Shampoo (7 page)

“
Yeah, my ass is infected –
”

They all fell about laughing. “Are you
serious?” Ever asked when he’d calmed down. “Your scar is
infected?”

“
Yes – ”

The stern Evvy took over. He walked over to me,
took my drink out my hand, and chucked the contents down the sink.
“NO MORE, WOMAN, YOU’RE SICK,” then, “You’re gonna kill yourself
the way you drink,” then

(this is sexy),

“Not on my watch!!”

No wonder I had sex with him 4 times while we
were down there (gentle sex).

Thursday 22 June 2000

8.46pm

Mum’s in hospital and really, really
sick.

Nat and I spent hours in the waiting room, then
a doctor came out and asked us to come with him, and he led us into
an empty examination room.

This is when Nat and I just looked at each
other. The dread and horror was palpable.

“
Is Mum…??” Nat
whispered.

“
Oh, no no, she’s alive, BUT BARELY
– ”

Life doesn’t prepare you for these moments. It
just comes along and knocks your feet out from under
you.

“
We think she’s going into multiple
organ failure. We don’t know how long she has to live.”

Nat and I saw her. God, it was awful. She’s
awake and alert. But very, very sick.

I know she’s not been the best mother to us,
BUT SHE IS OUR MUM. She’s only 41. She’s suffered so much…I don’t
wanna see her suffer anymore.

She seems far too young.

I came home and cried all night. Fucking sobbed
my heart out. It’s moments like these I think I have nobody. I just
want the love of my life to hold me in these moments.

Instead, I’m ALWAYS ALONE.

Always fucking alone.

Monday 26 June 2000

7.54pm

The highlight of my days are talking to Daryl
Agnew, and mucking around with Benny.

Faye gives me big hugs every time I walk into
the warehouse, and asks me when I’m marrying her son, Nick (the one
that’s chasing me).

Mum’s a bit better, her docs say. Her counts
back up to 3, but doc says that still leaves her at high risk of
kidney and heart failure.

Ever hasn’t called. I hate how he takes this
casual shit so seriously!!

It’s raining at the moment. It’s
beautiful.

I love the sound of rain. I can’t wait to move
to Astoria!!

(I have $26 in my bank account)

Tuesday 27 June 2000

8.34pm

Still a bit sick, I think. Cause I am feeling
it right now, after work.

And the phone keeps ringing, and I refuse to
answer it. I don’t want to talk to anyone.

Plus it could be Sharon from
downstairs.

None of the calls are from Evvy, of
course.

Oops. Just checked. That was Evvy.

Makes my heart swell! I’m not in love, but I
care already, and I’m pissed off at myself about that.

I open my heart way too easily, GIVE it far too
easily.

I honestly think that’s my problem, my ENTIRE
problem. I care too much about everyone, and everything, and end up
devastated and all alone.

But I’d hate not to feel.

I’m so not ringing Ever back, though. I want
him to chase me, go wild, send flowers, want me more than
anything.

I want that SO BAD.

But Evvy’s the wrong guy then, cause he is SO
the opposite. He has a problem OPENING his heart. He doesn’t do
things unless there’s something in it for him! Which really bugs me
for some reason. I hate selfish people!

But I’m not sure he’s really selfish, or just
hiding a great big heart under all that crap.

Like that Sunday night a week ago, when I went
and got us Red Rooster, because he wanted it. We were laying about
in his bed, and he went, “I would KILL for some Red
Rooter

(him and Dan and their ‘Red Rooter’)

right now.”

“
So let’s go get it,” I
said.

And stupid, uptight Everard was all, “Nah, it’s
a Sunday. I don’t go out on a Sunday, remember?”

“
But it’s two minutes up the road!”
I cried.

“
Egg-ZACTLY!”

“
How about I go get it for you,
Special?”

Everard, shocked: “You’d do that? For
me?”

(oh my God, he’s so strange)

“
Yes. It’s no big deal.”

(except for your weirdness)

Everard, with glowing lovebeam eyes: “I can’t
believe you would DO this for me. No one has ever done this kind of
thing for me before.”

Me, high on his lovebeams: “Not even Tom? Your
boyfriend?”

“
ESPECIALLY not Tom.”

“
I will even – OH MY GOD!! – pay for
it, Everard.”

Evvy just started clutching his heart, like his
chest was hurting. “You’re so fucking SWEET and good, woman.”
Pause. “It’s almost disturbing. I thought you’d be just like Nat.
And in some ways, you freakishly are. Like your looks, for example.
And the way you both pull those faces, hahaha. But in others…you
two are a world apart.”

“
I’m pretty sure my sister has
bought Dan Red Rooster before, Everard.”

He was all extra affectionate and loving that
afternoon. High on me getting him Red Rooster.

Thursday 29 June 2000

9.08pm

Watching ‘Dawson’s’ in bed. Trying to recover
my body from being back at work.

(still, two months later – but I’ve had a lot
of time off for whooping)

It’s not used to this, being back at work
full-time. I’m starting to really feel it.

Arrived home from work to a pink envelope from
Richard. Inside, was this letter:

Dear Karina,

Well, I’m coming home soon, and I wanted to
tell you how I feel. I’ve wanted you forever; I came home once
before, and felt pushed away by you.

I shouldn’t have left. I shouldn’t have let you
push me away. I should’ve stayed.

