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Authors: Norman Lock

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BOOK: The Boy in His Winter
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You’d be wrong to dismiss my book as just another time-travel adventure. While time travel comes into it, the real story, as far as I’m concerned, is what happened to Jim, which wasn’t in the least adventurous. No, it was a dirty, stinking horror—a tragedy, if you like the word—that gave me nightmares and disgust for my kind (insofar as I and the rest of what walks on two legs are related by common blood chemistry and a more or less similar shape). I would much prefer having missed it, would rather I had never made the
acquaintance of Jim, who was always a friend and who never meant anyone harm. But I’ll tell you this: if not Jim, then somebody else. If not a black man, then a person of another color, sex, or affiliation deserving our hatred. Human sacrifice didn’t end with the Aztecs, and our civilization has its bloody altar stone buried under a heap of flowers. Enough of that; I don’t mean to preach or make my story a moral lesson for Sunday school.

If you were as old as I am and a Christian, as I was, kind of, long ago in Hannibal, you’d likely have sung this:
Be they yellow, black, or white, / All are precious in His sight, / Jesus loves the little children of the world
. It didn’t seem right to Tom Sawyer that Injuns, as we called them in our childishness, or Martians, whose complexions we understood also to be red, should have been excluded from the attentions of our Savior. I tended to agree with Tom, though at the time I had no feeling one way or another about Martians. Not long ago, I sat in church in Hannibal and listened while the children lifted their shrill voices in the old hymn and, for the first time, heard it as written:
Red and yellow, black and white, / All are precious in His sight
, et cetera. I suppose in the 1830s, we must have hated Indians even more than blacks, to have left them out of our caterwauling. I wonder if the congregation would have opened its hearts in 2070 to men from Mars, although I’m certain Tom would have, were he still with us. But I swear, there will be no more delving into religion or morality. Not if I can help it—not even if the world should cry out for it and you, reader, grow indignant to hear what certain people consider to be pleasant and amusing pastimes.

Twain hinted at the darkness. I’m just bringing to the surface what was waiting to show itself. Like the woman
raised by corruption from the river bottom. Or the light-struck glass plate I saw blooming in the photographer’s developer bath at Vicksburg.

You want to know how an unschooled river rat of a boy came to write as if he’d swallowed, whole, Mr. Webster, Mr. Strunk, and Mr. White?

Something of my mythic life must have clung to me after I had left the raft for good. It fitted me, like a keel to a riverboat, for the life I would lead later on as an ordinary man. I’ll tell about that in its proper place and time: after I’d concluded my boyish days on the Mississippi, without poor Jim, who was cut down in his prime.

On the river, I’d gotten hold of the truth. At least part of it. So I believed. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe what I took to be the truth—the bitter pill of it—was just something in my mind . . . something I made up. It happened long ago, and I may be only an old man saying whatever comes into his head, as old people will. Maybe it happened the way Twain wrote it, and there was no other journey but his. But then how do you account for what happened to Jim or, much later, my brief and infamous apprenticeship as a dope smuggler and my equally dubious career selling yachts? As I grew older, I found I had a gift for salesmanship, which is, after all, one of the American arts.

I said that what I had to tell was a horror. But not entirely and not always. Funny things happened to Jim and me, the way they do to all of us. Funny and strange. I’ll try to recollect them and try not to let my tune sour. Even small disasters can darken the mind’s lucidity, as though the world were seen through a drizzle of dust. It’s easy to think of the world as a dirty place unfit for human habitation after you’ve been in it for as long as I.

O
N THE
J
ULY AFTERNOON IN
1835 when Jim and I set out from Hannibal, we had no more idea of heading for Mexico than flying to the moon in a rocket ship like the one I saw shot from a cannon, at a nickelodeon in Baton Rouge, which ended up in the moon’s eye. I ought not to have said “set out,” for we had no other destination in mind that afternoon than a willow tree drooping over the river as if in sympathy with a universal languor. The heat was fierce. Not the shiftless idlers the good citizens of Hannibal supposed, Jim and I had intended to improve the time by fishing for yellow perch—shy, like us, of the brazen sun. They appeared to be asleep beside a sunken log, pale shadows unmoving on the copper bottom. I know of no more pleasant occupation than to loll peaceably on a raft, one eye drowsing in the latticed shade of a disreputable-looking hat fragrant with straw and sweat, the other watchful for the least submarine disturbance. With blunt fingers, Jim undid a knot of worms from the moist secrecy of a dirt-filled tin can and, separating a fat one from its congregation, set it writhing on a hook. I listened contently as a lead sinker carried the worm down a slant of weakening sunlight toward the perch.

