Read Shampoo Online

Authors: Karina Almeroth

Tags: #romance, #comedy, #girl power, #australian, #commodores

Shampoo (4 page)

BOOK: Shampoo
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I offered to drive us into the city in my

Since you’re not drinking, you
might not tackle any cops tonight and get us arrested –”

Ha ha, shut up you –”

I let it rip on the open road all of a sudden.
Oh my God, I’m so in love with her. This is just FUN.

Me and my car are going to have so much fun
together. That’s a love affair right there.

Holy fuck, woman.” Evvy righted
himself after I’d hooned around a corner. “AHHHH –”

He started screaming. I started

Fuck, THIS IS FUN!!” I started
yelling around corners, with the car’s beautiful,

(big manly BEAUTIFUL tyres)

screeching and holding SO WELL around corners.
I barely have to even slow down.

(when I used to do that in the Civic, it’d slam
into a wall sideways)

Ever hung on for dear life. “Oh JESUS – ”

I laughed. I was seriously having SO MUCH FUN.
I couldn’t control myself.

Nat and Josie DO NOT drive like
this – ” he yelped. “You’re so IRRESPONSIBLE!! So not like your

Sorry for that. I can’t help

Ever closed his eyes. “I was about to say I
really dig it, but I’ve just changed my mind – ”

We made it to the city (alive), me screeching
to a stop in that open air carpark in the empty lot near Mary St,
and Evvy opened the car door and fell on his ass onto the

Oh my GOD, how I laughed. And laughed and
laughed and laughed.

Fucking hell, woman, I’ve fallen
out the car, you drive so fucking mentally – ”

I got out the car, doubled over, and came round
to him still on the ground. “Haha. HAHAHAHAHA! Let me, hahaha, help
you up –”

Holy crap, I am DRIVING US HOME
LATER, WOMAN. Never again, NEVER AGAIN, am I getting into a car
with you behind the wheel!”

Oh stop your moaning and let’s go
get drunk. Or, I can get drunk, since you’re suddenly

You’re such an ODD female –

I’m getting a bit sick, actually, got a cough
(after just returning to work), and Evvy and the boys were SO SWEET
all night, taking care of me, hovering around me. They never once
left my side. If one group of them left, there was always another
bunch of them by my side.

They’re really a bunch of sweet guys, for all
their carry on. Ben, the total sleaze who gets with three girls
every time they go out


(Nat tells me all the goss – I’ve laid in bed
for six months, listening to all their stories, wishing desperately
to be able to have that kind of fun),


would not leave my side for a second last
night. He kept trying to pull me away from Evvy all

And Ever said, “Stop trying to steal my woman!
Although, after her behavior, I’m not sure I’m up to

her –” and I whacked him.

How weird is it? It’s like being
out with Nat’s twin!”

Except she’s not swearing at us
like Nat does – ”

Or hitting us – ”

And Nat never wears pink –

They made such a fuss over me. Felt so

Eventually it was time to head home, and Ever
led me back to my beloved VN

(will never get sick of saying VN),


and looked so damn sexy behind the wheel of my
new baby.

For all of his screaming earlier, he really let
it rip at one stage, coming out of the city. “Now this is how you

woman – ”

His driving impressed me. He’s like a V8
supercar driver.

(that’s so hot!)

When we got back here, Ever came upstairs with
me. He stepped into my unit, took one look around, and went, “Oh
dear GOD, this is scary. I feel like I just stepped into a serial
killer’s lair.”

Oh, stop it. It’s just a bit of

A BIT of pink? No no, this is like
a flamingo exploded in here – ”

Ever stood around for ages, staring at
everything, poking at everything, reading all my quotes on the
walls –


“And I knew, love would tear you apart”
(Malibu, Hole…possibly stolen from Kurt Cobain after she killed
him, but no matter, I love her) and “I feel so far from where I’ve
been” (You Were Meant For Me, Jewel), and (my favourite) “This
isn’t some funk I’m in…this is my personality” (‘Dawson’s


Is this from what you’ve gone
through?” he asked me, pointing to the quotes framed on my

I glanced up at them, suddenly feeling a bit
sad. “Yeah…”

Ever gave me this look, I can’t describe it.
Like he got it, he appreciated it, even. “They told me, you know.
Nat and Dan. All about Nat’s ‘wild’” – he used finger quotes –
“sister, all the crazy things she does, all the pink. The trouble
you get into. The bad boyfriends.” He turned to face me. “But they
didn’t do you justice. There’s a weird like DEPTH to you. And
innocence. Under all this serial killer pink – ”

And then he reached for me, ran a hand down my
face and kissed me.

It suddenly wasn’t so funny between us

It was romantic.


Monday 22 May 2000


Evvy was just here.


And just like that, it seems like I’m dating

Yesterday the whole Scooby Gang (Nat and Dan,
Mark and Josie, Tom, Ever, Ben, Hoffy, Gibbo) had a BBQ at Josie’s
and Evvy rang to invite me, but I was feeling very sick (ie. drank
enough the night before for ten people) and declined. Tonight he
sat (on my pink couch) and said, “I can’t believe how freakishly
ALIKE you and Nat are – ”

That’s not what you were saying the
other night!”

Well, yes, not personality wise,
but in your mannerisms and looks and even your VOICES. It’s freaky!
I was sitting beside your sister yesterday – actually, she rang
YOU, she was talking to you – and I did like a double take. I was
thinking I was sitting next to Karina!”

