What Would Oprah Do (3 page)

There’s nothing like arriving to an open bottle of Prosperity
Merlot, and a big glass with your name on it. “Good choice! Here’s to prosperity, the wine and my hope for the future!”

“How did it go today? Before I forget, Mom called today to see how you were taking the news. I told her you were celebrating change…”

“Ok, I’ll call her tomorrow.” Kay and I both knew I wouldn’t. Mom would put me in full panic, especially if I told her how little I had in savings. “Today was fine, but what you’d expect. The office was quite somber. I’m certain I was the only person who was celebrating last night. Even Barbara was different; she was kind of nice today.”

“What do you mean
nice?” Kay was squinting skeptically, which is undoubtedly a catalyst for crow’s feet in my opinion.

“Well she didn’t say anything nasty which is a small miracle, and even told me how sorry she was that I got laid off.”

“Huh.” I know Kay’s ‘huh’ very well. That’s what she says when she thinks she knows something I don’t. Not wanting to dampen my mood, I chose to ignore it.

“I don’t know how long she could possibly stay on good behavior, but I just have to get through the rest of the week.”

“And after that? Have you given any thought to what you want to do?”

“Yeah” I stalled for time by filling my glass. “I think I want to start my own business or something.”

“Marketing?”

“No, I’m done with that. I don’t want to go back to advertising either. You know Tom Robbins, the guy who wrote Jitterbug Perfume?”
Kay nodded. “He said, ‘The more advertising I see, the less I want to buy.’ That’s how I feel, turned off by the whole thing. I want something completely different now. I want to feel good about how I spend my days. I want to do something I’m passionate about, something that excites me. ”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know yet, but you know that bread shop in Buckhead on the corner of Piedmont? Whenever I go in there, the owner is smiling behind the counter. She remembers my name, and you can tell that she’s genuinely happy. There’s classical music in the background…I swear every time I walk in there I feel myself relax.”

“That’s because you love bread.”
Kay laughed. It’s true, I do love bread.

“It’s more than that. It’s like the place is filled with happiness.”

“Maybe it is,” Kay said. “Like the casinos that have oxygen pumped into the air.”

“I’m serious. I think that woman is living her dream, and you can feel it. My dream will come to me, like the change of course I prayed for before getting laid off.”

“Good for you! Cate, I know whatever you decide to do will be great.”

As we finished our wine and talked about nothing and everything, I couldn’t help but think about how blessed I am. There are people who are told their entire lives that they can’t do things. Yet here I am, with a sister who has always told me that I can do whatever I set my mind to, and I believe her.

Dear Oprah,

I saw the most ridiculous thing on the cover of a tabloid today, a headline saying that you and Gayle are secret lovers. I’m sure with your strong character; you would never let that kind of nonsense bother you. What shocked me was that the person who wrote the article, if you can even classify it as such, is a woman! I feel sorry for her because she has obviously never had a real girl friend if she can’t understand your relationship with Gayle without trying to make it romantic. This woman needs some real friends!

I’ve relied on my friends to get me through the rough times and share the good times. It’s like when you said, “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
My best friend Jill is a bus friend. She was on a business trip in Ohio when my fiancé and I broke up. A storm was starting there and she couldn’t get a flight out, so she rented a car and drove home just to be there for me. When my grandmother died, she held my hand through the funeral. Years ago I won a cruise for two to the Bahamas. I took Jill because the one thing I’m sure of, the men in our lives seem to come and go, and here we remain, together as dear friends. You don’t talk much about your relationship with Stedman anymore, which I think is smart, but I’m sure you know that whatever happens with him, Gayle will be there. Anyone who doesn’t get that is an idiot.

Regards,

Cate

P.S. If you and Gayle were a couple, I would totally support your relationship. I’m just saying
, I know you’re not.

Somehow I made it to my last day at the office. It went by faster than I’d expected. I guess when you know there’s an end in sight, time picks up the pace. It helps that my outlook has changed. This is the first time I’ve felt like I’m on the right path, like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be in my life. It also doesn’t hurt that Barbara has been nice all week. I haven’t had to listen to one comment about how “unusual” my wardrobe choices are, which is hard to stomach when they’re coming from someone who shops at Talbots.

Rachel popped into my cube shortly after I got in the office. We’re supposed to call them work spaces, because upper management, people with offices, thinks that sounds better, but I like to call things what they are. My workspace is a cubicle without a window. You could call it an executive suite, but that wouldn’t change anything about it. “Want to go smoke?”
She asked.

