While the Light Lasts (5 page)

She went twice to church on Sunday. First to early Communion, from which she came out strengthened and uplifted. No personal feelings should weigh with her–nothing mean or petty. She went again to morning service. Mr Wilmot preached on the famous prayer of the Pharisee. He sketched the life of that man, a
good man, pillar of the church. And he pictured the slow, creeping blight of spiritual pride that distorted and soiled all that he was.

Clare did not listen very attentively. Vivien was in the big square pew of the Lee family, and Clare knew by instinct that the other intended to get hold of her afterwards.

So it fell out. Vivien attached herself to Clare, walked home with her, and asked if she might come in. Clare, of course, assented. They sat in Clare's little sitting-room, bright with flowers and old-fashioned chintzes. Vivien's talk was desultory and jerky.

‘I was at Bournemouth, you know, last weekend,' she remarked presently.

‘Gerald told me so,' said Clare.

They looked at each other. Vivien appeared almost plain today. Her face had a sharp, foxy look that robbed it of much of its charm.

‘When you were at Skippington–' began Vivien.

‘When I was at Skippington?' echoed Clare politely.

‘You were speaking about some little hotel there.'

‘The
County Arms
. Yes. You didn't know it, you said?'

‘I–I have been there once.'

‘Oh!'

She had only to keep still and wait. Vivien was quite unfitted to bear a strain of any kind. Already she was
breaking down under it. Suddenly she leant forward and spoke vehemently.

‘You don't like me. You never have. You've always hated me. You're enjoying yourself now, playing with me like a cat with a mouse. You're cruel–cruel. That's why I'm afraid of you, because deep down you're cruel.'

‘Really, Vivien!' said Clare sharply.

‘You
know
, don't you? Yes, I can see that you know. You knew that night–when you spoke about Skippington. You've found out somehow. Well, I want to know what you are going to do about it? What are you going to do?'

Clare did not reply for a minute, and Vivien sprang to her feet.

‘What are you going to do? I must know. You're not going to deny that you know all about it?'

‘I do not propose to deny anything,' said Clare coldly.

‘You saw me there that day?'

‘No. I saw your handwriting in the book–Mr and Mrs Cyril Brown.'

Vivien flushed darkly.

‘Since then,' continued Clare quietly, ‘I have made inquiries. I find that you were not at Bournemouth that weekend. Your mother never sent for you. Exactly the same thing happened about six weeks previously.'

Vivien sank down again on the sofa. She burst into furious crying, the crying of a frightened child.

‘What are you going to do?' she gasped. ‘Are you going to tell Gerald?'

‘I don't know yet,' said Clare.

She felt calm, omnipotent.

Vivien sat up, pushing the red curls back from her forehead.

‘Would you like to hear all about it?'

‘It would be as well, I think.'

Vivien poured out the whole story. There was no reticence in her. Cyril ‘Brown' was Cyril Haviland, a young engineer to whom she had previously been engaged. His health failed, and he lost his job, whereupon he made no bones about jilting the penniless Vivien and marrying a rich widow many years older than himself. Soon afterwards Vivien married Gerald Lee.

She had met Cyril again by chance. That was the first of many meetings. Cyril, backed by his wife's money, was prospering in his career, and becoming a well-known figure. It was a sordid story, a story of backstairs meeting, of ceaseless lying and intrigue.

‘I love him so,' Vivien repeated again and again, with a sudden moan, and each time the words made Clare feel physically sick.

At last the stammering recital came to an end. Vivien muttered a shamefaced: ‘Well?'

‘What am I going to do?' asked Clare. ‘I can't tell you. I must have time to think.'

‘You won't give me away to Gerald?'

‘It may be my duty to do so.'

‘No, no.' Vivien's voice rose to a hysterical shriek. ‘He'll divorce me. He won't listen to a word. He'll find out from that hotel, and Cyril will be dragged into it. And then his wife will divorce him. Everything will go–his career, his health–he'll be penniless again. He'd never forgive me–never.'

‘If you'll excuse my saying so,' said Clare, ‘I don't think much of this Cyril of yours.'

Vivien paid no attention.

