The Alpha and the Omega: An absurd philosophical tale about God, the end of the world, and what's on the other planets (4 page)

5

M
eanwhile, in a small house, in a hilly, wooded, undefined place that was neither north nor south, neither east nor west, Mr. and Mrs. Glayston passed each other in the hallway.

“Do you know what today is?” Mrs. Glayston asked.

“Twenty years, I know.”

“Twenty-five.”

Mr. Glayston kept walking. It was 3:59.

6

M
eanwhile, a few miles down the road from the Glayston’s house, their only son lay beneath the ground, where he had rested undisturbed for, as Mrs. Glayston correctly stated, twenty-five years. It was 3:59.

7

M
eanwhile, much closer to the Glayston’s house, in a shallow grave near a lake, lay the remains of a golden retriever. It was 3:59.

8

M
eanwhile, across the country and the world, in graves known and unknown, and in the earth, oceans, air, and the planet’s very creatures themselves, lay the remains of humanity’s parents, children, brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, in-laws, friends, co-workers, bosses, clients, lawyers, rivals, donors, judges, landlords, classmates, doctors, and pets. It was various times, all ending with :59.

9

D
ING DING DING! It was 4:00. Zack relaxed his lungs and got up to stretch. His lower back ached from sitting in his chair for the past ten plus hours, but that was all part of the cost of doing business. Despite the coffee to shirtsleeve debacle and his late afternoon trips to Hawaii and his parents’ house, Zack had actually made some pretty nice gains today, and he decided to celebrate with a short walk down the hall to the window.

Nice, the sun held up, Zack thought, as he popped two ibuprofens without water and looked out, first to the other skyscrapers, and then down to the streets below with their slow-moving little cars and the harbor with its rich, deep-blue color. Up here, he felt like an eagle perched in some gigantic concrete tree. And although he preferred the quiet peacefulness of nature himself, he had to marvel at man’s creation in all its glory. To think, once long ago, Manhattan was just an ordinary forest between the waters. Hmmm, Zack thought, maybe I’ll go camping next weekend.

A minute later, refreshed, Zack walked back to his desk and sat down, turning to the large stack of quarterly earnings reports that, in the next two hours, would help him identify some longer-term investments.

Then, a most unusual thing happened. A strange man walked into Zack’s office and stopped a few feet in front of his desk. He had long white hair, a long white beard, and a long white robe. “Do not be afraid,” he said in a deep and powerful voice. “I am God.”

“What… the…” Zack sputtered. His office didn’t have any kind of crazy costume days or anything.

“From now on, everything will be ok. Today I bring my kingdom to Earth, and all deserving people will live forever in happiness. Earth is now Heaven, and Heaven is now Earth. Right now, as I am talking with you, I am also simultaneously talking with every other person on Earth, in each of their own languages. You see Zack, no one religion was completely correct, but rather, all religions grasped different parts of the same truth. To enter my kingdom, you need not have followed religious rules, prayed, or have even believed in me. To enter my kingdom, you need only have been a good person, and you were.”

Zack listened quietly, taking it all in. This was a very odd prank, but whoever this guy was, he had definitely put some preparation into it, and Zack didn’t want to interrupt.

“Zack, from now on, there will be no disease, no pain, and no death. There will be enough food, housing, and all other necessities for everyone. To have any material object, say it or make an appropriate gesture, and it will appear. To accomplish any material feat, say it or make an appropriate
gesture, and you will have the power to do it. To talk with me at any time, say my name and I will appear.

“Now, I must tell you, there is one major limitation on the powers that I am giving you. You, and everyone else in my kingdom, can do whatever you want and can have as much happiness as you can stand – so long as you do not deprive others of a similar happiness. This should not be difficult because you, and everyone else here, are all good people.

“Also, there is one more thing. And that is that you must never leave Earth. I have brought my kingdom here, and here is where you shall stay. In return for this indulgence, I will stay out of your thoughts, for I know that nobody could ever be truly happy with a god constantly listening to everything that he or she is thinking.”

