Smoke. Fire. Cowboy (Cowboys of Nirvana Book 3) (11 page)

Sofie squeezed the phone tighter. “No baby? I don’t understand. You said that she was pregnant.”

“She had a miscarriage, right after you and I divorced.” His voice was heavy.

“I’m sorry, Luther. That must have been devastating.” She didn’t hate him, that was a very good thing. Animosity wouldn’t be helpful.

“She said she wasn’t ready for a child. She had a lot of living to do. A baby would only hold her back from her career.”

Yeah, she was barely out of high school!
Sofie didn’t say those words. “That can happen.” Her empty womb pulsated, reminding her how much she wanted a child.  People made mistakes. She’d made a giant one in ever marrying Luther and not realizing until this moment that she didn’t like a lot about him. His over-gelled hair. His hands that were softer than hers. His waxed chest that became stubbly after a week. An image of grey eyes, unshaven jaw and ripped T-shirt came to mind. Natural sexiness, that’s what she liked.

“She left me.” His breath rattled the phone.

Retribution! Karma! Why wasn’t she getting some sick joy out of this? She deserved a sliver. “Wow, I’m sorry again, but I don’t understand why you’re calling me?”

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately, about the past, when things were better between us.” His soft voice made her backbone tingle. “Do you remember our trip to Italy?”

In truth, the only Italy trip that came to mind was her last—alone. Reeling from the pain of divorce, she’d satiated herself in food, chocolate, and learning Italian—not prolifically, but a few words. Enough to order the best wine, pasta, and to tell the cab driver where she needed to go. “We’re not in Italy anymore. There’s a million miles between now and then. We should leave it that way.” She couldn’t travel down memory lane with him. It’d taken months to package up the anger, the despair and send it off into the sanctuaries of her mind.

“I want to see you. I want to talk, Sof. I was an idiot.”

Revulsion raced through her. Betrayal reared its ugly head. “We are talking.” She felt her knuckles ache. She loosened her hold on the plastic. After all, it wasn’t his neck.

“Face to face, baby.”

Her world flipped on its axis. She rubbed her throbbing temple and swallowed the acid rising in her throat. “That’s not a good idea.”

“Come on, Sof, we have a history between us. You can’t ignore how good we once were.”

“Once is the operative word, Luther.”

“Come on, babe. Sex was fantastic. I bet no other man can bring you the same pleasure.” He hadn’t lost his charm, yet it no longer worked on her. It didn’t really matter that he had built himself up in a fantasy world where he was King Macho Man.

“Yes, that we
did
, but you’re only calling me out of loneliness,” she blurted.

“I wouldn’t do that. I know what I’m feeling.”

“Crazier things have been done in loneliness.” She looked at the door, straight through it and down to the barn where Jared was working. “You got exactly what you asked for,” she mumbled.

“I was a stupid man. We were good. I broke your trust.”

Sofie darted her gaze to the window. “More than my trust, Luther. Our marriage. You can’t call me when you’ve had a moment of regret. You made your choice.”

“I want to see you—”

“Not possible.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“More than you’ll know.” She inhaled sharply and exhaled. “And by the way, I have found another man who not only has brought me more pleasure than you, but I think I could actually fall in love.” She didn’t give him time to respond.  “Goodbye.” She clicked off the phone, her eyes filled with tears. She blinked back the useless emotion and reached into her desk for her cell phone. Three missed calls from Luther. When she didn’t answer, he’d gotten impatient. She blew out a long breath and shook her head.

One thing she could thank Luther for, he’d taught her that she’d never give away her trust easily, even if her heart hadn’t gotten the message.

****

Sweat trickled down Jared’s temples and he swiped the back of his arm across his forehead. The load of hay was hauled into the barn. He’d done most of the work himself, needing to ease the strain in his body. The ache in his loins was exchanged for exhausted muscles, but his head still spun in circles.

“You doing okay, bro?”

He looked around and caught Maverick’s concerned expression. “I’m fine.” The lie stuck in his throat like cheap whiskey.

