01. Spirits of Flux and Anchor (40 page)

"That may be true, but the Holy Anchor isn't going to be too pleased about all this. You will get inquisitors first, then demands, and finally the whole region will be excommunicated and a holy war against it declared."

"They have to come through Flux and through areas of our control to do anything, and then they will have to break my shield. Militarily and magi- cally I believe we are well defended. The next trick will be to spread it out, bit by bit, until we are too much of a movement to stop by any thought of dir- ect action. It will be busy, but exciting."

He nodded and grew very serious- "Cass, much of this will depend on you for a long, long time. You realize that. The rest of us can help, but you will have to carry the load or it will fall apart."

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She nodded. "I understand that."

"What I must know is if you are really ready for this type of lifelong commitment. You're human, and you have all the weaknesses that brings with it. Heaven knows, I understand that. And you're a powerful wizard. Later on, when I spend much time with you in Hope, I will show you how to perfect that power, possibly the strongest on World, although that's by no means certain. It has been my experience that no matter how strong you are, eventually you find someone stronger."

"You mean, will I turn into the goddess or worse? I'm going to try hard not to. I'm no puritan, and power for its own sake doesn't interest me. I do not want to be worshipped."

"No, it's more than that. Look, let me hypothe- size something. It's just for the sake of argument, no more, but it serves its purpose."

"Go ahead."

"Suppose, right now, a live and healthy Matson should walk through that door- What would you do?"

She thought of his battered and torn body there on the battlefield. "It is a meaningless question."

He paused a moment. "Suppose f were to tell you that Matson was in fact still alive?"

Her heart leaped into her throat- -"Are you serious?"

He nodded. "I'm serious."

She seemed to shrink back into her chair and become, all at once, very small and very young once more. Her emotions grew jumbled again, and she faced the problem square for a while. Finally she remembered that Mervyn still sat there, and that he expected an answer.

"I will always love him," she said sincerely. "I won't disguise or mask that. But I realize that it's too late now to do anything else but what I am doing. I feel that I was chosen for this. I have

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already resolved to apply all vows, without ex- ception, to myself. In fact, if there was a way to bind myself to my own spells I would do it. I must be an example in all things."

The wizard nodded approvingly, "There is such a spell, or at least a method. We of the Nine must use it to fully become one of the trust. But it is a terrible spell, and not one to ever take lightly, for it cannot be reversed by anyone, including yourself, under any circumstances, but it will do nothing to ease the mental pain and anguish it might cause."

"Then you must show me how to do it. I cannot possibly ask anyone to obey what I myself am above, and it will provide the example and also prevent my abusing this power."

He sighed. "That is its primary purpose when we apply it to ourselves -- that we may never be- come our enemy. But you propose a far more com- plex one, one that you may often regret."

"No, you don't understand. I regret this situa- tion I find myself in. I regret the responsibility. I regret the lack of freedom. I most of all regret the self-sacrifices I must make. But I understood, finally, out there on the battlefield, that I really have no choice in the matter. It was cemented by my con- frontation with the late Sister General. We are losing our best to the enemy, and we are murder- ing our future and our hopes. What I said to her I was really saying to myself. Only once in many generations, I think, does somebody come along with the right combination of luck and will to get into a spot where they can revolutionize things, change things for the better. When it does come about, you can turn your back on it, in which case you are guilty of the most terrible of sins, putting yourself before the future not of others but of the race. Or, you can try without total commitment, without any willingness to sacrifice yourself and what you love, and wind up like Diastephanos or

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Haldayne. Or you can accept it and devote your all to it. Those were my choices, and I know which one I now have to make."

She paused a moment, and then added, "You know, the more I have thought about this, the more I'm convinced that I'm not unique. In fact, I suspect that somebody has this sort of opportunity fall into their hands in some way quite often. Maybe it's just somebody on a local level who says, 'this is stupid, or cruel -- let's find another way' or some- thing like that. They just don't have the nerve to make a total commitment, and so evil prevails as usual."

"You're probably right," he agreed, "but you are unusual, you know. Very few make such a total commitment." He sighed. "Would'it help if I told you that I have no idea if Matson is dead or alive?" She gasped. "But you said -- " "I said, 'Suppose I were to tell you'." "That's -- cruel."

"I had to know. And, I think, you did, too." She sighed. "You're right, of course." "The stringers attempted to recover all of their own. Matson's body was not among those logged with us. It's barely possible, but not likely, that he lives. I just thought you should face that fact, not only for the obvious reason but for the other."

