Something in My Eye: Stories (3 page)

Lyrics: yes john you can smoke in here your mother quit this year and I pretended to quit at least on account of your sister's asthma but go right ahead let me get the ashtray / something has been bothering us john now correct me if I'm wrong but your mother and I were thinking that the people you were trying to spread freedom to are people who don't actually want it and correct me if I'm wrong maybe I was born yesterday but I don't see how any person wouldn't want to be free we here in this country take it for granted but you can bet if someone wanted to step in and say no more freedom for you I would cut off his head and run for the hills where a man can still live free / I understand if you don't want to talk about it but it's just bewildering to me to think that there are certain people out there in this world who don't want what we have / all this is just to say that we know how tough the job must have been trying to give something to people who don't want it or maybe I have it all turned around I do all right john / well we can talk about this later right now is time for basking in your glory and not much else so I'll just drop the whole thing but I think we'll have to stay there a hundred years so these people will finally realize that they actually do want the thing they don't think they want right now let me have a drag of that don't tell your mother

Lyrics: we could go sit in the family room and watch television together if you want to john / no you do what you want we're just happy to have our son home our hearts can begin beating again / yes we have a computer here john / but how are you really are you feeling well you don't look as good as we expected but granted we remember you as you were a year ago when your second deployment began but really we still imagine you as the same boy you were for your senior portrait come see it look at it we're still displaying it
proudly on the mantel / you want to go on the computer rather than talk to your family well if that's your decision not one of us can stop you / yes we bought a computer we were influenced by all those advertisements which suggested that if we did not purchase a computer we would be dooming your sister forever because she would be retarded in terms of her peers what was I to do in the face of such an argument / yes just log in under the family name here it is / I didn't know you had a personal website that's very interesting john / why didn't you write if you had a page that was devoted to yourself and your life it would have been as easy as typing out a message and clicking the send button but I know you were busy with your business killing the enemy / mom and dad don't like the computer they feel that the second coming is nearby / I've never seen you so interested in something john I like it when you smile john it is wonderful to see your hands work overtime even at the computer which is a lonely pursuit

Lyrics: no john we realize that you need a place to go a man needs a place where he can kick back and unwind / where are you going well I suppose that really isn't any of our business but since we have you here since you are under our roof again we just want to know where you'll be so we can sleep better tonight of course your father will be up late drinking coffee and cleaning that rifle of his and thinking man thoughts but that's just what he does he is a man and a proud parent and jealous sometimes but a man's got to do / maybe he can come with you no all right john we understand you want to relax with your buddies or maybe you need to be alone hopefully there will be a band playing and you can have a few drinks / if you need a ride john call me I just got my learner's permit / take the ford yes john she still runs good she's american made after all / we are so proud of you you will never know the
extent of our pride and our gratitude that god spared you out there in the desert he truly works in mysterious ways and I don't begin to understand his plan but your safe return all tells us that his plan is at the very least sympathetic to a family's fears / I know a lot of your buddies didn't make it and what about their families but still the point remains that you were spared for some purpose and so our faith remains as resolute as ever / have a good night john / goodbye john / I don't think many of us will get any sleep after all but you should unwind it's only fair I think you should relax a little you seem a little tense we love you

Lyrics: hey john welcome back you're looking good have a shot / have another its great to see you see that piece of ass over there what do you say we go hit her up for a little mano a mano / john tell us a story / the last time you were in here you'd just gotten back from your first tour and my god what a story how one night you lined a whole family up because you just knew deep down they were holding terrorists and you just lined all of them up and pretended that you were going to kill them but instead you fired a few shots in the air and then took them inside and gave all of them the old alabama slammer that was a good story honestly john because we all were thinking that it was going to end in bloodshed but you found a way to work off some steam another way and any time bloodshed can be diverted you've done a good job / you don't have to tell another story if you don't want to john but you know nobody's got loose lips around here we're all friends here have you listened to the band yet they're not bad they play here all the time why don't we just kick back here's another shot on the house relax and unwind I know that's what you came here to do

Lyrics: well john it isn't as if I can just kick the band off the stage just because you don't like what they're playing I mean it's what the people want look at them they're having a good time / it isn't people having a good time that makes you angry is it john I mean look at them they're drunk and happy and blowing off a little steam / everyone has to blow off a little steam once in a while you wouldn't disagree with that would you john / I realize you like the old-time sounds a little more than this contemporary stuff but listen for a moment they are singing songs about real people and their problems I mean maybe they gloss over some of the bigger issues at play I admit and it does seem that every other song they sing is about learning lessons which maybe you would disagree with because you never struck me as a lesson type of man but still / I know you came here tonight because you remember that we used to have an old-time band here on this night but you've been gone a year and we run a business john and nobody showed up for that old-time stuff so I'm sorry the band is almost done with its set hey did you get a look at that baby over there sitting all by herself I know you aren't exactly in as good a shape as you used to be but I'd bet good money she'd take you home that spiffy uniform holds a lot of clout around here you know

