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It made no sense. No sense at all. Like a rat let loose from its cage, his mind raced, but seemed to be going nowhere in particular.

“How … how did you find me?”

He could see that she, too, was struggling to somehow make sense of all this. He watched her drop her hands, and on her white face he could see the red marks left by her fingers. “I read about your sister in the paper.” He kept his voice even, while his thoughts continued to tumble. It hadn’t occurred to him when he was reading that

 

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article, but now he was seeing that from the very beginning Rudy had to have known where Laurel and Annie were living.

“Annie told you I was here?” Laurel’s voice was hollow with disbelief.

“Not exactly. I, uh, followed her home from her store. Your super’s wife told me where to find you.”

“Oh.”

Was she glad to see him? He couldn’t tell. Maybe once her shock wore off …

“You’re looking good,” he told her. “I hear you had a kid.”

“That’s right.” Her eyes welled with tears, and for a second he thought she was going to start crying. Had he said something wrong?

He tried to remember what Eve had been like when Laurel was born … but all he could recall of that night was passing out a lot of cigars, first at the hospital, and then down at the Rusty Nail on Sunset, where he’d ended up shooting pool and getting blasted out of his skull with a bunch of the guys.

“Boy or girl?” he remembered to ask.

“Boy.” She didn’t sound too happy about it. Had she had her heart set on a girl?

Val grinned. “Hey, that makes me a grandfather. What do you know?”

He paused, his grin fading. “It’s been a long time. I thought you’d forgotten about me.”

“I would’ve written, but …” Her voice trailed off. Her forehead knotted, as if it suddenly occurred to her that she’d been lied to by Rudy as well.

Rage rose in him and pounded at his temples. The room seemed washed in a honeycomb of red. Rudy. That little cocksucker. Val wished his brother was here now. He’d smash his face in … and that was just for starters. Had Rudy and Annie been in this together? Yeah, Val could see it. Rudy giving her money, maybe helping her find a place to live. What an idiot he’d been to fall for Rudy’s big-brother routine.

 

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Val felt his hands knotting into fists, and made a herculean effort to relax them. He’d better not let Laurel see how pissed he was. He’d only scare her off.

“Hey,” he said, “the important thing is, I’m here now.”

“I … I don’t know what to say.”

“How about giving your old man a hug? It’s been a long time.”

Val went over to her and perched on the edge of the bed. Feeling awkward and somewhat selfconscious, he pulled her into his arms. She seemed to resist a bit, but then he felt her sag against him, the tension going out of her. He wondered if it was too late to try being a father to her. And for a fleeting instant-which made him feel a little ashamed-it crossed his mind that maybe it still wasn’t too late to get his hands on some of that trust money.

Laurel drew back, using the back of her hand to wipe her nose, the way she had as a child.

“Uncle Rudy is handling the adoption,” she said, sniffing. “He … he found the couple. They’re very nice, he says.” She paused to take a deep breath. “That’s why they put me here, in this room … instead of in the maternity wing. I’m not supposed to be around the other mothers. I guess maybe they think if I see the mothers with their babies I’ll jump out a window or something, and they don’t want to be responsible.”

So, no husband. The kid was a bastard. Figures. Just like him and Rudy.

Rudy.

I’ll kill him, I’ll squeeze the life out of that fucking prick.

“What’s with you and Rudy?” Val asked, more harshly than he’d intended.

“He’s been good to me,” she replied, a little defensively. She plucked at the sheet covering her, twisting it around and around until it began to resemble a large strand of taffy. “It was my idea about the baby. I mean, he didn’t say I should give it up or anything. He j-just… oh c-crap …”

 

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Her chin wobbled helplessly, and a tear spilled over, sliding down her flawless cheek.

It all tumbled into place. The baby … the one Rudy had said he was adopting. Val had thought it was pretty weird when his brother mentioned it, anyone letting a middle-aged loner like Rudy adopt their kid … but he’d figured that Rudy, being such a hotshot lawyer, had to have all kinds of connections. But all the time it was Laurel’s kid he’d been yakking about. His grandchild.

