Silenced 2: The Overtaking (Silenced Series) (7 page)

“
I know the feeling.” I cut in.

“
I found her in her room. We had a fight because I didn’t approve of the kids she was hanging out with. They’re different than the usual kids you two hung out with. Sarah changed a lot after you moved. She stopped going to the ‘Round-a-bout, no movies at the theater, and no hanging out in the tree house. You two always said you’d never be too big for that old thing.” Donna pointed out.

With a laugh, I repl
y, “Yeah, I remember Allen wanted to get rid of it one summer to make room for the pool. Sarah threw a fit. I didn’t care either way. But it was Sarah’s and her choice to make.”

“
Oh, yeah! I couldn’t get the girls to sleep inside when Allen finally finished it. It’s like Sarah moved into it. She’d wake up in it, get ready for school in there, and leave from there for school. When Sarah and Amber came home, both would be in there ‘til dinner time. At times it felt like it took forever to get them to come and eat.” Donna exclaims.

“
What’s so special about it?” Casey asks.

I explain.
“Sarah and I didn’t have our own place to be ourselves. I guess you could say, everyone we went to school with said we were witches. I personally didn’t like the other girls because they were too fake. It’s all about money here. It’s about who has
what
in their family, as an example, military. If someone was enlisted within the family, they were popular. If not, you weren’t even worth walking past.”

“
That’s harsh.” Casey says, shaking her head.

“
This was one of the main reasons why I stuck to myself when I first moved up there. I didn’t want any friends. I hated them. It’s just more drama to worry about, and I hate drama.” I said.

“
Who likes it?” Casey jumps in again.

“
Oh, the girls down here live for it. Anyway, the tree house was our safe haven. We did everything in there. We could play our music as loud as we wanted to. Because it’s so far from the house, no one heard it. It’s hard to believe, but it’s true. I honestly think if Sarah was here, she’d still want it to stand. I agree with Allen. It should remain.” I say.

I continue
talking about Sarah and what kind of person she was. Once dinner’s over and the mess is cleaned up, Landon takes Casey and Patrick back to the hotel. I need time alone. I tell Landon I’d call when I want a ride or Donna can drop me off. Donna disagrees of course, with our choice to stay at the hotel.

Chapter Nine

I force myself to walk up to Sarah’s room.
I didn’t want to take the time while the others were here. I want to get to Sarah’s hiding spot before her family finds it. That wouldn’t be good.

“
Amber…” Donna says, standing against the door frame.

“
Yeah...” I turn around to look at her.

“
I’m sure there are sentimental things which are special to you that you gave to Sarah. I feel it’s best if you take those items. I already took what I want before anyone walked in here. Allen and I both wanted the same things. I wanted to assure you we are not just giving away her things. I plan on packing up the things I don’t want ruined by dust. Once you get the stuff that’ll help you through this, and you take what you feel is special to you, I’m going to clean up. I want this room to stay the way it is but I’ll clean it the way she would have.” Donna informs me.

“
Are you sure?” I ask, concerned for them.

I d
on’t know how to react. I thought Sarah’s family would have the option before anyone else.

“
Allen and I have talked. We decided you’re the only one who really knew her. Sarah was very secretive about her life outside of this room. She never let me or Allen in and…” Donna says, until it brings tears.

I kn
ow what she’s going to say. Sarah never let her parents know what was going on. She’s big on personal privacy. Donna and Allen disagreed, but Sarah felt the need to have her own personal space. Donna didn’t press the issue because she felt if Sarah had something bad going on, she’d let them know.

“
I’m going to go make a cup of tea.” Donna says trying to recompose herself. “I’ll be in my office doing paperwork, if you need anything.”

After she le
aves, I turn around to face Sarah’s empty room. The first thing that comes to my mind is my dream. It starts to overtake me, and I can feel the darkness lingering. Not now... Please! I can’t have this happen to me here! God, please don’t let this happen!

I have no choice but to try
to ignore the darkness as much as I can. This reminds me of the most important thing I want to get out of this room. Without delay I, go to Sarah’s closet. Her hiding spot is underneath the last shelf. There’s a small part of the wall that Sarah cut out. Her parents never noticed it because she has a shoe box sitting on the floor under the shelf hiding it.

