The Secrets of Boys (10 page)

Since she hadn’t scared him off yet, Cassidy decided to make her own observation of the movie.

She never really did this because the thought of someone not understanding her always made her self-conscious, but Zach’s open-mindedness and his friendly face put her at ease.

“I thought the turtle might be a symbol,” Cassidy mused. “Like she was trying to tell the guy she wanted to take it slow and let their relationship grow.”

Zach raised an eyebrow. “Wow, I never quite looked at it that way before.”

Cassidy felt so encouraged that she spoke up again.

“It also makes sense when you think about how quickly the camera was moving around. Maybe that was the man’s point of view, you know? Everything was rushed and frantic—” She stopped abruptly when she saw Zach’s small grin transform into a wide smile. “I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

His grin stayed put. “You really are an artist, you know that?” he asked. “I wish you’d stop saying you’re not. It’s obvious from the way you see things. You have an artist’s eye.”

“Maybe,” Cassidy mumbled, looking at the ground.

“Well, you like to draw, right?” Zach asked. “How does drawing make you feel?”

Cassidy had to stop and think about that one.

Nobody had ever asked her much about her art before.

Larissa thought it was cute, but was mostly only interested in the pictures she was in. As for Eric, he was supportive of her art, but he always called it “a hobby,”

which made it seem like he didn’t think what she did was important. Actually, Cassidy couldn’t help but wonder where Eric was at that very moment. Probably out with his friends at a beach party, checking his phone every five minutes and waiting for her to call him and tell him that she really missed him. Her stomach cramped up when she thought of how she’d lied to him earlier, but the tension disappeared when she met Zach’s inquisitive gaze. In fact, she was exhilarated by it.

“When I draw, I feel safe,” she said finally. “Like I don’t have to worry about anything. I can just be alone with the page and my pens and it’s like I’m finally me.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” Zach said. “I’m a writer myself, and that’s how I feel when I get lost in my imagination. It’s like there are all these little voices in my head when I begin, and slowly they all leave the room one by one. Finally my own voice leaves the room, and that’s when the magic happens.”

Cassidy breathed in deeply. “That’s such a perfect way of putting it.”

I could never have this kind of conversation with Eric,
she thought sadly. It really hurt her physically to feel that way.

“So are you going to art school after you graduate?”

Zach asked.

“I don’t know.” She had never really thought about it.

“Well, you should,” Zach said firmly. “If that’s your passion, you should follow it.”

“It’s not really my
passion
,” Cassidy began, knowing even as the words left her mouth that they weren’t true. A passion was something you lived for, and as much as she loved her friends and enjoyed school, she
lived
for drawing.

“I get the feeling that you’re pretty into it,” Zach said, as if reading her mind.

“Okay, I am,” Cassidy said.

“Well, you should be true to yourself and do what makes you happy,” Zach said.

Even though it sounded like the simplest thing in the world, Cassidy realized she had never seen it that way before. It seemed like nobody had ever asked her what
she
was interested in. Her parents just assumed she wanted to follow the path they had set for her, with the special programs and the studies abroad and the ultra-organized lifestyle. And Larissa always acted like Cassidy would be into whatever she wanted to do, and Eric was such a live-in-the-now kind of guy that he’d never even mentioned what would happen after high school. That was what made Zach different: the way he seemed to bring Cassidy out of her shell long enough for her to realize what
she
wanted.

“Maybe I’ll look into art school,” Cassidy said, high on the mingling smells of summer and the dizzying prospect of going to college for something she loved.

“Do you know which ones are good?”

Zach was about to answer when Cassidy caught sight of several familiar figures emerging from a Thai bistro across the street. One had dreadlocks, one was Japanese, and one was lanky with long red hair and a tiny miniskirt. Cassidy’s heart rate doubled as she realized she was looking at Dina, Fumiko, and Larissa, who would certainly ask her a zillion questions about why she was coming out of a movie theater with a guy who was absolutely, positively not Eric. She glanced around wildly for somewhere she could go to avoid them, but it was already too late. Larissa rushed toward her, wrapping her in a giant hug.

“Hey, girl!” Larissa squealed, noisily air-kissing both of her cheeks.

