Victoria Confesses (9781442422469) (8 page)

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I opened the dancing with my cousin, Prince George of Cambridge. This was followed by three more quadrilles before supper, at which I sat between the king and queen, and four more quadrilles after supper. I danced every one of them. Madame Bourdin, my dancing mistress, oversaw it with a critical eye, to make sure all was done properly. I enjoyed myself and was
very much amused
.

I am now fourteen!
I thought contentedly as I drifted off to sleep in the hour past midnight, with dear little Dash asleep at my feet.
How very VERY old!

Chapter 9
V
ISITORS FROM
A
BROAD
, 1833

Nothing pleased me more than to receive visits from members of my family. I was delighted with the arrival that summer of two cousins, Alexander and Ernst Württemberg, the sons of Mamma's sister, Antoinette. Both were extremely tall. Alexander, twenty-nine, was excessively handsome; his younger brother, Ernst, wore a kind expression. These two young men were both very attentive to me. My brother, Charles, of the same age as Ernst, joined us, making it a very gay and happy party.

My cousins were perfect guests, always good humored, always completely satisfied with whatever was offered them. And such fine conversationalists! They spoke of such interesting things, such as their experiences growing up in Russia, where their father was a diplomat. Every day we went out driving and walking. In the evenings we attended the opera, and my
cousins agreed with me that Madame Taglioni and her archrival, Fanny Elsler, both danced BEAUTIFULLY.

But there was one extremely unpleasant incident, and Mamma was to blame for it.

Dear Aunt Adelaide, who had always been so VERY kind to me and equally kind to Mamma, had arranged a ball at St. James's to honor my cousins. I was sitting on the dais beside the queen, chatting most agreeably, when Mamma abruptly rose and, though it was still quite early in the evening, signaled me that we were leaving—
now!
Her expression indicated that nothing could persuade her otherwise.

“Leaving?” Aunt Adelaide asked Mamma, puzzled. “But we are just about to go in to supper, my dear duchess. Can you not delay your departure a little?”

“I beg your pardon, your majesty,” Mamma said in the sourest tone imaginable, “but my nephews have been at a review today, and they are quite fatigued.”

“Fatigued? Those great young men are fatigued?” Aunt Adelaide smiled, raised an eyebrow, and shook her head in disbelief.

I stared at Mamma. My cousins were both over six feet tall and QUITE STOUT. It would surely take a great deal to tire them.
Why is Mamma behaving so ill?
I wondered. But I had no choice but to make my farewells to the king and queen—the queen looking surprised and hurt, and the king glowering FURIOUSLY.

My face was hot with embarrassment and shame as Mamma seized my hand, and with an imperious nod to my cousins, led us out of the ballroom. The ride from St. James's back to Kensington was accomplished in silence. My amiable cousins
stared uncomfortably at the rain that drummed on the windows of the carriage. I sat miserably in the corner, certain that the ill will between Mamma and King William would only grow worse, and I did not understand why.

After a fortnight my cousins sailed back to the Continent. I missed them so VERY much, and I wished they were still with us. The days were wretched, with pouring rain, and the trees were bare. Kensington seemed
dull and stupid
and gloomier than ever.

Daisy was no longer my governess—Lady Charlotte held that title—but she was surely my most devoted and affectionate friend. I trusted her more than anyone, including Mamma.
Especially Mamma!
As Daisy and I walked in the garden on one of those foggy, drizzling days soon after the king's ball, I put my questions to her. “Why did Mamma insist upon leaving so rudely? Why does she dislike him so much? Has it anything to do with me?”

“No, my dear Victoria,” she said, “it has nothing whatever to do with you, and you must not trouble yourself with matters that concern only King William and your mother. It's true that they do indeed have their differences,” she added.

I stopped to pick a few late summer flowers, causing my friend to stop as well. “Dearest Daisy,” I said, planting myself firmly in front of her, “please speak to me frankly. It is important to me to understand
why
things are as they are. Even if it has nothing whatever to do with me.”

Daisy sighed. “You're right, of course. I shall try to explain matters to you as I see them.”

“Without glossing over the truth, however unpleasant,” I prompted.

“Without glossing over the truth,” she promised, and we walked on together while I continued to gather a soggy, dripping bouquet.

At the root of the problem, according to Lehzen, was Mamma's refusal to recognize the king's illegitimate sons and daughters. “The duchess has always behaved uncivilly to
les bâtards
, even when she was a guest at Windsor Castle, the king's own house, and he resents it.”

“But they weren't even present at the ball! It was horribly embarrassing!”

“I don't know, but I suspect that something must have been said to upset her. The king is much perturbed by what he calls the Royal Progresses arranged by Sir John, traveling round the countryside and being greeted as though you are already the queen and he no longer exists. King William has sent word that whenever you and your mother are sailing on one of his majesty's ships, you are not to receive the naval salute—the ‘pop-pop,' as he calls it.”

I nodded, remembering that guns were always fired as a greeting when the dear
Emerald
arrived in a harbor. I thought it was how everyone with a royal title was greeted.

“When the king's message was delivered to your mother, she immediately called on Sir John. He told her as her confidential advisor that he could not possibly recommend that she yield on this issue. The duchess took Sir John's advice and informed the king's Privy Council that she would expect to continue to receive the naval salutes. She believes she's entitled. The king then convinced the Privy Council to issue an order stating that only the ships with the king and queen on board are to be given a naval salute. And that further infuriated your mother.”

Everything the king did made Mamma furious.

“Even without a naval salute, you are always the cause of much excitement among the crowds that turn out to see you,” Daisy continued.

“That can't be helped, can it?” I asked.