It look
s just like Sarah had it. She organized her shoes by the type. The boxes were always kept and when her shoes didn’t fit anymore, she gave them away. Yeah, the boxes went with them. This made room for her new ones.

I pull out the box that still h
olds her tennis shoes. There it is. I pull out the small portion of the wall, put my hand inside, and pull out a small purple velvet bag.

Inside the bag
are several different things Sarah liked to cut with. Cutting with the same thing was boring to her. She had a piece of glass which was filed down on one side and it made it easier not to cut her hand in the process. These are, without a doubt, going with me. Deep down inside, I know Sarah would want me to keep her secret.

“
Don’t worry Sarah, I got you covered. They won’t find out.” I promise, looking at a small picture of her sitting on her dresser.

I put all of
her cutting supplies back, and place the bag in my purse. This way Donna won’t see it.

I replace everything
, making sure it’s all back the way it was. When I’m done, I have several of our most memorable things, several pictures in frames, scrapbooks of our lives together, and the friendship ring I gave her.

The scrapbooks touch me the most.
We took all of our pictures and turned them into scrapbooks. We went through the pictures and split them. Then, we made the book and planned on exchanging them when we were older. The plan was supposed to be on our graduation day from college. This really upsets me because I know our plan wasn’t ever going to happen.

This is enough. I can’t take being in here any longer. I have to get out of here. I made my way to D
onna’s office to make sure it’s fine that I take the pictures and scrapbooks.

“
Donna, you busy?” I ask.

“
No, come in.” Donna replies, laying down a folder on her desk.

“
I want to make sure it’s all right if I take the scrapbooks we made over the years and the pictures of us together.”

“
Oh, yes those. I was planning on giving them to you anyway. It’s a good thing you found them. I didn’t know where she placed them.”

“
I have a stuffed animal I bought her, a few pictures, and some of the ones she had in frames.”

“
That’s fine dear.” Donna says, through sniffles.

I c
an tell by the look in Donna’s eyes, it’s hard for her to give away Sarah’s things.

“
Tell me...how are you’re dealing with this? Honestly!” I say giving, emphasis to the last words out of my mouth.

“
It’s very hard,” Donna says, trying not to cry. “I never imagined I’d be putting my daughter in the ground when she’s so very young. I had so many plans for her. She had so many plans. She wanted a family, and she wanted her own place. I’ll never get to see this. It hurts so bad that my dreams for her will never take place.”

I tr
y to hold everything inside to keep from crying, “I’d love nothing more than to sit here and tell you everything will be fine. I’m not totally sure if I believe that. I know I have my own life, but Sarah has always been part of it. We experienced all of our firsts together; our first day of school. Our first dance. It’s hard to see me being married without her there as my maid of honor. I had that dream for us. We had a plan for our lives.” I finish and sink into a chair, putting my head in my hands, and sob.

Donna puts her hand on my shoulder.
“I’ve had experienced death before in my life. I’m not saying that those I have lost didn’t mean anything to me. I have to say, this is the hardest, and I hope this never happens to you.”

I
don’t know how to react. It seems like I’m unsure of a lot lately. I know for a fact I wouldn’t want anyone to go through this if it was me.

“
I don’t know how you’re sitting there telling me all of this when you just lost your daughter. I appreciate what you’re saying, but shouldn’t you be worried about healing your heart? That’s the most important thing you should be doing. Sarah’s your daughter, and my best friend. If you ever need anything, Donna, I’m here.” I say trying to hold my emotions back.

****

Donna and I continue to talk for about
an hour. Then, Allen decides to take me back to the hotel. Allen had always been the “other” father figure in my life. What I couldn’t talk to Dave about, I could tell Allen. Well, except I can’t talk to anyone about cutting.

As Allen’s talking about how much he’
s going to miss Sarah, he says he wants to talk to me without offending me. This has my curiosity going.

“
Allen, you know you can talk to me about anything.” I say. I figure he wants to talk more about Sarah.

“
I want to tell you, I know your and Sarah’s deepest secret.”

What! There’s no wa
y!
How did he find out? Sarah never wrote a single word in any of her journals about cutting. Well, as far as I know anyway.

“
What do you mean?” I say, trying to sound like I don’t know what he’s talking about.

“
I know Sarah and you were into that cutting.”

I c
an’t say anything. My mind’s blank, so I sit quietly.