“If you say so, but your cell has gone off a dozen times and you’ve ignored it,” Maverick pulled off his gloves and tossed them on the workbench. He reached into the cooler and took out two bottles of water, tossing one to Jared.

He took a seat on a bale of hay and stretched his tired legs. He drank half of the bottle in one gulp, the cold against the heat of the flames licking at his nerve endings. “I just don’t feel like being bothered,” he admitted.

“Yeah, we all get that way at times.” The other cowboy pulled up a bale, took a seat and leaned against the wall, hooking his ankles.

Jared liked Maverick. He’d lost his wife years ago and was hiding out here in the country behind his thick beard and distant eyes. No one really asked him about the past, they just knew it lingered in his heart. “Soon we won’t have the quiet. We’ll have guests in the cabins and we’ll be catering to their every need.”

“That bordered on bitterness, buddy,” Maverick said over the rim of his bottle.

Jared dragged off his hat and hung it on his knee. Yeah, he guessed he did have some bitterness. “Just food for thought.” He hauled in a deep breath and let it out through tight lips.  “Guess it’s just the mood.”

Maverick stared at him a long moment. “This isn’t like you. Girl problems?”

Jared chuckled. He lifted a shoulder and let it slump. “Haven’t been around any to have trouble.” He lied through his teeth, but he couldn’t tell the truth. He wasn’t one to sleep with a woman and spread the news, and the fact was it wasn’t anyone’s business. He certainly wouldn’t put Sofie in an awkward position with her co-workers.

“Yeah, you’ve holed yourself up a lot here recently. Better get the need out of your bloodstream before the heartbreaks arrive. Last thing you need is for things to get out of hand. Chase has already read us the rules and he ain’t pulling any punches, especially after the issue with the journalist.”

“Hell, man, I’m capable of keeping my horse in the stall,” he snapped.

Maverick blinked. “That’s not what I was saying. A little sensitive today?”

“Don’t mind me. I must have a touch of heatstroke.” Hell, he had something, but it wasn’t from the heat.

“You know I’m not the type to judge.” Maverick sniffed and removed his hat, placing it on a hook behind him.

“Do you ever think about leaving Nirvana?” Jared asked.

“Nope.”

“That was fast.”

“Nothin’ out there for me. We have it made. We’re as close to running a ranch as we can get without the worry. Great boss. Great cabin. Fantastic views. Food in my belly and money in my pocket. Why? You feeling an itch that needs scratched?”

Jared emptied his bottle and recapped it. “I hadn’t really thought about my future much, but I’ll be hitting thirty soon.”

“You’re young, buddy. The world is your oyster, so to speak. If I was young again—”

“You’d what?” Jared pushed him to finish. The older, wiser man might give him a few good tips.

“I wouldn’t change a damn thing, except tell Sara more each day that I loved her.” He looked to the side as if taking a time machine for a ride into the past. “Life can surprise us at every turn. Never thought I’d have it all and then everything would disappear. That’s how fast the devil can sneak in and steal our happiness. Best thing to do is grab life by the horns and hang on, enjoy it, laugh it up.”

Jared couldn’t remember Maverick saying this many words at one time, at least not about life. “You talk as if yours is over, man,” Jared said.

“I was lucky to have a life once. Second chances are like making gold threads from straw. It’s only an imaginary story we’re told as kids.”

Jared chipped at the corner of the label on the empty bottle. He wasn’t sure why he suddenly was thinking long and hard about his future. A man could change his mind, start to think about taking different paths.

Having a rough start at life, he’d learned early on that the only person he could depend upon was himself. Trust was as foreign as speaking French. After his dad had gotten drunk and knocked Jared around on his fifteenth birthday, he’d snuck away in the middle of the night before he ended up fighting back and doing something he’d regret. Last thing he ever wanted was to lower to his father’s standards.