"I know, and I thank you for it. Uh -- what other reason?" "Cass -- you're pregnant."

That hit her with more of a shock than the idea that Matson somehow survived. "That's im- possible!" "You're still a virgin?"

She coughed. "Uh, no, but it was only once, witli Matson, out on the trail. My first and only time. I thought the odds were against you getting preg- nant anyway, and certainly not on the first try!" He shrugged. "That's a young girl's self-delusion,

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common as long as there has been a first time. Yes, the odds are way against it, but so long as there are odds they hit somebody. I suspect that your own power, which has a mind of its own, might have been operating there as well. Sub- consciously, at least, you wanted his baby, and in Flux, for a few of us, wishes can come true."

"But -- after all this? The transformations, every- thing ... It isn't possible!"

"It is and you are and that's that. There's noth- ing improper about it. It was before any vows were taken."

She nodded. "But -- it's impossible! How can I manage it? And how do I explain it? The new Sister General of the Reformed Church has a child."

"You should leam by now that heads of churches can sell any rationalization they want to the devout, particularly when it doesn't violate true scripture. It would be a tough thing to explain to the old church, whose general practices forbade any but virgins becoming priestesses, but we are returning to basics here."

She sank back in the chair once again. "Damn!"

"High priestesses don't curse in front of others," he cracked. "But, seriously, you will be in Flux most of the time. It is not necessary to have it."

"But it is\ Don't you see -- it's the only thing left of him. He wanted one, and it was supposed to be Arden's, but she was killed. No, somehow I will manage." She sighed. "I need to be alone for a little while with this. Then I have to start getting things ready for Sister Tamara's installation."

"I understand," he told her. "Don't worry. I'll be around if you need me."

The candles blew out when he closed the door on his way out, but she did not get up and relight them. For quite a while she just sat there, being, for a moment, little Cassie, alone in the peace of the darkness.

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We are the spirits of Flux and Anchor, and some call us demons... .

She had the spell memorized. It was incredibly complex, and she did not understand it. but she understood its meaning. Now she knelt at the altar in the Temple at Hope, completely alone, and per- formed the full sacramental service. In the midst of it, she paused, and without hesitation executed the spell.

"I am a priestess of the Holy Mother of Uni- verses and an instrument of Her Holy Church and will," she said softly. "I vow that I shall always be a priestess in all things and in all ways, and that I shall never violate my sacred trust nor deviate from my cause.

"I vow that I shall devote my life-and my power to the'uplifting of humanity and the reformation of the Holy Church. I vow that I will never use that great power for selfish gain, but only to further the sacred causes and the divine will.

"I reaffirm my vows before thee, that I shall in all things obey scripture as regards myself and others; that I shall live as the humblest of my priestesses, owning nothing; that I shall keep and never violate the sacraments; that I shall go beyond thy vows and be in all ways forever after chaste.

"I further vow that I shall never ask of another anything which I myself am not willing to do, nor be false to myself, my flock, or my faith in any way. To these things I bind myself, willingly, now and forever."

She continued with the service, but there was a new, strange light in her eyes, for she could see the future in her mind's eye.

We are the spirits of Flux and Anchor and some call us demons, ft is possible that we are such, for certainly we know not our nature or our origins... .

In the great golden palace at Holy Anchor, Her Perfect Highness, The Queen of Heaven, was look-

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ing over the account books and scowling. There was a sudden fluttering in the window nearby, and she looked up, irritated, to see a large, fat raven perched there. She stared at it and frowned. "Be off, bird!" she snapped. "Shool I have too many headaches right now to fool with the likes of you!"

"You haven't begun to know what a headache really is," the raven squawked back. "We, my dear sister, are in deep, deep shit.. .."

Slowly, sparing no details, he explained the new situation. She listened attentively, nodding now and then and asking an occasional question, but otherwise letting him tell it. Finally, he was finished, and she sighed wearily.

"I suppose you have a grand new design for dealing with this?"

"Of course. But I'm willing to hear alternatives."

She thought a moment, then said, "With much patience, and a great deal of pressure, this might be yet turned to our advantage. An uprising will panic the Fluxwizards and Anchorfolk alike all over World- A holy crusade could cement our control."

"You mean to contain it, then? I thought of turning it instead."

"We will try containment first. If that doesn't work, then we will try your more devious ways. Do not worry, my brother. I know exactly what to do.. .."

The Soul Rider saga continues with Empires of Flux and Anchor coming soon from Tor Books