“Care for a cigar?” I asked Jim, producing a panatela from a big satchel where I stashed my movable property. I had none of the other sort, and I always kept the “valuables” with me in case of robbers or Pap, who’d sell them for liquor.

“Delighted,” said Jim.

You want to know how Jim came to speak genteelly, as Tom Sawyer would have put it. Wasn’t he an unschooled middle-aged slave?

He was. And, in fact, he may not have spoken so
eloquently as he will in this account of our travels together. Frankly, I can’t remember how he spoke in the nineteenth century—or me, either. I was a boy of thirteen when I left Hannibal. I’m writing, from a superior vantage point, of a distant past in which Jim and I lived in a kind of twilight country that was neither here nor there, real nor its opposite. For all I know, we may have talked like lords. We may have spoken Elizabethan English. But let me say this—and then to hell with it: Inasmuch as I am the author of this chronicle, I can, by the prerogatives granted anyone who hopes to tell even a truthful story, make Jim’s native speech the equivalent of his character, which was sweet and equable. He was not without his faults; neither of us was. We were a boy and a man, and neither more nor less than we should have been.

Having just the one, I cut the cigar in half as justly as Solomon. The leaf wrapper crackled. I imagined it resented the knife, which was armored in dried fish scales left from cleaning a pickerel for Tom’s aunt Polly. She liked pickerel, poached or cornmeal-crusted, but wouldn’t allow a catfish in her house. The Good Book forbade Christian folk to eat a fish that nature made without scales—a naked and shameful thing in the sight of God. I licked both halves of the cigar, which had begun to unravel, then handed Jim his. He smoked it happily, sitting with his feet in the water, his broad back toward me. I gazed in fascination at the scars that spoiled the beauty of skin that looked, in the bright light and under a fine sheen of sweat, like an eggplant’s in the rain. Too young and ignorant to feel horror or pity, I saw how a slaver’s whip had italicized his strong ebony back. Jim, naturally, had no idea of the thoughts crossing my mind. If they were. Maybe my mind was empty while
I sat waiting for a perch to wake and gobble the worm drowning at the end of my hook. It’s tempting to imagine thoughts and conversations from those days, which are occurring right now in my head, as if I were a ventriloquist throwing my voice into a dummy.

Like gray worms, the ash at the ends of our cigars grew, unmolested by a feeble breeze that had lain down in the dust, in laziness or exhaustion. The drooping willow branches and the surface of the river displayed unruffled calm. The red bobber marking the end of the human kingdom—although not its ambitions, which recognize few boundaries—would neither bob nor drift; as a consequence, the fishing line (a length of string borrowed from a spool the grocer used to tie up parcels) formed a lazy
S
on top of the water, while the indifferent fish gave no thought to biting.

I don’t know when wind, willow, bobber, string, and fish roused themselves, for it was not long before Jim and I had fallen deeply asleep.

I’
VE BEEN HAUNTED FOR NEARLY
the whole of my life by the thought that, with a few spectacular exceptions, Jim and I may have slept during the journey. Often, the shore at either side of us looked—well, I don’t know how to say how it looked, except like something in a dream. We bore slowly down the middle of the wide river, as if we were driving along a road under a canopy of trees, their fitful leaves shedding a soft glow on the place beneath, a partial light that waved over everything like shadows scattered by the wind. Jim believed that we were under a spell cast by the old woman from Port-au-Prince who practiced voodoo in her shack in the woods beyond Hannibal. I’m certain
we were awake during the clash of ironclads at Plum Point and at Vicksburg when the siege was lifted. I have not the slightest doubt we were awake in 1903 when we went ashore at Baton Rouge. The thoughts and sensations I can recall of that night are too strong in me—burned onto my mind’s eye—to have been left there by a dream. There is a deep-dyed vividness to my recollection of the nights and days when we broke the river’s enchantment and left it, for a while, to walk among men and women whose sorrows were real.

