Selfless: A Relentless Series Novella (The Relentless Series Book 3) (3 page)

Being an actress makes you so self-conscious. You’re always being told you’re too…something. Everything. I’ve been told over the years that I’m too skinny, too fat, too tall, too short, too muscular, too flabby, too blonde, not blonde enough. A director once told me I was too perfect for a role. It takes tough skin to be in this business. Over the years it’s been hard not to develop some serious self-doubt, but the people around me help keep me sane. Otherwise I would just be another alcoholic has-been actress.

Staying average is hard, but I’ve managed it over the years and because I don’t rock the boat, I get a lot of roles; some great roles, in fact. I’ve worked my butt off and for the first time ever I don’t have a goal in mind. Well, the part of being a wife and mom are one that I would love to play, but that seems out of reach.

People also think they know you, but they don’t. Not the real you anyway, they know some shell of your personality and believe they are your best friend. The actual list of people that know the real me is incredibly small. I may seem quiet and reserved to the outside world, but I’m not. Not when you really get to know me.

I sipped on my wine. Why was it that I went introspective each time I sat down lately? All I thought about was if I had actually achieved anything in my life. People knew my name, but that didn’t keep me company at night. Even crowded nightclubs were lonely. My friends were wonderful, but I longed to have that one person to come home to each night.

You used to have that.

Rhys Brooks. Maybe I was reflecting on my life because he’s the one that changed my path. I would have been happy living in our small town and being his wife. But he never even gave me the chance.

Lucy poked her nose in my hand and I pulled her up on my lap. She nuzzled my neck and lay her head down to snuggle in. At least someone wanted my affection. I stroked her soft fur as I made a mental list of all the things I needed to do to put the house on the market.

The doorbell woke Lucy from her nap. She jumped off my lap and ran for the front door, barking the entire way. It was nearly impossible to open the door unless I picked her up.

“Lucy, stop.” I opened the door and was shocked to see Rhys peering back at me. “Rhys, what are you doing here?”

I gave the puppy a dirty look when she started to whine. Rhys looked at me questioningly and then took her from me. The traitor instantly calmed down.

“I just wanted to make sure you’re alright. You seemed out of it earlier and I was worried.”

“I’m fine. I appreciate you checking in on me, but you could have just gotten my number from Taylor. She’s probably dying to hear your side of the story anyway.”

“Who do you think gave me your address?”

“I’m going to kill her,” I mumbled.

“You should give her a free pass on this one. Stephen’s still not waking up yet. The doctors are worried because he should have started showing improvement and he hasn’t.”

I winced. “Taylor told you that?”

“No, Jaxon did. I caught him in the hall as I was leaving the hospital earlier.”

“This day just went from bad to worse. Do you want to come inside? I have wine and whiskey. I’m drinking wine, but I think this day requires something a little stronger.”

“Whatever you’re having is fine. I’m surprised you’re even letting me in the door. You seemed so final in your goodbye earlier.”

He trailed behind me as I started towards the kitchen. I wasn’t going to play hostess for him. If he wanted to join me, he could damn well find his own way. Plus he had tamed my ferocious guard dog in two seconds flat. She was currently trying to lick his face as he carried her in his arms.

I grabbed two glasses down from the cabinet and as I did, my shirt raised up showing a few inches of skin. Rhys was staring very intently at those two inches when I turned around.

“Not that I’m not flattered, but I’m not really in the mood.” That made Rhys blush. Score: Amanda one, Rhys zero. “So why are you actually here Rhys? I don’t buy that you wanted to check in on me.”

“Can’t an old friend visit once in a while?”

“Maybe when it hasn’t been twelve years and even more history behind them, sure, but something tells me you want more. If you’re looking for the girl from back home, she died a long time ago. When you left it killed her.”

He winced, but wisely didn’t comment. I nodded my head for Rhys to follow me out to the back deck. Sneaking a peek over my shoulder I tried to figure out what had actually brought him to my house. The look he had on his face was indecipherable, but I didn’t regret what I said. I poured him a glass of whiskey and handed it to him, careful not to let our fingers touch. He looked out at the ocean and whistled.

“That’s an amazing view.” He paused. “You have a beautiful house, Amanda. I know my opinion doesn’t mean much, but I’m proud of you.”

I pursed my lips. “Why are you here, Rhys? I know it’s not to tell me you like the scenery from my deck.”

