Shampoo (6 page)

Who knew shampoo could be so
stressful.

Monday 5 June 2000

5.56pm

So Dan picked me up about ten, with Cleo in his
arms, her cute little dog bum waggling madly at the sight of me,
and we drove to Sin to see Nat. They’d all just flown in, and most
had gone straight to work (Renee was closing the office after an
hour or so though).

So good to see my sister. I missed her SO MUCH.
Her and Sherrie both said Bali was gross, and they would’ve rather
have gone to Hawaii.

Then I came home and died.

Haven’t heard from Evvy this
weekend.

Wednesday 7 June 2000

2.22pm

Oh my God, so embarrassing.

So yesterday Sharon came upstairs (and it took
me 2 hours to get rid of her) and brought me homemade chicken soup,
which, IN THEORY, is really very sweet, but in reality WAS FUCKING
HORRIFIC.

There were big hunks of chicken in it that
still looked raw and were making me like fully retch.

BUT, she’s that type of person (stalker) to go
through bins and check whether you’d actually eaten her
soup

(she seriously is, I see her go through
everyone’s bins all the time),

so I knew I couldn’t just throw it out, so I
tried tipping it down the sink, but the chunks of meat were too
big

(and gross and raw),

and I realized I was in big trouble as I was
using a wooden spoon to shove it down my sink and the motherfuckers
just weren’t going down.

An hour later, I was content in the knowledge
I’d buried that soup forever, when there was a knock on the
door.

Was Paul, the plumber. And he was cutely
holding Sharon’s cat in his arms. “The pipes for you and Sharon are
blocked. Looks like someone shoved a whole chicken down
there.”

OOPS.

Friday 9 June 2000

12.47pm

Evvy just visited me. He’d just finished work.
How sweet is that??

He just teased me lots, joking around, making
statements like “I can’t believe how sick you are, woman,” and
talking about what we’re doing this weekend (me, dying), and he
kept going, “Nut, nut, I’m doing nothing,” then laughing
madly.

He’s a bit of a shit stirrer, he is.

So I kept whacking him, then he’d grab my hands
and pull me to him and kiss me. “I wouldn’t care if you had plans
this weekend,” he said, and when I rolled my eyes, he started madly
laughing and falling about, going, “You look SO MUCH like Nat
then!! Hilarious!!” and “The Almeroth sisters can pull faces like
no other!”

“
You’re gonna catch whooping cough
if you keep kissing me - ”

(not sure if that’s true. Should look it
up)

And he was all, “I won’t get sick, I’m too
healthy, CAUSE I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, and don’t drink like a
fucking fish outta water – ” and “ – you need to learn to take care
of yourself, you JUST HAD back surgery, your body is RUN DOWN, I
mean WHO GETS WHOOPING COUGH, except BABIES – ” and on and
on.

Was really cute, actually. I love when he acts
like a boyfriend. Or just caring about me.

Then he sat next to me on the couch and held my
hand for hours while I looked like this and coughed and spluttered
everywhere.

Hmm.

Sat 10 June 2000

1.15pm

So long in bed (AGAIN!!!) I can barely
deal.

So boring. I’m SO BORED and boring.

Ever revealed yesterday (eventually) that he
has a party bus to go on, and I was all FINE, JUST LEAVE ME FUCKING
ALONE FOR ANOTHER WEEKEND!!!! So I’ve just been bummed, sick and
lonely. This was supposed to be my triumphant return to life.
Instead, I’m dying worse than I was before.

But then Nat rang last night, and mentioned she
just received her invitation to Gibbo’s party bus, and I was all,
“Isn’t it tomorrow though?” and she’s like no, next
weekend.

So then I was faced with Evvy had lied to me. I
don’t know why it bothered me so much! But it did.

So I hung up from Nat and rang Ever. Soon as he
answered, I said, “I know you’re lying about this weekend!” and he
just laughed and laughed.

I was all, “Shut up, you stupid ass – ” and he
just laughed harder.

“
I was just testing you, woman,” he
laughed, “and YOU FAILED!”

Apparently it was me that said I just wanted
something casual, I didn’t want a real boyfriend after all I’ve
been through, and he just wanted to know how casual I really
am.

(clearly, not very)

“
I do have plans this weekend,
though, but I promise I’ll make it up to you, woman – ”

“
Yeah, when your friends are all
busy!”

Then I was like, “No lying to each other! Don’t
you think we should at least be honest with each
other??”

And Ever went, “Fuck no!”

“
Remember which one of us said that
please, Ever.”

That’s it, I’m dating other guys.

Thursday 15 June 2000

9.17pm

Back at work since Monday. Thank
God.

I seem to becoming friends with Julia, a new
girl who started when I was off having surgery. She makes me laugh
at work. And weirdly, her boyfriend Michael, Richard and I used to
work with!

Richard’s been calling a lot lately. All the
way from England. He said the other night he hasn’t returned home
yet cause of me! Then laughed like it was a joke except I kinda
felt it was the truth.

I miss him all the time.

Jessica Jenkins, a rep on the Gold Coast, steps
in the office today, and the world stops.

(for me, anyway)

She’s TINY, and gorgeous and so tough and
business oriented, I just wanna BE her.

Despite her not even being five foot tall, she
steps into a room and dominates it. She’s like the Kylie Minogue of
the haircare world.

I used to be scared of her, and before I’d
started work at Sin, Nat had warned me she can be
brutal.

I practically SHOOK the first time I took her
two hundred orders over the phone, and typed them directly into the
computer. But I’ve soon realized Jessica warms to you once she
realizes you’re hard working and if you take her orders
accurately.