Yeah, he’d been swindled all right. Twice. But cornpared to Rudy, what Annie had done was just small-time. Annie, at least, had never come on with a ton of bullshit, pretending to be on his side. Val felt like grabbing the heavy chair next to the bed and throwing it. He hated having to admit it, but deep down hadn’t he known all along what a shit Rudy was?

Val squeezed his eyes shut. He was fourteen again, and back in that booze-and-cigarette-smelling apartment where he’d grown up. He was seeing himself standing there, looking down at Shirley, passed out on her bed. Her face a funny bluish color … and, Jesus, the blood, it was all over her pillow. He remembered how he’d felt as if he might throw up. And he’d been so scared. Plenty of times she’d been crocked and had thrown up on her bed, or on the floor, but never blood. He’d felt himself panicking. But Rudy was with him; Rudy would know what to do. Shouldn’t we get somebody, Val had asked him, some help? But Rudy was shaking his head, saying, naw, if they got her dragged to the hospital and it turned out there was nothing much wrong with her, they’d just come out looking like a couple of stupid crybabies … and when Shirley came to, she’d give them something to be real sorry about. But the blood, Val said, starting to blubber, what about the blood? He was remembering how sick Shirley had seemed lately, hardly eating, bitching all the time about her stomach hurting. But Rudy, he’d just laughed. Go ahead, he’d taunted, you call a doctor, a fucking ambulance, but just where d’you think you’re gonna get the money to pay for it all?

Val, feeling scared, but also sort of dumb for not

 

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seeing what to Rudy was so obvious, had followed his brother out of the room. He’d left Shirley just lying there.

By the time he did call, hours later, and the ambulance got there, Shirley was dead.

Now it hit Val, Rudy, he had to have known all along that Shirley was dying. He wanted her to die.

Val felt shaken. Sure, she’d been no great shakes as a mother, but to let her die? Jesus. If only he’d known …

But Rudy had known.

Just like he’d known about Laurel.

All this time, he knew where Laurel was … and he kept it from me.

Val’s hands closed about the bed’s metal side rail, hard enough to cut off his circulation. His fingers turned white and bracelets of cold formed about his wrists. He imagined it was Rudy’s neck he was squeezing, and he could almost hear the separate crunch of each vertebra … the sound a big cockroach makes when you smash it under your heel.

Then he realized something important: Laurel didn’t know Rudy was planning on keeping her baby for himself.

When he finally spoke, Val was amazed at the steadiness of his voice.

“Let me tell you a few things about good old Uncle Rudy,” he began.

Wai

Waiting for his suitcase to drop onto the carousel in the Pan Am baggage-claim area, Rudy couldn’t stop himself from whistling. What a day, what a great day! He’d thought of bringing Alicia, the Mexican baby-nurse he’d hired, along with him for backup. But then he’d realized he didn’t want anyone else around. Just him and little Nick-that’s what he was going to name him, Nicholas Carrera. He wanted his son to get to know his daddy without some nanny butting in … for Nick to know who came first in his life.

But what about the baby things? Did he have everything? He wasn’t going to waste time buying a bunch of

 

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stuff in New York, so he’d brought it all with him. He ran through a mental checklist. A zip-up papoose thing, the cutest damn baby clothes, Pampers, blankets, bottles, nipples, cans of formula. Oh, and of course, Dr. Spock. He’d fallen asleep twice on the plane trying to read the thing. But still, come hell or high water, he was going to get through it. He and the nanny both were going to do everything right.

Watching his brass-cornered Louis Vuitton bag trundle on to the carousel, it struck him: In less than an hour he’d be holding little Nick. His son.

Excitement swelled in him, lifting his spirits up so high that he felt as if he had to look down at his feet to make sure his shoes were still touching the ground.

But a minute later, strapping his bag to the little fold-up wagon he carried, he started feeling anxious again.

Maybe he ought to give Laurel a call at the hospital. She’d had a tough time, poor kid … giving birth at home like that. Damn shame she couldn’t have made it to the hospital delivery room. That way, they’d have whisked little Nick away before she even got a good look at him. And maybe giving him up wouldn’t be so hard.