Lyrics: nice to meet you john yes I love that uniform I was admiring it from across the bar I'm twenty-two you want me to guess your age well I don't think I should what if I get it wrong and guess too young and then offend your pride or what if I overshoot it and you feel like an old man no I'm not going to do that / no I'm not saying I oppose the war necessarily but I've been getting my degree
at the community college and one of my professors well he brought up some issues that I wasn't aware of about the war no I'm proud of what you're doing as I said I support the troops / you should really think about giving college a try I'm not suggesting it would change your mind you haven't really told me what your opinions are I feel like I'm doing all the talking but think about college its been the best experience of my life my young life anyway I expect to have even better ones once I get out of this town / small towns are a little poisonous don't you think me I've always pictured myself in Nashville because I like the music so much that comes out of there no I don't know the old-time stuff as much as I should but I think I'd like it if I gave it a try do you have any recommendations / no well do you want to dance with me not sure well have a nice night and thank you again for all that you've done without you who knows I might not have even been alive to go to college the whole country might have been up in smoke though one never knows the indirect consequences of any action my professor told me that yes I'll leave you alone

Lyrics: no john all the pawn shops are closed and wal-mart wouldn't sell you a gun with that beer on your breath no not even in that uniform I think you should just have a coke or something let me get you a coke at least the band went away I don't personally even like them but you can relax now that they're gone / I would john but I have to wake up early tomorrow no a long drive does sound good there's really nothing like a long nighttime drive to really blow off some steam but I think you've probably had too much to drink to really enjoy your drive and frankly I'd worry about your safety and with you just getting home and all / can I call your home who can I call who will be up / I woke everyone in your damn
house up but your sister's coming to get you she's a good-looking girl / she's going to be a knockout in a year or so you watch you'll have to shadow her unless you want the boys climbing all over her but she's on the way now you just sit back and relax

Lyrics: oh john here help me get him in the car there you go john now sit back and relax I can't promise this will be the smoothest ride because I'm still learning what are you thinking about john / you don't have to tell me if you don't want to but I'm your sister and I want to know what's bothering you but if you don't want to talk I understand here just sit back I'll turn on the radio do you have a favorite station there's this song I want you to hear it's about a man who gets home from the war and cant make sense of his surroundings and I'm not suggesting that this has happened to you I think everything makes perfect sense to you but the man in the song has just come home and his wife has given birth to their child while he was overseas and so he's going around the town feeling sad which we all do sometimes even I get depressed it's only natural / so he's driving around and he gets so depressed that he thinks about maybe enlisting again because life was exciting over there and in another part he thinks about actually killing himself but he gets over that pretty quickly when he sees his wife rocking their child one night very tenderly and he has this moment when he realizes that god has put him on earth to be a good father and not dead or overseas and then the song ends / I don't want you to think though that this applies to you at all / for all I know you are planning on going back for another tour or you want to die but I just thought you might like the song because it had a soldier as the main character I think it feels good to hear those songs because they are about real life and music is so important because I think it shapes who we are and what we think and in the south especially
music is even more important than most places the music reinforces our values I'm not suggesting that music is the only thing that helps make us what we are but I think it's important do you mind if I turn on the radio

L
et me try to be clear: I'm sorry for leaving your side. Obviously, it's a bit late to make it up to you, so I don't really intend to try. Instead, I thought you might like an update on my progress.

 

I accepted the transfer, moved down south, and began my career in slaughterhouse management. The salary was competitive, and the company paid my moving expenses. It was the chance of a lifetime.

 

You should see the cows in the early morning, when they're bathed in the light that the sun sneaks onto the world. The scene is almost pretty enough to make me forget what's in store for them.

 

I recently received this message from a stranger:
What a lovely, lovely evening.
I called the person back, hoping to inherit some of that evening, but no one answered. Then I sat down and composed a short, stupid soliloquy:
Oh memory, I'm your unwilling creditor.
That's all. It's very short.

 

I have two squirrels in my backyard here. They leap and tumble together, death-defying all day long. But that isn't the worst part.
When they grow tired, they turn their black eyes my way to see if I've been watching.

 

This is a story I recently overheard: A boy, not so old but not quite young enough to be forgiven, gets himself lost in the woods. He's all alone, no one around, no helpful animals, the trees all shaking their heads incredulously. It's the afternoon, maybe dusk; it doesn't matter, the light will be back tomorrow anyway. The boy is tired; he is hungry, talking to himself, speaking a lovely, lost language. On the third day, he is found and returned to his family, who want nothing to do with him anymore.

 

Mostly I take stock here, at the slaughterhouse. That seems to be my main job. A missing tongue, a surplus of hooves. I try and keep track of these things.

 

My dead friend—you remember him—our dead friend once said:
Keep your chin up, that's all there is to it. Look at me, I'm keeping my chin up.
This was before he died, of course. You remember him. He grew rice as a hobby.

 

Summer here is a little difficult. Potentially desperate. On the street corners, boys wave their cardboard signs: FIVE DOLLARS WILL FILL YOU UP PIZZA. There's nothing I can say to them, passing them by, gone, except sometimes I hang an imaginary sign over my own eyes: BOYS I WOULD BUT I'M LOOKING FOR THAT EMPTY FEELING HAPPY SNARING.