The Light of the World (4 page)

I shake my head. I don’t know how to explain
without sharing her secret, if it's a secret. "Complicated."

Mona laughs, "Not a college girl?" She sits on
her bed and looks at my eyes, "Your eyes look different."

"I'm super sleepy. I think I'm gonna crash
again."

She gets up and walks to the door, "I'm going
for the pancake breakfast. Want a plate of food?"

I nod and lie down on my bed. I kick my shoes
off and pull my jeans off. I curl into my blankets and snuggle
in.

My phone starts vibrating just as my eyes get
heavy enough I can't open them. I drift off and ignore it.

When I wake it's dark. I've slept through the
entire day. I sit up and look around. The room is dark but I can
see clearly again. I'm going to have to have an eye test. A plate
of cold pancakes sits next to me on my bedside table. Mona is gone.
I push my phone but the screen stays black.

"Crap." I plug it in and lie there. A knock at
the door startles my thoughts. I climb off the bed and open the
door.

Michelle is dressed to the nines and giving me a
worried look, "You sick?"

I shake my head, "I don’t think."

She taps her heel on the floor, "Then get the
eff up and come party. It's the second to last Saturday before
classes start. Oh and Willow sent me a text. She got the number
from my sister. She wanted to know why you're ignoring her and if
she should come and see you."

I roll my eyes. "My phone is dead. Jesus."

"Well I told her you were sleeping a lot. She
said that was good. She's weird dude."

I nod and open the door all the way. When she
comes in and sees me in my panties she laughs, "Nice. Who buys your
underwear?"

I look down at my beige underwear and scowl,
"What?"

"Beige granny panties. Really?"

I tug at my t-shirt and climb back into my bed.
I rub my eyes. She turns a light on and looks at me funny.

"Your eyes are doing it again."

I nod, "I know. I think I must have like
glaucoma or something."

She rolls her eyes, "Please. It's probably your
ghost hunter ancestry going nuts in this spooky ass old dorm. With
a mom like Willow, you're doomed."

I snort, "Ghost hunters. Please. Charlatan's
maybe. Where did you sleep last night?"

She smiles softly, like she is remembering
something. "With Benny."

I raise an eyebrow, "Benny?"

She nods, "He's so awesome. He's a senior and
he's a bio major."

"Smart huh."

"Going to be a doctor."

I laugh, "I can totally see you as a surgeon's
wife. Little miss Suzie-Homemaker."

She bats her eyelashes, "I know right. He's
sweet. And he's cool with my history."

I flinch, "You told him?"

"Of course."

I feel confused, "Isn't the whole point to it to
being a girl, not telling people you used to be a boy?"

She nods, "Duh, but I'm not going to lie. What
if it gets serious and I have to tell him and then he breaks up
with me because of it and I end up with a broken heart? It's not
like I can have babies. Plus I take more shots than a crack addict.
No. Telling the truth is better. Besides he likes it. He's always
been sort of bi-curious."

"Okay good call. Just seems weird to have a
conversation like that on the first night."

She laughs, "We've been dating for two
months."

I am totally confused, "How did you meet?"

"Group therapy."

"For what? Does he want to be a girl and then
you'll both be hetro-lesbians?"

She crosses her thin arms and frowns, "None of
your business smart ass nosy parker. Anyway, everyone is going to
some club tonight. Wanna come? Or we could just stay in and
continue to make fun of minorities and alternative lifestyles?"

"You're a dick. I wasn’t making fun."

"You coming out with me or what?" I have totally
inappropriate 'coming out' jokes but now I'm scared she won't think
they're funny.

Instead I look at what she's wearing and dread
the effort it would take to get me to that standard. I know it's
going to be too much. Like surgery for me too.

I shake my head, "No I'm beat. I haven’t been
this tired, ever. I think I got mono from thinking about kissing
that frat boy."

She rolls her eyes and walks to my closet. She
moans when she opens it. She looks back, "Do you own normal girl
clothes?"

I frown, "Yeah."

She shakes her head and mutters to herself
whilst filing through my clothes. "No you don’t."

She grabs a khaki skirt and a white tank top,
"Ugh. Put this on. It'll have to do." She grabs some flip-flops
from my closet and throws them at me.

