Senn (A Cocky Cage Fighter Novel Book 5) (16 page)

“I’m taking Abby home, but you’re welcome to visit her anytime you want,” I tell her sincerely. “Your granddaughter, too.”

That flusters her mother. Her mouth opens and closes, then she straightens her fancy cream colored blouse and skirt. “Just so you know, her father and I do not approve…”

“I can’t say I approve of you both ignoring your daughter for the past few weeks when she’s been facing the toughest fight of her life. There is nothing you can say that we’ve done worse than that.” 

Abby kisses my jaw after I say my piece, and softly tells me, “Thank you.”

“No problem,” I reply, carrying her down the steps and out the door to my truck. “Now let’s get you home.”

…

Abby

My eyes never leave Senn on the drive back to his house. I swear that even though he looks the same, this is a different man from the one who knocked me up a few months ago. It’s amazing he turned out to be so damn incredible after suffering through his fucked up childhood. It wasn’t too hard for me to track down an address for his lovely parents once Linc told me their names, Denise and Clyde Duncan. They live in filth, a collection of garbage, cigarette smoke and empty alcoholic beverage containers. I told them they were pieces of shit, and then I gave them money, so they would stop asking Senn for it. I hoped they would come visit him just for the hell of it, but no such luck. Assholes. They don’t deserve him. So ironic that some people who never want children have plenty, while there are ones who want to be parents so badly they would give anything for the chance, but never have the opportunity. An opportunity that his parents carelessly wasted.

I can’t help but wonder if Senn’s parents ever told him they loved him, or acted like they cared about him. My heart hurts because I’m pretty sure I know the answer.

“I love you,” I tell him in the silence.

When we pull up to a stoplight, he glances over at me with a grin on his face. “I love you, too.” He shakes his head and chuckles. “You have no idea how crazy you make me when you’re mad at me. I never want to fight with you again.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” I agree.

“When things aren’t right between us, I swear it feels like the end of the world. It’s brutal.”

“Yeah, so let’s try not to put each other through that.”

“Deal,” he says, reaching over to squeeze my hand when the light changes. “How are you feeling?”

“Good,” I reply, knowing that he’s worried about me, but at the same time he’s wondering if I feel up to rolling around naked with him. He’s a man. A considerate man, but also a man with needs that I want to take care of for as long as I physically can. There’s no amount of fatigue that will prevent me from needing to be intimate with him. Whether or not my body has the energy to participate or not is a totally different story. But today, well, today I’m able to pleasure him, and after what he promised to do to me, sounding so naughty and delicious that I was ready to come from just his words, the least I can do is return the favor.

Without warning him, I move to the center seat and buckle up again because I’m pregnant and safety comes first. Then I reach for his zipper and work it down.

“Abby, what are you doing?”

“Giving you road head,” I tell him as I pull out his cock. Holding him tightly around the base, I lean over to take him into my mouth.

“Ah, fuck that’s…fuck, Abby.” He groans when I suck him harder, making his cock swell and the truck slow down to a crawl. Actually, I think we stopped moving altogether. After the gearshift is shoved into park, Senn lifts his hips and throws his head back against the seat. “Fuck yes, that’s so good.” His left hand curls around my head and his right reaches over to squeeze my bare ass that’s in the air. He gasps like a drowning man before he starts chanting, “Fuck, fuck, fuuuck” with each upward thrust of his hips. I suck as much of him as I can while jerking him off. “God. Fucking. Damn. I’m coming. I’m coming so hard.
Argh
!” he growls nonsense while his warm release pulses down my throat. His hips roll slowly a few more times, and his breath comes out in gasping pants.

“My God, woman. Are you trying to kill us?” he asks when I pull back to wipe my mouth.

“I’m sorry,” I say when I sit back on my knees. “I wanted to suck your cock and couldn’t wait until we got home.”

Still breathing hard, he glances over at me, licking his lips as his eyes roam over the front of my thin nightie.

