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Authors: Heather Long

Tags: #Romance, #New Adult & College, #Paranormal, #Fantasy

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BOOK: Wolf With Benefits
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“Maybe a little.” The confession coupled with her shakiness had him setting her at the end of the bed.

“Sit.”

“Woof.”

Laughing, he stroked her lower lip. “Don’t tempt me.”

Setting aside the very basic need to drag her into the bed and spend the rest of the day convincing her how good they were together, he went in search of clean clothes.

“Okay, I’ll bite,” he said after scanning the floor. “Where are my jeans?”

“I knew you never used the dresser.” She pointed to the old oak piece his mother insisted he move into the apartment with him. “Bottom two drawers. Dark blues on the very bottom, washed or faded in the drawer above.”

Dragging the bottom drawer open, he stared at the clothes, then at her. Her gaze wasn’t on his however, but in the vicinity of his ass. Grinning to himself, he took his time pulling the jeans out. “So, Shi, are you going to be OCD about everything in the house?”

Outrage bubbled to the surface almost immediately. “I’m not OCD. Just everything has a place and…”

“Teasing,” he reminded her gently. “I know, everything has a place and should be in it.” Her mother’s mantra had been ingrained into her. Still, she was cute and since she humored him by staying in the room, he had to agree. She had a place, too. With him.

“Hmmph. Jerk.”

“Absolutely, I kept my girl waiting all night.”
His girl.
Damn, he really did like the sound of it.

“Fortunately, Black’s…” He was across the room before she could finish the sentence and pressed his hand to her mouth.

Amusement fired in her eyes. Yes, she had his number. “You can totally rag on me later.” When Mason and whoever the fuck Jim Bob was were gone.

“Deal.” Then she kissed his palm and his chest tightened. He hurried into the jeans, then nudged her chin upward.

“My eyes are up here.”

“It wasn’t your eyes that was happy to see me.” His cock swelled at the invitation in her voice.

“Oh, they’re definitely happy to see you.” Holding his hand out to her, he steeled himself for exposing her to the other wolves…well, wolf…in the room. Mason was Alpha. He was mated, and safe. The other guy? Matt reserved his judgment about him.

Without hesitation, she slid her hand into his and he led her from the room. Mason and whatever-the-hell-his-name-was waited in silence, arms folded. “Matt, get something to eat while we talk.” The order meant it wasn’t open for negotiation.

“I can get it for you. Would either you or Mister…”

“Julian,” the other wolf said, “is fine. I’m not hungry, but thank you for the offer.”

“We’re both fine, Shiloh. Let’s feed Matt. He’s had a long night and day.” Mason nodded to her. “If you don’t mind continuing where we left off…”

Matt trailed her into the kitchen, fetching his own bowl and one for her. The stew smelled fantastic and his stomach reminded him it had been hours since dinner. He’d only had two damn granola bars in the meanwhile.

“You wanted to know about Chrystal specifically?” Shiloh glanced at them. “Or Luciana’s relationship with her?”

Who the hell is Chrystal?

“Both,” Mason answered, cutting off Julian before he could add anything. “You do know her, right?”

“Yeah, I met her in Utah. I cleaned her apartment for her when she elected to go along.”

Great. One of the Three Rivers rogues.

At her confession, Matt pivoted to face Julian. He finally remembered where he knew the wolf.
Enforcer
. Someone Margo worked with—or for, maybe. His sister didn’t bring her work home on her handful of visits, save for the last one.

Shiloh filled his bowl and handed it to him. “She’s a nice wolf, quiet. I almost didn’t realize she was a wolf at first. I mean, obviously she had to be, because why else would they have me scrub the apartment?” Not waiting for their speculation, Shiloh circled him to go to the second cabinet for coffee mugs, then the fridge for a bottle of water. “But she doesn’t act like a wolf, not like all of you do.”

“And how do we
act
like wolves?” Julian’s even question echoed with a quiet challenge.

