Read The Criminal Alphabet Online
Authors: Noel "Razor" Smith
The Criminal Alphabet (38 page)
A
wind-up
is a practical
joke carried out in order to make somebody look foolish. Wind-ups are very common
among prisoners, as they have plenty of time on their hands. It can also be used as
an expression of disbelief and incredulity, as in âIs this some sort of fucking
wind-up?'.
A yog is a gun, from Romany, as in âDik
ere,
mush
, I'll fight you fair an' square, no need for no
yogs.'
The battle cry that has led to violence
outside every pub, club and football ground and on every prison landing. It means,
of course, âWould you like me to nut you or punch you in the face, 'cos I'm ready
for action?' It's a warning not to be ignored as violence is bound to follow. The
âsome' mentioned in this phrase is violence.
See
You Fucking Want Some, or What?
WHAT?
Again, a possible precursor to violence,
but this time with a get-out clause. By adding âor what?' the antagonist is
revealing the fact that, while he is ready and willing to offer up violence, he may
also be looking for a way out and be open to a bit of verbal being the end result â
as long as the target for this question is suitably contrite and does not reply with
exhortations to violence himself.
Writing this book was a long and arduous
process that seemed dogged by bad luck every step of the way. Three times I lost the
whole manuscript, once by leaving my laptop on a train, and had to start again from
scratch. I am delighted that the book is finally finished and I would like to thank a
few people for their help and encouragement. My agent, Will Self, and my publishers and
editors at Penguin, who have been very patient and supportive. Big thanks to Justin
Rollins, Freddie Lunn, Chris Hawes, Brian Stead, Alan Ward, John Shelly, Ray Bishop and
Ricky Abbott for their helpful contributions. I would also like to thank my lovely wife,
Caroline, for all her love and support and for getting me motivated when I was at my
lowest. And to all my readers â be lucky!
Let the conversation begin â¦
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First published 2015
Copyright © Noel Smith, 2015
Image credits: Ducks and Geese by
AnemoneProjectors (talk) (Flickr) (Ducks and geese Uploaded by MaybeMaybeMaybe) [CC
BY-SA 2.0 (
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0
)], via Wikimedia Commons from
Wikimedia Commons; Dog: (Flickr) Jamesrdoe; Swiss Roll: (Flickr) Geneome; Butchers:
Myrabella / Wikimedia Commons, via Wikimedia Commons from Wikimedia Commons;
Grasshopper: By Luis Miguel Bugallo Sánchez (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0
)], via Wikimedia Commons from
Wikimedia Commons
Cover by Edward Bettison
The moral right of the author has been
asserted
ISBN: 978-0-141-94683-2