The Last Straw (12 page)

I'm officially DONE with girls. I should just ask Dad to see if Spag Union has early admission, because there's really no point in me sticking around here anymore.

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J

UNE

Friday

Today was the last day of school, and everybody was in a good mood but me. Everyone ELSE is looking forward to having fun this summer, but all I've got to look forward to is sit-ups and marching drills.

At lunch, everyone handed their yearbooks around for people to sign, and when I got mine back, here's what was on the last page-

[Image: A note.] The caption reads: "Don't be a fool Be cool Slick"

At first I couldn't figure out who "Slick" was, but then I realized it was just Rowley. A couple of days ago, Rowley was standing near an older kid's locker, and the guy wanted Rowley to move.

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So here's what the guy said-

[Image: A big boy warning the other.] The caption reads: "STEP AWAY FROM MY LOCKER, SLICK."

So I guess now Rowley thinks "Slick" is his permanent nickname or something. I just hope he doesn't expect ME to say it.

I flipped through the pages to see who else signed my yearbook, and there was one that made me stop in my tracks. It was from Holly Hills.

First of all, she wrote my actual name, so that means she figured out who I was since Friday night. And second, she wrote "K.I.T." at the end, which everyone knows means "Keep in Touch." You'd better BELIEVE I'm gonna take her up on her offer.

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[Image: A note.] The caption reads: "Greg, I don't really know you all that well, but you seem O.K., I guess.

K.I.T.

Holly"

I handed my yearbook to Rowley to show him what Holly wrote. But then he showed me what she wrote in HIS yearbook, and it kind of made her note to me look lame.

[Image: A boy showing a note to the other boy.] The caption reads: "Dear Rowley, you are so adorable & funny! I hope we have the same homeroom next year. Stay cute!

Love, Holly"

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A couple of minutes later, Holly's yearbook came around, and I had a chance to sign it. So here's what I put-

[Image: A note.] The caption reads: "Dear Holly-

You are a nice person and all, but I only think of you as a friend.

From, Slick"

The way I see it, I just did Rowley a HUGE favor. I don't want to see him get his heart stomped on by Holly Hills, because the truth is, girls can be a little cruel sometimes.

Saturday

Today was my only day of summer vacation, and I had to spend it at Seth Snella's half-birthday party. I asked Mom to let me stay home so I could enjoy myself, but she said we were going to the party as a family.

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Dad didn't even bother fighting it, because he knew HE wasn't getting out of it, either.

So at 1:00 we walked across the street to the Snellas' house.

[Image: Children walking in a line with their food trays.]

The Snellas really did it up this year. They had a clown making balloon animals, and a moon bounce for the kids.

They even had live music. Rodrick was pretty sore over that because his band, Löded Diper, tried out for the job, but the Snellas turned them down.

Everyone ate lunch, and then at 3:30 the main event started.

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Mr. and Mrs. Snella had all the adults line up in front of Seth, and they all took turns trying to make him smile. Mr. Henrich went first.

[Image: A man playing with the baby as the family looks.] The caption reads: "SQUAWK!

SQUAWK!"

I noticed Dad looking really nervous at the back of the line. At one point I walked by Dad to get myself some cupcakes, and he stopped me. He told me if I could get him out of this situation, he'd owe me BIG-time.

[Image: A man ask for food from the boy.]

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I thought it was pretty ironic that Dad would be asking ME for a favor, especially since he's the one who's shipping me off to military school tomorrow. So I was fine with letting him squirm.

But that doesn't mean I wanted to see my Dad acting like a baboon in front of the whole neighborhood, either. I thought about sneaking home to spare myself the shame.

That's when I saw Manny on the other side of the deck, poking around Seth's presents.

[Image: A table with the toys.] The caption reads: "TOSS"

Manny found the present that was from OUR family, and he ripped it open. As soon as I saw what it was, I knew things were about to get real complicated.

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It was a blue knit blanket, just like the one MANNY used to have as a baby. And you could tell Manny thought he had found himself a brand-new Tingy.

[Image: A boy throws down things from the table.]

I went over to Manny and told him he was gonna have to hand over the blanket because it was for the baby, not him. But Manny wouldn't cough it up.

[Image: A boy tries to talk to the little boy.]

When Manny realized I was gonna take away the blanket, he just turned around and chucked it over the railing.

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The blanket landed in the branch of a tree. I knew I had to get it back before Mom found out, so I got down off the deck and started climbing up the tree.

[Image: A boy is climbing a tree to get the cloth.]

Right when I was about to grab the blanket, my foot slipped, and I was left hanging there. I tried to pull myself back up, but I didn't have the strength.

I probably would've been able to do it, but the only thing I had to eat today was a grape soda and the frosting off of a piece of cake, so I had no energy.