The door opens and Mona walks in.

"Hey."

"Hey. Michelle this is Mona, my roomie. Mona
this is Michelle. She's from my hometown. One of my best
friends."

Mona stops and smiles, "Oh my god.
Congratulations."

Michelle looks at me confused.

I shake my head, "No, not this friend."

Michelle puts her hands on her hips, "What?"

"She thinks you’re Trudy."

Michelle crosses her arms, "I look like a
lesbian? In this?"

Mona looks at me for support, but I laugh.
Michelle is wearing a pink halter with a silver mini skirt and huge
shoes that look like they belong on a Bratz doll. She actually
looks like a Bratz doll. Her long blonde hair is shiny and
smooth.

"No?" Mona looks at me again. I laugh
harder.

Michelle slaps her arm, "I'm totally kidding.
Anyway, ladies let's get some cute clothes on and bust a move.
We're going out, you coming?"

Mona nods, "Sure."

Michelle walks to Mona's closet and grabs a
purple shirt and a black skirt. "You have seriously cute
clothes."

I scowl, "Nice."

Mona grins, "Thanks. Where are we going?"

Michelle shrugs, "Not sure. Some club."

I pull on the tank and slide the skirt on. I
look like I should have a bathing suit under my clothes and be
wearing a straw hat. I look over at them and frown, "I can't go
with you guys."

Mona is smoking. She looks more like Blair than
ever. Her dark hair is shiny and around her shoulders with soft
waves. Her lips are glossy and plump. Her eyes shine and her skin
is pale and flawless. She and Michelle could be models. Both are
crazy tall in their huge shoes. I feel like a hobbit next to them
in my flip-flops.

They both look at my clothes and grimace.

"Yeah you look really casual."

"I've never been to a club." I say it like it's
an excuse.

Michelle raises an eyebrow, "Neither have I, but
I still have clothes that would suit the occasion. Your closet
looks like it belongs to a nine year old."

"I shop at trendy places."

Michelle points at me, "You shop at trendy
places and somehow come out with the plain shit no one else wants.
Those knit t-shirts you wear are pajamas tops. Don’t even start
with me." She's exasperated.

I look at Mona, but she puts her hands in the
air, "I'm not getting involved." She turns and faces her closet.
When she turns back around she is holding something dark blue.

Michelle squeals, "Yes. Oh my god that would be
perfect."

Sometimes I miss my mom. This is one of those
moments.

I pull off my clothes and look at the blue
thing. I don’t really know how to put it on. I try pulling it on
but its got shorts instead of a skirt.

Michelle snatches it and holds it in front of me
to step into. She pulls it up my body, launching my granny panties
into my ass.

"Oh my god." I squirm away and pull it out of my
butt.

Mona laughs, "It's a romper. Don’t frown like
that. It's pretty. You look pretty."

Michelle brushes my hair and Mona attacks with
the makeup. I try to protest but they move fast and talk over
me.

I turn and look at myself. I look different.
It's not bad different or good different. It's just different and
I'm instantly uncomfortable. I hug my arms around myself.

Michelle pulls my arms at my side, "No
fidgeting. Haven’t you seen Pretty Woman? It makes you look taller
when you don’t fidget."

Whatever a romper is it's uncomfortable. It's
giving me constant wedgies and I feel like it's going to fall off
my boobs any second. It’s a strapless one piece with shorts instead
of a skirt. The shorts are short and the top is low cut. I feel
naked. I reach for a sweater but Michelle swats my hand, "No. No.
Ewww."

Mona hands me a pair of heels.

"Delicious choice. Navy sling back kitten heels
look amazing and she shouldn’t fall in that low of a heel."

They examine me and I shake my head, "This is a
bad idea." I don’t wobble in the heels, because contrary to popular
belief I can walk in them. I practiced a lot in Willow's one
pair.

Michelle grabs my hand and drags me from the
room. Mona follows us and I instantly want to turn back.

My stomach has the uneasy feeling from the night
before and I'm exhausted.

Clubs suck.

