The Pull of Destiny (90 page)

I grinned
sheepishly at CiCi, tugging my ear. “My timing is pretty messed up, isn’t it?”

“In a major
way,” CiCi replied, her voice small as all the fight went out of her. I wanted
to hug her, comfort her, make her realize that I wanted her, that I loved her,
but I knew she probably wouldn’t appreciate me touching her without at least
explaining my thinking leading to this point.

My shoulders
slumped as I spoke. “I’m sorry, Celsi. I thought this would be perfect.” I
spread my arms, gesturing at the starlit night sky. “I had a firework display
ready to go off when you said yes. I guess I just planned this with no respect
to what you wanted.”

“You got that
right,” CiCi said, shaking her head as she stared at me.

But I wasn’t
done. “That being said, I have no idea why you think I’m joking or doing this
out of boredom
or
spite.”

Her eyes
troubled, CiCi opened her mouth to say something. “Luke-,” she started, her
throat working. But I talked over her, needing to get this confession into the
open before I chickened out again.

“I love you,
Celsiana Sawyer,” I said passionately, leaning forward to grasp her cold hands
in mine. “I love your eyes, your smile, your body, your hair. But most of all,
I love
you
. I love the loving, caring CiCi who helped me get through one
of the darkest periods of my life, the forgiving CiCi who gave me chance after
chance after chance, the brave CiCi who went through hell just to get to me
when my aneurysm ruptured.” CiCi’s huge eyes never left my face as I poured my
heart out to her. I couldn’t stop talking, the words kept tumbling out of my
mouth without a filter, but the amazing thing was I had wanted to say all these
words for years. “I never stopped loving you. Ever. You’re like- you’re one of
the best things that has ever happened to me.”

Quickly, CiCi
shook her head, sending her bouncy curls flying. “Don’t say that,” she
admonished.

“I mean it,
though,” I said, squeezing her hands. “You came into my life at the perfect
time and I just- I don’t even know what to say, CiCi.” I sucked in a breath.
“You’re just- I need you in my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with
you.”

CiCi closed her
eyes for a second, her long eyelashes fluttering. “Don’t you get why I’m
skeptical, though? How long has it been since you and I actually dated?”

“Five years,” I
admitted. Okay, that was a long time. But it didn’t matter. Only our feelings
mattered, and if I was right, CiCi felt the same way I did. She was just more
scared, is all. “But-.”

“Luke- we’ve
grown up. We’re adults.” A bitter smile twisted her lips. “Don’t confuse the
puppy love we had for something it will never be. We haven’t ever hung out as
adults. As much as I want to-.” She shook her head again, her eyes glistening
with unshed tears. “Luke, it won’t be the same. It
can’t
be the same.”

I wasn’t trying
to hear that. “You know perfectly well that what we had wasn’t puppy love,
Celsi,” I said softly, dropping her hands and tucking my finger under her chin
as I stepped closer to her. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t feel
anything when I touch you.” I cupped her cheek with one hand, feeling her
shiver slightly under my touch. “When I kiss you.”

My heart
thumped as I leaned down to kiss CiCi’s full lips, ignoring the stunned look in
her eyes as my nose brushed hers. Her lips tasted of watermelon chap stick and I
gently brushed them with my own, re-exploring her warm, wet mouth. She tasted
so
good, just as I remembered. I traced her parted lips with my tongue, running a
hand through her soft, curly hair as I felt her kiss me back. Her lips worked
over mine, our breath intermingling as we gave in to our pent up passion.
When she drew back, CiCi looked dazed,
eyes glazed over and breathing labored as we shared air in the small space
between us. My eyes unflinchingly bored into hers.

“Luke-,” she
started, still trying to get her piece in.

Trailing a
finger down her cheek, I whispered, “I love you. And of course it won’t be the
same, because we’re older. It’ll be better.”

“I don’t
think-.”