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I yelled for help, but I really wish I didn't call attention to myself. Because right when everyone came over to see what was going on, my pants came loose and fell down around my ankles.

It wouldn't have happened if I was wearing my OWN pants. But I never washed my dress pants after they got that chocolate all over them, so I was borrowing a pair of RODRICK's pants, which were about two sizes too big on me.

The situation was humiliating enough, but then I realized something even WORSE. I was wearing my Wonder Woman Underoos.

[Image: The people look at the boy hanging from a branch.]

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Eventually, Dad ran over and helped get me down, but not before Mr. Snella got the whole thing on tape. And something tells me that this time around, he has a good shot at the "America's Funniest Families" Grand Prize.

After that, Dad hustled me home, and I thought he was gonna be really mad at me. But it turns out that my accident happened right when Dad was next up to go in front of Seth Snella, so I saved him from having to take his turn.

And get this: Dad thinks I FAKED the whole thing to bail him out.

[Image: A man pats his son's back.] The caption reads: "THAT'S MY SON!

SLAP"

I wasn't about to correct him, either. I made myself a big bowl of ice cream, sat down in front of the TV, and tried to enjoy the rest of my one day of freedom as best I could.

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Sunday

When I woke up this morning, it was a quarter past 11:00. I couldn't figure out why I was still in bed, because Dad was supposed to drive me to Spag Union at 8:00.

[Image: A boy sleeping.] The caption reads: "BLINK BLINK"

So I went downstairs. Dad was sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper, and he wasn't even dressed yet.

[Image: A boy walks towards the man at the table.] The caption reads: "SIP"

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When I walked into the kitchen, Dad told me we could "rethink" this military academy thing. He said maybe I could just do some push-ups and sit-ups every once in a while, and that would be just as good as the summer conditioning program at Spag Union.

I couldn't believe my ears. I guess Dad felt like he owed me for saving him yesterday, and this was his way of paying me back.

I walked out of the house and went up to Rowley's before Dad could change his mind. And on my way up the hill, I realized that I was on summer vacation.

[Image: The boy whistles as he walks on the road.] The caption reads: "TWEET TWEET"

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I Knocked on Rowley's door, and when he answered, I told him I didn't have to go to Spag Union AFTER all.

[Image: A boy opens the door for his friend.]

Rowley didn't even know what I was talking about, so that just shows you how clueless he can be sometimes.

We played Rowley's Twisted Wizard 2 for a while, and then his parents kicked us out of the house. So we grabbed some popsicles and went and sat on his front curb.

You'll never BELIEVE what happened next. A really cute girl I had never seen before walked up to us and introduced herself.

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She said her name was Trista and that she just moved in down the street.

[Image: A girl greets the boys as they sit on the pavement.] The caption reads: "HI!"

I looked at Rowley, and it was pretty obvious he was thinking what I was thinking. So it took me about two seconds to come up with a plan.

[Image: A boy thinks about hitting a boy on the head.] The caption reads: "CLONK"

But then I had a BETTER idea.

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Rowley's family belongs to a country club, and he's allowed to bring two guests to his pool every day.

So that could actually work out real nice.

[Image: A boy thinks about sunbathing on the beach with his girl.] The caption reads: "GO FETCH US SOME SLUSHIES!"

It looks like things are finally going my way, and you know, it's about time. I don't know anyone who deserves to catch a break more than me, because like I said before, I'm pretty much one of the best people I know.

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And I know it's really corny to finish with a happy ending, but it looks like I'm out of paper anyway, so I guess this is

THE END.

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thanks to my wife, julie, without whose love and support these books would not be possible. Thanks to my family--Mom, Dad, Re, Scott, and Pat--and to my extended family--the Kinneys, Cullinanes, Johnsons, Fitchs, Kennedys, and Burdetts. You have all been so supportive of this endeavor, and it has been great fun to share this experience with you!

Thanks, as always, to my editor, Charlie Kochman, for taking a chance on this series; to Jason Wells, the best publicity director in the business; and to all of the great folks at Abrams.

Thanks to my boss, Jess Brallier, and to all of my coworkers at Family Education Network.

Thanks to Riley, Sylvie, Carla, Nina, Brad, Elizabeth, and Keith out in Hollywoodland.

Thanks to Mel Odom for his wonderfully bombastic write-ups of the first two books.

And thanks to Aaron Nicodemus for encouraging me Way Back When to pick up my cartooning pen after I had given up.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jeff Kinney is an online game developer and designer, and the author of the #1 New York Times bestsellers Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules, as well as the Diary of a Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself Book. He spent his childhood in the Washington, D.C., area and moved to New England in 1995. Jeff lives in southern Massachusetts with his wife, Julie, and their two sons, Will and Grant.