The Field (2 page)

Bird:
Put a half whiskey in that, will you?

Maimie:
Have you the price of it?

Bird:
No … but I'm selling two calves this evening.

Maimie:
Cash on the line only.

[She inserts paper into typewriter]

Bird:
[Rises and crosses with glass, drink not finished]
By God, you're an amazin' woman the way you keep up your appearance. I mean, after nine children, you're still the best-lookin' bird in Carraigthomond.

Maimie:
Come off it!

Bird:
'Twasn't me said that now, 'twas somebody else I'm quotin'. There was a bunch of us at the corner the other night and young Nesbitt started off about you. The way these young fellows talk about married women.

Maimie:
The solicitor's son?

Bird:
The very man! Just after you passed, he said ‘there goes the finest-lookin' woman in the village'.

[He finishes drink]

Maimie:
I'm not bad when I'm dressed up … if I had the time, that is. There's other good-looking women in Carraigthomond, you know.

Bird:
Sure, there are … but it was you young Nesbitt picked out. He ought to know and he almost a doctor.

[Puts empty glass in front of her]

Maimie:
I don't know why I listen to you.
[She takes his glass and pours a half-whiskey into it]
Not a word about this and make sure you pay me when you have it.

Bird:
[Follows to the bar]
Trust me! Trust me!

Maimie:
He's not a bad-looking chap.

Bird:
Who?

Maimie:
Young Nesbitt.

Bird:
Handsome, handsome.

Maimie:
What had he to say for himself?

Bird:
He never stopped talking for ten minutes. Couldn't figure out why you married your man.

Maimie:
I hadn't much sense at nineteen. Nine kids in a dump where you wouldn't get a chance to see yourself in a mirror. The drapers won't even put panties in the windows here – hypocrites.
[She starts to type. Pause]
Do you know what kills me, Bird? It's watching those sanctimonious bitches on their way to the altar of God every Sunday with their tongues out like bloody vipers for the body of Christ, and the host is hardly melted in their mouths when they're cuttin' the piss out of one another again!

Bird:
I don't know how you manage to look so good with all you have to do.

Maimie:
[As if she hadn't heard]
If you get your hair done different they whisper about you. Dress up in a bit of style and they stare at you. You'd want an armoured car if you wore a pair of slacks. Do you know how long it is since he had a bath? A year! Imagine, a whole year! He changes his shirt every Sunday and sleeps in it for the rest of the week.

[Typing]

Bird:
Amazing! Amazing!

Maimie:
The last time he wore a pyjamas was seventeen years ago … the night of our honeymoon.

Bird:
How you stick it, I don't know.

[Maimie continues to type. She reads a sentence]

Maimie:
‘… an unfailing water supply with …
[She cannot make out the word at first]
access to the river.' Spell access?

Bird:
A…X…I…S

[Enter ‘The Bull' McCabe followed by his son Tadhg. Bull wears a hat and overcoat, carries an ashplant … Tadhg is well-built and sour. He is in his twenties and wears a cap]

Bull:
Was oul' Maggie Butler in here?

Maimie:
She only just left.

Bird:
How's the Bull?

Bull:
Who gave you the right to call me Bull, you pratey-snappin' son-of-a-bitch.

Bird:
Sorry Bull, sorry.

[Retreats to head of counter]

Bull:
[To Maimie]
Where's Mick?
[Peering at what she is typing]

Maimie:
Upstairs, finishing his dinner.

[She covers typing, picks up the lot and goes behind counter]

Bull:
Two bottles of stout and sixpence worth o' them round biscuits.

[Maimie goes for order]

Tadhg:
You. Hump off!

Bird:
Sure, Tadhg, sure.

[Bird swallows whiskey and is about to depart]

Bull:
Wait a minute! Sit down here.
[Indicates table]
Have a drink?

Bird:
[Nervously]
A half whiskey.

Bull:
Three bottles o' stout, Maimie.
[To Tadhg]
What do you suppose?

Tadhg:
I'd say he knows all. Wouldn't you know by the cut of him?

Bull:
I'd say so, too.
[To Bird]
She was puttin' up the field, wasn't she, Bird?

Bird:
That's right! Fifth of April is the day, by public auction.

Bull:
You have a good ear, Bird.

Bird:
She made no secret of it.

Tadhg:
You'd think she might have told us.

[Bull grunts, rises and fetches the three bottles of stout from bar to table, also the bag of biscuits. He pays and leaves his ashplant on stage, right of counter]

Bull:
Will he be long?

Maimie:
He shouldn't be too long.

[Bull returns to seat. He takes a sip of stout and eats a biscuit, as does Tadhg]

Bull:
[To Bird]
The fifth of April, you say?

Bird:
That's it! I was here.

Bull:
Did she put a price on it?

Bird:
£800.

Bull:
She's out of her mind!

Tadhg:
A head case!

[Maimie types and finishes, pulls out paper from machine. Then sits behind counter and reads paper]

Bird:
'Tis a good bit of land though, Bull. You'll have to admit that.

Bull:
Oh, I'll admit it all right but 'twas the manure of my heifers that made it good. Five years of the best cow-dung in Carraigthomond and £40 a year for grazing. That's £200 I paid, not counting the cost of the cow-dung and the thistles we cut year in year out. To me, that field isn't worth a penny over £400. I reckon if she got £200 more from me she'd be well paid. Wouldn't you say so, Tadhg? … Bird, wouldn't you say so?

Bird:
You're a fair man, Bull.

Bull:
She'd be well paid indeed, if I was to fork out £200.
[Bull takes a drink]

Bird:
Very well paid … but suppose there's other bidders, Bull?

Bull:
[Surprise]
There won't be any other bidders! I'll see to that. Half this village is related to me and them that isn't is related to my wife.

