01. Chasing Nikki (11 page)

I tried desperately
to hold myself in check and kiss her slowly, but she clutched at me urgently. 
I found myself easily moving from her lips, to her neck, and down to the
exposed skin under her throat.

I was
completely on fire for this girl, and I didn’t want to stop, but my brain was
screaming warnings at me to put the brakes on before we reached a point where
we couldn’t turn back.

“Nikki.” I
exhaled heavily, lifting away from her.  “I need to go.”

“I don’t
want you to,” she complained, reaching up to kiss my neck as she wrapped her
legs around my waist, keeping me anchored against her.

I groaned
loudly.  “I have to.  Things are getting too crazy.”

“That’s
okay,” she replied, belying everything I’d ever heard about her.

I found her
mouth again, delving into its sweetness, until I could barely breathe from
kissing her so heavily.  I wanted her so badly—it would be so easy to take her
right here, right now.

“I can’t do
this.  Your mom could come home at any second,” I said, trying to douse the
flames, knowing she would regret anything that happened later. 

My every
nerve protested as I sat up and untangled myself from her limbs, reminding me
that I always gave into my body’s demands. 

I climbed
off the bed. 

“Please
stay, Chase.”

It took all
I had to keep from crawling right back up there with her.

I swallowed
hard.  “You’re babysitting, remember?” I was grasping at straws.

“Oh,” she
said with a crestfallen look.  “I didn’t think about that.”

I smiled and
took another step backward toward the door.  “That’s the problem.  Neither of
us are thinking right now.”

She gave me
a slight nod and continued to stare at me.  Her swollen lips and messed up hair
beckoned to me.

“Thanks for
letting me come over,” I said lamely.  “I’ll call you later.  I hope your
sister feels better soon.”

I turned and
fled from the house as quickly as I could, climbing into my truck and
practically squealing out of the driveway in my eagerness to put some distance
between us.

Admit it,
Walker.  You have it bad for this girl,
I thought. 

I’d never
walked away from a willing partner before, and most definitely not because I
wanted to protect her feelings and virtue.

I felt like
I was losing my mind.

Chapter Ten

One cold
shower and a brief nap later, I woke up to the buzzing of my phone.

“Hello?” I
answered groggily.

“Are we
okay?” Nikki asked, sounding worried.  “You never called.”

“Sorry.  I
fell asleep.” I swear my traitorous body was excited just to hear the sound of
her voice.  “Yeah, we’re good.   At least I think we are. Is there something
you wanted to talk about?”

“I just
wanted to apologize.  I’ve never attacked anybody like that before.”

I grinned. 
“So, I’m the first?  I feel honored.”

“Quit
teasing me.  I’m being serious.”

“So am I. 
You don’t have anything to feel sorry about.  I had fun.  Way too much fun, as
a matter of fact.”

“Why did you
leave then?”

“Because I
didn’t want to rush you into something you weren’t ready for.  It’s hard to
make a rational decision when you’re in the heat of the moment.”

“I get that,
but why did you have to leave?  We could’ve just hung out and visited
together.”

I laughed. 
“If I would’ve stayed one more minute, there would’ve been no stopping us.  I
wasn’t leaving because I didn’t want to be with you.  Trust me.  I love every
second I spend with you.”

“Well, you
know what I learned today?”

“No, tell
me.”

“Chase
Walker isn’t the player everyone says he is.”

I paused for
a moment, dragging my hand through my hair.  “Yes, I am, Nikki.  At least I
was.  I’m different with you for some reason.”

“Oh.”

I heard a
vehicle and rolled over to look out the window.  “Hey, my grandpa is home.  I’m
gonna have to go now.  I’ll talk to you tomorrow at school, okay?”

“Alright.”
She paused for a second.  “Have a good night.”

“You too.” 
I snapped the phone shut and reached for my shoes. 

I hadn’t got
the horse stalls cleaned yet today, and I was pretty sure Grandpa had heard
about my fight at school by now.  He wasn’t going to be very happy with me, of
this I was positive. 