“Um.” Pausing, Shiloh pointed a mug at Julian. “You’re over there. Mason’s over there. Both of you are angled so that neither of you are giving the other your back. Mason’s closer to Matt and me, because we belong to him, and you’re closer to the door because this isn’t your territory. Matt doesn’t want me anywhere near either one of you, and the more I’m talking, the more your nostrils are flaring as though you’re making sure everything I say is honest. That’s acting like a wolf—bossy, in control, protective and more than a little preemptory.”

“And Chrystal does not behave this way?” Julian didn’t seem to notice her subtle dig at him or maybe he didn’t care. Matt glanced at his Alpha and found Mason’s steady gaze divided between Julian and Shiloh whereas Julian never looked away from Shiloh. The weight of two powerful wolves in the room, their attention on her, aggravated him.

“Eat,” Shi nudged him, then set a coffee cup near him before pouring herself one. He didn’t wait for her to drink from it before taking it away.

“You’ve had enough coffee.” She was all jittery.

At odds with their audience, she stuck her tongue at him but accepted the water bottle he offered instead. Only after she opened it and took a drink did he dig into the stew. It tasted excellent. Shoveling it in as swiftly and neatly as possible, he kept his attention on their discussion and a step in front of her.

“Chrystal doesn’t act like any of you. In Three Rivers, Mel and I were hanging out at one of the renovated Victorians. We turned some of the bigger ‘rooms’ into apartments. Chrystal moved in there with us. Most of the other wolves didn’t want to live in close quarters with humans, but I think Chrystal was more comfortable with us.” After another drink of water, she glanced from Julian to Mason. “She’s not in trouble is she? I mean, she’s really nice. Doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. I think she’s a little scattered sometimes, but never in a bad way.”

“It’s not important…” Julian began, but Mason cleared his throat.

“She’s not in trouble, Shiloh. We have some concerns. What can you tell us about her relationship with Luciana?”

“Why are you interrogating Shi?” Matt glanced at his Alpha. Mason having questions was fine, but he didn’t think all these questions came from Mason.

Shiloh gripped his arm. “They aren’t and, even they were, it’s part of my agreement with Mason.”

His Alpha gave him a bland look.

“I promised to answer any questions he had. I’ve been in Three Rivers. I know them, the good and the bad. Remember…this is how I can help them.” The contact and her assurance helped settle him down.

“Sorry, Mason.” He wasn’t apologizing to Julian.

“No problem. Luciana, Shiloh?”

Matt finished his stew and set the bowl aside. Since Shiloh remained next to him, he slid an arm around her. The moment she relaxed against him, the tension in his shoulders eased.

“I don’t know that they’re close. Rayne spends more time with her than Luciana does. Rayne kind of spends more time with most of the wolves than she does. After Salvatore and Margo came, after the fight that night, the wolves haven’t trusted her as much. They’re scared and worried about the Hunters surrounding them and, up until the night I left, there were rumblings about wolves considering accepting the offer to return to Lone Wolf status.” She dared a look at Julian.

“So Luciana is distant from her wolves?” Concern seemed to populate Mason’s tone.

“Distant may not be the right word. I spent some time with her, and she’s a good person. She cares about the wolves there, but I get the impression…” She hesitated.

“Nothing you say will hurt them,” Julian said abruptly. “Your impressions may help us to help them.”

Magic words where his girl was concerned. Matt chanced another glance at his Alpha. Mason nodded to him, his confidence bolstering Matt’s. They needed these answers. “It’s okay,” he told Shi. “You want to help them.”

“I think sometimes she bit off more than she can chew and, while I felt like they had a very solid idea of what they wanted to do and all the confidence to pull it off, it changed once they became a pack.”

“How did they become a pack?” The question came from Mason, but Julian’s eyes narrowed. “Did they perform a ritual?”

“They shared blood. I don’t speak wolf as well as I thought, but they had a full ceremony the night we settled in Three Rivers itself.” Shiloh folded her arms, and her shoulders hunched.

“You weren’t a part of it?” Julian, not Mason this time.

“Witnessed, but Luciana wasn’t sure about blood bonding a human and since a blood exchange could turn us. She wanted us to be certain before we did it.”