“Lie back,” he orders, his voice deep and authoritative. I want to do as he commands, so I undo my seatbelt and sit back against the door with my knees in the air. “Spread your legs and lift your gown. I can’t wait until we get home, either.”

The warmth of desire spreads through my lower body, and I’m so turned on he can probably see the arousal leaking out of me when I do as he says. I even do him one better. I pull the nightie over my head and toss it to him. He’s so fast I don’t even see him move before his mouth starts to devour me. His hot, wet tongue laps at my center and I see starbursts in my darkened vision.

“Mmm,” I moan, fisting two handfuls of his long hair to hold him still while I grind my pussy shamelessly on his face. “Yes!” I scream in praise to let him know that his rapidly flicking tongue is hitting the perfect spot over and over again. “Yes! Ah, yes!
Yesss
!” My back arches and my hips bounce frantically when I come so hard that I almost pass out.

“You okay, mama bear?” Senn asks while I’m still recovering, slumped against the door.

“Uh-huh.”

His lips and palms move up to my belly, trailing kisses all over it while I learn to breathe again. I’m almost back to normal when Senn pulls my hips lower in the seat. Blinking my eyes open, I find him hovering above me. When he strokes his cock through all the wetness he just created I can’t help but squirm, wanting more.

“Need you now,” he says while sinking deep inside me. When he’s fully sheathed, he starts sucking on one of my nipples. I’m so sensitive that it doesn’t take long for another orgasm to roll through me. Sliding myself up and down his cock, I fuck him from the bottom, pulsing around him as he holds still and lets the pleasure rock through me. I’m not sure how much longer Senn lasts because it feels like I float away for a few minutes.

“Abby? Abby!” Senn shouts my name and shakes my shoulders until I blink up at him.

“I’m okay,” I assure him. “Just resting after some crazy good orgasms.”

“You sure?” he asks, his forehead scrunched like a Shar Pei, making me giggle. I’m obviously high on endorphins. Senn finally relaxes above me, leaning down to kiss me after he blows out a breath. “Thank God.”

I tug on his t-shirt. “Let’s get home, so you can take this off.”

He rubs his nose against mine with a smile. “Always trying to get me naked.”

“Well, yeah. Have you seen you?” I tease, sneaking my hands up the bottom of his shirt to feel the ridges of his stomach.

“I do believe I have seen me once or twice,” he replies with a bigger grin.

“You’re hot. And big. And have really nice muscles.” I grab his shoulders and squeeze his biceps that are flexed from the way he’s holding himself up over me.

“Are you trying to talk me out of my clothes?” he asks. “Because that’s really unnecessary.”

“Then take me home,” I tell him.

“I’m on it,” he says. “We would’ve been there by now if you hadn’t attacked me while I was driving.” He raises up off me, and hands me back my nightie that I slip back over my head.

“You complaining?” I ask.

“Fuck no!” he exclaims. “Just, give me a little warning next time you decide to give me road head, so I don’t wreck my truck.”

“Okay, fine. If you want to be responsible and all.”

“I’m about to be a father, it’s time I get responsible and shit, right?”

“You sure you can handle a baby on your own?” I ask. While I’m certain he’ll try his best to be a good father, there’s so much that he’ll have to learn.

“Oh, I can handle it, baby,” he says with complete confidence. “I’ve already got the spare room cleared out for her.”

“Really?” I ask.

“Yeah. Why haven’t you bought any baby stuff yet?” he asks when we pull up in the driveway.

“I told you, it’s bad luck.”

“Yeah, before the second trimester. But you’re coming up on twenty-one weeks.”

I shrug. “I don’t know, just haven’t had time.”

“Bullshit. Try again.”

“I’m scared to jinx anything,” I admit.

Watching him walk around the front of the truck, I notice the lacy blue garter hanging from his rearview mirror. I’d noticed it before, but didn’t realize its significance. He kept it from the wedding.