“Yes, please!”

As soon as we got outside, curiosity got the best of me. “So what’s the word around the office?”
I’d been so busy getting the Ashton & Steel account ready for my departure that I had been out of the loop on all the gossip.

Rachel took a deep drag. “Consensus is that there are probably more layoffs to come. Everyone who didn’t get laid off is pissed because their work load is almost doubling, without a chance of a raise. Yet they still have to act like they’re grateful to have a job while waiting to see if they actually do. Everyone who was laid off has been pretty quiet about it, except Justin. You know he’s been here for eight years. He’s caught up in the ‘why me’ thing.”

“What’s the point? The decisions were made by people in another state. They probably just looked at standard factors: salaries, client base, and tenure, whatever…”

“Apparently it was more than that. Each director picked the people on their team they wanted to get rid of.”

“What? How do you know that?”

“I heard Barbara and Janet talking.”

“Barbara told me that she would have fought for my job, but didn’t have a say.”

“I don’t know what to tell
ya, Cate. Barbara lied.”

“Why would she lie? She didn’t have to say anything!”

“Because she’s a conniving bitch. You know that.”

“What exactly did you hear?”

“They were in Janet’s office. I guess they thought everyone was gone, because the door was open. Janet said that she was glad that they got to choose and that there wouldn’t be dead weight on her team anymore.”

“What did Barbara say?”
I was still trying to wrap my mind around it.

“I don’t remember her exact words, but she definitely agreed.”

“Rachel, tell me what she said. I want to know.”
Rachel eyed me, like she was trying to choose her words. “Just tell me.”

“Barbara said she was glad that she wouldn’t have to put up with any more of your shit.”

“I’m smoking another one.” I said as I got my cigarettes out of my coat pocket.

“Me too.
Can I bum one?” I handed her a cigarette. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you.”

“No, I’m glad you did.”
We stood there puffing away in silence. I couldn’t believe I fell for her load of bullshit. I knew better! My new found zen feeling was wearing off wicked fast, and anger was taking its place with such speed that my face was reddening.

“Fuck her. You know
Cate, you could get a job anywhere. I did want to ask you though, what happened with that presentation you were working on? You know the proposal you had me proof for typos on sensory selling?”

“That was last week. Of course I know the one. I lost my job, not my memory…Sorry, I’m just pissed. Barbara shit all over it. She said my analysis was weak, that I took too many liberties interpreting the data.”

“When I left last night, Barbara was in the conference room, presenting it to the sales team.”

“What? Are you sure? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I’m positive.”

“I can’t believe she did that. I hate this! I feel like I’m getting duped and don’t even know how or why. And worse, there’s nothing I can do.”

“I’m sorry, Cate. I debated whether or not to tell you, since I knew it would just piss you off, but I thought you had a right to know. I’d want to know if I were you.”

“Thanks Rachel. Seriously, I appreciate it.”

“Are you going to say anything to her?”

“I would love to say something to her. Hell, I’d love to say all sorts of shit to her, like tell her that no matter how many times that she says she’s a size two, she’s not. That her “Jag” doesn’t make her classy, and that everyone can hear her fighting with her husband on the phone every freakin’ day.”

Rachel laughed. “I like it. Kitty’s got claws!”

“Barbara is a stupid twat, but that doesn’t change who I am. I can still take the high road. I definitely won’t run into her there.”

“Cate, you are good people. What am I going to do without you here? Who’s going to tell me what happened on Oprah?”

“TiVo, Rachel, I’m telling you, you have to get it. Email me, meet me for drinks. You’ll be fine.”

“Do me a favor. Find a job somewhere great and take me with you!”

I took a long lunch, and the rest of the day went by quickly. I had been taking a few things from my desk home every day, so there wasn’t anything left to pack up. I had a bullshit meeting with Barbara late afternoon, to wrap up any loose ends. I left quietly afterwards, avoiding goodbyes.

Jill was meeting me at the pub after work to celebrate my last day. She wasn’t there when I arrived, so I went inside and snagged two seats at the bar. I ordered a dirty martini and started thinking about the Dr. Seuss book
Oh, the Places You’ll Go
that Kay gave me when I graduated from high school. This would be just like that. I could do whatever I wanted, as soon as I figured out what that was.

I was trying to picture what I would look like as a cartoon character when Jill sat down. “Congratulations! You made it through your last day! So how was it?”

“I don’t know what to call it, but I’m glad it’s over. I found out that Barbara did have a say in who was let go, and on top of that, the stupid bitch started taking credit for my work before I was even out the door!”

