The Deliverance of Dilan (The Syndicate #4) (7 page)

“I knew you would feel like silk running through my fingers. Soft. So beautiful,” he whispers softly.

“What are you doing here?” My hands go to his chest, trying to push him away from me. Of course, he doesn’t move backwards. No, he moves forward, his firm body unrelenting against mine. My palms flatten against his chest. Oh hell. A fire begins to smolder in my core. I feel like a hundred different flames are igniting everywhere.

“We need to talk about a lot of things, Anna. My god, you’re beautiful.” His words are confusing. He’s switching from one thing to the next. I swallow. Not from fear, but from the way his eyes are now glued to my mouth. I can’t speak. I feel… I’m not sure what I feel. All I know is if he doesn’t step back and take his hands off of me, I may melt like snow in the blazing, hot sun, or boil like hot water. My body is scrambling at the moment, trying to decide which way of the spectrum it wants to head to.

“Dilan. Please.” He must sense the anxiety in my voice, because before I know it, his hands are gone. He steps away. I move around him and walk to my suitcase, grab a sweatshirt, and yank it over my head. My nipples are straining against my bra from his touch. I need to be the one in control here, not my damn body.

“Nothing is what it seems. Tonight isn’t what you think,” he divulges.

“You have no idea what I’m thinking, Dilan. How could you? I haven’t talked to you in months.” Dilan’s pained face does not go unnoticed. He has to understand, even though I want him.
No, I don’t. Yes, I do.

He’s here, in the flesh. Oh god. I cover my face, ignoring every impulse I have not to run into his arms. I turn away from him. When I place my hands down, I’m enthralled at the sight in front of me. This is the first time I really get a look at this room. This isn’t an ordinary room. It’s a damn suite. I knew Alina’s family was paying for all of us to stay here, but I was under the assumption I would be staying in a normal room. Not a room with a small kitchen, a dining room table for two with a bottle of wine, fruit, and a card nestled in the basket. I continue to spin around, taking it all in. There’s a small living room with a fireplace. Good heavens. I’ve been preoccupied, it’s obvious. This looks more like a damn apartment than a hotel room, and because of him, I can’t even enjoy this place.

“Can we talk? I’ll tell you everything and promise to answer all your questions, Anna. I had my reasons for staying away from you. But, sweet girl, you have to believe me when I say it was the hardest thing I had to do.” I hear the pleading desperation in his voice without even looking at him. I’m also losing that small ounce of control I’ve tried to gain back. His words slash right through my chest.

I move to the couch, my legs rickety like I’m old. I’m shaking so bad, I can barely stand up. He’s by my side in an instant, guiding me down on the plush, deep brown couch across from the fireplace. Then he sits down beside me. I grab the blanket that’s folded neatly on the back, bringing it over my exposed legs. I’m not sure what to think right now. All I do know is, I’m all of a sudden extremely uncomfortable being halfway dressed in front of Dilan. I’m sure I look like hell too. My makeup is ruined from crying, and I’m sure my hair is a wild mess.

I find enough courage to speak. “I’m listening,” I say curtly. I still don’t want to look at him. If I do, I will cave, crumble, because he’s so God-given handsome. He’s perfect in my eyes, and I hate feeling this way about a man who has hurt me.

Those first words out of his mouth after he clears his throat would have brought me to my knees if I were still standing up. “The first thing I need to tell you is how guilty I feel for running out on you, leaving you behind all those months ago. I should have had the balls to say goodbye. I just couldn’t. One look from you, and I would have stayed. Will you look at me, please?” His request has me breaking down. I look at him. The truth is written all over his face. He’s exposing his feelings for me without verbalizing them.

“Everything you said to me before…” his eyes close as if he’s struggling with that night too, “before I was shot and they took you away from me. It’s all true. I feel the same way about you. I have since the first time I saw you. Even when I was gone, Anna, I felt drawn to you. The things I said to you are unforgivable.” His words come out unsteadily. Begging for my forgiveness.

“You hurt me,” I say on a whim. Not to strike back at him. I need him to know that what he said and his disappearance after what we all went through shattered me. I refuse to listen to any more until he knows that.