“
Please, don’t tell anyone.” I finally say, not knowing what else to utter.

“
I want to know why? Please explain to me why someone would want to cause pain to themselves and do it every day? Sometimes three to four times a day. I don’t plan on telling anyone. I’m asking you as a father, who lost his only daughter, to stop while you can.”

“
I honestly don’t know what to say.”

“
I’d like for you to say… you’ll stop.” Allen says glancing at me.

“
Honestly, Landon and you are the only ones that know I do it. I’ve been trying to quit. To answer your question about why….I can’t speak for everyone but I can speak for me. It’s mainly pain. Sarah and I started when we were about to start our second year in junior high. The things the kids put us through were insane.”

“
What kind of things?”

“
Sarah and I had a really hard time. Our appearances had a lot to do with it. The way we dressed. We liked wearing black finger nail polish, black clothes, and… well you know!  The girls in our class didn’t like it. They spread rumors that we were witches. They kept saying we didn’t believe in God and we were the spawn of Satan.”

“
Why would you let these words get to you when all the ones who love you knew the truth? Everything these girls were saying... were
just
words.”

“
When you’re in school, the words hurt more than anything. Without realizing it, these girls were changing our lives and the lives of those they made fun of forever! They thought it was funny. I would love for those who were popular to experience what we did. They’d always get mad at us for no reason. But, they believed we cast spells on them and we made sure their grades were bad. Therefore, we constantly were pushed around, and they made things up about us.”

“
Why didn’t you tell a teacher, the principal or even us parents?”

“
When you bring in bigger authorities, it only makes it worse. I remember this one time when Sarah and I were in homeroom. This girl and her friends were sitting in the back of the room. Everything was going well. We all were waiting for breakfast to be over so we could go to our first period class. This girl, who seemed like the leader of the pack, came up to Sarah. She started yelling at her, saying Sarah was talking about her. The girl told us she didn’t like when someone was talking about her. She told us when she found out; the person that was doing the talking would pay.” I ramble like I’m sitting in the classroom as it’s happening again.

“
That sounds like an empty threat.”

“
Oh, but they weren’t. She took a tablet laying on my desk and hit Sarah over the head with it. She called her nasty names and told her there was more to come. She told her to watch her back. Every day after that, Sarah was tortured. I tried to stop them but it brought me in on it too. They started doing the same things to me. All I was trying to do was protect my friend.” I admit to him.

“
It’s no wonder kids are dropping out of school these days. I think schools don’t know what discipline is,” he says, trying to give a reason to the girl’s actions.

“
The school is part of it. The other is how the kids are raised. More and more they’re overtaking their parents from the lack of discipline. I think it all starts at home.” I add.

“
Yes, that’s true. But it’s no excuse to hurt yourself like the two of you did.” He replies, looking directly at me.

“
It helps. The anger and pain from the day build up. By the end of the day, the pain’s too much. I just can’t take it. Please don’t think I am crazy, but after awhile it feels like darkness takes over.” I explain.

“
Darkness?”

“
It’s hard to explain. The darkness does so much and the only way to control it...is to cut. It’s hard to breathe. Your heart speeds up, your hands get sweaty, your vision becomes blurred. Then, it feels like you’re going to pass out until you let all the pressure out by cutting.”

“
Amber, I think you should see a doctor. They can help you before you hurt yourself or worse.” He says fearfully.

“
I don’t want to be labeled as crazy. I know I’m not. I understand cutting isn’t normal, but it became normal to Sarah and me.”

“
All right.” Allen says, more concerned.

“
How did you find out?” I asked.

“
I’m the one that got the autopsy report. Donna only knows what I told her. I decided to keep this from her because she has enough to get through right now. It’s harder for me to let Sarah go because I didn’t know her reasons for cutting. I don’t understand now. The scars on her body were self inflicted. They explained that several of the cuts were just a few days old and still healing.”

“
They can tell that?” I ask surprised. Who would’ve known?

“
Sweetie, they can find out anything about your life when they really want to. There’s nothing in your life they won’t eventually find out.”

I honestly didn’t know. It completely t
akes me by surprise and shocks me. The fact that Allen knows bothers me. I never wanted anyone other than Landon to know. I’m sure Sarah wouldn’t be happy. I know she wouldn’t ever choose for her mother to know.