He went on and on about it, like Nat and I are
such fascinating creatures.

(well, we kinda are)

You actually don’t particularly
LOOK alike, but there is something WEIRDLY IDENTICAL about

I’m glad he thought about me all

Seriously, did you come over to
talk about my sister and I all night or what – ”

I’m sorry! It’s just that Nat has
been one of my closest friends for years, and it’s like suddenly
she just pulled out this twin! One that I got arrested with and I
had this wicked night of sex with Saturday night!”

(sorry Diary, for not going into

It’s just a bit of excitement for
my boring life, that’s all, and a bit of a shock, that I’m so into
Nat’s sister – ”

And then he carried me to bed and did a bit
more of what he did in the early hours of Sunday

My heart hasn’t fallen (yet), but it certainly
tugged at his body. He has massive scars all over his back and down
one leg, raised and very painful looking. He told me all about it
as he held me in his arms – he was hit by a car at 7, and had heaps
of surgeries, skin grafts, etc.

That breaks my heart. How did his single mother
cope?? Her child having to go through all that? How did Ever

No wonder he seems to understand me

He’s as broken as I am. I think he just hides
it better.




Wednesday 24 May 2000


Just rang Dad, and he refused to speak to me.
This is the shit I have to put up with from my family.

He never treats Nat like this, though. That’s
what really hurts. He wouldn’t dream of treating her how he treats

I’m loved less, or not properly, by my own
father. While Nat is cherished by him.

No wonder I don’t know my own worth, and pick
assholes who don’t know it either, when I have a family that
doesn’t even really love me or see who I really am.

I think I need therapy. Other than pink
champagne and a Holden Commodore.




Thursday 25 May 2000


The ENTIRE company left today for the annual
conference, in Bali. Everybody. Like everybody left, except for two
new warehouse guys I don’t know, and a couple of the casual night
warehouse staff that normally work 5 till 9pm…

(and Matt Johnson. He didn’t go on the
conference, he stayed. I feel some kind of weird significance at
this. When I asked him later why he didn’t go, he gave me that look
he seems to give only me, and said, “I see enough of this lot
working with them. I don’t need to go away with them.’)

(hot. I don’t know why that was hot, but it

(finding everything Matt does hot actually,
since being back at work)

Everyone else though! All of them left me on my
own to run the office.


Everyone was so damn excited when I walked into
the office this morning, suitcases everywhere, Daryl Agnew asking
Sherrie, “Now ARE YOU SURE all my drag clothes are packed? I can’t
leave the country without all my wigs - ”

and me near tears, thinking I’m gonna miss
Daryl’s big drag queen performance again, and I haven’t got to go
to a conference yet, cause I fell down the stairs at work and broke
my ass (literally) my third month there.

I’ve already missed so much, off with my back,
then off having surgery, and recovery (and the assault), now
they’re all bloody leaving me to go overseas WITHOUT ME.

Benny and Lachie were especially painful,
telling me not to stuff up any orders and make sure I take any
messages for them correctly and watch their cars for them and make
sure I think of them having fun in a foreign country while I work
ALONE in the office.

Oh I hate them all.

As they left, John Cash was all, “Thanks for
holding down the fort, Pinky!”

And Daryl Young (DY) was all, “Don’t drink all
the alcohol, Pinky!”

(ooh, there’s alcohol??)

I stuck my finger up at them.

(the only workplace in the world you can do
that to your bosses)

Nat and I were seriously crying as we hugged
goodbye. “Awww, sisters – ”

I’m not sure these two have ever
been apart – ”

Sherrie was a bit teary, too. After being so
close through my six months off, she’s been really distant since
I’ve been back at work. But she cried at least, saying goodbye to

And then all of them were gone, leaving me in
the office ALL ON MY OWN.




Sunday 28 May 2000


Oh my God, what a night.

Evvy and I didn’t get arrested, but we had a
threesome instead.

(not technically. Just three in a

Oh, and we lost Dan. I’m sure he’ll turn up
before Nat gets back, but he’s still not answering his phone and
Dad said he wasn’t at home (where his daughter’s boyfriend normally

(amazed Dad even spoke to me)

So Anabeth came over here yesterday arvo, and
we drank pink champagne and got ready together.

Is SO FUN, this getting ready with girls

We cabbed it into the city, and met Evvy, Dan,
Tom, Mark and Josie, the rest of the Scooby Gang in

We stayed upstairs at Mary St, playing pool for
most of the night, but something felt a bit off with Ever and I. I
felt he was all over Josie, and I was a bit annoyed by that, and
HEAPS of guys kept coming up to me, and Ever seemed put out by

If ONE MORE GUY comes up to you, I
am going to LOSE IT –’’ he finally declared.

Maybe you need to act more loving
towards her then,” Beth said pointedly.

Oh, she hates Ever!! Like WITH A PASSION. She
says he’s not right for me, and too immature and wrapped up in

(but aren’t they all??)

Since I’ve known Beth since high school, she’s
been through it all with me. “There’s been a lot of frogs,” as she
likes to say, in reference to my (disastrous) love life.

So Ever hops in the cab (like a BOYFRIEND,
which just freaks me out) with Anabeth and I, and, seriously, the
two of them just yelled at each other all night.

In the cab. In bed. All night.

It began in the cab.

You know there’s only one bed,”
Beth said to Ever.

BOOK: Shampoo
8.58Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub

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