Bird:
There's bound to be outsiders bidding. There's a craze for land everywhere.

[Bull points at his ashplant, which is near the counter, seizes it and strikes the floor with force. He brings drink with him and leans on counter]

Bull:
That's what I care about outsiders. Accursed friggers with nothing in their heads only to own the ground we're walking on. We had their likes long enough, hadn't we? Land is all that matters, Tadhg boy, own your own land.

[Bull sits on stool, right end of bar]

Bird:
You're right too, Bull. Dead right … Well, the wife will be wondering what's keepin' me. She'll have the dinner on the table by now.

[He rises to go]

Bull:
You never ate a full dinner in your life and neither did your wife, you caffler, you! Whiskey is your dinner, supper and tea. How long since you ate an egg, you little rat, you, or a pound o' beef?

Bird:
[Coming back]
Ah, now, she'll be worrin', Bull, an' you know what women are?

Bull:
Why wouldn't I? Haven't I one of my own, God bless her?
[Shouts]
Sit down.
[Shouts to Maimie]
What's he eatin' up there?
[Bird sits]
A cow, is it?

Maimie:
He shouldn't be very long more.

Bull:
I suppose he's beginning his jelly and custard. That's good, Tadhg … jelly and custard.

[Tadhg rises and goes to Bull. Has bag of biscuits. Finishes drink]

Tadhg:
Da!

Bull:
[Genuine affection]
Yes, Tadhg?

Tadhg:
We'll have to get this field.

Bull:
[Squeezing Tadhg's arm, taking bag of biscuits]
An' we'll get it, we'll get it oul' stock. By all rights 'tis our property an' we're not men to be cheated out of our property.

[Tadhg seizes a few biscuits. Bull downs his stout and examines his pocket-watch]

Bull:
God, how I could frighten a feed of bacon and cabbage now, I guarantee you that.
[Shouts to Maimie]
Will he be long more?

Maimie:
I'll give him a call.

[She comes from behind counter and goes to stairway]

Bull:
[To Tadhg and Bird]
There's nothing like a Bull to move a heifer, hah!

Maimie:
Hurry on down, Mick, Mr McCabe wants to see you.

[There is a muffled reply from Mick]

Bull:
What did he say?

Maimie:
He's finishing his tea.

Bull:
His tea! Is it his supper or his dinner he's having? Tell him to bring his tea down with him and drink it here.

Maimie:
Bring your tea down with you. Mr McCabe is in a hurry.
[Shouting upstairs]

Bull:
Tell him myself had no dinner yet nor had Tadhg.

[Tadhg gobbles a few more biscuits]

Maimie:
He says he'll be down in a minute.
[Makes this line almost a gibe]
He has to go to the toilet.

[She sits behind bar]

Bull:
O, Merciful father! He can't eat his dinner without going to the lavatory!

Bird:
I'll slip away … I'll come back again if you want me for anything.

Bull:
[Peevishly]
Can't you sit still? 'Tis no wonder they call you after a bird. You're worse than a bloody sparrow!

Tadhg:
He's here!

[Enter Mick]

Mick:
How're the men? How's Bull, how are you? And Tadhg, how're you?

Bull:
We hadn't our dinner yet and the two of us fasting since morning.

Mick:
What can I do for you?

Bull:
[Indicates Maimie]
'Tis private.

Mick:
[To Maimie]
Are you goin' to the hairdresser?

[Maimie operates cash register and extracts a note. She exits without a word. As she is going off, Bull blows up the biscuit bag and bursts it]

Mick:
Well, now what's the problem?

Bull:
The Bird here tells me you have a field for sale.

Mick:
That's right!

Bull:
You're aware of the fact that me and Tadhg has had the grazing of this field for the past five years and has the grazin' of it now?

Mick:
Yes, I am. Of course I am.

Bull:
Five times £40 is £200. A lot of money!

Mick:
'Tis a lot!

Bull:
I'll grant you 'tis a lot. A lot of countin' in hard-earned single pound notes.

[Bird looks at Bull knowing what's coming]

Bull:
£200 in grazing alone. Who'd pay it but myself.

Mick:
Five forties is a fair sum.

Bull:
'Twould give me as much claim to the field as the woman who has it for sale.

[Mick doesn't answer]

Tadhg:
There wouldn't be a stitch of grass in it only for the manure of the heifers … our heifers!

Bull:
And the bullocks! Don't forget the bullocks, Tadhg. Our bullocks is more fat and content than women with husbands in England.

Tadhg:
'Twas us that kept the donkeys out of it.

Bull:
Donkeys! If there's one thing that addles me, it's wandering donkeys. I can't sleep at night over them. I swear to you I get into bed happy and there I'd be just settling down when I'd think of the long-eared thievin' pirates. No sleep for me that night. I keep thinking of the grass they eat on me, and the clover … the fine young clover.

Tadhg:
A hungry ass would eat as much as two cows.

Bull:
If he's an ass, he's after grass – someone else's grass. I often come across a lonesome ass in April when you'd see no growth anywhere an' you'd be sparin' the young fields for hungry heifers. Like the black stallion donkey with the single ear and the eyes like a saint?

Tadhg:
Oh, Christ!

Bull:
The first time I met that bastard was a Stephen's Day and he staring through one of the gates of the field we're buying now. You'd think butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. To look at his face you'd think grass was the last thing in his head. He gave me a look and he trotted off. That night he broke the gate. Three months we watched him till we cornered him. Tadhg there beat him to death. He was a solid hour flaking him with his fists and me with a blackthorn … An' do you mean to tell me I have no claim to that field? That any outside stranger can make his open bid and do us out of what's ours, after we huntin' every connivin' jackass from the countryside?