His relaxation evaporated. Turn her? They were going to turn Shiloh?

“So you watched. Do you remember what steps they took?” Nothing she said surprised his Alpha.

“Um, cuts to each hand, then each person shook hands with Luciana and she bit them.” Shiloh frowned. “They each pledged as she did this, a simple promise to obey, work together, and be one with the pack. Luciana bled for the entirety of it and after the hand shakes, they kissed her palms too. I thought maybe to ingest some of the blood but that kind of creeped me out so I tried not to focus on it.” Her shiver didn’t do his blood pressure any good.

Shiloh had gone to Three Rivers to become a wolf?

“When did Chrystal take the pledge? First? Middle? Last?” Julian pressed. “Do you remember?”

“I’m not sure…”

“This is important.” Julian snapped. “Be certain.”

“Back off,” Matt snarled, but Mason was already a step ahead of him.

“Julian, leave her alone.”

Shiloh rubbed her forehead. “I don’t…” Despite the anger swirling around her, she remained oblivious. A fact he was at once annoyed and grateful for. “I want to say almost the very last. She was really scared of all the wolves in the room, we did it in the town school’s auditorium. It was the only place that could hold everyone. I know she sat in the back with me and Mel, and most of the wolves were two or three rows ahead of us…but I don’t know if that’s exactly right. There was a lot going on that night.”

“So she may not have known until then,” Julian said.

“Potentially, but we’ll discuss this elsewhere. Wait for me outside, Julian.” Mason dismissed the other man, and after the door closed behind him, he focused on Shiloh. “Thank you for your assistance.”

“I hope I helped. I like Chrystal. She’s good people.”

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.” His Alpha glanced at him. “Get some sleep, Matt. You look exhausted.”

“I will. Thank you.” He still couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea of Shiloh going somewhere else to become a wolf.

Mason glanced from him to Shiloh then back. “When you both decide to ask, the answer is yes.”

Her “What?” stumbled over Matt’s, “Ask?”

With a chuckle, Mason strode toward the door. “You’ll know. I have things to take care of…and Shiloh? If I need you to go to Three Rivers for me, will you do it?”

She didn’t hesitate. “Anything you need.”

“Good to know.” The door closed behind Mason, and they were alone.

Shiloh sagged against him, and Matt knew he should feel some measure of relief having Julian out of his space, and Mason for that matter, but all he could think about was the ‘she wanted us to be certain before we did it.’

“I bet you’re exhausted.”

Matt didn’t say anything and, when she took a step forward, he drew her back against him.

“You okay?”

“No,” he admitted, trying to keep his arms loose when all he wanted to do was squeeze her tight and bite down until she understood why she wasn’t supposed to go somewhere else.

“What’s wrong?” Even when she tried to twist in his arms, he didn’t let her. Not when he wasn’t entirely certain of his control. Cradling her to his chest reminded him of her fragility.

“I can’t wrap my mind around the idea you went to someone else, some other not yet existent pack, with the intention of becoming a wolf.” The rumble in his chest echoed his wolf’s agreement with his anger. She didn’t belong to anyone else. Why would she let them touch her? Why would she consider letting them risk her? They didn’t know her. They sure as hell didn’t love her. Not like he did.

“Matt…”

“Answer the damn question, Shiloh.” He didn’t want to play.
Not about this.
“If you wanted to be a wolf, why didn’t you come to me?”

Why did you run?

Chapter Eight

T
he raw anger
in Matt’s voice pummeled her conscience. “Matt…”

“Don’t Matt me.” The dangerous whisper right next to her ear sent a shiver skating over her skin.

“Dog breath, don’t pull big, bad wolf with me. It doesn’t work, remember?” When his eyes went gold and his voice growly, it always made her laugh. Her best friend was a wolf, and she was well aware of the fact. The tightness of his arms around her warned her the display of temper was more than a simple moment of pissyness. Showing weakness, however, didn’t help either of them. “Let me go, Matt. Now.”

