Silenced 2: The Overtaking (Silenced Series) (22 page)

“Any day now Daniel, we don’t have all day and I want to touch a few important issues with you today. Could you please tell me if you mind?” Rachel asks, getting impatient.

“Oh, what the hell…it won’t hurt to see that cutie hang out with us.” Daniel finally agrees, which surprises most of us.

“Great. Thank you all for being so unbiased.” Rachel says, as she reopens the door Casey walked out of. “Casey… you may come back in.” She finishes and Casey returns, smiling.

“
The group voted, and you can stay. Let’s not make this a habit. I have rules I need to uphold to keep things running efficiently. Casey…welcome. Please remember that everything in this room that is said is to stay here. This is a rule we all agree on when we first attend.”

“I can understand. You all won’t even know I’m here.” Casey says, sitting down in a chair along the wall behind us.

Rachel turns her attention back to the group, “Anyone have anything they would like to share about the past few days?”

Daniel starts
, and surprisingly he’s nice about his update, which was that his father didn’t beat him this time.

Once he’s finished, I stand, “I’ve lost a person in my life that I care for deeply. He was my boyfriend, who I thought was here to support me. It turns out that he couldn’t handle my issues. Since then, I’ve been fighting the urge to cut.”

“Have you given in to the urge?” Kristen asks, worried.

“Not yet. As a matter of fact, the break up happened last night. I fought the urge then
, and I’ve been with Casey all morning. She’s been a great help.” I say, nodding in Casey’s direction.

Kelsey chimes in.
“I’m glad you have her. I would hate to see you backslide, because your boyfriend can’t understand, which really isn’t his fault.” 

“I know. I think I just expected too much, too fast from him.” I say
, and take my seat to show I’m done talking.

I feel like I want to cry
, because the heartache snuck up on me. The first time I came here, I didn’t think I’d be getting relationship advice from them, in addition to their support for my self-harm.

Rachel keeps the meeting running smoothly
, while we talk about ways around cutting, forming and keeping a great support system, and most importantly for me…ways to overcome cutting when things are tough. I won’t admit it, but this meeting has been one of the best ones I’ve attended. I actually feel a small grain of hope return, as I realize I can do this. Landon won’t take me down, and neither will the darkness. I will be overtaking my self-harm, and I’ll have control.

No one has ever got
ten to where they are by giving up, and I refuse to let myself fail. I’ll be strong for myself, and for my future. The darkness cannot have me.

****

“Wow, that was intense,” Casey says as she gets in the car. “I didn’t think people actually counted on others like that. How could people be so mean to their own kids? Hearing Daniel’s story makes me want to cry.”

“We aren’t supposed to be talking about it.” I remind her.

“I know. It’s just… I can’t seem to pass the feeling that he really needs someone in his life. You know? Other than everyone that attends your group.”

“He’s an ass that is only out for himself. He doesn’t care about how his actions affect others.” I inform her.

I can’t believe she actually feels sorry for him. He’s a chauvinistic pig. Always taking advantage of women and thinking he’s higher on the totem pole. Over time I have learned to ignore his ‘poor poor pitiful me’ stories, and just do what I’m there to do. Heal.

“I got a totally different vibe from him. Oh..
.by the way, I need to stop at my house to grab some clothes for the night. Could you swing by real quick?”

“Yeah, just try to hurry
, because I’d like to get home. I just want to relax and try to figure out my next step.”

“Your next step?”

“Everything is going to be different, now that I don’t have Landon to hang out with, or rely on. Therefore, I need to find another way, that won’t contribute to my current situation.”

“We could always hang out at my house for a little while. Then go back to your house to watch a movie or several, until you’re ready for bed. You’re going to get through this.”

“Sounds like a plan.” I agree with her. Perhaps, I don’t need a lot of alone time right now. All I’ll do is dwell on the things I can’t change, which will be taking away from the things I could be working on that can change.

