The IT Guy (4 page)

CHAPTER SEVEN

Luke and I lay side by side on my bed for a while not saying anything. I could have lain like that forever, I think, just silently basking in the afterglow. So often orgasm feels like the end of something, and for once it felt more like a beginning.

“Wow,” said Luke, breaking the silence.

“Wow, indeed,” I responded, fingers idly tracing his chest.

“I had some pretty high expectations for this but, damn, that was incredible.”

I giggled, unable to conceal my delight, and kissed him on the lips.

“It was amazing for me too. I’m really glad we did this.”

“Hey, any time, Cass. You have no idea how happy I am that you suggested this.”

Luke smiled and it gave me butterflies, as his smile always did these days. This seemed like a good a time as any to discuss our feelings about things.

“Hey, my pleasure,” I started, “but listen, about that. You know when we spoke about it, we talked about it being just a sex thing…”

Luke cut me off before I could go any further.

“I know I know, and you don’t have to worry. I’m not gonna get all clingy virgin on you.”

I frowned, “What? No, that’s not what I-”

“I know how much you like to do your own thing and have your adventures or whatever, and I’m not gonna cramp your style. I really appreciate what you did for me, Cassandra. I don’t want you to like, be my girlfriend because of this. Don’t worry.”

I covered my still exposed breasts with the blanket. The corset didn’t make me feel sexy anymore. It made me feel stupid and cheap, and more than anything I just wanted to get out of it. I must have used the expression “broken-hearted”, or “you’re breaking my heart” a million times before, but it was only then that I really understood how apt the metaphor was. I swear I could feel the pieces of my heart being chiselled off and shattering in my chest.

“Right, great. Glad we’re on the same page. Would you excuse me a moment?”

I grabbed my robe off the floor and ducked into the bathroom. Making sure the door was locked behind
me, I ripped the corset off and tossed it to the ground as though it were contaminated.

I felt like the world’s biggest moron. I had been about to confess my feelings at the exact same time as he was basically thanking me for a sexual transaction. How could I have misread the situation so completely?

Holding back tears, I cleaned myself off as best as I could and threw on a pair of sweats and a hoodie. I felt a little less vulnerable and exposed now, both physically and emotionally, but I still wanted to hide in the bathroom forever.

I looked in the mirror and stared my reflection in the eyes.

“If you never go back out there and face him, he’s never going to leave,” I told myself.

I took a deep breath and went out to face Luke.

***

When I got back into the bedroom, now completely covered head to toe, Luke was still naked.

“Oh,” he said, sounding surprised, “I didn’t realize we were getting dressed now.”

“Well, it’s getting pretty late,” I said, pointing to an imaginary watch on my wrist, “I figured we should probably call it a night.”

“I don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow morning,” he said as he came up behind me to pull me close to him, “I could spend the night and we could mess around some more, grab some breakf-”

I moved out of his reach and went to make the bed.

“That sounds great Luke, but I’m gonna have to take a rain check. I have TONS of shit to do tomorrow, and I really need a good night’s sleep.”

I picked up his clothes and handed them to him.

Luke looked puzzled, but started to get dressed. “Oh, OK. Did I do something wrong?”

“No, of course not,” I stopped fussing with the bed and flashed as sincere a smile as I could muster, “I’m just tired and I have a lot do this weekend, that’s all.”

“Oh, alright then. I guess I’ll see you Monday,” He said, furrowing his brow.

He didn't look like he believed me, but I didn't care. I just wanted him out of there as soon as possible so he wouldn't see my stupid feelings.

“Right,” I said, leading him to the exit, “Monday morning bright and early!”

I opened the front door and nearly shoved him out.

“OK, have a great evening!!” I shouted, managing to close the door just as the first tear rolled down my cheek.

CHAPTER EIGHT

The second he was gone, I jumped in the shower, relieved to finally be alone. I let my tears get lost in the water pouring down my face, and wondered how this could have happened. The whole point of casual sex was to not have to deal with feelings, and here I was dealing with more feelings than I remembered having in the last ten years of my life.

I put on a pair of pyjamas and called Julian.

“You better not be calling me mid-coitus, girl.”

“Ugh, gross! I’m calling you mid-freak out.”

“Jesus, was he that bad?”

“No,” I said, wincing, as the vivid memory of Luke on top of me flashed across my mind, “it was fine. Great, even.”

“So?”

“So you were right, you fucking mind reader. I have feelings.”

“Ha! I knew it!”
Julian whooped, obviously thrilled at having been right.

“Yeah, yeah, you know everything, congratulations. I guess the joke is on me though, because he doesn’t feel the same way.”

“That skinny white boy you work with? Honey, I met him when I came down to visit, remember? I saw how he looked at you; that boy is infatuated. Believe me, I know a thing or two about infatuation.”

“Maybe he was, but he’s not anymore. He was pretty explicit about not wanting me to be his girlfriend.”

“What? That doesn’t sound like him.” Julian said, the disbelief clear in his voice.