He crossed over the pressed wood almost silently. He set down his drink on the banister and turned towards me. I shivered as his hands ran down my face gently. “Because I’ve missed you, and because I can’t just let you slip from my fingers again.”

I swallowed hard. “You’re the one that left.”

If only I could read his mind like I used to.

“I’ll never make that mistake again.”

He bent to kiss me, but I took a step back, stopping him in his tracks. I wasn’t ready for that. I wasn’t ready for
him
. My defenses weren’t strong enough to face whatever was still between us. Rhys was the boy that should have been mine forever, but he left me and every plan we ever made together. Now the man that I dreamed about frequently stood in front of me, better than anything I could have imagined.

He dropped his hand and gripped the banister. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

I wanted to comfort him and tell him that yes, he should kiss me because I’ve missed him more than I’ve missed taking my next breath. The tension between us should have been thick and cloying, but it wasn’t. Everything was amazingly natural like it always had been.

“It’s okay,” I said softly. He stared out at the ocean as I curled up in one of the huge, comfy lounge chairs. “Things are different now. I’m so pissed off at you I could shove you off the deck, but I should be over it. Everything that happened between us was a lifetime ago.”

He chuckled. “I should let you shove me off the deck. I was a fucking idiot. Maybe we should talk about the past.”

I nodded slowly. “We should, but not right now. Right now, I just want some peace and quiet. If you want to stay here with me, you can. It’s been a rough week, and I really don’t want to be alone.”

“I know that I’m not your favorite person in the world, but I’m here for you if you need me.” He leaned back on the banister. Something about how he was standing reminded me of the carefree kid he used to be. Maybe it was all an act?

I stared at him, trying to figure out what I wanted to say. He looked pensively out into the churning ocean.

“Did you ever lie to me when we were growing up?”

He took a drink to try to buy time in giving his answer. I searched his eyes as I waited. “I never lied; I just didn’t tell you the whole truth. There were things that happened with my dad that I hid from you because I was trying to protect you. That man was a monster and I didn’t want him anywhere near you.”

I paused for a beat. “Was?”

“He died five years ago.” He sighed. “It makes me a horrible person, but when he was gone I finally felt like I could breathe. He was a noose around my neck for so long. I lost too much because of that bastard.”

He looked at me pointedly and I flushed. “I would say I’m sorry for your loss, but I don’t think it’s appropriate.” I took a drink of wine, needing to do something with my hands. They itched to run up the hard lines of his stomach and chest. Every memory I had of Rhys was running through my head and I wanted it to stop.

“Thanks all the same,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. It had to be a shock to hear the rumors when I left.”

“What rumors? Rhys, no one said anything or knew why you left. That was the hardest part of everything. I get that you wanted to protect me, but why did you feel like you couldn’t tell me the truth?”

“No one said anything?”

I shook my head.

“You knew all about my parents. They weren’t anything to write home about and I had some pretty bad stuff going on myself. Can you tell me now?”

He shrugged and turned back towards the water. “You’re parents were an alcoholic cake walk compared to my dad. He was one of the worse people I knew, and I was terrified that I would turn into him if I stayed.”

“Do you really think that Micah or I would have let that happen?” I hissed.

He was quiet for a long time before answering. “I don’t think you could have stopped it.”

“I don’t believe for one second you would have laid a finger on me.”

Rhys took another sip of the whiskey and I pressed my glass to my lips. For one brief moment we were getting somewhere, but Rhys shut down on me. We stared out at the sunset in silence, each lost in our own thoughts. The sky might have been clear, but there was a storm brewing between us. We would either face it together, or let it destroy us completely. Only time would tell.

My day had been one of those horrible, awful, no good, very bad days. I’d bombed an audition, spilled an entire iced latte in my car, and rolled my ankle at the gym. Seriously, I had to catch a break at some point.

As I was leaving the dry cleaners, I ran smack dab into the middle of a muscled chest. A small oomph left me as I hit the person and bounced backwards. Just my luck, I tumbled, heading face first towards the ground. Large hands grabbed my waist, saving me from a very embarrassing, painful fall. When I looked up, startled electric blue eyes met mine.

I groaned.

Why him?

I wasn’t ready for this today. We had done okay for a while the other day, but I let him in at a weak moment. Honestly, today wasn’t much better, but I didn’t know that I could fight against him anymore. If he wanted me, he could have me.

“Are you okay?”

I rubbed my elbow as I straightened. His fingertips raised goose bumps on my skin as he loosened his grip on my waist.