When Senn opens the door for me, he hefts me into his arms since I don’t have on any shoes. “So, you’re superstitious?” he asks, somehow managing to unlock the door with me in his arms.

“You don’t know how hard it was,” I explain while he carries me effortlessly to the bedroom. “I still have a box of the blue baby blankets and onesies that I bought when I was pregnant with Thomas. Having those things after losing him was just a reminder of what we lost…”

“I’m sorry,” Senn says when he lays me gently in bed and undresses to join me.

“The way I see it, if I don’t buy anything and am completely unprepared for her, then she’ll come, and it’ll be frantic and crazy trying to get everything we need, but she’ll already be here and healthy.”

“Fine,” he mutters with a sigh. Stretching out next to me, he kisses Thomas’s memorial tattoo on my wrist. “I won’t push the issue anymore if it upsets you.”

“Thank you.”

“Are you still gonna stay here with me?” he asks, pulling me closer so that we’re chest to chest.

“Yes,” I answer. “As long as that slut doesn’t come back.”

“She won’t. I’ll find another housekeeper. An old lady one with gray hair.”

“Okay,” I agree.

“And, Abby, I know you worry about me sleeping with other women,” he starts, pausing to grab my hand to intertwine our fingers. “I get it, because that’s what I did for so long. But I promise you that I won’t cheat on you. I’m not some horndog who can’t live without sex. The fact is, I haven’t wanted to be with anyone else, and that’s not gonna change no matter what happens. So, don’t feel like you have to do anything you don’t feel like doing just to try and make me happy, okay?”

“You say that now…”

“So, what? You think I’ll change my mind when you get sicker? Because I’m certain that if or when that happens, sex will be the last thing I’m thinking about,” he says, kissing my knuckles. “You have no idea how worried about you I was this weekend. And at no point did I think,
wow, I really need to get laid
.”

“I thought that,” I admit with a smile.

“See! You’re the horndog in this relationship.” 

“I can’t help it,” I admit. “I like being with you, even when I’m tired or feel bad, because you make everything better.”

“Thank you,” he says with a smile. “That’s maybe the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me.”

Senn

Taking punches is easy. Watching the person you love more than anything slowly dying is so much more painful. After the night we got home from Atlantic City, the nosebleeds became more frequent, and Abby started sleeping more. I hate leaving her alone when I go to the gym, so I haven’t been training as much. Every few hours, I wake her up and make her eat. I constantly worry that she needs to be in the hospital. The stress is wearing me down, and I’m starting to feel hopeless, like I’m gonna lose Abby and the baby.

The afternoon I opened her laptop to look up movie times of all things is the day I finally snapped.

A folder containing dozens of recent videos was sitting open, so I clicked on one. Seeing and hearing Abby videoing herself, it felt like the house was caving in on me.

“
Money doesn’t buy happiness. You’ve probably heard that before, but it’s true. I know from experience. So don’t pick a career that pays well, pick one that you love. My parents nearly shit themselves when I told them I was going to open up a wedding planning business after I graduated with an MBA. That’s not what they had in mind, but I didn’t care. It’s what I wanted to do in life, and you should do what makes you happy. And you can do anything you want, just work hard and never give up.
”

Okay, maybe she was just working on a career day project or something. I click on another video.

“
You are beautiful, smart and perfect. Don’t let anyone tell you differently because you’re my daughter and your father’s, so genetically you have to be all of those things. Find a man who loves you just how you are and doesn’t try to change anything about you. One who makes you laugh. One who will stand by you, even when you’re at your worst.”
Abby smiles and swipes at her eyes
. “A man who remembers what you were wearing the first time he saw you is definitely a keeper.”

Unable to help myself, I keep the torture going, knowing it’s only gonna be more painful with each one, but needing to see them.

“
It sucks but it’s inevitable that someday, someone will break your heart. Whether it’s a boy you love who stops loving you, or one who never loved you back. But don’t worry. He wasn’t who you’re meant to be with. When you’re with the right person everything is easy and effortless. Which means that no matter what you do or say, no matter how you hurt them, they’ll never stop loving you because it’s impossible. That person is your soulmate.”