“No, my dear Victoria, it cannot. There is nothing you can do to change the situation, and I'm afraid it will not improve.” Then she added, “Let us speak no more of it.”

I flung aside the sodden bouquet. All of this saddened me VERY much, and I wished that I could write it all down in my journal. But that was out of the question, for Mamma read every word I wrote. Dearest Daisy did not wish to discuss it further, and my tattered Fidi doll could give me no advice.

What if I kept a secret diary for my eyes alone?
I thought.
Then I could write whatever I please!
But I quickly dismissed that notion. I couldn't risk being found out. I would simply have to endure.

Chapter 10
M
ORE
V
ISITORS
, 1834

For much of that winter I felt poorly, and in the early spring I suffered from a succession of indispositions: headaches, backaches, sore throats, stuffy noses, and a persistent cough. Mamma worried and fretted and often visited my bedside, but it was dearest Lehzen who sat quietly nearby hour after hour, reading to me and coaxing me to swallow ill-tasting potions.

In mid-April I at last felt well enough to go out. We attended an opera,
Anna Bolena
, the story of that unhappy wife of Henry VIII, Anne Boleyn. It was made VERY enjoyable by the singing of Giulia Grisi, an excessively pretty young woman who acted and sang most sweetly and beautifully. I was VERY MUCH AMUSED and honored Madame Grisi's performance with a watercolor in my sketchbook.

In May the arrival of more visitors pleased us all. One was Mamma's brother Ferdinand, whom she had not seen since
before I was born; the second was my brother Charles. But the best was yet to come: on the fifth of June my DEAREST sister Fidi and her husband and two older children arrived from Germany. The younger ones had been left at home under the care of our dear Späth. The family planned to stay with us for nearly two months.

My heart was full to bursting at the first sight of Fidi. More than six years had passed since I last saw her, a nervous young bride. Now the PERFECT MOTHER to four children, she had grown stout but looked very well. Prince Ernst beamed with pride as he escorted his family. Little Carl, four and half, was very tall with light blue eyes and fair hair, a nice-looking boy though not handsome (neither, of course, was his father, whom he favored), and a good-tempered little fellow. His sister Elise, a year younger, was a perfect beauty, with light brown hair and immense brown eyes just like her mamma's. She was clever and amusing and spoke German and French very nicely. The children were the dearest little loves, not at all shy, and so VERY good!

The first days of the visit were delightful, but I longed for time alone with Fidi and the chance to talk to her about SO MANY things. This proved difficult. Mamma naturally wanted to spend as much time as possible with my sister and had arranged dinners and entertainments nearly every day and evening for the adult visitors. To my extreme displeasure, and Fidi's, too, Sir John and the rest of the Conroys were always included. Fearing that Feodore could exert undue influence over me, Sir John and Mamma no doubt conspired to ensure that I would not be alone with my sister as much as I wished.

Only a fortnight earlier, just after my birthday, Mamma
had appointed a new lady of the bedchamber, Lady Flora Hastings, and informed me that Lady Flora was to serve as my chaperone. I had not been consulted, I had not chosen her, and I was given nothing to say about it. I was fifteen years old, I would someday be queen, and still I was not allowed to choose my own ladies!

I disliked Lady Flora from the start. Now at every moment she hovered somewhere close by, so that it was nearly impossible to be entirely alone with Fidi.

“Who is this Lady Flora?” Fidi asked when at last we managed to escape. We were riding at an easy canter by the Serpentine in Kensington Gardens.

“Perhaps you should ask Mamma,” I replied tartly. “All I know is that she is a great friend of the Conroys. That explains it all, doesn't it?”

“She is very attractive,” Fidi said thoughtfully. “And in the brief conversation I had with her, she struck me as intelligent, even witty. What is it that you so dislike about her?”

“She adores Sir John excessively and looks up to him,” I explained. “I'm certain it was his idea entirely to assign her as my chaperone. Mamma goes along with whatever he says.”

“So that has not changed,” Fidi said. “Not that I expected it would.”

“I think she's a spy,” I added darkly.

Fidi laughed. “But what is there to spy upon?”

“Oh, Fidi! Mamma and Sir John want to get rid of dearest Daisy, and they insist on finding fault with her! The duchess of Northumberland replaced her as my governess because Sir John insisted that I need someone who is English to make sure I always use the correct fork. I don't dislike Lady
Charlotte. She's very kind and pleasant and honest and always takes dearest Daisy's part. But it's a different matter with Lady Flora, who makes clear her disdain for Lehzen. ‘Why is it you are so fond of caraway seeds, my dear baroness?' Lady Flora asked haughtily last week at lunch. ‘You sprinkle them on your meat, your vegetables, your bread and butter. I should not be surprised if you put them on gooseberry fool.'”

“Poor Daisy!” Fidi exclaimed. “What did she say?”

“She answered very mildly, ‘They are an aid to digestion. Perhaps you would also find them helpful.' One can see that she distrusts Lady Flora, and for good reason. I'm sure they'll send her away, just as they did Späth. I worry every night that I'll awaken the next morning and find our dear Daisy packing her bags for Germany.”

“I must confess that it has been to my great benefit, and surely my children's, that Späth was dismissed,” Fidi said. “She came to me straightaway, and I don't know what I would do without her! My children adore her. But for your sake, we must do everything we can to keep Lehzen with you.”

“But what can be done?” I asked anxiously.

“I don't know,” she admitted. “But I'll try to think of something.” Just then Fidi happened to glance over her shoulder and observed Lady Flora and another lady trotting behind us in an open carriage and closing the gap. “Speak of the devil,” she said, “and she doth appear.”

Fidi urged her horse into a gallop, and I followed, laughing immoderately.

BOOK: Victoria Confesses (9781442422469)
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