Whether her racing pulse or lack of quavering tone helped her more, she didn’t know. Matt, however, released her long enough to turn her around. “Shi, don’t be a bitch about this. Why would you go somewhere else if you wanted to be a wolf?”

Hurt, not anger, inhabited the question and neutered her resistance to his demand. “Because I wasn’t sure what I wanted.”
Truth.
“I—I grew up here. I grew up with you. I’ve been around wolves my whole life. Some of my best friends are wolves…my very best friend—you—is one. I have always been the human girl. One of the Sullivans. Infamous for our resistance to changing.”

His expression gentled, though a frown tightened his eyebrows. “I don’t understand.”

“Because I don’t. I didn’t know if what I wanted was because my parents would totally hate it or if it’s because I wanted it.” Withdrawing a step from him allowed her to focus on her thoughts and not the heat rolling off his bare skin or just how damn good he looked. Making a life altering decision had to be for the right reasons—not teenaged rebellion and definitely not in the heat of any moment. “Matt, I’ve been human my whole life. But I see what it’s like for you—for everyone else. You love shifting. You love being a wolf. I love playing with you, but we can’t really play. You’re always aware of how much more fragile I am. You’re stronger. You’re faster…you read my damn scent. It’s annoying. Alexis and I used to joke about that. Then she went and became a wolf, too.”

“Okay, I’m trying to follow you here, pita. What does that have to do with you going to
strangers
and considering letting them turn you? Do you know how dangerous it is? How scary the first shift for a newly turned wolf can be? How easily you can lose yourself?” The growl punched up his voice. “How you could turn and never turn back?”

Apprehension slid through her blood. “No, I never actually took it that far. I mean, Nash asked me a couple of times and I discussed it once with Luciana. But she believes in…” His exhaled snarl and clenched fists had her trailing off.

When he held up a finger, she gave him a moment of silence. One deep breath followed another, until he said, “Do us both a favor. Don’t mention that bastard wolf who’s been sending you text messages, yes?”

Nash was a nice enough guy, but Matt’s rage level worried her. “Okay.”

“Thank you.” Blowing out a breath, he stalked forward and scooped her into his arms. The move was old school Matt, but the gentleness with which he cradled her and tucked her head to her shoulder left tears pricking her eyes. He strode from the kitchen to his bedroom and walked onto the bed. At the center, he sat with her in his lap. The combination of his nearness and touch drenched her in chaotic reaction. The desire to kiss him coupled with the need to flee—neither offered a solution to their current situation.

“Do you want me to keep talking about my choice or do you need me to stop?”
When in doubt, ask for assistance.
An old mantra taught by the teachers, most of whom were wolves themselves.

One hand cupping the back of her head, he nuzzled her forehead and said, “Talk to me. It’s better when you talk to me.”

The corner of her mouth kicked higher at the affection in his voice. Even soaked in irritation, Matt always seemed to care. “I’ve been thinking about asking to change since I left for college.” Surprise filled his golden eyes though he watched her intently. Choosing to press forward rather than wait for his response, she went to the beginning. “It was the first time I was somewhere where there were more humans than wolves. Though I am pretty sure a couple of the people in my psych 101 class were wolves, they weren’t friendly or open, and I know better than to intrude. Suddenly, I was thrust out there in the world and it was all humans, all the time. Weirdly, I didn’t feel like one of them. I know we keep the number of humans who know about the wolves to a minimum to avoid fear, misunderstanding…”

“…or worse,” Matt supplied.

She nodded, then repeated his sentiment. “Or worse, agreed. But…I was there and I felt like an outsider. I’m human, they’re human. I should have felt right at home or at least not so fish out of water.”

“Wolf out of den.” The bland correction amused her.

“Still not a wolf, dog breath.”

He glided his hand from the back of her head to her chin, then nudged her gaze to his. “You’re
pack
. That makes you more wolf than anyone there. So wolf out of den.”

“Fine, wolf out of den.”

Satisfaction filled his smile, then he kissed her. A soft brush of his lips to hers and she groaned. “Matt, you’re killing me. We’re supposed to be pretending…” And he was sending her hormones into overdrive. How was she supposed to look at him like her best friend if she kept lusting after him?