Okay, I really
didn’t like interrupting CiCi every time she tried to say something, but I
couldn’t help myself. I knew she was just trying to find excuses to shut me up,
and I simply wasn’t going to have it. “Did you ever stop loving me?”

CiCi swallowed
hard, her eyes dropping from my gaze. She didn’t answer.

“Because I
never did,” I continued. “Why do you think Seiko left?”

Whispering,
CiCi asked, “Why?”

“Because you
were all I could talk about and it drove her crazy. She didn’t want to
compete.”

Shaking her
hair out of her eyes, CiCi said, “She was competing with your memories of me,
not the real me.”

“Why do you
keep saying that?” I asked, totally not getting her logic. “Who did I have hour
long conversations with almost every day for the last three years? You or your
17 year old self?”

A tiny smile
turned up her pretty lips and I had the urge to kiss her again. “Me.”

“Exactly. You.”

I pressed my
mouth against hers again, licking her plump bottom lip as she sensuously sucked
on my top lip in perfect harmony.

Pulling back,
she stammered, “But why didn’t you tell me? All these years- think of how much
better it would have been!” Her eyes searched my face, confusion rampant. “I
mean, you dated Seiko for years! Why did you do that if you knew you still had
feelings for me?”

“I hooked up
with Seiko to get my mind off of you. Off of our breakup, which really, really
hurt.” Leaning forward, I pressed my forehead against hers, relishing our close
proximity. “More than anybody knows. All I wanted to do was get on a plane and
come back to you, but since I couldn’t, I tried to move on.” I sighed at all
the repressed memories. “I really liked Seiko, but I knew she wasn’t the one
for me. We were just together because we felt comfortable with each other and
we got along, but it wasn’t like we envisioned a long future with each other.
Or at least, that’s what I thought.” I bit my lip, staring at a rapt CiCi
pensively. “Then you hooked up with Ahmed and- the jealousy that I felt scared
the hell out of me. I always knew he liked you, but I just tried to ignore it.
Never thought he would act on it. But at the same time, I wanted you to be
happy; even though I was positive you would be way happier with me. So I didn’t
say anything. After you guys broke up, I wanted to let you know how I felt, but
you were on that ‘I’m focusing on school right now’ tip, so I didn’t want to be
the one to screw you up.” My voice rose and fell as I let CiCi in on my deepest
and darkest feelings.
“
Sometimes I almost wished I could hate
you because it would make things easier for me. But I can't, so I've just gone
on pathetically loving you and hoping that someday things could work out
between us. And now here we are, five years down the line. And I still feel the
same.”

Running both
hands through her hair, CiCi remarked, “You could have just told me that you
still loved me, that would have gotten your point across better than this.”

“Doesn’t really
matter.” I shrugged, a dismissive tone in my voice. “I still want to marry you.
I don’t care if we get married tomorrow or next year or in 20 years, as long as
I know  that it’s gonna happen and I’ll always be with you.” Cupping her face
in my hands, I continued. “I want to have one of those relationships where
we’re 80 years old and still goofing off to make each other laugh.”

CiCi blinked,
sighing as a dreamy expression flitted onto her face. “I always wanted that,
too.”

“Well, we can
have that, Celsi.” I stared into her beautiful eyes. “Say yes.”

Laughing
uneasily, CiCi exclaimed, “Luke, you can’t just pop up and ask me to marry you
like this! We need some kind of foundation first! How can this even work?”

“You know what
my dad said to me before he died?” I started, my face and voice solemn. I had
never told anyone what I was about to divulge to CiCi before. “He called me
when I was in Japan and told me ‘if you know what's good for you, you won’t
ever let Miss Sawyer go. The girl you’re dating right now is nice and all, but
Miss Sawyer is the one you’re destined to be with. You’ll see.’”

Eyes wide, CiCi
breathed, “He
said
that?”

“Yup.” I
nodded. “And he was a business man, so you know his judgment was spot on.”

