I tag along?”

“Why?”

He seemed to be debating the answer. She had a feeling it was because he didn’t want to admit that he felt some crazy sense of responsibility for seeing to it that she and Kevin had a decent place to live.

“Curiosity,” he said finally.

Deanna nodded. “In that case, I’ll see you in the morning.”

She was about to go inside when he stopped her. His gaze on her face, he tilted her chin up and touched his lips to hers. Light as a breeze, the kiss was still enough to send a shudder through her.

For a man who worried so darned much about how little sleep she was getting, he certainly didn’t seem to mind doing the one thing guaranteed to keep her awake all night.

Sean hated the whole idea of Deanna hunting for a new apartment. He knew just how limited her resources were, even with that settlement from her old landlord. He also knew that despite what she’d said about using some of the cash for the new place, she’d tucked most of the money away in a savings account she didn’t intend to touch except in an emergency.

When he arrived in the morning, he discovered he was just part of the entourage going to check out the new apartment.

“Mom and me are looking at a new place to live,” Kevin said excitedly. “Once we move, you can come to dinner.”

Sean noticed that Ruby didn’t look nearly as cheerful as either Kevin or Deanna.