I don’t know what it means, if it means anything at all, but at St. Louis—a hundred miles or thereabouts below Hannibal, according to the map of the real world—Jim jolted into alertness and pulled in his line. On the end of it was a yellow perch, eyes fixed on what might have been death, or the glory to come for fish. And consider this: All that remained of our cigars were two delicate gray columns of ash that would not fall from our mouths until we had opened them in astonishment.

“Huck, it was me, Tom Sawyer, who untied the raft!” shouted my friend from another time and place, where I’d been a barefoot, reckless boy and Jim, a barefoot, ignorant, and scorned black man.

Maybe it was only my mind playing tricks or a waywardness of sound produced by the unceasing river itself. Maybe I’d gotten myself entangled in Tom’s dream. Or in Jim’s. How strange and alien must be the dreams of a black man and a slave! How strange my own from those long-ago days! I would not recognize them now.

You want to know if it rained while Jim and I rafted down the Mississippi.

I don’t remember, but if it did, then the rain fell as if
its only purpose were to refresh us. It seems to me—while I lie here on the sunporch of what will surely be my last home, save one—that it was always summer then, although I recall snow falling on the river and on the shore, which looked, after snow’s patient knitting, like a kind of Russian steppe, but without harshness or cold. But maybe this is true of the weather of childhood, which appears, in recollection, to have known no other season than summer. We must have been sometimes cold and sometimes wet. It could not have been otherwise.

We did not stop our southerly flight (is that what it was?) at St. Louis, because the unholy noise on the broad wharves shamed us. A fat white-coated auctioneer was hammering away the lives of black men, women, and children. I remember his fancy cravat and a dog sprawling in the cool shadow of cotton bales. I remember, also, the alphabet of suffering inscribed on Jim’s back when he turned away. I may’ve mumbled some words of compassion, but more than likely, I kept silent. Of what earthly use would such have been to Jim or to the abject beings standing wordlessly in the insolent sun, waiting to be sold? No, we did not stop in St. Louis in 1835 and would not stop until we got caught by the Little Ice Age, in 1850.

I should tell you about our life on the raft.

W
E CAME BY THE RAFT DISHONESTLY
, if truth be told, although we did not mean to use it for more than an afternoon. I never could’ve imagined that, by the time I lost it below New Orleans, the raft’s owner, Peter Carlson, would have been dead and buried more than a century and a half earlier.

You’re about to object that it did not happen this way. In fact, my story seems more and more inclined to go its own way, with small regard for the truth. Isn’t that what you’re thinking?

Does anyone really know
how
it happened? Do you? Did Mark Twain? Did it really happen at all? Sometimes I wonder. So when you play the tapes back, make damned sure you type it the way I say it. It’s to be my book, after all. Later, you can write your own version. So, where in the hell was I?

Right. We came by the raft dishonestly. We’d only meant to do a little fishing. It was cool and nice under the big willow with its whips trailing over the water. Christ, it was a scorcher of a day! The whole town must have fallen asleep, along with Jim and me. When we finally did wake—if we ever did—the raft was too far along in space and time to return it. We could no more reverse ourselves, our motions in all five dimensions, than fly to the moon. I told you about the moving-picture show I saw in Baton Rouge. It was made by a Frenchman, a magician, whose name I’ve forgotten—that and a good deal more besides.

Strange, how we can’t remember the heat of a day gone by or what a thing felt like—say a girl’s silk blouse or the skin of her throat and breast. Oh, a man will say readily enough, “I remember how it felt to touch her breasts. It was a summer night, and she had opened her blouse a little at the neck.” Nothing but words. He can’t summon the sensation in his fingertips when he touched her or the prickling he felt in his own skin, which may have been the heat of a summer’s night but was most likely desire—the yearning of a young man for a girl. Maybe you’ve noticed it’s the same in dreams. You can see, you can hear, but you can’t really smell, taste, touch inside them. Some can
maybe, not me. Not that it matters for the story I want to tell but can’t seem to begin properly. In a story, words are sufficient to bring a thing to life.

BOOK: The Boy in His Winter
6.78Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
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