“Well, that’s what happened.”

There was silence on the other end as Julian tried to find something suitably comforting to say.

“He’s a nerd, Cassandra. He doesn’t have the best social skills. You said so yourself. Maybe there was a misunderstanding.”

I snorted. “I love you Jules, and thank you for trying to make me feel better, but you weren’t there. It was awful. I think it’s best I just forget about this whole thing. He got what he wanted; now he can go fuck his way across town. Maybe I will too, now that I think of it.” My mind flashed back to nude picture from Dan the week before. Maybe the offer was still on the table?

“Well, you do whatever you want, honey,” said Julian, “but I think you’re giving up too easy. You gotta let yourself be vulnerable to feel love, you know.”

“Sure Julian. Good night.”

I hung up and let myself fall face down on the bed. I could still smell Luke all over my sheets and it made me feel better, if only for a split second. I fell asleep
like that, breathing him in, not caring that once that split second was over, being surrounded in his scent only made the pain worse.

***

The next morning I woke feeling fresh as a daisy...until the memory of the night before hit me like a ton of bricks.

I wasn’t sure what made me feel worse: the fact that he didn’t feel the same way as me, or the fact that I had reacted so dramatically. Looking back, what he said obviously hadn’t been meant to hurt me, and it wasn’t as though it came out of left field or anything. He probably didn’t even know I had feelings for him.

Well, maybe he didn’t before,
I thought, n
ow that you freaked out all over him he probably figured it out.

I liked to think of myself as pretty tough; someone who kept her shit together and let things roll off her back. I didn’t like all these wild emotions and this emerging vulnerability. Not one bit.

“Fuck that!” I said aloud. I wasn’t interested in sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I grabbed my phone and sent a message to Dan.

Been a while.
Tonight?

I pressed send and was about to toss the phone aside when it buzzed in my hand.

That was fast,
I thought,
he must want it bad.

Instead, I found a message from Luke.

Hey, are we cool? You seemed kind of upset last night.

My face reddened in humiliation. Great, my stupid meltdown had not gone unnoticed.

Yeah, I’m just moody when I’m tired :) Have a great weekend!!!!

I packed on the exclamation points in the hope that it would look extra cheerful. I threw the phone aside, determined not to let Luke’s message spoil my mood, and went to take a shower.

The water felt great on my skin and I let it metaphorically wash away any bad feelings I had about the night before. I had some great sex, had a great orgasm, and helped a nervous dude get over his social handicap.  All good things; why not just leave it at that?

My phone beeped: a message from Dan. I smiled to myself.

You see that? Best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody.

I was still smiling when I opened the text message, but stopped pretty quickly when I saw it.

Sorry babe, I have a date.

I threw my phone on the bed in disgust.

“Whatever,” I said to the empty apartment, “Fuck everybody else. I can have fun alone.”

I changed back into my sweats and grabbed my phone, ordering from my favourite Chinese takeout place. While I waited for the delivery guy, I passed the time deciding what movie to watch. I had just made my choice when the doorbell
rang. The smell wafting from the bags of food made my mouth water and I paid the delivery guy quickly, excited to begin my feast.

Before I even had a chance to put the food down, there was another knock at the door.

Shit,
I thought,
did I not count out the tip correctly?

I swung open the door, anxious to get this over with and get to my food, and found a serious looking Luke standing on my doorstep.

CHAPTER NINE

“Uh, hi,” I blurted out from behind my stack of Chinese food containers.

“Hey. Are you having a party?” he asked.

“No, this is just my supper,” I said.

“Are you sure you don’t have people coming over? That’s a lot of food for one person.”

“Look, fuck you OK?” I said, embarrassed and still recovering from the shock of his being there, “I like getting enough for leftovers.”

Luke held up his hands in surrender.
“Hey, no judgment. Can I come in, or are you too busy with,” He gestured towards my food. “This?”

I glared at him. “Come in.”

I turned my back on Luke and went into the kitchen, letting him close the door. I wasn’t thrilled about him seeing me in my bumming around clothes, but at least I had showered and put makeup on. Thank God for small miracles.

“So what are you doing here?” I asked, “I figured you’d be out banging everything on two legs by now.”

Luke raised an eyebrow. “Right, because that’s how I usually spend my Sunday nights.”

I felt stupid for taking such a nasty tone with him.

He didn’t do anything wrong
, I reminded myself,
and you still have to work with this guy, so you may want to make nice.

My stomach rumbled loudly and
I knew if I didn’t eat soon it would be a bad scene all around.

“Do you want to join me?” I said, changing the subject, “I was going to watch a documentary about sharks, and as you pointed out, I have plenty of food.”

Luke grinned. “That sounds great.”

I turned off the lights and we settled in on the couch to watch the movie. We spread the take-out on the table, and it wasn't long before we had made a significant dent in what had initially seemed like an impossibly large amount of food.