Mom had left
me a note when I got home earlier, stating Grandma had gone with her to show a
house in a neighboring town, and they wouldn’t be home until later, so there
wasn’t even anyone to run interference.

His heavy
footfalls greeted me as I left my room.  I met him in the hallway.  If the
scowl on his face were any indication of my current situation, things were not
good.

“I need your
help out in the barn,” he said gruffly.

“Just headed
that way now,” I replied.  “I fell asleep after school before I got my chores
done.”

He gave a
grunt, casting his gaze over me once before he turned to go back down the
stairs.  I followed after him, keeping up with his long stride until we entered
the barn, and I went to pull out some of my supplies.

“I need you
up in the hayloft for a minute,” Grandpa said as he started to agilely climb
the ladder.

I placed the
shovel I was holding against the wall and followed him up into the loft in time
to see him open the exterior door up there.  Light from the dusky sky filtered
into the space, and for a moment, we stood there in silence as we stared out at
the scenery.

“Pretty
sight, isn’t it?  Great view,” he spoke softly.

I nodded. 
“I’d have to agree.” I was a little shocked to find I meant it too.  There was
a certain peacefulness to this place.

“Do you know
how hard I’ve worked to build this ranch?  How I struggled to carve a
successful niche for myself, and my family—your family?”

I wondered
where this line of questioning was going.  “No sir, I don’t.  But I’m sure you
could tell me all about it.” I was completely serious.

“What I
don’t understand about you, kid, is how you could have such a blatant
disrespect for another’s property?” He gave me a hard look, flexing his jaw
tightly.  “Does it mean nothing to you that your whole family has shifted their
entire lives to try to accommodate a better one for you?  Are you really that
selfish?”

I was lost. 
I’d been expecting a lecture about fighting, and he had thrown me by going off
on a completely different tangent. 

“I’m sorry,
but I honestly have no idea what you are talking about.  Of course I appreciate
what everyone tries to do for me.  I may not agree with what those things are,
but I’m not totally insensitive.”

“Is that
so?” he countered.  “Then perhaps you would care to explain these burn marks I
found on the floor here.” He stamped his booted foot in emphasis, drawing my
attention to the area he was speaking of.

Swallowing
hard, I cast my gaze back outside, searching frantically for some excuse to
cover up what I’d been doing.  Nothing came to mind though, so I chose to stay
silent.

“Don’t think
for one second that not saying anything is going to keep you safe.”  He reached
into his pocket and pulled out the paper butt end of a joint.  “I know exactly
what you’ve been doing up here.”

My stare was
transfixed on the object in his hand, wondering how I’d been so unthinking as
to leave evidence like that behind.

“Smoking? In
a hayloft?” his voice thundered at me.  “You do have enough brains in that head
of yours to realize you could’ve burned the whole place, with all the livestock
inside of it, to the ground, don’t you?”

Again I
didn’t reply.  He was angry with me and rightly so.  I’d been careless and
stupid, even if it wasn’t intentional.

“Don’t you
have anything to say?” he demanded.

I shook my
head.  “Nothing that’ll improve the situation.”

He grunted
in disbelief and walked a couple steps away from me before swinging around. 
“How about I’m sorry?  Did that ever cross through your thick skull?”

“Would you
believe me if I said it?” I snapped back at him.  “Because as far as I can
tell, everyone in this whole damn place has already passed judgment on me and
the kind of person I am!”

“That’s
because you never give anyone a chance to believe otherwise!” he hollered. 
“You’re a complete disgrace to the memory of your father!”

His words
slammed into me so hard I physically staggered backward, but if he noticed he
didn’t care, continuing on.

“I think he
would cringe in horror if he could see the person you are now.  You’ve turned
into the one thing he always tried to prevent, an unimpressive kid with no
sense of direction in his life.  Why do you think he always pushed you so hard
in school and sports?  He wanted you to succeed—to make something of yourself! 
Instead you’ve taken his memory and used it to become a drug addict and an
abuser of yourself and the people around you.  I can’t work with a kid who has
no respect for himself or anyone else.”

I was
seething, feeling the rage build inside me so hotly all I could see was red. 
“You don’t know anything about me,” I spat out.