Rudy wished to Christ that he could tell her the truth … but if he did, she’d probably back out. And why not? Who would want a lonely old bachelor to raise their kid when they had been promised Ozzie and Harriet? And besides, she’d know then that he’d lied to her. No, he couldn’t take that chance. Getting Nick, that’s what counted. There was nothing more important than that.

Soon-maybe in a year or so-when the adoption was final, he’d find a way to tell her the truth … and by then she’d see that she’d made the right decision. That her son was in the best possible hands, with a daddy who loved him more than anything.

Rudy found a pay phone over by the Avis desk, and fished in his pocket for change. His hand was trembling as he dropped the coins in the slot. Jesus, why was he so nervous? Everything was all set, wasn’t it? All he had to do was—

The phone was ringing.

I

 

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“St. Vincent’s Hospital,” the operator spoke in a nasal whine.

“Room 322, please.”

“Just a minute … I’ll see if I can put you through.”

There was a click on the line, then he could hear it ringing again. It rang and rang … and just when he thought Laurel must be in the John or something-just when his heart seemed like it was going to drop out of his chest-it got picked up.

“Hello?” Laurel’s voice, but it sounded different… all stuffed up, as if she had a bad cold … or had been crying.

Something was wrong. He could feel it, a crackling in his brain, a burnt smell in his nostrils.

“It’s me, Uncle Rudy,” he said.

Silence. It was as if she’d hung up … except he could hear the stopped-up sound of her breathing.

“I know,” she said finally, her voice cold as frost on a windowpane.

“Hey, what is this …” he started to say, but then his lungs seemed to fold over on themselves like an accordion that’s wheezed to a stop, or a tire that had been slashed. He felt as if he were breathing underwater.

She spoke again, her voice breaking.

“I know everything. You lied. You … you said he was a real estate developer and she was … she raised dogs … and they’d been trying for years to have a baby. You told me all about their great house that was near a beach. And lots of other things … Oh, Uncle Rudy, how could you? How could you have done that?”

“Laurel, honey, you don’t understand. If you’d just listen to me …”

“No. I don’t want to listen.” She was sobbing in earnest now. “You lied. You just used me so you could take my baby. Val told me everything.”

Val? Jesus, what did Val have to do with this? How had he found her?

“Laurel, please listen to me. I was going to tell you-“

“Like you told me about my father?”

 

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“That was-“

“Don’t,” she said abruptly. “I don’t want to hear it. There can’t be any excuse for lying about a thing like that. God, I was eleven. Can you imagine how I felt, thinking my father was dead? That my own sister had killed him?”

“I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I …” He swallowed against the huge knot in his throat. Rudy couldn’t remember when the last time was that he’d cried, but he was close to tears now. “… love you.”

He’d never said those words, not to anyone, not in his whole life. Would they mean anything to her … anything at all?

“Good-bye,” she said.

There was a click, and the line went dead.

Rudy leaned against the wall of the phone booth. The floor seemed to be heaving beneath him, and people rushing by with their suitcases were blurring into one another. He felt a pain in his chest, so bad he didn’t think he could move. And there was a funny prickly feeling in his arms. Was he having a heart attack? Christ. Oh, Christ.

After a few minutes, the pain subsided … but his anguish was so great he felt weighed down, as if he were carrying his heavy suitcases himself. I lost it all, he thought. Nicky, Laurel. Everything he’d ever wanted, cared about, loved.

And because of Val … all because of Val.

That muscle-head didn’t care about Laurel, not really. It was just an ego thing with him. Like his daughter was some kind of a prize he could stick up on a mantel. Why couldn’t he have made her understand that she was better off without Val. That he, Rudy, was only trying to protect her?

Rudy lowered himself shakily onto the kidney shaped bench inside the booth. Slowly, his breath returned, and his head began to clear. A single thought formed in his mind, and trembled there like a bead of poison on the tip of a scorpion’s tail.

Someday, somehow, he’d find a way to get rid of Val … and when he did, this time it’d be for good.

 

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CHAPTER 24

“Bring me my baby.”

Laurel heard the words reverberate out loud, and felt as if she were almost shouting. But the nurse didn’t even look up from the thermometer she was squinting at in the dim light of the small bedside lamp. Laurel cleared her throat, determined to be polite but emphatic.

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