‘I tell you he'll hate me–hate me. I can't bear it. Don't tell Gerald. I'll do anything you like, but don't tell Gerald.'

‘I must have time to decide,' said Clare gravely. ‘I can't promise anything off-hand. In the meantime, you and Cyril mustn't meet again.'

‘No, no, we won't. I swear it.'

‘When I know what's the right thing to do,' said Clare, ‘I'll let you know.'

She got up. Vivien went out of the house in a furtive, slinking way, glancing back over her shoulder.

Clare wrinkled her nose in disgust. A beastly affair. Would Vivien keep her promise not to see Cyril? Probably not. She was weak–rotten all through.

That afternoon Clare went for a long walk. There was a path which led along the downs. On the left the green hills sloped gently down to the sea far below, while the path wound steadily upward. This walk was known locally as the Edge. Though safe enough if you kept to the path, it was dangerous to wander from it. Those insidious gentle slopes were dangerous. Clare had lost a dog there once. The animal had gone racing over the smooth grass, gaining momentum, had been unable to stop and had gone over the edge of the cliff to be dashed to pieces on the sharp rocks below.

The afternoon was clear and beautiful. From far below there came the ripple of the sea, a soothing murmur. Clare sat down on the short green turf and stared out over the blue water. She must face this thing clearly. What did she mean to do?

She thought of Vivien with a kind of disgust. How the girl had crumpled up, how abjectly she had surrendered! Clare felt a rising contempt. She had no pluck–no grit.

Nevertheless, much as she disliked Vivien, Clare decided that she would continue to spare her for the present. When she got home she wrote a note to her, saying that although she could make no definite promise for the future, she had decided to keep silence for the present.

Life went on much the same in Daymer's End. It was
noticed locally that Lady Lee was looking far from well. On the other hand, Clare Halliwell bloomed. Her eyes were brighter, she carried her head higher, and there was a new confidence and assurance in her manner. She and Lady Lee often met, and it was noticed on these occasions that the younger woman watched the older with a flattering attention to her slightest word.

Sometimes Miss Halliwell would make remarks that seemed a little ambiguous–not entirely relevant to the matter in hand. She would suddenly say that she had changed her mind about many things lately–that it was curious how a little thing might alter one's point of view entirely. One was apt to give way too much to pity–and that was really quite wrong.

When she said things of that kind she usually looked at Lady Lee in a peculiar way, and the latter would suddenly grow quite white, and look almost terrified.

But as the year drew on, these little subtleties became less apparent. Clare continued to make the same remarks, but Lady Lee seemed less affected by them. She began to recover her looks and spirits. Her old gay manner returned.

IV

One morning, when she was taking her dog for a walk, Clare met Gerald in a lane. The latter's spaniel fraternized with Rover, while his master talked to Clare.

‘Heard our news?' he said buoyantly. ‘I expect Vivien's told you.'

‘What sort of news? Vivien hasn't mentioned anything in particular.'

‘We're going abroad–for a year–perhaps longer. Vivien's fed up with this place. She never has cared for it, you know.' He sighed, for a moment or two he looked downcast. Gerald Lee was very proud of his home. ‘Anyway, I've promised her a change. I've taken a villa near Algiers. A wonderful place, by all accounts.' He laughed a little self-consciously. ‘Quite a second honeymoon, eh?'

For a minute or two Clare could not speak. Something seemed rising up in her throat and suffocating her. She could see the white walls of the villa, the orange trees, smell the soft perfumed breath of the South. A second honeymoon!

They were going to escape. Vivien no longer believed in her threats. She was going away, care-free, gay, happy.

Clare heard her own voice, a little hoarse in timbre,
saying the appropriate things. How lovely! She envied them!

Mercifully at that moment Rover and the spaniel decided to disagree. In the scuffle that ensued further conversation was out of the question.

That afternoon Clare sat down and wrote a note to Vivien. She asked her to meet her on the Edge the following day, as she had something very important to say to her.

V

The next morning dawned bright and cloudless. Clare walked up the steep path of the Edge with a lightened heart. What a perfect day! She was glad that she had decided to say what had to be said out in the open, under the blue sky, instead of in her stuffy little sitting-room. She was sorry for Vivien, very sorry indeed, but the thing had got to be done.