As interesting as the documentary was, and as much as I was enjoying the meal, there was definitely an elephant in the room and I wasn't exactly sure how to bring it up. Luckily for me I didn’t have to, as it was Luke who decided to break the ice.

“So, am I right in thinking you were mad at me last night?”

I kept my eyes glued to the screen, avoiding eye contact at all cost.

“Nah, I was just a little tired.”

Luke picked up the remote and clicked pause, forcing me to stop paying attention to the TV.

“Why were you mad?”

I crossed my arms and sighed.

“I don't know, I guess when you were so quick to tell me you didn’t want me as a girlfriend, I felt, I don’t know, used.”

“Used? Cass, you’re the one you said you wanted to keep it no strings. I was just doing what I thought you wanted.”

“I know,” I said, agreeing with him, “I guess, ugh, I don't know. I guess I…like…you.” Saying this last part was painful and I felt like I was a teenager again, asking Jimmy Hewitt to the semi-formal, heart pounding in my chest.

Luke looked confused. “You..like...me?” he said, pointing to himself.

I felt like I was being made fun of and threw a pillow at him.

“Yes, alright? You don’t need to rub it in.”

Luke burst out laughing and tossed the pillow aside and grabbed my wrists, pulling me onto him.

“Oh you idiot! You crazy, beautiful idiot!”

“Hey!” I said, laughing a bit now too, in spite of myself, “Who are you calling an idiot?”

“Do you really think that I would have spent all this time with you, that I kissed you, and touched you, and had sex with you, for heaven’s sake, which I have never done with anyone else in my life, if I didn't like you too?”

I looked in his eyes, not sure of what I was hearing.
“Really?”

“Yes, really.
Do you think you’re the first woman that’s offered to take me to bed? Because you’re not, Cassandra. But you are the only one I ever said yes to.”

Luke put his hand out to lift my
chin. “I’ve been infatuated with you since we first met. Aren’t you supposed to be the big sex and dating expert? How did you not know that?”

“I...I don’t know,” I said, bowled over by his words, “I guess I am an idiot.”

“Yeah well, you’re my idiot.”

And with that Luke kissed me on the mouth and all the sorrow I’d felt since the night before instantly vanished.

I pulled back from the kiss and looked into his eyes. I was going to say something, but the look in his eyes stopped me dead in my tracks. Gone was the jovial, mild-mannered guy I worked with; instead I found myself face to face with a creature of hunger and lust. For the first time, I thought of him not as a dude or a guy, but as a
man
. Seeing the heat in his gaze inflamed the passion within me, and I decided talking could wait; there were more pressing matters at hand.

Luke pulled me roughly towards him and our mouths met hungrily. Our hands were on each other instantly, frantically pulling at clothes as though our lives depended on it. Before I knew it my tank top was pulled over my head, exposing my bra-less breasts and causing my nipples to harden in exhibitionist thrill.

I clawed at Luke's shirt, ripping open the buttons and causing a few to fly off, making a “ping” noise as they landed on the hardwood floor.

I threw the shirt to the ground and went to work on removing his jeans, as he pulled the yoga pants off my waist in one swift gesture, leaving me only in my panties. Soon those too were gone, and his boxers followed suit. Both naked, we made our way to the bedroom, blindly grabbing at walls and furniture for support, as neither of us seemed able to break the kiss for even a moment.

I fell backwards onto the bed, Luke on top of me, his body grinding into mine with desire.  He grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head. I gasped, startled by the show of force, but by no means unhappy about it. He kissed me hard and I found myself incredibly turned on by the feeling of being overpowered by him like this. I writhed beneath him, wanting him inside me more than anything.

Luke transferred both my wrists to one of his hands, so he could use the other hand to touch me. He brought it to my hungry sex, deftly inserting two fingers inside, and causing me to tighten around them instinctively. He began to slowly finger fuck me, sending waves of pleasure up my spine as he made a come hither gesture with his hand.

“Please…” I whispered

“Please what?” Luke replied, teasingly.

“Please fuck me.”

He didn’t need to be asked twice. Luke removed his fingers from my pussy, and before I had time to miss them, he plunged into me with his gorgeous cock, filling me and caressing me from the inside. I moaned his name, now almost beside myself with pleasure.

Before I could finish reacting to the sensation, he pulled out again, and then plunged back in once more. He fucked me with a beautiful gyrating rhythm and I strained to meet him at every thrust, my back arching with pleasure beneath his touch.

His grip on my wrists loosened so I went to pull my hand away, but he responded by once more pinning me with both his hands, so that I was well and truly unable to escape his grasp.

“Jesus, Luke. I’m gonna come!” I yelled as I felt the weight of the orgasm building inside me.

“Come,” he ordered, “come for me now.”

And with that he thrust into me hard, driving my entire system haywire and forcing the orgasm to rip through me, my senses exploding into a thousand pieces and shattering around me like so many shards of glass. I cried out and felt his body spasm with an orgasm of its own as Luke collapsed above me, spent.