“I know. I hurt myself too, Anna. There wasn’t a day that went by when I didn’t feel both of us hurting, in here.” He places his hand over his heart.

Oh, dear god. I feel his hurt now. Right in the place where his hand is. But I’m scared he will do it again. I can’t let that happen. My guard goes back up. I become brave. The need to know why he left is itching away at me.

“Then why? Why would you walk away from me? Leave me after what I told you. After what happened to all of us. I needed you, Dilan, and you weren’t there.” He leans back, resting his head against the back of the couch and pinching his eyes closed.

“No, I wasn’t there. I’ve been hatching out a plan for months, even before I knew you. Like I said, I couldn’t see you. I knew if I did, I would have tossed all those months of hard work away. I needed to stay away from you, for your own safety. No matter how much it killed me.” A tear escapes his eye. I watch it fall, not being able to move. I feel tears prick my eyes too. I swipe them away before I try to speak again. What’s so bad in his life that he feels the need to protect me? To hurt us both?

“What plans do you have? Revenge?” My declaration snaps his eyes wide open, his head turning toward me. “Yes,” he simply says.

“I see. And this woman, Jazmin, how does she fit in?” I grind down on my teeth. If he says he’s with her, I will die right here. But his next words stop me from thinking about him and her together. Completely.

“She’s part of my revenge. I feel nothing for her. Except hatred. She’s evil. Her entire family is. I’m going to destroy them all, Anna. Every last one of them.”

I have no idea how long the two of us sit there, staring at each other. Our eyes slide down to each other’s mouth. I listen as he speaks, absorbing every word.

He tells me everything. My brain is trying to absorb it all. Dilan is back to watch over me. The last time I checked the time on my phone was the second time my phone rang. The first time, it was my mom checking on me, wondering if I was coming back. The second time was Deidre; seems she was the one who told Dilan my room number, which saved me from asking him how he found out. I told both of them no. Deidre knew Dilan was with me. Although she didn’t pry, I could tell she was worried. My mom on the other hand started yelling, demanding me to ask him to leave. I had to quietly and calmly tell her to stay out of it. To let me deal with it. That didn’t sit well with her either. Therefore, we hung up with me explaining to her I would fill her in tomorrow.

I’m no spiritualist. I believe there is a god and there is truth to the meaning behind the fact he doesn’t give anyone more than they can handle. I can handle this. However, like Dilan, I worry about everyone else we both care about.

And Jazmin. She really is poison. Aidan wasn’t bullshitting when he used that word to describe her. She may be a killer, but I saw the fear in her tonight when she was being escorted out of here. I won’t ask what they’ve done to her, nor will they divulge the information.

“Are you cold? Hungry or anything?” Dilan stands and stretches, his black shirt riding up enough for me to see a peak of the tattoo he has across the bottom of his stomach. I swallow so hard, I swear he heard it by the way he chuckles.

“Maybe a little cold,” I say truthfully.

“I’ll turn the fireplace on.” His arms drop, making me whine on the inside. I watch him as he moves then seems to study the buttons on the wall. He presses a few of them and the fireplace kicks to life. It’s warm and cozy. God, his back is heavily loaded with muscles that seem to be peaking at me through his shirt to touch them. To graze my teeth all over them. To taste. To stroke and feel them flex under my touch. My pussy aches. My skin sparks, begging for him to touch me.

His phone rings. I push my eyeballs back into my head. He pulls it out of his pocket and turns my way, his brow furrowing when he looks at the screen.

He answers with a short, “Yes, sir,” which leads me to believe it’s his uncle. I stand, feeling his eyes on my back as I make my way to the bathroom. My vision is screaming ‘wow’ when I take a look at this room as well. “God, Anna, how could you miss this?” I ask my reflection in the mirror.
I can answer that for you. All you’ve thought about all day was the man standing in your hotel room. That would be why. Get a hold of yourself.
You know, I’ve talked to myself nonstop for months. Trying to answer my own questions about Dilan. Not a damn one of them prepared me for this. Just when you start to get your life back on track, when the demons are gone, another one surfaces. I’m graced once again with my inner thoughts talking to me as if I will listen and obey her every word.
So tell me, Anna, what are you going to do now that he’s here? Now that he’s told you everything?
“I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do,” I tell her rather rudely.