“Yeah, I’m just ready to go back to bed and pretend this day never happened.”

Rhys grimaced, and I felt guilty.

“Sorry, I’ll just—”

“No, I’m sorry. That came out totally wrong. I’ve just had an awful day. Thank you for saving me from a second injury today.”

He cocked his head to the side. “Second injury? What happened?”

I pointed down to my ankle. “Sprained. I’m supposed to be off of it, but I have too much to get done.  I can’t just sit around with it elevated.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked cautiously.

I smiled weakly. “No, but thank you.”

He took a step back to let me go by. A small cry slipped out as I put my weight down on my left ankle. His hand grabbed my arm to help keep me from falling, and a shiver of electricity worked its way up my spine.

“Mandi, are you sure you’re okay?”

Tears pricked at my eyes.

Damn it.

I was so sick of pretending to be strong all the time. It was exhausting putting on a brave face. Rhys pushed back a strand of my long blonde hair that had slipped out of my ponytail. This man would know if I was lying anyway. I shook my head.

“I’m not okay,” I whispered. “Not really.”

I choked back a sob as his hands rubbed my back soothingly. My breath caught in my throat as our eyes met. He crushed me to his chest as his arms wrapped around me. I might or might not have run my hands up those muscled arms, enjoying the feeling of his skin underneath my fingertips.

I was weak, sue me.

For the first time in too long I finally felt like I had control of my life, but things were quickly spiraling out of control. I understood all too well how quickly it could change, but I couldn’t do a damn thing to slow it down.

“Let me help you, Shortcake.”

I snorted at his use of the ridiculous nickname he’d given me in high school. The corner of his lips turned up in a soft smile and my breath caught in my throat as he gently wiped away the tears that streamed down my cheeks.

“There’s nothing to help with. Really,” I insisted. “I’m just having a bad day.”

He nodded and reluctantly, I pulled back from his hug. I already missed the warmth and security I’d felt in his arms.

“Mandi, will you go to dinner with me tonight?” He held up his hands quickly so I would hear him out. “Just as an apology for me being a prick, no funny business. It might even help cheer you up.”

I laughed. “Still as persistent as ever, huh?”

He made a guttural sound in agreement and I felt my lady bits tingle. This man might infuriate me and confuse the hell out of me, but he was more handsome than when we were just stupid kids. He really should have been an actor. With his strong jaw line, piercing blue eyes, and perfect smile he could have made millions.

I bit down on my bottom lip.

Did I really want to open this door?

“Rhys, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

“I promise I’ll be on my best behavior. Scouts honor.”

I snorted again. Rhys  had jokes.

“You weren’t a boy scout.”

His eyes glinted with amusement. “What’s your point?”

I grinned, despite my reservations. “Fine. Meet me at Flint at eight.”

Surprise covered his face as he stammered for a few seconds, scrambling to catch up. He obviously hadn’t expected me to say yes. “Um, yeah. Okay. I’ll see you then, but I’ll pick you up.” He backed up a few steps and tripped over a crack in the sidewalk. It was hard not to laugh at him. This was the Rhys that I remembered, caring, and generous, and incredibly selfless.

I tugged at the hem of my skirt as I waited for Rhys to pull out my chair. The kelly green chiffon summer dress I pulled out from the back of my closet was overdue for an outing. I loved the long, flirty sleeves mixed with the short length. High nude colored wedges made my legs look miles long and from the look on Rhys face the outfit was a winner. The shoes hurt like hell because of my ankle, but the glint in his eyes as he stared at my long legs made the pain worth it.

Rhys winked as he sat down across from me, and I felt a blush creep up my cheeks. He looked sexy as hell in a black button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up his muscled forearms. His dark jeans were just tight enough to show off his muscled ass, and I was trying not to drool on the table myself.

“You look amazing, Amanda.”

“Thanks,” I said, ducking my head. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

We gave our drink order to the waitress and sat there in silence for a moment. The silence between us was unexpected. Even in the hospital we hadn’t been awkward. Angry because of circumstances, yes, but being awkward with one another? Nope. His sudden reappearance in my life was throwing me off kilter. I racked my brain for something to say instead of sitting there like an idiot.

“Thanks for saving me from skinned knees earlier.”

Fuck. Why did I bring up knees?

Sexual tension was dripping between us and bringing up knees was putting very naughty images in my head. This wasn’t going anything like I expected and we hadn’t even got our drink orders yet. Either I needed to figure my shit out or end this early.