“Haha. That is
amazing
!” The man had finally paused long enough to let Zack conclude that he was finished. “Down to the white robe and all! Wow! MAGNIFICENT! Stan really outdid himself this time. I’m going to have to dock him a couple of points because it’s not actually April Fools’ Day
yet
.…” He looked at his calendar. “But still. It’s gonna be a challenge trying to top this one.”

“Zack, I know that you are not an easy believer, and so I will not hesitate with the proof.” The man waved his hands, and a cloud of dark brown dirt blew into the office. For a moment, it hovered above the desk, twisting itself violently in a tight spiral, knocking some of the earnings reports to the floor. Then it slowed down, changed into a more copper color, and lowered itself to the ground, where a lively golden retriever bounced out. It was Zack’s childhood dog, Lucky.

Zack’s heart jumped. Cautiously, he reached his hand down to pet Lucky, who greedily pushed his head into Zack’s leg, begging for more. Zack obliged and slid off his chair to hug Lucky, his thoughts racing from afternoon walks down the street, to tug-of-war, to throwing the stick in the lake for Lucky to retrieve.

Then Zack pulled his head back to take another look. Something was different. This dog had four legs, whereas Lucky only had three. Ok, Zack thought, collecting himself. I am dreaming… and I am conscious of it. Awesome! Better make the most of this! Let’s see, my top five favorite female celebrities, number one…

“Right now Zack, outside of this office, just as I have done with Lucky, I am resurrecting every person who has ever lived who deserves to enter my kingdom.”

“Quiet.” Zack pointed his finger at the man as if it were a magic wand. “Appear.” He thrust his finger toward the empty space in the center of the room. But nothing happened.

“Zack, be at peace. There are some people here for you. They are not as you might remember them in their later days, but as they want to appear now.”

A man entered the room. He looked like a younger version of Zack, but with a lighter skin tone. Beside him stood a woman that Zack recognized instantly. He looked into their eyes. He hugged them, and he knew he wasn’t dreaming.

“Mom, Dad, I missed you so much.”

Zack’s father laughed. “I wish I could say the same thing, but for us, it felt like no time at all passed. All I can remember is being in incredible pain a little while ago in my hospital bed. Then I went to sleep, and when I woke up, I was in a cemetery with your mother talking to God.”

“Oh Zacky, my boy!” Zack’s mother said. “God told us how successful you became! We’re so proud of you!”

“Aw, I’m not that successful,” Zack said. “Look at how tiny this office is – you can’t even close the door without getting claustrophobia. It doesn’t even have a window!”

“Oh, come on now son,” his father said. “To think, my boy, the son of a mechanic from Appalachia, could make it to Wall Street!
That
, Zack, is what I fought for in Vietnam.”

“Ok Dad, let’s not start that again.”

“No,
please
don’t,” his mother said. “We have so much else to talk about. And we want to see
our
parents too.”

“Yes, let’s go,” his father said. “You were just a little one the last time you saw any of them! They’re gonna be so happy!”

“And proud!” his mother added.

“Of course,” Zack said, “I can’t wait.”

The rest of the night was like a dream. First they visited Zack’s mother’s parents, along with a few other relatives from her side of the family, in the large house that she had grown up in, just a few miles down the road from the house that she had grown old in. Then they visited Zack’s father’s parents, and a few others from his side, in the small house that he had grown up in, two towns over. Finally, they paid visits to two sets of cousins and one pair of great-grandparents in completely different states. Each time, they traveled to their destination in mere seconds just by speaking their wish.

Throughout the night, Zack’s kin caught each other up on family and world events – with Zack always taking the last turn. When he told them about Facebook, smartphones, and the first black president who had given SEAL Team
6 the kill order on Osama Bin Laden, everyone was smiling. However, when he explained how there really were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and how deregulation of the financial markets had caused the Great Recession, his father looked wary. But tonight was not the time for arguments. They were together, and they were happy.

When it grew late, Zack’s parents headed for their humble house in the country-hills, while he went back to his apartment in Jersey. That night, with Lucky at his side in his bed, Zack slept like he had not slept in over a decade.