We pull into Casey’s drive and head into the house. Shelly and Alex
are home, which is finally cool with me. At first, I felt like I didn’t belong, or wasn’t welcome, because of one small party we had. Alex blamed me for being a bad influence on Casey. Only…it was the other way around.

As I walk in, I smell an amazing dinner being cooked, which causes my stomach to growl. I realize I haven’t eaten a good meal all day. Shelly’s in the kitchen cooking,
and the baby is sitting in his bouncer on the floor beside the table. The blaring television lets me know where Alex is.

Instead of following Casey to her room, I join Alex in the living room.

“Hi, it’s nice to see your face around here.” Alex says in a warm greeting and mutes the television.

“Oh, thanks. It’s good to see you too.” I reply, sitting down beside him on the sofa.

“How was your session today?” he asks.

“Pleasant. It was nice having Casey there today. It’s a relief actually.”

“A relief? Why?”

“I learned exactly how she feels about me and I can’t tell you how great it is to be creating this friendship with my sister. It’s good to see our relationship going to the next step. Every day that goes by and we spend time together, makes me feel even more blessed that things worked out the way they have.” I explain.

“Everything happens for a reason. I’m glad Casey’s adjusting well, but more importantly, I’m overly thrilled that you two are finally able to see each other for who you really are.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve always suspected you two were sisters,” he answered. “The first time I saw you, I felt it. It was weird, I guess you could say. I didn’t say anything, because it wasn’t my place to tell you. I...” I cut him off.

“Wait… you knew about us being sisters
, and you being my father? Why wouldn’t you say something?”

“Like I said, it’s not my place. I didn’t want to take the chance on losing the only shot I had to see you without making it noticeable.”

“Then why did I get the blame for that party? Why did you tell everyone that I was the bad influence on Casey? That really made me feel like crap.”

“At first I was taking my anger out on you, when I shouldn’t have. It was wrong
, and I am sorry.”

Taking a deep breath and exhaling, I reply, “I know my mom’s decisions weren’t always the best ones, but she had good intentions. I’m just glad the truth is out
, and we all can move on.” I actually mean it.

I want both Alex and Casey in my life. He was one of the reason
s why I felt I needed to cut. If I would have known the truth before I starting cutting, I think I wouldn’t have even started.

“Why don’t you stay for dinner? It’d be nice having the entire family here.” Alex suggests as Shelly walks in.

“Oh that would be great! Would you please join us? I can add another place to the table.” Shelly says, smiling.

The pressure is on
, and before I realize it, I reply, “Of course, I can stay. I’d like that.”

Alex asked me to fill him in on the self
-harm, and how it came about. I went through the overview of the details I wanted him to know about. He may be my father, but I’m still not ready to completely open up to him.

Our friendship is my main concern. I need to learn to trust him as a friend
, before I can trust him as a father. No one would have to deal with my way of healing, if they would have thought about what was best for me while growing up. I’m not trying to be self-centered, and my mom even agrees.

“I’m sorry you went through all that alone and I’m even
sorrier that I caused you some of that pain. I was horrible when I was going through … well whatever it was I went through, before the baby was born.” Casey says, as she shovels another forkful of food into her mouth.

Shelly steps in.
“I really don’t want to focus on the past. I think that it should be left there. The past is the past for a reason, and reliving it won’t change a thing. I suggest you all focus on the future, and making it the best you can.”

She’s right
, and I’m very surprised I’m actually agreeing with her. I didn’t think that we would ever be able to see eye to eye.

Dinner was amazing
, and I couldn’t have been more satisfied. I feel like my friendship went to the next level with Alex and Shelly, while Casey and I found that we understand each other more than we thought.

Casey and I help clean up the dinner mess and then head back to my house. It’s nice to be able to just hang out with her again without all the drama. I think we both have grown up so much within the past few months.

