Tanya Tania (9 page)

There's a guy called Advani and he says that we should stop apologising for being Hindu. He's got a point, why should we apologise for being Hindu? I'm not going to. Except I've never actually heard anyone apologise for being Hindu.

I asked my mom why he's doing a chariot race and she said it's because he wants to destroy a mosque in a place called Ayodhya (which is where the god Ram was born and I thought it was made up but my mom says it's a real place which makes everything about Hinduism so confusing.) My dad said that there used to be a really important temple there to begin with and that Babar had destroyed it and built a mosque in its place. He said that of course he can't expect her to tell me the whole story and that she's a pseudo secularist. He said that the Congress has destroyed the country and it's time for new blood. My mother said that the BJP is only going to be good for rich people but she said it in an angry way as if we're not rich. My father got up and left the table without finishing his dinner.

What does it mean to be pseudo secular? We say pseudo in school when someone is being fake. I mean my mom is fake about a lot of things like I've told you before. She says it's the most important thing to be a good person but really she means a rich, successful person because otherwise she wouldn't be so mad at my dad all the time.

I've never really thought so much about religion. So I guess the BJP is good in that sense because they're making you think about this shit. But I don't get why everyone is so excited about the historical stuff. It's pretty boring.

My mom is damn political. She's always mad because we don't talk about politics in school. Whatever, we're like practical. We talk about money.

There's a guy in school, Rahul, who is sort of my friend. He totally supports the BJP. He says it's going to be good for business. I swear, when he's not stoned Rahul sounds like a Gujju businessman. I mean that's what he's going to be when he grows up because that's what his dad is. Thank God my dad never pressures me to become an accountant. The next time I fight with my mother, I'm totally going to say, ‘Dad never pressures us like you do!' Ha. I can see her face now. Her mouth will be slightly open, her eyes will bulge a bit like they do when she's angry. It will be AWESOME.

Anyway I'm all for a new party to be in power you know. It HAS to be better than what we have. You know apparently we were almost bankrupt over summer and had to send two planes of gold to Switzerland or something to beg for money. I never want to beg for anything.

My mom asked me yesterday what I want to be when I grow up and I said, rich. And she said that I have a much better chance of becoming rich if I go to Wellesley. If I told her that I wanted to marry Arjun and have babies she would tell me that going to Wellesley will make me better at having babies. I don't think she thinks it's possible for me to become a person without going to Wellesley.

How come your mom isn't like that? I mean they are best friends. Did you see how they talked on the phone for like an HOUR last weekend? And I get lectured on the phone bill when I called Arjun when he went to see his dad in Delhi! I mean he was CRYING.

Things are really good with Arjun. His dad just closed a big deal so he's like totally happy with Arjun which means that Arjun is totally happy with me. He gets kind of mean when his dad is mean to him. We had the best kiss ever the other day behind the school where the Siddharth College students go to pee. I told him I want him to kiss me like that at Nirav's party and he laughed. Do you get the joke?

Do you think we should talk on the phone?

Ciao,

Tania

December 19, 1991

Karachi

Dear Tania,

I don't think my mother even knows which year of school I am in. Do you know when my leg was broken she came to see me four times? Her bedroom is seventeen steps from mine. She didn't come to the hospital when they were setting it. She probably thought my father was going to be there.

Navi says to leave her alone. She IS alone. She spends all of her time in the garden fussing over the orchids as if they are newborns. I didn't know she had talked for an hour on the phone with your mother. I didn't know she could talk for an hour. Are you sure it was my mother?

In case you haven't noticed, your life is a little different from mine. While you sit around machinating and scheming about boyfriends and social power, the boys I have grown up with are getting death threats. In school these days, we all get nervous when a boy is absent. Musti's parents have decided to send Musti and his brother to boarding schools in the UK. They are in the UK now, looking at schools. There are rumours everywhere.

No one can fully explain the kidnappings, although our political parties are blaming each other. Natasha said she is going to write her college essay about sectarian violence in Pakistan. It sounds like a good idea on the face of it but I think it's too superficial. It's like a black student in America writing about racism. No, I think they are looking for deeper thinking than that. But Natasha's dream school is Carnegie Mellon so it doesn't matter what she writes.

I almost got angry with Ali today. We were all at Fati's house and he was playing Fati's guitar in the balcony with a boy we don't know, smoking expensive foreign cigarettes. Apparently Ali had brought him to Fati's house. I asked Fati to say something but she just shrugged and said, ‘Chill.'

I dislike it when people say that. If you can't say something useful Fati, it's often better to say nothing at all.

I called Ali inside and spoke to him about it. He just patted me on the back and said, ‘Don't worry Tanya. He's not going to kidnap me.'