Cassidy winced. Larissa
never
air-kissed, nor did she usually spend her time hanging out in Santa Monica. It was just Cassidy’s twisted kind of luck that they’d run into each other here tonight.

“Wow, you look hot!” Larissa continued. “Wasn’t I right when I told you to get that top?”

“I guess so,” Cassidy mumbled, beginning to blush.

The last thing she wanted was for Larissa to make a bad impression on Zach. He and Cassidy were definitely connecting, and she was fearful that one snide comment from Larissa about how Cassidy used to pee her pants when she got tickled might wreck all the respect she’d seemingly established tonight.

Fumiko, Dina, and the rest of their group caught up to Larissa. “Hey, Cassidy,” Fumiko said. “How’s summer school?”

“Much better than expected,” Cassidy said. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she hiccuped.
Try
not to be a total moron, Cass.
“In fact, this is my TA, Zach.”

She and Larissa made quick introductions, all of them standing in a circle on the sidewalk as people flowed around them. “So hey,” Dina said. “We’re all heading to this new club a couple of blocks from here.

Want to come with?”

Cassidy snuck a sideways glance at Zach, who looked at her and shrugged.

“Come on, you
have
to,” Larissa pleaded. “Bar Copa supposedly has the best dance music in Santa Monica.”

Cassidy didn’t want to hear the best dance music in Santa Monica. She wanted to keep talking to Zach, out in the quiet night, just the two of them. But she realized being alone with Zach might be treading on dangerous ground. At least with Larissa around, she’d be less likely to do something she’d regret, like tackle Zach in his car and kiss him senseless. Besides, she had barely hung out with Larissa in the last week or so, and it would be nice to get in some best-friend time.

Maybe Larissa could even help her figure out what to do about the Zach situation. Not that there was much to do except obsess about him secretly, of course.

“Sure, that sounds great,” she said. “Let’s do it.”

As Dina led them down Montana Avenue, Larissa pulled Cassidy aside so the two of them were out of earshot of the rest of the group.

“So what gives?” she whispered. “Are you sneaking this guy behind Eric’s back?”

Cassidy rolled her eyes. “It’s unlike you to be so subtle, Larissa.”

“I’m just curious, hon. You did 911 me and everything.”

“Right, well, I told you how my teacher’s all into this experiential education crap,” Cassidy explained. “So she wanted us to go see this movie, and there’s a quiz on it Monday.”

Larissa didn’t appear to be convinced. “Your homework is your 911?”

Cassidy crossed her arms in front of her chest and scowled.

“Right, you’re a nerd. That makes sense,” Larissa conceded. “But let’s talk about the more interesting part of this experimental educational thingy. Like how you’ve got the sexiest TA ever.” Larissa’s voice rose the way it always did when she got excited about something.

Cassidy glanced toward Zach, but he was already in an animated conversation with Fumiko, Dina, and their two friends. Cassidy could barely believe he’d been as shy as she was just a couple of years before.

“You really think he’s sexy?” Cassidy lowered her voice so that Zach wouldn’t be able to hear her.

“Um, does Mary-Kate Olsen shoot up in between her toes?” Larissa asked sarcastically. “Cass, I know you love Eric to pieces, but you’ve got eyes too, right? Did you
really
not notice how hot Zach is?”

“No, I didn’t,” Cassidy lied through her teeth for the second time that day.

“Is he single?” Larissa asked. “Can I hit on him, or would that be icky since he’s your TA?”

Cassidy tried to quell a major heart palpitation. “I’m not sure.”

“Whatever. Like it matters,” Larissa replied as she shifted her boobs for maximum cleavage. “You sure you don’t mind if I—”

“You can do whatever you want,” Cassidy blurted.

But that wasn’t what she’d wanted to say at all. She just couldn’t bear to hear Larissa going on and on about Zach anymore, and if she’d said that making a move on him would make her uncomfortable, Larissa would know the truth.

Cassidy was absolutely smitten.

“Cool.” Larissa wiggled her eyebrows. “Wish me luck!”

She bounced off toward Zach, leaving Cassidy walking by herself and feeling about as important as a dusty sock that had fallen under the bed. Her stomach wrenched again as Larissa slid into step beside Zach and said something that made him laugh. When he responded, Larissa threw back her head and shook out her hair, which shimmered briefly as they passed under a streetlight before falling back into shadow.