Once we’re comfortable on the sofa and the movie is ready, Casey begins telling me about her childhood. Before I knew it, the movie was playing but no one was paying attention. We revisited memory lane of our child hoods. I told her all the funny stories about me that I’ve been told, and she told me about her life with Alex.

I couldn’t be more thankful for this moment than I am right now. Things have really changed for me
, since I moved here. I’m finally able to agree, the move was for the best. If we hadn’t moved up here, Alex would have never been in my life, and I wouldn’t have had the chance to bond with Casey.

It’s amazing to me. I really think Kristen is right. The more you pull Christ into your life, the better it seems. I’ve been going to church.
Life itself hasn’t been too hard on me, except for Landon breaking up with me.

As I’m zoned out in my own bubble of thoughts, I sit quietly looking at Casey while she rambles
about another story of her childhood. I can see how happy those memories make her. Her eyes sparkle when she smiles, and they’re full of happiness. It makes me happy to see that she finally came around, and our drama seems like a thing of the past.

****

I wake feeling worse than I did when I fell asleep. I didn’t mean to. Casey and I agreed that Sundays would be spent in church, so we could build our relationship with Christ. I’m so happy to have her walk beside me now. She’s even to the point where she believes life will be better now that she’s made a change for the better.

Breakfast goes by quickly
, and Casey announces she has to leave for work. We inform Mom how I am feeling.

It’s crazy. The entire time we were at Casey’s house, the feeling of wanting to cut vanished. The urges were nowhere around. The darkness dissipated. It didn’t take me long to realize
, spending time with my family is how I’ll overtake the cutting. That’s been my answer all along. All I had to do was stop being so childish to realize it.

Chapter
Twenty Six

One Year Later

I’m so happy
, and I never thought that word would be part of my vocabulary. Landon and I worked things out after we went our separate ways for most of the past year. He realized he needed me more than I needed him, when his mother passed away. It was her death that made him realize, one shouldn’t take life for granted. I agree with him.

Since he’s come back into my life, we have changed so much. My faith in our Lord, Jesus, had him curious
, and he’s agreed to go to church with me and Casey. I’ve even managed to get Alex and Shelly to join too.

Casey and I are members, which makes Kristen so happy. Our friendship with Kristen has bloomed into such a close tight knit group, nothing seems to bother us. Not even the urge to cut.

I can say with all the love and support my family has shown, I overcame my darkness, and it no longer controls me. As a matter of fact, the urges are next to nothing. Things have to be really stressful for them to rise up, but as soon as they do, Kristen and I beat them away with our faith and friendship. Casey tries to help where she can, and so does the rest of the family.

I can’t believe all I was missing when I was pushing myself away. I’m so blessed
, and have been my entire life. I forgive Mom for lying to me, and I’m thankful she decided to move us here. West Virginia was our most loved decision, because even she’s found true happiness.

A while back,
Casey and I planned a night for my mom, Alex, and Shelly to step away from their lives and have fun. We took the baby while they went out to dinner, and whatever else they did. To this day, they still won’t clue us in on what happened. All I can see is there’s no grudges between any of them, and they all get along. This includes mom’s new boyfriend. He came into the picture that very night, and hasn’t left.

Yeah… I must say that when I was cutting, I wasn’t allowing myself to see what I could really have. I was drowning myself in my own stubborn ways
, and it blinded me.

I have Sarah to thank for this as well. Since she’s passed, I try to live life to the fullest and I haven’t regretted a moment of it.

There has always been a bright light at the end of my tunnel, but I was so consumed in myself, I couldn’t see it. Now I am thankful I allowed someone in, and it completely changed my life. I am free!

The End

###

About the author
:

RaeBeth McGee-Buda is a full time mother and author from Pennsylvania, USA. She graduated in 2010 from American Intercontinental University Online, and plans on continuing her dream of writing. When RaeBeth isn't focused on writing, she focuses on her family, and dedicates some of her free time to writing several blogs.

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