Tears leak down onto the keyboard, but I can’t stop clicking on the videos, one right after another.

“
Expect a lot of drama in life and enjoy it as much as you can. The ups and down is what makes it exciting, just try not to be the one who causes the drama. Admit when you’re wrong or make a mistake, because the cover-up is always worse than the crime.
”

Seeing Abby in a different outfit, her belly growing bigger, her body weaker as she talks to our unborn daughter in more brutal than a sucker punch to my gut. Some of the videos are even instructional, showing her how to braid her hair and put on makeup. I watch them all, until I get to the very last one.

“
One day you’re gonna want something with all your heart. When you do, multiply that feeling by the number of stars in the sky and it still won’t be how much I wanted to be your mother. Thank you for giving me a purpose in this world before I had to leave it.”

Abby’s so certain that she’s dying that she’s making videos for our daughter. Setting the laptop aside, I storm into the bedroom and find Abby awake, pushing around the food on the tray I left her earlier.

“Goddamn it, Abby!” I shout so loudly she jumps.

“What? Why are you yelling at me?” she asks, blinking her heavy eyes at me. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay!” I yell, swiping a hand over my face to dry the wetness. “I found the videos.”

“What videos?” she asks innocently.

“You know what fucking videos,” I reply. “Why are you giving up?”

Her shoulder’s slump and she drops her fork. “I’m not giving up. I just want to be prepared.”

“You need to go to the doctor instead of preparing for the worst,” I tell her sternly.

“I just went to the doctor last week,” she responds.

“Yeah, your OBGYN, not your oncologist.”

“He doesn’t have anything to say that I want to hear,” she says with her chin stubbornly in the air. “As long as the baby is okay—”

“Just because you don’t like what he’s telling you, doesn’t mean you should stop going,” I say to her. “You’re gonna need his help. We need him to be on top of your records so that as soon as the baby’s born, he can start treatment. I’ve been talking to this specialist –”

“You’re grumpy,” she interrupts, changing the subject.

“I’m not grumpy. I’m worried,” I correct. And so fucking devastated that I can’t breathe.

“You’re grumpy because you haven’t gotten laid in…what, a week?”

“That’s not…I’m not…”

“Horny?” she asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Seeing you barely move all day and night doesn’t really do it for me,” I tell her honestly. “I’m too worried—”

“What about now?” she asks, sitting the food tray aside to lift my t-shirt she’s been sleeping in over her head, baring her naked breasts and pregnant belly to me. My mouth waters, but I swallow it down. Of course my cock reacts because that’s what he does, even if it’s inappropriate. She’s sick and not up for…oh fuck. Now she’s cupping her massive tits, just to tease me. “Come on, Senn. Take your clothes off and get in bed with me.”

“You’re evil,” I tell her, because now I’m torn between selfishly taking her up on an offer she can’t handle or rejecting her, which will hurt her feelings, even if it’s for her own good. “Tiny, sexy, manipulative evil,” I grumble as I pull my shirt over my head.

Abby grins triumphantly as I quickly shuck my jeans and boxers, then climb into bed with her. Reaching for the side of her face, I tilt her lips up so I can cover them with mine, kissing her slowly, gently. There’s a reason we only do this once a week at most, more than just because I don’t trust that she’s healthy enough or has the energy for it. Being with her is too damn good, and all I can think about is that it could be the last time I have with her. Which is fucking killing me, not because I’m horny, but because I love her. Especially after seeing those videos...

“You’re not gonna break me,” she says, tugging on my shoulders to try and pull me down closer. 

“I know, but you might break me,” I tell her before I make love to her, savoring every second, every touch and every kiss like it might be the last.

…

Abby

“Just nine more weeks,” I say into the silence while Senn and I lie in bed wrapped up in each other, our limbs tangled.