Now I just ADORE Jess. I love the days she
actually comes into the office!

I love seeing Daryl Agnew and Jess together.
Theirs is a special friendship. The reps all have this bond with
each other, that is so fun and funny to watch.

Daryl Agnew was all, “JESS!! Could your skirt
BE any shorter?”

And Jess, laughing, “Met your monthly quota
this month Dag?”

(Jess is like in The Million Dollar Club –
whatever the fuck that is, but it involves a million dollars – and
is THE top rep each month throughout Australia. Without fail, every
month. It really bugs Daryl)

“
If I had tits to show like you, I
WOULD –”

Whenever Daryl is in the office, and hears
Gerry call out to DY, “Jessica Jenkins just put in a fifty thousand
dollar order,” Daryl Agnew will yell out, “Yeah but what did she
PUT out to get that?”

Oh I love them both.

Friday 16 June 2000

10.02pm

Evvy and I WERE supposed to be going to dinner
tonight, and he calls here at 6.30pm, AFTER I WAS ALREADY DRESSED,
and said he’s not coming to dinner, he’s too tired, but that he’s
going to Mark and Josie’s and to go play Laserforce.

What. The fuck.

What do I even say to that?? I was all, “Okay!
Have fun!!”

(you stupid fucker)

I was all dressed up, so rang Dan on his
mobile

(gotta bypass The Sister to get them to go out
with me. Dan always says yes),

and he said they’d come to Ribbetts with
me.

So I drove to Dad’s, and walked into
home.

It’s always good to be home. Just Dad, Nat and
Dan were there, and Dad gave me a big hug like nothing has ever
happened, and told me off for being outside when I’m this
sick.

(I love my daddy)

Nat, Dan and I had fun at Ribbetts. My butt is
super sore. Saw my surgeon yesterday, and he was all, “You know
you’ve got an infection in your incision? You’ve got green pus,”
and I was all, “I thought my butt felt wet.”

But seriously, I can’t see my own butt crack.
How was I supposed to know it’s infected.

So now I’m on two different antibiotics for
whooping, and two super dooper ones for this infected
scar.

I am so going to bed. I’m floored.

11.23pm

Two can play this I don’t care game Ever has
started…

Sunday 18 June 2000

11.14am

Well, I played the ‘I don’t care’ game so well
we had sex three times last night and once this morning…

Yesterday I decided fuck this, I can’t stay
inside, in bed, watching Dawson’s Creek and pining for Joey and
Pacey to get together another day. I had to get out the
house.

So I took my baby down the coast. Ah. Was
heaven.

I’d just done a lap on the esplanade at Surfers
when Ever rang.

(thank GOD I took my mobile with me FOR
ONCE)

They were all down at Broadbeach, and he asked
me to meet them and stay, and go clubbing in Surfers.

“
Crap. I’m already here –
”

“
You’re already down
here?”

“
Yeah, I’m at Surfers Paradise as we
speak – ”

“
So come meet us – ”

“
Fuck, I’m gonna need clothes for
tonight, and my medicine. I’ll drive home, get it all, and be back.
Text me the address, Everard.”

He sounded stunned. “You’re gonna drive ALL THE
WAY back to Brisbane, then ALL THE WAY BACK –”

“
Yeah – ”

“
I would NEVER drive that far –
”

“
Lucky I’m not you!”

So that’s what I did. Did a burnout on the
esplanade, hooned it back to Brissie, grabbed my stuff, stuffed it
all in my pink fairy suitcase, and leadfooted it back to the Gold
Coast.

I was there by 2pm.

It was like something from a dream when I
pulled up to the unit block – 4 Commodores all lined up, one behind
the other.

(ohhh BABY!!)

The one car garage was available, and there was
absolutely no more room where all the guys had parked their cars,
and no way I was parking my brand new love of my life on the busy
Gold Coast Highway, so I stole the garage spot. Judging by the
sheer amount of Holdens, everyone had arrived anyway.

“
Hey woman!!”

“
Pinky’s here!”

“
Kerry!!” (Dan calls me Kerry. As
payback for me never calling him Daniel)

“
Nice car, Karina – ”

Ever, Dan, Tom and Mark were all on the balcony
above me. “Boys, I like all your penis extensions out here –
”

Later that arvo, I tried to reverse out the
garage with all the boys’ cars lined up behind me, to take me, Nat
and Josie out to get alcohol. I seriously couldn’t do it, I keep
reversing, swinging, coming too close to Tom’s car especially, and
having to straighten up, drive back in, and try again.

(fuck Commodores ARE BIG. Coming from a tiny
Honda Civic to this is an adjustment. In parking situations
anyway)

Nat and Josie were absolutely cacking it. I
could see and hear the boys on the balcony above me,
too.

“
Watch my car, Pinky!!”

“
This is the funniest thing you’ve
done so far, woman!!”

Evvy finally came downstairs after attempt one
hundred by me, and opened my car door. “I’ll do it, woman –
”

I stepped out the car and watched how he
reversed in one clean sweep.

(hot, and damn it)

He climbed out, held my door open as I hopped
back in, closed it behind me.

He was still laughing.

So after the bottle-o trip, we all started
drinking in the unit. I checked my Barbie watch, realizing I had to
take my medicine (other than pink champagne). I started pulling
them all out of my bag and lining them up on the kitchen
bench.

(while I sipped my pink champers)

Nat rolled her eyes, while Ever froze. “I’m
PRETTY SURE you’re NOT SUPPOSED TO DRINK on antibiotics! Look how
many of them you’ve got!!” he cried.