This is a discovery I made while being groped
twice on the dance floor and shoved as I tried to wind my way
through the crowds. I fell into another girl and someone spilled a
drink on my foot. My shoe was sloshing with booze on the way to the
bathroom.

Now sitting on the toilet cleaning my shoe and
foot, I lean my head against the wall. I want to go home. The light
in the bathroom flickers.

I have a funny feeling in my stomach. It's the
one from the other night when Wyatt scared me.

I swallow and put my shoe back on. My toes stick
to the inside, but at least it isn’t wet anymore.

I reach for the handle on the door, but have a
terrible feeling I shouldn’t open it. I hesitate and watch my
fingers tremble.

My mother's words float into my mind,
'your
stomach has magic Nene. When it tells you someone isn’t good, you
run. I don’t care where you are or who you're with. You run and you
don’t stop until the magic stops.'

I feel a shiver come over me. I step up onto the
toilet and crouch down. My shoe almost slips off the seat, but I
manage to hold myself still.

I hold my breath and wait. The air grows cold. I
expect to see my breath but I don’t. Instead I hear girls laughing
and stumbling into the bathroom.

"Oh my god he's such a loser. I can't believe
she is hooking up with him."

I feel like it's the only chance I'll have to
leave the bathroom. I open the door and run from the stall. I wash
my hands quickly. I never take my eyes off the other girls. They
primp in the mirror and give me weird looks.

I run from the bathroom and get lost in the
crowd again. Suddenly the club doesn’t feel so bad. Something in
the air makes me happy. The music feels like it's getting under my
skin and creating energy.

The lights are flashing and pulsing to the
music. It's bright for me, even though I know it's dark. My eyes
are doing the weird thing again. The weird feeling from the
bathroom lessens but my nerves are getting the best of me. I miss
Willow and the quiet of our house. Maybe school was a bad choice.
Maybe I should withdraw and go home.

I shake my head at myself. Maybe I should stop
being such a pansy. Classes haven’t even started yet.

A voice speaks softly into my ear, "You want
that drink now?" A hand grabs me and spins me. I turn and face
Wyatt and for a moment I'm so glad to see him. I let him pull me
into him. He's been drinking I think. He's too affectionate. Too
grabby.

I put my hands on his chest and try not to
notice the way his hands feel on my bare back. Jolts of energy or
sparks hit my skin where he touches. He bends down and kisses me
softly. It's unexpected but it feels right. His lips meet mine with
gentle sweetness. He presses me against him. I feel the softness of
me melting into his hard body. Our lips make sparks on my mouth. I
let him devour me.

His tongue parts my lips and I push him back. He
pulls me with him and I feel my feet lift off the ground. I shake
my head, "No stop." I am breathless. I can taste his drink on my
lips when I lick them. He grins at me, cocky and confident.

"I like you."

I look at him and feel like my world is about to
explode, "You don’t know me."

He nods, "I know but it feels like I do. It
feels like we've met before. Like our souls know each other."

I want to roll my eyes and mock him but he has
described how I feel exactly. I'm trembling. "You probably say that
to all the girls." I say. My voice doesn’t sound like I'm
convinced.

I bite my lip and feel lost in his eyes.

"You eyes look weird." He whispers, mesmerized
by them. He is really drunk. He slurs his words, "I like them."

"Something is wrong with them. They keep
glowing."

He smirks, "Like a cat."

I feel sick. My stomach clenches and I double
over. He looks worried, "You okay?"

I feel myself heave. He lifts me up and carries
me. I don’t know where we are going, but I feel my feet hitting
people and my shoes sliding off. The pain is everywhere all at
once.

The air hits when we get outside. He puts me
down and I throw up everywhere. It splashes on my feet and my bare
legs. People in the line up to the bar groan, "Get her outta
here."

His arms are behind me, pushing me along. My
stomach is clenching again.

"Come on." Heat rips through me again and I
throw up a second time.

I feel his arms circle around me. I hobble
along.

"What did you drink?"

"Water."

He looks at my face, "Did you put your drink
down?"

I shake my head and feel my eyes starting to
flutter.

"Fuck, I think you have the flu or something."
He picks me up. Just as he lifts me, everything goes black.

xxxx

I wake to the sound of water. I look around me
but there is no one.