The image of Zach and Larissa enjoying each other’s company made her squirm inside. Cassidy couldn’t believe how jealous she was getting over someone who wasn’t even her boyfriend. Sometimes she got a little cagey when Eric talked to other girls, but it never got to the point of physical pain. She slowed down, falling even farther behind the rest of the group. She took deep breaths, hoping that later on she wouldn’t have a good reason to want to close her eyes.

We’re here!” Fumiko announced, stopping at an unmarked black metal door in a nondescript building on Main Street in Santa Monica. Cassidy could hear muffled music thumping through the walls of Bar Copa. After Fumiko said something about them all being on a list, Cassidy followed the group inside and down a flight of narrow metal stairs, the music growing louder and louder as they descended. Cassidy could hear hip-hop beats layered on top of each other, could smell the sweat of bodies crushed together before her group was all the way downstairs. The long, narrow room was barely lit, so that the people writhing on the dance floor were mere shadows flickering in the red lighting. She slid into an empty purple velvet chair in the corner, watching as Larissa followed Zach to the bar, gesturing animatedly the whole way.

What was up with Larissa’s newfound ability to pretend Cassidy didn’t exist? She tapped her foot against the floor, watching the DJ flip a record in the air and land it precisely in the center of the turntable, snapping his fingers casually along with music. A long-haired guy in a tight black tank top sat next to him on a metal chair, a drum between his legs. He drummed another layer on top of the beat, his hands flying over the drum’s tight skin.

Cassidy realized she was tapping her foot to the beat, even nodding a little. Larissa had been right. The music
was
pretty good. Still, a decent beat wasn’t enough to keep her sitting in the corner of some bar all night while Zach flirted with her best friend. If Larissa thought Cassidy was going to play Invisible Girl again, she was dead wrong.

Cassidy had just decided to split when Zach materi-alized in front of her, a drink sweating in each hand.

“I got you a Red Bull,” he said. “Wasn’t sure what you wanted, but these are fun when you’re dancing. It’s a big energy rush.”

“Thanks.” Cassidy took the drink, appreciating how thoughtful Zach was. She looked around for Larissa, but she was still by the bar, winking at the bartender as she handed him a five and slid her lips over the straw in her drink.

“You want to dance?” Zach asked.

“I’m not much of a dancer,” she admitted shyly.

“I’m not much of a dancer either.”

“So we can both suck together?”

“We can have a contest,” Zach joked, taking her hand and leading her through the tangle of bodies to the middle of the dance floor. “Whoever sucks less has to buy the other person a drink.”

Cassidy laughed and sipped her Red Bull, sinking into the beat like a warm bath and then looking up to see Zach smiling at her. She couldn’t believe how easy he was to dance with. Zach didn’t suck nearly as bad as he’d claimed. He just moved easily to the beat, his eyes locked onto hers and the trace of a grin spreading across his face.

Something about being there with Zach made her forget there were other people around her. The music flowed through her, coming out through her feet and hands, shaking her body in ways she hadn’t known before. She looked at her drink, realized it was empty, and danced over to the wall to put it down on a table before spinning back to Zach, taking the hand he offered her and letting him pull her in close. She was near enough to smell him—a mix of soap, old books, and sweat—and she thought dizzily that it was the sexiest smell in the world.

“You don’t suck at all!” Zach laughed over the music.

“You owe me a drink!”

“Maybe later.” Cassidy smiled. She closed her eyes and swayed back and forth, savoring the electric currents zooming between them. Dancing with Eric had never felt this close or sexy. She should stop, she realized. Things could get out of hand, and she wasn’t sure she could deal with the consequences of grabbing Zach by his white T-shirt and pulling him in for a warm, electric kiss.

“So what do you think of the place?” she asked, stepping back a little. Maybe if she got them on another topic, she’d be able to cool down. As it was, being so near him made her feel like she was about to explode.

“It’s great,” Zach replied. “Just like Larissa promised.

She kind of reminds me of Jimmy, my best friend in high school. He was always going a hundred miles a minute too.”