But I’m coming home now, and I want to make
sure I don’t get pushed away again. I want you to know how I
feel.

I’ve wanted us together for a long time, but
was worried about our friendship. You’ve been my best friend for so
long, I didn’t want anything to happen to that. Now I think our
friendship is strong enough to survive anything we could ever do to
each other in a relationship.

Hearing you had a guy over the other night
crushed me, but I will stand by you if you decide to have a
relationship with him over me.

Always your friend,

I love you.

Rich xx

I’m swooning right now. So sweet.

(Everard was over when he called)

But not sure how I feel about it.

Rich told me all this back in November, but
then he left (after flying in), and I could ignore it, cause he’s
on the other side of the world…

But now he’s coming back.

Friday 30 June 2000

9.06pm

Ever, the other night, asked me to go to movies
with him tonight, then rings me today at 5pm and goes, “Me, Josie,
Mark and Tom want to know if you wanna come to the movies with
us.”

Inside, I was like “HELLO!!!! You asked me
Tuesday, JUST ME!!”

Now the whole Scooby Gang is going.

I pleaded illness and declined.

Then rang Nat and burst into tears. She was
all, “Get another guy, Evvy can’t do this shit. You can’t change
him.”

I don’t WANT to change another guy. I just want
the guy to BE everything I’ve always wanted. I have no right to
change Ever…let him be who he is. It’s just not right for
me.

“
I find myself trying to change you.
If you were meant to be my lover, I wouldn’t have to.” No
Doubt.

So then I went to a card party at
Joy’s.

Yes, we made cards. Somehow, it was fun, and
the most fun I’ve had in awhile.

My card I made looked so special. Phoebe, Joy’s
teenage daughter, rolled about laughing.

“
Like yours is any better!!” I
laughed (hers was some weird looking snowman Christmas
card).

“
Yeah, but mine’s at least not
‘Happy Pink Day’!!!” (oh god, she was in hysterics)

I miss Joy. Before falling down stairs and
being off recovering, she was my number one party friend. She’s
cool at 45. So fun!!! And she always has the best advice for me,
too. She was all, “You’re young and gorgeous, GO DATE LOTS OF
MEN!!”

Think I’m gonna take that advice.

Matt came upstairs at work today, and stopped
to talk to us invoicing girls. He was chatting to Julia about this
dinner he’d cooked, and it sounded so scrumptious I found myself
with that intense longing I seem to get for Matt whenever he steps
anywhere near me. I wanted to be with him SO BAD in that
moment.

Just because he can cook???

Most girls want a guy cause he has money. I
want one to be fed.

Evvy never cooks. I’m not sure he even knows
how to put bread in a toaster. His mummy does it for
him.

And then there’s Benny at work. I kinda already
love Benny. He’s such a great guy and friend. Tall, too…

I mean, he is SO TALL. What women want
tall.

The other day I was leaving work, and Benny was
all, “What’s the go with that sticker on your car,
Pinky?”

(he did not seem happy about it!!)

“
What sticker?” I asked sweetly.
Then my eyelashes got stuck together and I had to use my fingers to
pry them apart.

Benny didn’t even blink. He works with like 20
twenty year old girls. Nothing fazes him. You could insert a tampon
in front of him and he wouldn’t blink. He’s seen it all with us
office girls. “That sticker!!”

He pointed to ‘Guys Wanted: Must be Rich and
Good-looking’ on my VN. “So you’ll only go out with rich or
good-looking guys??”

All huffy like, he was.

(was hot!!)

“
But of course!!” I replied, walking
backwards to my car.

“
But I don’t have any money!!” he
called ADORABLY after me as I got in my car.

“
But you’re good-looking, Benny!!” I
called out my window.

I roared away, looking back in my rearview
window.

He was grinning.

But when I’m daydreaming on the phone at
work…

(when reps are yelling or demanding things,
like can I take the earth and rotate it in the opposite
direction)

It’s always about Matt.

Oh, okay, and Benny. Benny and his damn
height.

Saturday 1 July 2000

11.12pm

Had Beth’s sister’s wedding
today/tonight.

Oh, it was beautiful. Just depressed
me.

(like weddings ALWAYS DO)

Ever turned up here last night after the
movies. And he was all surprisingly sweet and loving.

Which completely fucked with my head, cause I
was telling him this ‘not relationship’ is not good enough for
me.

And he just kept grabbing my hand, and trailing
his fingers along my jaw, going, “I’m just not used to being with
anyone. I’ll get better at this - ”

“
I don’t think I can do it, Ever,
like this – ”

“
But I WANT to be here, and you come
to mine – ”

“
You do?”

“
Yes!! Of course! You’re just so
sick all the time, and you seem to kick me out every time I come
here – ”

Then he just held and kissed me all night. He
seemed to sense I was fragile, and so sick still.

Was sweet, how he just held me. “I’m not sure I
can do this, if it’s not everything I want it to be, Ever –
”

“
We will try properly then. I like
you so damn much already, woman. I’m just not very good at showing
it.”

Aw.

7.37pm

‘
Pretty in Pink’ is on!!! The movie
that stole my life story!!

Ever and I had a GOOD TIME today. I had to
leave, I was just too hot under the collar.

I went to his, after he stayed the night here,
and all he did was kiss me senseless. OH GOD, IT WAS
HEAVENLY.