The Remarkable Flight of Marnie McPhee (2 page)

3

Midnight.

MARNIE's alone in the basement, examining her "spaceship."

MARNIE

Now all the McPhees ('cept me) have gone to sleep, no lights are on upstairs, and you know what that means?

It's time to "get down to business"!

She gets down to business: wrapping tinfoil around pipe cleaners, putting a bottle cap on top, mounting the whole thing on a stuffed panda bear, etc.

Suddenly there's a sound from elsewhere in the house. Not loud. Piercing. A human voice. Not talking. What is it? MARNIE stops, listens.

Gradually the sound gets louder, and we realize, with MARNIE, that it's not one sound but three, converging. The dominant sound is of a woman's voice singing an aria mournfully. The sound beneath that, faint, is a clicking: what is it? We don't know. Neither does MARNIE. The third sound, the faintest yet also the closest to us, is again a human voice. Whispering…

And there's ALAN, descending to the basement, on his cellphone, clutching pen and paper in his hand.

ALAN

What do you mean? What? What? No, of course my voice has changed! Do I sound squeaky-voiced to you? I do? I'm on a cellphone, I'm whispering, my family's sleeping, of course I'm squeaky-voiced right now, that doesn't mean I'm not an eligible young bachelor in every other… hang on, wait till I get into the basement, I don't want to wake them up…

MARNIE bumps against her would-be spaceship, makes a sound. ALAN freezes.

Who's there?

He sees her.

Oh. You.

Into the phone:

No, not you. My little sister's being weird again. I'll call you back.

He hangs up.

You.

MARNIE

Me.

ALAN

What did you…

MARNIE

Hi Alan.

ALAN

Hi Marnie. What did you… you didn't overhear much, did you?

MARNIE

Like what?

ALAN

I dunno. Me. On the phone.

MARNIE

No. Nothing.

ALAN

Right.

MARNIE

…

ALAN

So… good night.

MARNIE

Good night.

He turns to go. Takes a few steps. Stops suddenly and collapses.

Alan!

ALAN

I'm fine.

MARNIE

You fell!

ALAN

I know. That's why I'm on the ground.

MARNIE

Are you sick? I know about doctoring.

ALAN

I am sick. But I'll be fine. I just fell.

MARNIE

But you were just standing there one moment and then—!

ALAN

On purpose. I fell on purpose.

MARNIE

Why? Nobody falls on purpose!

ALAN

I fell because I'm sick. And I didn't think there was much point staying up on my legs any longer.

MARNIE

Do you have a fever?

ALAN

No.

MARNIE

Cold?

ALAN

No.

MARNIE

Pe-neumonia?

ALAN

No.

MARNIE

You should go to the doctor.

ALAN

I'm having some problems… with my heart.

MARNIE

Oh no! Let me feel.

She kneels beside him, puts her head to his chest. She hums a little.

Weird… oh, weird… it sounds like… humming… oh… that's me.

She stops humming. Freezes. Looks at ALAN differently.

This isn't about the Chilean grandmother, is it?

ALAN

How do you know about that?

MARNIE

I have ears.

ALAN

Are you spying on me?

MARNIE

You're loud! On the phone! All the time! You're loud!

ALAN

Oh. Sorry.

MARNIE

And what's that, a love letter?

She points to the paper he's still clutching.

ALAN

It's nothing.

MARNIE

Let me see.

ALAN

You wouldn't understand.

MARNIE

I'm going to steal it from your hand.

ALAN

I don't really have the energy to stop you.

MARNIE

I'm going to steal it… right… now!

She doesn't.

…can I see?

ALAN

It's embarrassing.

MARNIE

But you just fell over, that was embarrassing too.

ALAN

That's true.

MARNIE

Let me see.

He relaxes the hand that holds the paper; the paper falls to the floor. She picks it up and reads.

The coldest hour of the night is when

I think of you. And even the trees' caress

on my windowpanes is painful to know

in your absence, without the knowledge

of your closeness, that highest learning,

that forgets nothing, is unforgotten,

unforgettable. Come sing to me like autumn.