Jared had never wanted kids. Never wanted to take the chance that he’d be a lousy father. Yet, he was finding that his ideas and beliefs were changing fast. It wasn’t as if he wanted a child at this moment, but he also didn’t want to be alone for the rest of his life. He couldn’t tell any of his buddies, not even Maverick, about his recent thoughts—and what he’d shared with Sofie.

After reaching a point of exhaustion from hard labor, Jared drove up to the administrative offices to drop off the receipts for Sofie. The sun was setting and the scent of freshly mowed grass lingered in the air as he slid out of his Gator. He didn’t expect to see Sofie still in the office this late. That was the reason he worked so long, so when he walked in and saw her standing at the desk talking to Jennifer, his gut tightened and he instantly wished he would have waited until tomorrow. Their gazes met and he swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He dipped his hat in greeting and she smiled, but it contradicted the frown lingering in her gaze. Was she feeling as off kilter as he was? It didn’t matter.

“Jared, what do we owe the pleasure for you stopping in two times in one day? Is this Christmas?” Jennifer had the sweetness of a young woman who’d never had her heart broken. Although she and Jared were close in age, her perkiness sometimes reminded him of the girls in high school.

“We can go to my office,” Sofie said. Her lips were a glossy, pale pink. Lip tint? He wanted to taste them to find out the flavor.
Mind out of the gutter, cowboy!

“No need. I wanted to drop off the receipts before I headed over to the kitchen to grab dinner.” Best thing for him was to remain aloof. A man couldn’t get rejected if he didn’t allow a woman like Sofie close enough.

She narrowed her gaze. He could see the wheels turning. She wanted to say something, but he refused her the opportunity.

“I hear Deke has created a masterpiece. Pork chops stuffed with apples,” Jennifer said, still watching him with a sparkling expression.

“Yeah, sounds great.” Now what had she said? He couldn’t seem to wrap his brain around the woman’s words because he was too busy admiring the way Sofie worked her bottom lip. He’d enjoy helping her with the task.

“Can I grab a ride?”

Again, he was at a loss as he pulled the receipts out of his back pocket and laid them on the counter. “Sure.” He had no clue what he agreed to, but when Jennifer rounded the counter, purse in hand, he had a sudden reality check.

“Thanks for the lift, Jared. And Sofie, I sure hope you brighten up,” Jennifer said, still smiling like she’d won the lottery.

Jared shuffled through his mind for excuses to tell Jennifer he’d changed his mind. Last time he was alone with her she’d pulled out every last effort to land him in bed. He wasn’t interested. He dared a glance at Sofie. Her cheeks were smudged in red and her lips were thinned. Now what in the hell was she angry about? He’d never understand women.

“Enjoy yourself you two,” Sofie smiled, but the invisible laser pointed at him warned that she was carrying the big gun targeted in his direction.

“We’ll try,” Jennifer wagged her brows.

He had no choice but to follow through. The second they burst through the glass doors, Jennifer started talking…and talking…and more talking. He’d lost his appetite.

Once she stopped chattering long enough to take a breath, he saw the one and only opportunity to ask, “You told Sofie to cheer up. Did something happen?” Yeah, he was very curious.

Jennifer blinked, as if his question had taken her for a loop. “She got a strange call today and wasn’t the same after.”

His interest piqued. “A call?”

She sighed. “I’m not sure Sofie would want me discussing this with you.”

Jared respected the woman’s confidentiality, but he had a deeper need to know if the call had been from Chase. Not that Jared cared, but Chase would be a foolish man to let a woman like Sofie slip through his fingers. Damn! Yeah, Jared cared a lot. “Look, we both have Sofie’s best interest at heart.”

As if this simply vanished any further discretion, Jennifer nodded. “Luther Drake. Same last name as hers. I didn’t get the feeling it was a brother or cousin though.”

Tightening his grip on the steering wheel, Jared blew out a long breath. Luther was Sofie’s ex. What did the two-timing snake want with her after all this time? Hell, it wasn’t difficult to guess. The man wanted Sofie back. Same old jacked-up story. The dumbass probably realized what he had and was now coming back, telling stories of how he’d fucked up,  wanted forgiveness.