“Is that
so?  Then if you’re so wonderful, why don’t you explain to me why you beat the
crap out of a guy who is going places in the middle of the parking lot at
school? Feeling a little jealous of him already, are you?”

Fury welled,
coursing through my body.  “You might want to get your golden boy facts
straight before you start accusing me of anything, because if that bastard ever
messes with me again, I’ll give him worse than he got this time.”

“No.  You
listen to me.  If you don’t start following my rules right this minute, then
you’re going to be looking for a new place to live.  And that means no more
fighting, smoking, or drinking!  Do you hear me, kid?”

“I’m not
your kid.  Let me save you the trouble of kicking me out.”  I pushed past him,
and practically slid down the ladder in my hurry to get out of there.  I
stormed off to the house.

I ran into
my bedroom and started throwing my things into a duffle bag.  I glanced around
one last time, and my eyes landed on the vase on my nightstand.  I grabbed it
too, heading out to my truck.

Grandpa
stood with his hands on his hips in the entrance of the barn.  “Where do you
think you’re going to go?”

“Anywhere
that isn’t here will be fine,” I shouted at him. I tossed the bag into the rear
seat of the truck.  “Be sure to tell my mom I love her when you fill her in on
what a horrible
kid
I am.”

I climbed
inside placing the fish carefully in between my legs to keep it steady and I left,
pressing past the desire to peel out of the driveway like a madman.  I felt
like Grandpa’s stare was burning a hole into the back of my head until I was
finally out of view.

The words he
said to me reverberated off my chest, repeating over and over as my heart
bled.  “You’re a complete disgrace to the memory of your father.”  They
hammered into me, opening up all those wounds I’d so carefully tried to stitch
closed.  Everything inside me felt fresh and raw, as if my very skin had been
ripped from my body to expose all that lay beneath.

Hot tears
streamed down my face. I didn’t want them, but they were unstoppable as my
thoughts and feelings jumbled together in an overwhelming mass.

I had no
idea where I was going, and was surprised when I found myself parking across
the street from Nikki’s house, not even remembering making the conscious
decision to go there.

I didn’t get
out of the truck, though.  I moved the fish to a smooth spot on the floorboard
and leaned over the steering wheel onto my arms while I tried to get control. 
I had no idea how long I’d been sitting there, when I heard the passenger door
open.

“Are you
going to sit out here all night, or are you actually going to come in?” Nikki
laughed.

I couldn’t
look at her.  Even though it was mostly dark, I didn’t want her to see me like
this.

“Chase?” she
prompted, concern laced through her voice now.

When I
didn’t answer, she slid inside and closed the door behind her. 

“What’s
wrong?  Did something happen?”

Suddenly, I
just wanted her to be there for me.  I needed to know somebody was on my side,
no matter what.  I turned toward her in the dim glow coming from the
streetlight, thinking I must truly look a mess when she gasped.

“It went bad
with your Grandpa, didn’t it?” she asked.

Just the
fact she could so easily decipher what was wrong, endeared her to me even
more.  I moved over, laying my head on her lap, hating that I felt so moody and
vulnerable.

She didn’t
ask me to explain, instead she ran her fingers through my hair, stroking it in
a comforting manner.  I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate solely on that
sensation, attempting to push the anger from my mind.

I stayed
there for several minutes before I finally felt calm enough to talk, but when I
sat up and glanced at her sympathetic face, my heart went out to her.  She was
clearly upset, but patiently waiting for me to address her.

I just
wanted to kiss her though.  I slid my hands up into her hair, holding her to me
as I pressed my mouth to hers hard. 

This girl
was unique, different, but in a good way.  She had her own scars and baggage,
but she’d put them aside to get to know me.  I hadn’t been around her very
long, but somehow she seemed exactly like the person I needed—the person who
would stand beside me, because she wanted to.

“Chase,” she
said, pushing away from me slightly.  “Are you okay?”

I sighed and
leaned back against the seat.  “We argued, and he threatened to kick me out.  I
packed up some of my things and left.”