“You’re welcome, but you already thanked me for that. I wouldn’t have let anyone fall, let alone a beautiful woman.” I blushed for the second time within a three minute period and Rhys chuckled. “This is so weird. I’m not used to being around you and not knowing everything going on in your life.”  

I nodded. “So what are you doing now? You’re the mystery; if you want to know my past all you have to do is pull up IMBD. Taylor said you own some bars.”

“Yeah, Micah and I invested in the first one about seven years ago and it spiraled from there. We also own Brooks Construction. It took a lot of blood, sweat and tears.”

“You guys did it huh?”

“We did.” He smiled sadly. “I guess I got everything I wanted in life.” He was quiet for a second. “Except you.”

I closed my eyes and tried not to rub at them and ruin my makeup. They stung something fierce and I didn’t want to cry in the middle of this restaurant. God, I was starting to sound like Violet and Taylor.

“Rhys—”

“Just listen please.” He cleared his throat. “Shortcake, I messed up so many times growing up, but the biggest mistake I ever made was leaving you. That’s my one regret in life. We should have made it, and I made decisions that changed…everything. Success doesn’t mean anything unless you have someone to share it with.” He took my hands in his and squeezed once. “I never wanted to hurt you, but I needed to protect you. You deserved more than I could ever offer and I didn’t want to hold you back. As happy as I am that we’ve reconnected, I will always do the best thing for you. When we were kids I knew I couldn’t give you what you needed. I wasn’t ready to support a wife and kids.”

“This goes back to the things I didn’t know, right? Your cryptic message in that stupid letter?” I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice, but it was there.

He nodded.

I was quiet for a moment, trying to process what he’d said. “Rhys, do you really think that money matters to me?”

He shook his head slowly. “It’s different when you don’t have any though. I’ve been in both situations, and I can tell you having it makes life a lot easier.”

“It does, but all I wanted was you. All I wanted was our life together. We both grew up knowing money didn’t make you a good person. Our parents were prime examples of that.”

He looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. It was something he did when he lied as a kid “I get it. I really do, but someone had to make sure you reached your potential. I would have held you back. Look at everything you’ve accomplished, Shortcake.”

His eyes held a wistfulness I hadn’t expected. Did he really regret leaving me?

“What? Thirty, unmarried, and three failed relationships? My life isn’t as great as you think it is, Rhys. I may have an Oscar on my mantle, but it doesn’t do anything for me.”

“I didn’t mean to upset you.” His hand cupped the side of my face in his large calloused hand. A man’s hand, not a boy’s. “I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry for all of it.”

“You said that already.” Rhys winced at my sharp tone. “What do you want? You made it clear the other day that you wouldn’t forgive me, but you think I’m not sincere when I’m apologizing—”

“I am—”

He held his hand up. “Let me finish. I still love you, Mandi, and I don’t think that is ever going to change. If I could go back and do it over again, I don’t think I could make myself leave again, but I don’t know how to fix everything I’ve screwed up.”

I sucked in a sharp breath.

He still loves me.

“I don’t know what I want. I’m so confused, but I know that I still love you too. It’s painful how much I’ve missed you. But where in the hell do we go from here? You live in Vegas and I’m here. Not to mention we both travel all the time for work. My head is reeling with all of this. I’m not even sure I can forgive you, but I want to try.”

“So, you’re saying you want to try to work it out?” he asked slowly. “Get back together?”

I cocked my head at him. “Did you even listen to the rest of what I said?”

“No.” He shot me a heart stopping grin. “I stopped listening when you told me that you still loved me too.”

I fought back a smile of my own. “You’re impossible.”

“You want to be in a relationship with me again.” He sounded so damn cocky.

“I didn’t say that.”

His smile fell.

“Rhys, I’m still confused. I haven’t seen you in twelve years and then you just drop out of nowhere into my life. I’m not ready to just pick things up from where we left off. Can we just take things slowly? Maybe we can be friends first?”

“I’ve wasted so much time being away from you. If that’s what you’re willing to give me, then I’ll take it.”

I studied him. Rhys was the same, but completely different at the same time. He was the one that pushed Scottie Williams down on the playground because he teased me about my pigtails. This was the same boy that told me he loved me at fifteen. He’s the same one I lost my virginity to at seventeen, and he’s the same one that left me a few months later with only a letter to explain why.