How does he know? As if kidnappers politely let you know their intentions in advance. Maybe we shouldn't go to Fati's house anymore. I want to tell Ali that but either he will laugh at me or he will nod with grave, sincere eyes and forget all about it the next minute.

Sometimes I think Ali only comes into our world some of the time. Even Chhoti Bibi gets impatient with him. Even when I talk about him to Chhoti Bibi I can tell that she gets impatient. ‘He started singing in the middle of class Baji?' ‘He forgot to call you again Baji?' ‘Did his parents decide about their moving to Ingyland Baji?'

I don't know Chhoti Bibi! I don't know! I really don't know and the worst part is he doesn't seem to care! As long as he has his beloved music and cricket I don't think he would even notice if he got kidnapped.

I've sent off my requests for college applications. Ten. I'm going to pick six. It will be hard but I can do it. Have you sent off your requests for college applications? You better do it soon. The other night I dreamt that Harvard had forgotten to include the application and I discovered it the day before I had to send it.

Are we going to tell each other which colleges we are applying to? I will if you will.

Love,

Tanya

PS—I can't call you. It's too expensive.

December 28, 1991

Bombay

Dear Tanya,

You know, every time I begin to like you, you bring in all the college stuff. Can you like not do that? You're a bit obtuse about taking hints. I'm telling you as a friend.

I think your brother is wrong about your mother. She's definitely being weird. I thought twin brothers would be different. I had always thought that if Sammy had been my age he would have taken me seriously. But I can't see Sammy as anything but Sammy. Head Boy, School Sports Captain, going to Princeton, everybody-loves-him, two dimples that trick everyone into not noticing that he's already balding.

Nusrat thinks it's really crazy what's going on in Karachi with all the kidnappings. I mean I do too obviously. But she's like obsessed. These days as soon as she's done with the dishes she comes to my room with all these papers that she buys from the raddiwala—English, Hindi, Marathi, Urdu, even Gujurati. And she cuts out all the articles on Karachi. It's kind of annoying, she covers my room with all the cuttings and keeps going on and on about it in her notebook and ignores all my hints. I tune out and just look at her. I like how she looks when she's excited about something. Her eyes get super big. Her braid slips from one shoulder to the other until she gets annoyed and pins the whole thing up like a pineapple behind her head. She looks nice in white. Like really nice.

Today I was telling her about how Arjun was nice to me in school and she wasn't even listening. She said sorry and stuff but I mean whatever. I can't wait for her to get bored of this stuff.

I asked Arjun again why he can't be my boyfriend in school. He just hugged me and kissed me and said he loves me. Is that an answer, Tanya? I wish I was clever so I understood without having to ask anyone.

Love,

Tania

PS—Nusrat can't help it because she has family in Karachi. Like second cousins. Maybe you could send some Karachi newspapers. I think she'd really like that. Then maybe she'd stop being so selfish and listen to my stuff again.

January 11, 1992

Karachi

Dear Tania,

I have enclosed five newspapers for Nusrat. I've underlined the relevant articles.

I almost wish I understood you and your ambitions. Wanting your mother's approval I understand (although I understand very well her ambition for you). I don't understand your burning ambition to be Arjun's girlfriend. And how is the girl you had ‘made'? Is she grateful to you? What if she isn't nice back? You didn't even know her.

It just seems so exhausting. I always feel so relieved when I'm home from school in my own room with my books and pictures on the walls and my desk the way I left it. Some days I want to come home from the first period of school. I'm not sure I like people.

I'm having some trouble with Ali. He's really upset with me. He's never been upset with me before. Part of me thrills to it.

We have exams in school and the only way I can do well in Urdu is to learn everything by heart. Ali wanted me to go to a Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan concert with him. Of course I wanted to, but my father says that one has to make sacrifices for one's goals and my goal is to get the highest marks in every subject in these exams and you know, Urdu is hard for me.

I told Ali that I couldn't go because I had to learn all the poems by heart. He didn't say anything but that evening he came to my house…and you have to promise not to ever say anything about this to anyone…with the Urdu exam paper.

Of course I didn't. I tore it up and threw it away, in fact. But Ali just didn't understand why I wouldn't just look at it. ‘If you know what's on the paper, then you only have to learn what's on the paper and then you can come with me to the concert.' He looked so hurt.

You have to keep this in the strictest confidence because this could destroy his chances of getting into a good college. It could destroy his life. But I'm so distraught about it that I have to tell someone.

Is he a dishonest person and I just didn't see it? Only cowards cheat after all. Right? But Ali never even lies. Sometimes I wish he would lie and tell me that the phone was busy instead of saying he forgot to call me or worse, that he hadn't felt like it. He either does really well or really poorly in school. If he cheats, wouldn't he do well in everything?