“I’m not pretending.” The declaration should have shocked her, did shock her, and at the same time offered her a profound sense of relief. “I don’t want to pretend. I like kissing you. I don’t know why the hell I didn’t do it sooner. I plan to kiss you often…” Then his hand trailed down the column of her throat, the lightest of touches as he skimmed his fingertips against her skin. “…I’d like to do more, when you’re ready.”

“We’re best friends, Matt.”

He traced a finger against her pulse. “I know.”

“I really don’t want to screw that up between us.”

“We won’t.”
Simple faith.

“You can’t know that. You’re pissed because I went somewhere else and feeling possessive over the idea I might have joined a different pack. It’s a wolf thing.”

“Yes, it’s very much a wolf thing.” He bent his head and pressed his lips to her pulse point. Her heart rate skyrocketed.

“Dammit, Matt.” She pressed her hands to his shoulders. “I am not going to let us turn this into the real thing only to watch you find your mate somewhere down the road or me find my whatever and have our hearts broken.”

“We won’t have our hearts broken.” But he still sighed at the end of the assurance and raised his head. “Finish telling me why you went somewhere else.”

Grasping at straws, she latched onto the return to sanity. No matter how much her body wanted to say yes or how much he had to know she responded to him, she needed him way too much to risk messing up what they had. “So I spent four years in school, and I was an outsider the whole time. Even when I found ‘friends’ and other students with my same interests, I still didn’t feel like they were…I don’t even know the right word.”

“They weren’t pack.” Matt, it seemed, did not have her issue. “They challenged you intellectually, but in your heart, you wanted to be here. With me.”

True on all points
. “Don’t get cocky, smartass.”

“Nothing cocky about truth, pita. You’re pack. I’m pack. You belong here with me.” He rubbed light circles against her temple. “You have a beautiful mind, pita. But it gets you into trouble. You’re trying to intellectualize an emotion and a basic need.”

“Who studied psychology here?”

“Book learning isn’t real life, and we both know that. Why are you so scared of admitting you want to be here? Isn’t that what drove you to leave Three Rivers? Didn’t you already tell me this is your home?” The question all but pulled her braids and tweaked her nose.

“Fine. I came home because its home and I wasn’t as happy out there because they aren’t pack. Satisfied?”

“Not yet,” he said with a slow smile. “But we’ll get there eventually.”

Dodging the potential landmine-laden comment, she tried to shift her position and encountered the thickness of his erection pressing against her ass. Wincing, she glanced at him and his golden eyes were unwavering in their attention.

“I’m waiting.” A reminder that even his patience didn’t last forever.

“Until I was nine, I had no idea wolves could be turned.”

His nostrils flared as shock widened his eyes. “What happened when we were nine?” Though he asked the question, he didn’t seem at a loss for long. Realization crystalized in his eyes. “Mrs. Huston took the bite.”

“Yeah, she and Mom were great friends. Human moms. I played with Alexis, and we were all close and then one day—it just stopped. Mom was totally polite to her, but she always had very reasonable excuses for why we didn’t do the things we’d done before. It was weeks before I could do a sleepover with Alexis, I kept asking and Mom…” Shiloh frowned. “Mom got really annoyed with my persistence. Amelia used to yell at me for annoying her and the boys…they did the same thing. Then Nyssa had that sleepover for her birthday, and Mom couldn’t
not
let me go because Nyssa’s mother came to our door to invite me.”
And now I have to wonder if that wasn’t deliberate? Did Nyssa’s mom realize my mother would have said no otherwise? Or found a reason to keep me from going?

“You found out that Tiffany took the bite.” It wasn’t a question.

Shiloh nodded. “You and Nyssa acted like it was totally normal. Alexis tried to act like it was, but she didn’t like it anymore than I understood it. I couldn’t figure out how you could be human one day and a few bites later, not anymore.”

Intent in his focus, he stared at her. “Do you understand the process?”