Then I look around briefly. I couldn’t care less about the cream countertop or the long double sink vanity. It’s the giant tub directly behind me that catches my thoughts. It’s up against the wall, separating me from Dilan. Only, we’re not really separated. The outdoor-shutter-like partition is open. His eyes are glued to mine while he continues to talk quietly on the phone. This man has me tied up in knots. I hear him say, “Thank you,” and, “This is a safe place for all of us to stay, for now.” My mind is whirling. We’re staying here longer than tonight? Does that mean he’s staying in this room with me? How long? My entire body tightens thinking about sharing this space alone with him. I feel aroused. My throat is thick while my pussy instantly clenches tighter than any other part of my body. When he speaks into the phone, I all but shrivel up like a god darn grape turning into a raisin.

Then I hear the single word, “War.” Dilan used that word several times when he was explaining his entire plan of bringing down the Carlos family for what they have done to him.

This is war, Anna. War I tried to keep you safe from. War I tried to keep everyone I care about safe from. A war I intended on taking care of without involving any of you.

Yeah, well, I have questions of my own. Ones that could start a war in here. I want to know what his feelings are for me. He’s apologized for the things he said. For the way he acted. He said he was drawn to me. Now that he’s explained his whereabouts for the past six months—the first few he lay low, recuperating, building back his strength; after he felt strong enough, he traveled a bit, putting his plan deeper in motion—Dilan needs to open up and tell me exactly what his plans are for my heart.

DILAN

I’m half listening to my uncle tell me how those involved will be staying here for a few nights, how plans have changed and we will meet in a conference room tomorrow at noon to derive a plan to get us all home safely.

His home. He wants all of us there, under one roof. No safer place to be in my opinion. But I’m not going to his home. The minute we can leave here, I’m seeking my revenge. Unless something has changed. Christ. I should ask him what the hell is going on, but I’m not about to give Anna anything more to think about tonight.

Hell is about to break lose. I know this, and yet I cannot take my eyes off of her, or my mind. The first word that pops into my mind when I think of Anna Drexler is lethal. And fuck if I don’t mean that in a damn good way.

Her beauty and bravery make one hell of a lethal combination, and if she doesn’t stop holding my gaze, I may not be able to control what comes next. I’m hanging by the tips of my fingers now. Ready to let go, to fall off the edge with her. What scares me the most is, I have no god-blessed clue how or what to say. I want her so damn bad my chest aches.

When she opened her door and I was greeted with a half-naked body, a body I have dreamed about touching for months, my dick instantly turned hard. She has me, if she still wants me. By the way she’s looking at me right now with questions in her eyes, I know telling her everything before was the hard part of the inevitable conversation we were destined to have. Letting her know how I feel about her will be easy. I’ve fallen for her. And yet, those feelings frighten me more than this war that will break out. How crazy is that shit? I’ve spent time locked away from this world, beaten, and none of it compares to what I feel right now. The last thing I want to do is hurt her any more than I already have. Fuck, I could float on a cloud with how stunning she is. Even with her hair all wild and her makeup smeared on her face. My hands need to be in that hair, tugging it, so I can claim her neck with my lips. Her mouth with mine. Own her.

She’s scared. I hate it. I understand her hesitancy. It was hard as fuck living the damn lie that I don’t need her. But the fear to protect her was so deep I forced myself to see past the fact I broke her heart in the process. That the fear of being without her is a hell of a lot stronger than any other fear I’ve had.

“I’ll be there,” I say to my uncle and hang up. I shove my phone back into my pocket, not once pulling my eyes off of her. I haven’t been this close to her in months and fuck, now that she’s right here in this room with me, looking at me like she can’t decide if she wants to swallow me in one bite or take her time and savor me, I’m unable to move. She’s never looked at me like that before. Frightened, vulnerable, and sexy as fucking sin. Fuck me.

We stand there, staring at each other, for longer than I want. All I want to do is go to her. Kiss her and tell her everything she wants to know with that kiss. That given the chance, I will savor her, sampling everything she has and ordering enough to last me a lifetime.