…

ALAN

Weird, eh?

MARNIE

Alan.

ALAN

Give it back.

MARNIE

This is crazy, Alan.

ALAN

I know, I know, okay, just give it here—

MARNIE

You could be like a professional poet!

ALAN

Yeah right, is that like a professional breakfast-eater? A professional sleeper? Nobody pays you to do something that's unnecessary to anyone but you.

MARNIE

You're lying.

ALAN

Okay, I'm lying.

MARNIE

What about actors who pretend to be people in movies and on stages? That's not a necessary job! They're so silly! But people like Hilary Duff and Thomas Cruise—

ALAN

Tom Cruise?

MARNIE

Thomas is his real name, obviously.

ALAN

Yeah, but they're better-looking than poets.

MARNIE

Speak for yourself, big head.

ALAN

Anyway, whatever. Whatever. It's just a stupid poem.

MARNIE

No! If I were from Chile I'd totally be all like, Alan, let's go bowling and I'll let you win so you can be happier!

ALAN

Yeah, but you have to say that, you're my sister.

MARNIE

No I don't, I'm supposed to be evil and cruel to you because I'm your sister!

ALAN

Hey, what were you doing down here anyway?

MARNIE

Oh. You know. Nothing.

ALAN

What's that behind you?

MARNIE

Oh, that pile of junk?

ALAN

Yeah.

MARNIE

Well in French we call it une pile de junk. Do you want the translation?

ALAN

And what are you doing with it?

MARNIE

Doing? I don't understand the question.

ALAN

Are you making something?

MARNIE

Do I look like I know how to make anything?

ALAN

Do you need help?

MARNIE

Do I look like I need help?

ALAN

Why are you answering all of my questions with questions?

MARNIE

Why not?

ALAN

…

MARNIE

Sorry.

ALAN

…she says she's too old for me.

MARNIE

Maybe you should write poems to peoples your own age. Who speak English!

ALAN

What?

MARNIE

Nothing.

ALAN

She speaks English.

MARNIE

Okay.

ALAN

In addition to other languages.

MARNIE

Does she speak French?

ALAN

No.

MARNIE

Gross.

ALAN

…anyway. Good night?

MARNIE

Are you going to fall again on your way upstairs?

ALAN

No, I'll be fine.

MARNIE

I can let you go? Safely?

ALAN

Yes, Marnie. And remember: you keep my secret, I keep yours.

MARNIE

What secret?

ALAN

…

MARNIE

Bone soir.

ALAN

Buenos nachos.

He goes. MARNIE turns and looks at us. Pause.

As before, we hear a woman's voice singing an aria, gently.

The singing stops.

Footsteps on the stairs.

MARNIE

Eek!

She runs and hides behind the would-be spaceship.

It's MOM. She's descending warily. Why is the light on down here?

MOM

Hello?

MARNIE

Eek.

MOM

Marnie?

MARNIE

Eek?

MOM

Marnie, what are you doing back there?

MARNIE

Hiding.

MOM

From what?

MARNIE

From whoever was on the stairs.

MOM

It was me.

MARNIE

Oh!

She comes out.

Oh good! That's a relief! I thought it was somebody I didn't know.

MOM

It's a bit late, don't you think? I thought you were in bed.

MARNIE

Was I? I'm so bad at history.

MOM

Did you…

MARNIE

Hmmm?

MOM

You didn't hear… anything unusual… did you?

MARNIE

Oh no, no, everything's very usual.

MOM

Good.

MARNIE

I thought I heard singing, but it was probably only the pipes. I mean the plumbing. In the walls. Whoosh whoosh.

MOM

Yes. Probably.

MOM lets out a sigh and collapses into the beanbag chair beside her.

MARNIE

Mom!

MOM

Yes?

MARNIE

You fell over!

MOM

Apparently.

MARNIE

At least you fell into the beanbag.

MOM

Thank goodness.