“Oh my God!
How did you find that out?”

“Rachel told me. Then at the end of the day Barbara tried to pretend she was all torn up about seeing me go, like I don’t know that she hates me. She must have been upset about something else, because she managed to squeeze out a few crocodile tears when she was saying good bye.”

Jill pushed her hair behind her ears, a habit she developed when she started growing out her bob last year. “Well, what did you expect?”

“I don’t know…but it never occurred to me that she would fake tears. I thought we were done when she asked again if there was anything she could do, and I stunned her by saying that a recommendation on my LinkedIn profile would be great.”

“Good for you! Do you think she will?”

“Yeah, she already did it. I’m sure she felt like she had to because I went back to my desk and immediately sent her the request. Then I walked back to her office, told her that I knew she was busy, but I needed her to do it right then. I said I was applying for a job that required one more recommendation before it would let me submit my resume, and that I had to do it today.”

“Were you?”

“Nope, but I figured that since I endured her bullshit this entire week, the least she could do was live up to her offer. And I needed it since I don’t think I would get a recommendation out of her now that I’m gone.”

“Nice. Seriously, well done. Imagine how this past year would have gone if you’d started playing her game sooner.”

“That’s the thing. I don’t want to play her game. I don’t want to play the corporate game anymore either. It doesn’t come naturally to me. I don’t know how you do it.”

“It doesn’t get to me like it gets to you. For me it’s like a chess game. You just watch the moves, the strategy, and play back.”

“That’s exhausting to me. I hate how everybody’s fake, and I never know what to do anyway. I don’t have the instincts for it.”

“If you didn’t have the instincts for it, you wouldn’t have made it this far.”

“Nah, I just survived. I would have been further up the ladder if I understood the rules. Remember at Headlines when I got passed up for that promotion before I left? That probably happened a few times, and I didn’t even realize it. I was too honest. I thought that when they asked for my opinion, they wanted to know. Really they just wanted to have their egos massaged and if you’re the schmuck telling them what you really think instead of what they want to hear, you’re never going to get ahead. I’ve been that schmuck from the beginning.”

“So now what?”

“Now I just have to find my place, where I fit in.”

“You know if you change your mind, I can see what they have at my company.”

“I’m not changing my mind. It was a sign, remember?”

“Ah, yes.” Jill said, clearly humoring me. “Have you gotten any other signs?”

“No, but I’ve got some ideas.”

“Like what?”

“There are so many possibilities; I don’t know where to start. I want to do something that makes me happy. Do you know that most heart attacks happen between eight and nine a.m. on Mondays?”

“No, but I’ll be sure to keep that in mind when we play trivia.”

“It’s true. So first things first, I need to choose something that won’t induce a heart attack. I can rule out anything that would require going back to school. Maybe I could be a nose!”

“A what?”

“A nose, you know the people who make fragrances? I love perfume. I would be great at that. I appreciate the significance of things olfactory. Like how someone can die and years later when you’re memory won’t conjure up their face clearly or you can’t hear their voice anymore, you can smell the fragrance you associate with them, and boom! It’s almost overwhelming; they come back to your mind so fast. Every time I smell some combination of baked apples and ginger, I immediately remember my great aunt Eugenia and she died a long time ago. Maybe I could make that, call it the ‘Signature
Genia Scent’.

I could open a candle store, featuring the scents I created! Or a cheese shop. I love cheese! There are probably tons of jobs that I’ve never even heard of that I would love. I could be a food critic. I love food and have a lot of opinions about it.

Or instead of a cheese shop, I could make my own blue cheese dressing. I love blue cheese dressing. It’s my favorite condiment, perfect on salad, also on anything with potatoes. Whenever I’m at Publix I always look to see if there’s a new one, since the bottled ones I’ve tried aren’t great. Maybe I could make the best blue cheese dressing, and sell it to all the fine dining restaurants in town. Then when there’s a high demand for it, I could bottle it and sell it at grocery stores!”

Jill put her head in her hands. “What? Um, have you given this a lot of thought?”
Jill looked up, laughing.

“Kind of.
Well, while I was waiting for you to get here.” I admitted. “Why?”

“Oh, just wondering. Sounds like you’ve got your work cut out for you, a lot of research in your future. I would say the world’s your oyster, but I’d hate to encourage some weird ass oyster farming experiment, since you love them too.”

“No worries, too stinky.”

“Too stinky?
What do you think the cheese thing would smell like?”