She saw a yellow dot, like some yellow flower higher up by the side of the path. As she came nearer it resolved itself into the figure of Vivien, dressed in a yellow knitted frock, sitting on the short turf, her hands clasped round her knees.

‘Good morning,' said Clare. ‘Isn't it a perfect morning?'

‘Is it?' said Vivien. ‘I haven't noticed. What was it you wanted to say to me?'

Clare dropped down on the grass beside her.

‘I'm quite out of breath,' she said apologetically. ‘It's a steep pull up here.'

‘Damn you!' cried Vivien shrilly. ‘Why can't you say it, you smooth-faced devil, instead of torturing me?'

Clare looked shocked, and Vivien hastily recanted.

‘I didn't mean that. I'm sorry, Clare. I am indeed. Only–my nerves are all to pieces, and your sitting here and talking about the weather–well, it got me all rattled.'

‘You'll have a nervous breakdown if you're not careful,' said Clare coldly.

Vivien gave a short laugh.

‘Go over the edge? No–I'm not that kind. I'll never be a loony. Now tell me–what's all this about?'

Clare was silent for a moment, then she spoke, looking not at Vivien, but steadily out over the sea.

‘I thought it only fair to warn you that I can no longer keep silence about–about what happened last year.'

‘You mean–you'll go to Gerald with the whole story?'

‘Unless you'll tell him yourself. That would be infinitely the better way.'

Vivien laughed sharply.

‘You know well enough I haven't got the pluck to do that.'

Clare did not contradict the assertion. She had had proof before of Vivien's utterly craven temper.

‘It would be infinitely better,' she repeated.

Again Vivien gave that short, ugly laugh.

‘It's your precious conscience, I suppose, that drives you to do this?' she sneered.

‘I dare say it seems very strange to you,' said Clare quietly. ‘But it honestly is that.'

Vivien's white, set face stared into hers.

‘My God!' she said. ‘I really believe you mean it, too. You actually think that's the reason.'

‘It
is
the reason.'

‘No, it isn't. If so, you'd have done it before–long ago. Why didn't you? No, don't answer. I'll tell you. You got more pleasure out of holding it over me–that's why. You liked to keep me on tenterhooks, and make me wince and squirm. You'd say things–diabolical things–just to torment me and keep me perpetually on the jump. And so they did for a bit–till I got used to them.'

‘You got to feel secure,' said Clare.

‘You saw that, didn't you? But even then, you held back, enjoying your sense of power. But now we're going away, escaping from you, perhaps even going
to be happy–you couldn't stick that at any price. So your convenient conscience wakes up!'

She stopped, panting. Clare said, still very quietly:

‘I can't prevent your saying all these fantastical things; but I can assure you they're not true.'

Vivien turned suddenly and caught her by the hand.

‘Clare–for God's sake! I've been straight–I've done what you said. I've not seen Cyril again–I swear it.'

‘That's nothing to do with it.'

‘Clare–haven't you any pity–any kindness? I'll go down on my knees to you.'

‘Tell Gerald yourself. If you tell him, he may forgive you.'

Vivien laughed scornfully.

‘You know Gerald better than that. He'll be rabid–vindictive. He'll make me suffer–he'll make Cyril suffer. That's what I can't bear. Listen, Clare–he's doing so well. He's invented something–machinery, I don't understand about it, but it may be a wonderful success. He's working it out now–his wife supplies the money for it, of course. But she's suspicious–jealous. If she finds out, and she will find out if Gerald starts proceedings for divorce–she'll chuck Cyril–his work, everything. Cyril will be ruined.'

‘I'm not thinking of Cyril,' said Clare. ‘I'm thinking of Gerald. Why don't you think a little of him, too?'

‘Gerald! I don't care that–' she snapped her fingers
‘for Gerald. I never have. We might as well have the truth now we're at it. But I do care for Cyril. I'm a rotter, through and through, I admit it. I dare say he's a rotter, too. But my feeling for him–that
isn't
rotten. I'd die for him, do you hear? I'd die for him!'