MARNIE

Alan just hit the ground.

MOM

What?

MARNIE

What?

MOM

…

MARNIE

Um. Mom?

MOM

Yes, Marnie?

MARNIE

Why did you fall over?

MOM

I'm very tired.

She yawns.

MARNIE

Um. Go to sleep?

MOM

Okay.

She closes her eyes.

MARNIE

That probably isn't the most… comfortable…

MOM

Hey…

She opens her eyes and beckons MARNIE. MARNIE goes to her, lets herself be hugged. Her arms hang limp for a moment before she hugs back. It goes on; she starts to get impatient.

MARNIE

Um. Mom.

MOM

Hi, Marnie.

MARNIE

You want help standing up again?

MOM

Will you visit your grandmother?

MARNIE

Oh. Um. Okay. But she's old.

MOM

I know.

MARNIE

So. Like. She can't do much.

MOM

That's why it'd be nice if you went to visit her.

MARNIE

Yeah, okay. It's just… when I go… she just lies there and looks at me and stuff. And touches my face. And talks about Uncle Jimmy who likes guys. Which is okay. But there's not much for me to… do. Like, I can't help her.

MOM

It's nice for her just to have you there.

MARNIE

Yeah, but like I can't save anyone or anything. She'll still be old. She'll be old when I get there, she'll be old when I leave.

MOM

She has a better time being old with her family around her.

MARNIE

Don't you find it… kinda… I don't know, boring, though? I mean it's nice to go and be a nice person, but doesn't it get boring? I mean you can't even say funny things like, "Hey you're old," or, "Look at you, so old and not even young anymore!" Et cetera.

MOM

She's my mom. I love her.

MARNIE

Maybe if she loved you as much she would've stayed young.

MOM

…

MARNIE

Mom. Mom? Are you crying?

MOM

…no.

MARNIE

Your nose did a funny "I'm not crying but I'm crying" thing. I'll buy you toilet paper when you're old even if it's boring, Mom.

MOM

I hope you never have to do that.

MARNIE

Why? You do it.

MOM

No. You said it. I love you far too much ever to do you the injustice of becoming old.

MARNIE

I don't think that's an "injustice." An "injustice" would be like if you stole bread from a poor person. Especially if you weren't even really that hungry.

MOM

Look at you. Judge Marnie.

MARNIE

Ewww!

MOM

Ewww?

MARNIE

Judges have to wear those robes! Those robes are gross! But kinda cool. But also gross.

MOM

Help me stand up?

MARNIE gives her a hand.

Shall I walk you back to bed?

MARNIE

That's okay. I know the way.

MOM

Yes, but you might get lost.

MARNIE

Promise I won't.

MOM

Promise for real?

MARNIE

Super promise.

MOM

All right. Good night then.

She turns to go.

MARNIE

Mom?

MOM turns back.

I like it when the pipes sing.

MOM

They're a bit rusty.

MARNIE

Nobody could tell. Not even plumbing experts.

MOM

You're sweet.

MARNIE

Ew.

MOM

Go to bed soon.

She goes.

MARNIE

Stay strong, McPhee, stay strong!

Tinfoil in place of sheet metal, stuffed panda bear in place of engine: check, check, check!

I just need one more spaceship construction item and then we're ready for takeoff! A radio. Now where, where can I find a radio in my house…?

In her mind's eye she sees, remembering:

ALAN

If I put on my headphones, don't think I'm not listening. I'm listening. I'm just listening without being able to hear you as much as I would if I weren't wearing headphones. So don't be insulted. Okay?

And he lifts up A RADIO! Well, a jukebox. But a jukebox with radio capabilities.

Overjoyed, MARNIE sings, à la "We're Off to See the Wizard":

MARNIE

We're off to Alan's bedroom! to borrow his ra-di-o! to borrow to borrow to borrow to borrow to borrow his raaaaa-di-ooo, because we're building a spa-ace-ship, a spa-ace-ship, a spa-ace-ship, we are, we are, we are, we are, we aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrre…