Something in My Eye: Stories (15 page)

 

 

It's the only reason you can hear me.

 

 

That's all I ever wanted.

 

 

Baby, all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. And also, I'm not ashamed to say it, to fuck you in the morning.

 

 

Do you remember the hole in the curtain? How the sunlight would fall through it and lie along your hip?

 

 

I was watching, baby. That's important. Remember how I would kiss your hand? Every chance I had I would kiss your hand?

 

Pacifying me
.

 

Did I tell you I got my singing voice back? I sing all day long now, as I shovel. Let me sing you our ballad. You remember our ballad, don't you?

 

 

One song.

 

 

Oh, two lovers in love / They love and love and love / They love each other so much that they threaten to engulf each other / They formulate a plan in love / Arrangements are lovingly made / And with love the plan is carried out / Until everything gets fucked up because someone comes to doubt.

 

 

You don't like the new verse?

 

Can you hear me calling, louder now?

 

 

Listen: I was shoveling today, thinking about you. The flames were so warm on my face. They felt good. I even worked up a sweat. Then I realized something.

 

 

I realized that I've kind of been dominating our conversations. I want to hear more from you. Tell me what it's like there.

 

 

Heaven is hard for me to visualize.

 

 

I always thought the congestion would be terrible. Do you recognize anyone? Any of our old friends?

 

 

You could have come! You never asked. How was I supposed to know you cared?

 

 

I took off my shoes to do my part. To keep the house clean!

 

 

You kept such a clean house. Sometimes I'd see the kitchen tile shining so bright, and I'd drop right to my knees and give it a good lick.

 

 

I know, honey, the righteous and the saved.

 

 

But you weren't murdered!

 

 

What about our baby, honey? The poor thing you brought with you!

 

 

Have you met Jesus yet? What a treat that would be....

 

 

You think He remembers what we used to say about Him?

 

 

I'll bet you do. In the final stages, when we finally decided to go through with it. You remember, sugar.

 

 

Name one. You don't remember them.

 

 

That they were all true?

 

 

Is that what you do there? Open old wounds?

 

 

So you've been spending time with me after all?

 

 

I'm sorry, angel. I'm going to go.

 

 

Well, it's good to hear you say that. I know He doesn't let you lie up there. Honey, it won't be long.

Can you hear me calling from the canyon?

 

 

What happened, honey?

 

 

Our baby girl? Where?

 

 

Is she pretty like her mamma?

 

 

Give her a kiss from me! Have you been missing me?

 

 

Were you worried when I didn't call?

 

 

Actually, baby, I've been on the move. I was talking with the Devil the other day; he's got such a honey tongue. He said that the only thing separating us is a canyon, that we're both on the same plane. Isn't that wild?

 

 

He also said that your good master blinds you to this. You can't see it, baby.

 

 

Do you know what's keeping me going on my little hike? Thinking about our goodbye. You remember that place. Under those big trees?

 

 

Do you mean you won't?

 

 

Do you remember tripping through the tall grass? We were gone on wine, angel. Lovers in love.

 

 

But your legs were so long and slim, darling. They tangled.

 

 

Remember those dappled shadows of the trees?

 

 

The dress you wore, that pretty stitching?

 

 

Such a pretty gun we carried.

 

 

So romantic, we were, walking under those trees in our fancy clothes.

 

 

Remember the thought we held to, angel? The one we placed before us?

 

 

We were so brave! But when I put the barrel to your hair. . . .

 

 

And you stopped loving me.

 

 

Baby, I never heard you scream! I saw your eyes get wild with fear, though, and I knew I had lost you. I just couldn't go through with it knowing I had lost you.

 

 

It wasn't fear, honey, so much as hurt feelings.

 

 

I was feeling so down, I cried three tears, right there. One for me, one for you, one for baby. Then I sank you in the stream and rolled a boulder onto your back, so you wouldn't rise.

 

 

I left you there, wondering if there was anyone out there in the
world for me. I wanted to start over. To have a new family. I called your sister, but she never cared for me. I put up ads for myself. I went back on the dating scene. But no one wanted to be with me. The police barged in our house one morning, tramping all over that clean tile with their boots. I evaded them. As I was fleeing, my mind was racing, and I thought maybe—just maybe—I'd made a mistake. That maybe I hadn't lost you after all.

 

 

I returned to the trees, to the stream where I had hid you. I dredged you up, and lay down beside you. Little fish had taken your soft parts, honey, but you were still beautiful. And that's how I left the world: by your side, looking at you. Then I arrived here, and made a life for myself. Happy growing old, you know, but missing a little something....

 

 

We all grow old here, honey, but the Devil keeps us working. Actually, I saw your father recently. A foreman in the mines, poor guy. Looks like his bones have gotten tired of propping up his skin. Pretty scary sight. But he works hard; he's appreciated down here.

 

 

Some sweet day, angel. Some sweet day I'll die again and turn to dust. But for now, there's work to be done!

 

Goodbye
.

 

Honey, I'm nearly there. The canyon's steep, but I'm motivated. Dodging the bones of the others, like me, but without my agility. Where will we meet?