“Now?” At his nod, she said. “I get it mostly. A series of bites done over the course of a few days, and then you get sick and you change.”

“Most of the time you get sick and you change, occasionally you don’t.” His voice solemnized. “Sometimes you get sick and you die.”

“What?”

“Sometimes, you get sick and you die. It’s why most wolves won’t turn anyone who isn’t their mate unless they are the Alpha. Mates…mates have a bond that lets you share strength, you can encourage the change, guide them through it and you are so attuned to their scent, you’ll know the minute something goes wrong. Healers are always on standby because even in the most ideal situations, it can go wrong.”

A shiver chased his words down her spine. “I didn’t know that.”

“We don’t advertise it, there’s no reason to scare anyone. Wolves are taught the danger of bites very young. One or two bites won’t hurt anyone, if they did, we could never take a human lover. But several? In close proximity? They can begin the process. So can a blood donation—or pregnancy.” Which was what happened to Alexis. “Beyond the fact that Three Rivers isn’t a stable pack, no one there loves you, not the way they should and no one there is your mate. If they’d tried to change you Shiloh, you could have
died
.” His stress climbed and when he cradled her face in his hands, she didn’t pull away.

“Matt…”

“No,” he told her. “This is my turn. If you’d died, especially that way, it would have killed me. Maybe you were afraid of your mother’s reaction if you said you wanted to shift, and maybe that fear is justified. Tell me right now you weren’t afraid of me. Because I don’t care what she says, if you wanted—or still want to change—
I
will help you.”

Her heart shuddered.

“I
love
you,” he whispered, his words an oath which stormed into her heart and battered at her defenses. “Every stubborn inch of you. You are my best friend. You are also the only woman I have ever wanted to be with day in and day out. You had lovers and so did I, but did any of them ever mean anything more than a little fun for you?”

No.
She bit her lip. They’d been a distraction and an entertainment. Not that she hadn’t cared, but she’d never…

“Me neither.” Not waiting for her response seemed to be his habit lately. “I’ve never tried to treat a lover badly, Shi, but I’ve never wanted any of them half as much as I want you.”

“We’ve never gone down this path.” She wanted to protest, but it sounded flimsy to her. “We…” She didn’t know how to explain it.

Matt did. “We were afraid of change.” With his thumb skating over her lower lip, she almost forgot how to breathe. “Then you changed on me. You went to Three Rivers, you caused quite the ruckus, but more—you came home.” He narrowed the distance between them. “You came home to me, then you came home
with
me.”

She didn’t want to disappoint him. Dammit, she didn’t want to disappoint herself.

“I love you, Shiloh.” Then his mouth closed over hers, the kiss a slow, gentle caress of affection and heart wrenching sweetness.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispered as his nose brushed hers and he nibbled her lower lip, then caught it in his teeth and tugged on it. The action sent a pulse from her breasts to her sex, and her thighs clenched.

“You won’t,” he promised her, laving at her lip as though he’d done her injury. Wrapping his hand around her nape, he lavished her with another kiss. The massage of his lips drove thought from her head. He was Matt—hot strength beneath her hands as he climbed with her on his back, warm summer days spent running or working side-by-side; a companion to roast s’mores with by a fire on a hot night, and a steady hand to hold while lazing next to a pond. All places she’d been with him, skipping stones, racing, playing hide and seek, swimming, skiing, and sometimes just simply
being
.

Unable to find a single protest, she said nothing. When he locked his mouth to hers, and teased at the seam of her lips with his tongue she parted to let him in. A mistake and a revelation in one. His tongue tangled with hers and her body caught on fire. Arching into the kiss, she pressed her hands to his chest. His heart seemed to hammer nearly as fast as hers, and he slid his hands to her hips. Belatedly, she realized he held her still even as she rubbed her ass against his erection.

Oh hell.

“Matt,” she panted when he kissed a trail from her mouth to her throat. He locked his lips over her pulse point and sucked against her skin.
Fuck.
It felt good and painful in the same instant. Pure liquid heat pooled in her belly. “We’re about to fuck up our friendship.”

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