“I can’t wait,” he says as he runs a palm over my growing bump. He feels the baby move a few times a day now, and she’s always more active when she hears him talking.

“Me either,” I reply with a sigh. God, I hope I make it that far.

“So, um, I was thinking,” Senn starts, and then pauses to run his hands through his hair and blow out a breath. “Maybe, I mean, if you want to, we could, I dunno…”

“Spit it out, Senn,” I tease him, gripping his chin so he has to look at me.

“Would you want to marry me?” he asks; and if it wasn’t for the serious expression on his face, I would’ve laughed. Did Senn Duncan, the notorious bachelor, seriously just ask me to marry him?

“I…I…”

“You don’t want to,” he says, his shoulders sagging in defeat before I can get the words out.

“I’m just…surprised. Where did that come from?” I ask him.

“Well, ah, the other day your dad mentioned that you’ve always wanted a big wedding, which is why you started planning weddings.”

“Oh God,” I mutter in understanding, covering my face so he won’t see my tears. “This is a pity proposal.”

“What?” Senn asks, and I would almost bet that if I was looking at him, his Shar Pei forehead would be all scrunched up. “Pity…”

“You don’t want to marry me. You only asked because you think I might die. Well, I don’t want a pity proposal or…or a pity wedding! This isn’t
The Notebook
. This is real life!”

“
The Notebook
?” he repeats. “Don’t you mean a
Walk to Remember
?”

Hearing those words from his mouth, I peek at him between my fingers to see his face, unable to help my smile. “You watch Nicholas Sparks’ movies!” I accuse.

“I…that’s not the point,” he says, and I lose it. Giggles come pouring out as I roll back and forth with laughter.

“You…you watch…” I can’t finish the sentence. It’s too funny. Such a big, tough guy watching sappy romances.

“You’re making fun of me,” Senn grumbles. “If you tell anyone, I’ll beat your ass.”

“No one…no one would ever believe me,” I say through the laughter. “Why?” I ask.

Senn huffs and looks away. I reach for his jaw to make him look at me again. “There was a marathon on one day, so I started to watch just to see what all the fuss was about. Chicks love that shit, right?”

“Uh-huh,” I answer, pursing my lips to try not to laugh anymore now that I realize he’s so serious.

“Growing up, I didn’t exactly see what a healthy relationship looked like, you know? How a man is supposed to treat a woman. I fuck and fight, but other than that, I’m an asshole.”

“You’re not an asshole,” I tell him honestly. “It’s sweet. You’re actually really sweet. I had no idea…”

He scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“I know that you keep the thermostat up, so I won’t get cold, even though you can’t sleep when it’s hot. I know that you don’t even get mad when I wake you up in the middle of the night and send you out because I want a milkshake or enchiladas. And I know that you would do anything for this little girl, too,” I tell him with a pat to my belly. “You, Senn Duncan, are sweet.”

“Those things are nothing—”

“Those things, and all the other little things you do, are everything,” I tell him.  

“But you don’t want to marry me,” he says with a frown.

“I didn’t say that!” I exclaim. “I said I don’t want you to marry me out of pity.”

“What if I want to marry you just because I love you and I want you to be my wife?” he asks.

“Then, yes, I would marry you.”

“You would?” he asks with a smile.

“Yes,” I agree. “But not until the baby’s born.”

The smile slips from his face. “Abby…”

“Don’t say it,” I warn him, pressing a fingertip to his lips. “I’ll have this little girl, and then we can get married if that’s still what you want.”

“Because you want to make sure it’s not a pity marriage?” he asks.

“Yes.”

Senn buries his face in my neck and growls. “Fine,” he agrees. “But you
are
gonna marry me.”

There’s no reason to tell him otherwise. I can feel it, my body deteriorating more each day as I grow weaker. That’s why I don’t need to go to the oncologist. I already know I’m dying. But I’ll do everything I can to hold on long enough, so that I can at least make sure I don’t leave Senn all alone. He deserves to have someone in his life who loves him.