Musingly, CiCi
looked up at me and my heart did a little flip at the hesitant look in her
eyes. She looked like she was starting to believe what I had been telling her
about my feelings for her. “He once said I was the best decision you made in
years.”

A reluctant
grin slid onto my face. He may be gone, but the old man was still calling the
shots, it seemed. And in this case, I didn’t mind at all. “He was
so
right. And letting you go was the worst. Look, I know I came on a little too
strong with the marriage thing, but I would be lying if I said that didn’t want
that to happen eventually.” I smiled hopefully down at her, praying that she
would say yes. “Not now, if you’re not ready. But I
do
intend on making
you Mrs. Celsiana Sawyer.” I reached into the pocket of my jeans and brought
out the Tiffany’s box again. “So will you wear this ring until that day comes?
Please?”

Celsi’s
Point of view.

I looked down
at the open ring box in Luke's hand, then looked up at him, my mind still reeling
from the admissions we had both made tonight. His face was open, eyes as
vulnerable as I’d ever seen them, and I suddenly realized that he was telling
the truth.

No gimmicks.

His feelings
hadn’t changed during the time we had been apart, just like mine hadn’t
changed. He was still in love with me. And I had known that all along, even
though I had tried to hide it from myself.

There’s
nothing hidden under the sun, Celsi.

But some
incessant part of me just wouldn’t let me let Luke's proposal be great. It was
like I had a split personality that enjoyed playing devil’s advocate until the
bitter end.

It
can’t
work! He doesn’t
even know the most basic things about you, Celsi!

“You don’t even
know when my birthday is,” I mumbled, knowing that the devil’s advocate voice
had a valid point.

Spreading his
arms, Luke said, “I know that you read romances and wish you could be the
heroine, even though you’ve never told anyone that before. I know you love
drinking hot chocolate with loads of tiny marshmallows because it reminds you
of your mom and happier times. I know that whenever you sit at the piano and
play, you’re transported to your own little world.”

Luke said all
of this with the cutest half-smile on his face that pulled at my heartstrings,
gazing down at me as my eyebrows rose in amazement.

“You seriously
know all those things?” I gasped, my eyes filling with tears.

Nodding, Luke
said, “I want to spend the rest of my life getting to know more about what
makes you tick, about your little quirks, whether you bite off the head or the
body when you eat gummy bears, if you just say yes.”

Blinking back
tears, I nodded, throwing caution to the wind. I loved Luke, nobody could
compare to him. There was no need for a lengthy battle of reason because I knew
what was right.
Me and Luke, together forever.
That
was right.
That was how it was supposed to be.

“Yes.”

Luke's eyes
narrowed, staring at me as though he couldn’t quite believe his ears. Or his
eyes. “Really?” he murmured, tugging a hand through his windswept hair.

“Yes, silly. I
love you. And I’m saying yes.”

Wrapping my
arms around his neck, I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him, my lips gentle against
his as I took my time tasting him, his tongue slipping into my mouth to
entangle with mine.

Breathing hard,
Luke pulled back, a triumphant look gleaming in his green eyes. “July 7
^th
,”
he whispered.

Feeling dazed
from the kiss, his words made no sense to me. “What?”

“July 7
^th
.
That’s your birthday, isn’t it, future Mrs. Celsi Astor?”

My heart almost
jumped into my mouth at that double whammy
. He remembered my birthday!
And
dammit if Mrs. Celsi Astor didn’t sound perfect. “Yes Luke, it is,” I whispered
against his lips, feeling so happy that I wanted to sing.

Somehow, I
don’t think anybody wants to hear that. Even my future husband.

“I love you,
Celsi Sawyer.”

Smiling
deliriously up at him, I was rewarded with an equally elated smile back. Luke's
dimples popped into view as I whispered, “I love
you
, Luke Astor.”

His arms
slipped around my waist and he held me close. Suddenly, I heard a loud, popping
sound and the sky above us was illuminated with bright, colorful light. Glancing
up, I saw a huge firework display going off in the distance.